Chapter Thirty-Four
Harley - Present Day
While Quinn is in the shower, it’s time to come up with a game plan.
From things she’s said while she’s been in and out of consciousness over the last few days, it seems like the ECT actually prompted some of her memories to start coming back.
She’s had memory blanks within those days, but that’s to be expected.
Same for the confusion I’ve seen. But the things she’s been talking about are extreme, and the sooner we start her therapy, the sooner she can leave this all in the past and start living her life as she deserves.
“Lools, you here?” I call as I walk into the kitchen.
“Where else would I be, Little Cousin? Can’t have you corrupting your good girl’s image of me before I get a chance to make a first impression, can I?”
“Asshole.” I laugh and give her a side hug.
“I think we need to start with an intensive therapy process if she’s up for it. It’s out there. Some people would want to take their time, but the things I’ve heard through her nightmares, I think prolonging the situation will do more harm than good.”
“What kind of things?”
“Something about her brother raping someone and her best friend betraying her. Mostly she mumbled their names; there wasn’t much sense coming from her.”
“Son of a bitch. Well, there’s another one to add to my list.”
“We know you love nothing more than to add to your collection.”
“Oh, for sure, turning the dark into something light is the only way forward. It’s just a shame it has to even be a thing in the first place.”
“I know. But until we can figure out how to stop an international pandemic of violence against women, we can only do what we can do.”
I hear Quinn getting out of the shower, and I walk back to her room, knocking softly on the door.
“Come in,” she calls out.
I open the door with my hands over my eyes just in case, and I hear her giggle. God, I missed that sound.
“The fact I said come in implies I’m dressed, you know, Bones.”
“Little Magpie, we both know you find me irresistible, so I wouldn’t put it past you to trick me.” I meant it in a light-hearted way, but the look on her face says it didn’t land like that.
“Yeah, because I’m just a master manipulator, right?”
“I didn’t say that. I was only joking.”
She takes a moment to contemplate her words before she responds. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t mean it in a negative way; it’s just really hard to break the cycle of feeling like everything someone says to me is meant in a demeaning or critical way.”
I walk over to her, reaching my hand out for contact but waiting for her to meet me halfway. I don’t want to overstep boundaries; I want her to know that her consent is important.
She steps towards me and grabs hold of my hand.
“Magpie. You never have to worry about that with me. Sure, we will have to have some tough conversations throughout your treatment, but I’ll never put you down or intentionally make you feel less than. I’m not perfect, but I’ll never treat you how they did. Now, how are you feeling?”
“I feel better. My pain is increasing, but the aching from the treatment is lessening. The memory blanks are still there, moments of not knowing where I am or what I’m doing…”
“For some of us that’s just ADHD or the menopause.” Lools laughs as she walks through the door. Quinn steps back, eyes wide.
“Don’t worry, Magpie, this is my cousin, Lulu. She’s safe.”
Quinn’s shoulders relax immediately. “Hi, Quinn. I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to put a face to the name. If my little cousin gives you any trouble, you know where to find me.” She winks at Quinn and walks back out of the door.
“Wow. She’s stunning.” Quinn’s mouth is agape like she just laid eyes on the crown jewels.
“Careful, Magpie, I might think you’re going to run off into the sunset with my cousin.”
She whips me with her towel. “As if, Bones. You're like my very own concierge. You’re stuck with me and my baggage forever.”
“Baggage makes it sound like that’s a con of you being in my life. I call it life experience. And in my opinion, the more you have, the better a person you have the potential to be.”
She smiles—but it’s not one that spreads to her eyes; it’s the kind of smile that shows you she’s just responding how she believes she should in the moment. I tuck that nugget of information away later.
“Okay, time to get some food into you and fill you in on the plan moving forward.”
“I’m not—”
“Don’t even think about it, Magpie. You’re going to sit your exquisite little ass at the kitchen table and eat the food that is put in front of you.
You’ve barely had any nutrition for the last few days, and god knows what you were fed in that hellhole.
We have a lot of work to do to get you better, and you need to be at your best. A full stomach is the next step. ”
“I suppose I’m a little hungry. I could eat something.”
“Thank God because X has been cooking up a storm in the kitchen for hours, and I don’t know if you know, but chefs are cantankerous at the best of times. We wouldn’t want to upset him unnecessarily, would we?”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re scarily persuasive?”
“It’s all in the charm.” I wink at her and lead her into the kitchen where Lulu and Rhiannon are already waiting, setting the table. X has his back to us, but there are flour marks on his black shirt, and batter stuck to his face.
Quinn laughs, which grabs his attention, and he turns to greet her. “Hi, Magpie…”
“Don’t you even fucking think about it,” I growl.
He pisses himself laughing, and Lulu joins in. “Your face. I told you it would be worth the look on his face, didn’t I?”
“A right fucking comedian, aren’t ya?” I ask.
Quinn’s standing next to me, stifling her laughter. “Oh, funny is he?”
She lets herself go, clutching her stomach as she cackles. “I’m sorry, but your face was priceless. So, yes, he’s hilarious.”
“No one else gets to call you Magpie. I’ll cut a bitch.” I glare at X, who smirks and turns back to the cooker.
“It’s nice to meet you, Quinn. I’m glad to see you’re feeling a little better.”
“Thank you, X. Harley said you helped save me. I’ll never be able to repay you.”
“Sure you will. Now, sit your ass down. I’ve made pancakes and crispy bacon—because there’s no other way to have it—and there's maple syrup, homemade whipped cream and some diced strawberries and bananas. Help yourself.”
“Are you trying to make me fatter?” she jokes. I elicit a growl from somewhere deep inside of me that makes it very clear how I feel about that statement. She pretends to be bashful.
