Chapter 15 #2
Grabbing my hands, his thumb rubbing small circles against my palms, he inhales a deep breath like he’s about to confess some deep dark secret.
“Max wasn’t exaggerating when he said this is yours, Bear. This room has always been for you. Will always be for you,” he confesses as he plants a kiss on the top of my head and I swear, he inhales deeply once again.
Did he just sniff my hair?
“Get comfortable and get some sleep. I’ll come get ya when it’s time for dinner,” Ryder urges from the door, taking off immediately after.
Zane tips his head, leaning closer into me as he brings my hands to his face and kisses my knuckles. “I’m really glad you’re home, Bear.”
As he exits the door, passing Max and Kade, he takes one more lingering look over his shoulder before disappearing into the hall.
Max, still grinning from ear to ear, nods briskly, blowing a kiss my way before taking off himself.
I laugh, the sound foreign to my ears. It’s been so long since I’ve felt genuine happiness.
I turn to my luggage, intending to grab a pair of sleep shorts to change into, but Kade still lingers at my door. His fingers fidget with the hem of his shirt, his teeth biting at his lip like he wants to say something.
“Kade?” I prompt, hoping whatever is bothering him he’ll elaborate on.
Instead of telling me however, he twists on his heel and leaves.
Closing the door behind him with finality.
The motion has my own internal pain rising with vengeance.
Bubbling up like a volcano ready to spew.
I already knew leaving them was going to hurt like hell, but after watching them today, hearing their words…
And now knowing that something is bothering Kade enough that he’s timid around me.
Why does doing the right things always have to hurt so fucking much?
Wandering around the room, I start to notice details that have my eyes watering.
The intricately carved wooden koalas on the desk, my favorite shampoo in the shower.
Even the god-awful pink fluffy bunny slippers my mom got me on a trip to Idaho one year.
They never gave up on me, after all of these years, they still surround themselves with pieces of me.
I know Kade mentioned it before, but seeing it in a physical form solidifies it in my chest. To know that all those years they were still searching for me, hoping I would return.
Putting all this effort in so I had somewhere comfortable to return to, no matter when that was.
It makes me feel like a bigger asshole for needing to run, from them—from this.
The room is everything I would’ve chosen for myself had I gotten the chance.
The dark colors and fuzzy carpets. The grunge-style abstract art covering the walls, and the copious amount of blankets in every inch of free space.
I may not get cold as often as I did before, but them remembering every detail, every like and dislike I had…
it makes one thing very clear. I will not be the reason they get hurt.
It was around an hour later that Ry showed back up at my door to wake me.
Though, I never actually fell asleep. I’ve been too distracted, my mind doing backflips over the care and loyalty they’ve shown me.
Four men who saw me go through the awkward stages of puberty and still said “yup, we claim this one.”
After freshening up in the bathroom, I head for the stairs. The bedrooms are all on the second level and the chatter coming from the kitchen can be heard clear as day. I tiptoe down the stairs, pausing on the bottom step to listen when my name is mentioned.
“She’s definitely different,” says Max, his voice oozing with awe and wonder.
“She only has one suitcase worth of stuff. It’s been so many years, how is that even possible?” This comes from Ryder, still hung up on my personal belongings—or lack thereof.
“I wish she’d tell us what happened all those years ago, and where she’s been. Is it really so hard to believe that we want to protect her? Help her?” Zane asks, causing a frown to take hold of my face.
I know that’s what they want, but they’ll never understand. It’s not possible to protect me, not from those chasing me. They’ll only get themselves hurt in the process, and I wouldn’t survive watching that. I couldn’t live with the guilt.
“Kade, you good, Bro? You seem quiet tonight,” Ryder questions.
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. All good, man. Just thinking about different shit. I’ve got a report due on Monday, so my head is just full,” he answers, blowing out a large breath like a balloon releasing its air.
The room goes silent, I’m assuming with them just nodding at his answer. Since it seems the topic of my changes has bypassed, I retreat back up the stairs, this time practically stomping down them to announce my arrival.
“Hey,” I smile, rounding the corner and sidling up to the kitchen island.
“Hey, love!” Zane chimes, wrapping me in a large hug.
The movement takes me off guard, no longer used to people touching me unless I initiate it.
My body stiffens, spine straightening like a steel rod, but to my surprise, it instantly relaxes after.
Within minutes, I’m melting into his embrace, feeling utterly content to stay like this forever.
“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hold you like this again,” he mumbles, his lips grazing the top of my head.
“I missed you too, Z,” I say into his chest, his arms tightening around me even more.
We stand curled into each other for what feels like an eternity, until broken up by a bouncing and impatient Max. “Duuuuude,” he drawls, his voice hitting a whining tone. “You have to share! It’s my turn!”
One after the other, I’m passed between them like a human ragdoll, my body relaxing more with each of their touches. It feels like coming home, like safety and love. My brain is swooning with comfort and familiarity, emotions I haven’t felt in way too long.
