Chapter Thirty-Five
Harley - Present Day
I received Quinn’s blood test results last night, and my brain is rattled.
Through talking to Quinn, I’ve learned that her pain medication hasn’t been working, and when she was at home with her family, the voices and intrusive thoughts were darker and more frequent. And I think I’ve figured out why.
Her blood tests showed that she hasn’t actually been taking any pain medication, her antidepressants, or her antipsychotic medication. No trace of her anti-anxiety medication. Nothing.
Quinn woke from a nightmare last night while I was working through some notes getting ready for today, and I must have fallen asleep while I was comforting her. Fully clothed, of course, much to my dick’s exasperation. She stirs beside me, and her eyes flutter open.
“Mornin’, Bones. Fancy seein’ you here.” She yawns, looking all the more beautiful as she does so.
“Morning, Little Magpie, are you ready for today?”
She whimpers as she moves. “You okay?” I ask her.
“My pain is really bad today. Whatever you gave me yesterday worked wonders. It actually took the edge off, and I felt like I could function for the first time since I left the hospital after my accident.”
“I’ve put your pain meds on the kitchen table next to your breakfast. We need you to be comfortable because today’s going to be a lot. I think I might know why it worked so well, and you’re not going to like it.”
“For fuck’s sake, what now?” She moves to sit up and turns to face me.
“You’ve not been taking any meds, Quinn.”
“What do you mean? Yes, I have. My mother would give me them, multiple times a day, every day.”
“I don’t know what your mum was giving you, but it wasn’t your prescribed medication.
” I pull up the report on my phone and explain to her what it means.
“Your levels for each medication are zero. I can’t tell you how long you haven’t been taking them, but I can tell you for sure, you haven’t.
I would hazard a guess that she was giving you vitamins as a placebo effect.
Based on the things you’ve told me, it’s quite possibly been years.
But I think I know why you’ve been hearing the voices.
There’s something called scopolamine, also known as Devil’s Breath, that is known to induce hallucinations.
In lesser doses it’s not dangerous, per se, but the levels in your blood indicate a significant overdose, which I believe has caused the voices.
Which is probably why whenever I’m around they disappear, because the amount in your system isn’t being topped up. ”
The rage that radiates from her is electric.
“Talk to me, Magpie.” Her hands are shaking, and she’s switching between fidgeting with her fingers and playing with her hair. It’s something I’ve noticed she does often.
“I’m angry,” she says, matter-of-factly. “Fucking cunts.” That word coming from her mouth is sexy as fuck. This isn’t the time to smile, Harley.
“That’s understandable. You should be able to trust that your mother of all people would have your best interests at heart.”
“No, that’s not why I’m angry. I’m actually not surprised.
She hates me. Putting me through unnecessary pain is a hobby she would enjoy.
What makes me angry is the fact that if I were Eric, she would have moved Heaven and Earth to help him.
I don’t understand why I’m lesser than him.
Why I, as her daughter, am not good enough.
Why is my existence to her such a nuisance? ”
“Is that something you think she would answer if you asked?”
“Well, there’s the small problem of the little thing called power of attorney, which makes it impossible for me to ask those questions.”
“That’s a temporary issue. Let me phrase it differently. Do you think she would ever give you closure?”
“No,” she answers immediately. No hesitance at all.
“And how does that make you feel?”
“I thought therapy had to be performed after breakfast?”
“Don’t avoid the question. Could you live your life to the fullest without closure from her?”
“I wouldn’t have a choice, would I?”
“Well, you would. But your choice would be you curl up into a ball and die a lonely death, or you heal, thrive and live a life she could never even have dreamed of.”
“I think that’s what frustrates me. My dad has provided everything for her.
She could have lived the life she dreamed of, or at least a version of it.
Instead, she chose not to heal herself and be miserable.
Inflicting her own generational trauma on me rather than break the cycle.
She went in the totally opposite direction; she tortured her daughter, made her life agony and pushed her to the brink of death. ”
“So then it’s down to you to break the cycle.”
“And I will. I just hate that it’s down to me to undo the actions of so many others.”
I find myself smiling as I look at her in awe.
“Why are you smiling at me?” she asks.
“Because you want to live.”
She stares at me for a second. The look of realisation dawning on her face. “You’re right. I do. And it’s all because of you.”
“I didn’t make you want to live, Little Magpie. You decided that life for you could look different. You decided that life for you was worth it. You have decided that you might be worth it.”
She laughs. “Slow your roll, Bones. I wouldn’t go that far.
My days of self-deprecating humour are far from over.
But if I’d never met you that night on the bridge, I’d never have given myself the chance to imagine a life beyond what I already had.
I’d have stepped off the side of it, probably had that last-second regret everyone says they have when it’s too late, and fallen to my death.
No matter what you say. It is all because of you. ”
“I hear what you’re saying, and I’m proud of you for owning your feelings. But a hero, I am not.” I roll my eyes. “Now, enough soppiness. Food. And then it’s time to tackle the hard stuff. You sure you’re ready for this?”
She laughs. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“That’s my girl.” I move towards her. The urge within me to kiss her is screaming so loud I don’t think I could talk myself out of it if I tried.
As the days go on, being around her and not being inside her is excruciating.
It’s like someone’s tied a cord around the head of my dick, and it’s dying from exsanguination.
“Hey, I can’t be your girl until after the therapy, remember. So you’ll just have to suffer the anticipation until then.” She jumps off the bed and waltzes out the door, leaving me bathing in the scent of cinnamon and peaches, with a hint of vanilla—a smell I’ve come to know and love.