“Your daily meds are there next to your glass. I had to be careful searching for your prescription, so I’ve only been able to find the basics, pain meds, etc.
You can fill in the blanks for me later.
It’s been a few hours since your first dose, so you’re safe to take these now.
” There are holes in the medication she’s been prescribed that don’t make sense.
While she was recovering, I took some blood and sent it off to be tested so I can correlate what’s in her system versus what should be.
But I have questions that I have a feeling she won’t have the answers for.
“This is too much,” she says as she sits down. Lools and Rhiannon join her, X conveniently placing himself next to Rhiannon before loading her plate up with food. “Eat, Little One,” he says. Quinn looks over at me curiously.
“Eat, and then we talk.”
I wanted to give her time after breakfast to get to know the guys and process everything she needed to be told.
We filled her in about Trident and everything we found in our research, and I told her about Stephanie.
She said she needed some time to process the information and has been in the garden with Ted for the last couple of hours reading a book she took off the shelves.
Of course she would find something to read.
Another thing we have in common, because no matter where I am, I manage to do the same.
I open the sliding glass doors to step out.
“Magpie? You awake?”
She stirs. “Hmm? Yeah, sorry, I must have dozed off.”
“That’s to be expected.” I walk over to sit next to her, scratching Ted in his favourite spot behind his ears. "You've been given a lot of information over the last few hours. Your brain will get tired as you try to process.”
“They’ll be looking for us by now.” She worries her lip.
“They can look, but they’ll never find. Not until you’re ready to show yourself.”
“I feel like I’ll never be ready. I want to hide away from the world and never be seen again.”
“That’s normal. Life is scary for a ‘normal’ person. Let alone someone dealing with the levels of trauma you are. But I think it’s time we talk about some treatment moving forward.”
She nods and sits up. Pulling a blanket over her legs and curling herself up into a ball as if protecting herself. Ted snuggles in closer to her, and she mindlessly strokes his head.
“So, we have a couple of options,” I say. “We can either go down the traditional route of talking therapy and try to recover your memories and fill in the blanks that way…”
She nods again. “Or?” she asks.
“Or, we can go the intensive route. I know talking hasn’t really worked for you, and neither has the traditional treatment of antidepressants.
I’m qualified in something called ketamine therapy.
It’s a process where I would administer ketamine to you, either via a nasal spray or IV drip, and then we do a psychotherapy session to help reprocess your traumas and try to get the PTSD symptoms under control. ”
“You think I have PTSD?” She looks surprised.
“I actually think you have something called CPTSD; it’s basically a complex version of it. Why do you seem surprised?”
“Because Dr Stephanie told me it was all in my head. She told me I had Munchausen’s and that I was just manipulating.”
I ponder my response. “What do you think about what she said?”
“I haven’t been making all of this up. I’m in pain.
I have things wrong with me that I can’t explain.
I hear the voices. Although, whenever I’m with you, the voices disappear.
But I would agree that at times I have used my health to manipulate situations for attention.
I haven’t lied, and I’ve not done that with you, but I’ve been scared to minimise things in case you decide I don’t need you anymore. ”
I move closer to her, swinging my arms around her shoulders and running my fingertips through her hair.
“You never have to be scared of that. I’m all in.
As a therapist. As a man. As whatever you potentially want me to be, I’m all in.
But I need to be your therapist first. Before anything else, that’s what we need to tackle.
That’s how we live the best life we possibly can.
At the end of this, what do you want? What do you dream of? ”
“I want to help people like me. I want to do what you do. Save them from their abusers and free them from the confines of darkness. I want to paint people’s faces and teach them they’re beautiful, but I don’t know if physically my body can endure that.
Despite what my family says, the impact of my accident has changed my body forever, and with that comes the changing of my dreams. That’s for future me to figure out.
For now, I want to do what I need to do and find out who I really am.
” She contemplates her next words before she says them.
“As for us? After I’m better? I want to burn the world together.”
I pull her in closer and plant a kiss on her head. “I can get behind that plan, Magpie.”
“So, what’s next?” she asks.
“We start the ketamine therapy, and we get you better. Does tomorrow work for you?” She nods.
“Usually, we would do it over a seven-day period. Two or three infusions, but with intensive therapy every single day. But the first two days are medical screenings and intention settings because it’s usually the first time a patient would be meeting the therapist. As we have an established relationship, we can forgo those things.
You can give me the information I need, and I should have your blood test results by then, which will give me enough of a view medically speaking.
It’s not the standard way, but we have to work with what we’ve got, and that’s both of us, the three of them, and this little furry beast.” He fusses Ted’s ears.
“Speaking of the three of them, what’s up with X and Rhiannon?”
I chuckle. “Your guess is as good as mine, but the minute he laid his eyes on her, he became as obsessed with her as I am with you.”
“You’re obsessed with me?” She turns her head to look up at me, a small smile gracing her face.
“I think it’s safe to say you’ve eclipsed my entire world. I’ve always been a boundary guy with my patients, but you came along and threw all of that out the window.”
“I love a rule breaker.” She winks at me. “Come on, then let’s get started.”
We spend the rest of the evening with the rest of the group.
It’s important for Quinn to see she can belong somewhere else, that her company is enough.
So we ordered a takeaway—which she tried to refuse—and when nobody could decide on something to watch, X jumped at the chance to carry on bingeing The Vampire Diaries and try to convert Quinn to Team Elena.
It was a nice, calm evening. Something we all needed after the stress of the last few weeks and the run-up to the next one, which will be a lot for all of us.
Lools and I have talked about when to tell Quinn certain things about her job and what she does, but I think we’ll know the right moment when it comes.
One thing’s for sure, and that’s that this woman has me captivated. Quinn sees herself as broken, but all I see is that broken things put back together are all the more beautiful.