By the time it’s Kade’s turn, he still has a solemn look across his face.
Furrowed brows and pursed lips, he looks as though he has a war brewing within.
Fighting some internal demon. That, or he’s extremely constipated.
I tip my head towards him, holding out my hands and waiting for him to make the first move.
His expression softens slightly, but he’s still undecided.
I wonder…
Pulling out the pouty lip—just like I used to—and slowly inching closer, I hit him with my best whimpering tone. “Pweeaasseee, Gemini.”
One, two, three seconds and I see the exact moment his resolve shatters. A smile forming on his lips and his eyes brightening like dew drops at dawn.
“You little fucking siren,” he croons, closing the distance between us and wrapping his arms around my torso.
My legs fly off the ground as he spins us in a circle, giggles bursting out of my chest. A triumphant feeling takes root knowing that all these years later, all these changes, and I can still play my little trick, causing him to fold like a house of cards.
Once dinner was finished—which I definitely missed a good home cooked meal more than I thought I did—we gathered around the living room couches. Each of the guys picking a spot where they have a direct line of sight to me, and are no more than five feet away. Curious.
As the comfortability settles around us, a thought from earlier crosses my mind like a pop-up ad.
“So, tell me. What have I missed over the years?” I ask, wanting to catch up on their lives—and avoid talking about mine. “How are your parents? Where did ya’ll go to school? How long have you been in Miami? Have you always stayed together? Do you have any girlfriends?”
My spit gets stuck in my throat as I cough out that last question.
As much as I would love to not have to hear about any women they’ve been seeing—or fucking—I know it’s inevitable.
My silly little girl crush, which has apparently adapted into a silly grown woman crush, is not going to change the fact I’ve been gone for over a decade.
“Uhh, well…,” Ryder drawls, shifting in his spot and looking around the room.
“Most of the parents are good,” Max pipes up, taking over the conversation. “We still talk to my dad often, usually every weekend.”
“But Ry’s mom passed away about three years ago, and my dad five years before that,” concludes Kade.
His eyes move to stare at the floor, his fingers interlacing with each other and tightening until his knuckles look like Santa's beard. I know Kade and his dad didn’t always see eye to eye, and more often than not, fights between them were the reason Kade missed out on so much.
But they loved each other with an intensity I’d always admired.
I lean over to grab Kade’s hands before they permanently fuse together from the friction. “I’m so sorry, Gemini. So very sorry.” Rubbing circles on the back of his hands with my thumb, they finally relax. Blood flowing to his fingers once again.
“It’s okay. Mom’s been dating again. She’s currently seeing this guy named Wesley, he’s a cool dude. Has a daughter named Evelyn, she’s six. They’ve been together for five years now, so it’s kind of like having a little sister.”
I always knew he wanted siblings, as he hated being an only child. Claimed it betters one's personality when you have someone to look out for. At least now, he has that protective nature, a tiny human who looks to him for security. I’m happy for him.
The conversation flows easily after that. They take turns, explaining how they never separated and after I went missing, they banded together and kept to themselves. Never really venturing out of the four of them or bringing anyone else into the fold.
The emotions that come with learning that, throw my mind and heart into a tail spin.
Happiness, knowing that I wasn’t so easily replaced, but a profound and over compensating sense of sadness as well.
They never gave anyone else a chance, and that tugs on my heart.
What else have they missed while being hung up on me?
They’ve been here for eight years, having built this place to be ready for the day they arrived, after a couple years of saving.
Apparently, they never once had the thought of separating, and bolted out of Texas at the first opportunity they had.
Our street made them agonize over that day on repeat, and I don’t really blame them for wanting to put it behind them.
I wonder who lives in my house now…
We talk a little more about school, and various aspects of their jobs, but the conversation naturally flows back into me going missing in action. I listen as they explain the ways they learned to channel their anger and pain. The drastic differences between Ry and Z, and my Maxxy and Gemini.
Fuck, using their old nicknames feels so weird—even in my head.
Seeing how much pain they were in for so many years has my soul fracturing.
My heart falling out of my ass and bouncing across the floor, ashamed to be associated with me.
I may not have had a say in my kidnapping and rationally I know that it’s not my direct fault.
Especially since I only just escaped a little over a year ago.
However, the irrational part of my mind has thrown a tangent, blaming me for hurting them for so long.
My ears perk back up when the topic of their love lives gets brought up.
The ball in my throat chokes me, terrified to hear if they’re taken.
I haven’t noticed any wedding bands, and something tells me, if they did have wives, they wouldn’t be living with them here.
It nearly floors me to know that only Ryder has a reoccurring occasional fling.
Or that Max is the only one to have had a real relationship lasting more than a weekend.
“So… what? You guys take a vow of celibacy or something? Turn into Buddhist monks? Come on, you’ve got to be fucking with me. You’re all attractive, respectable, and financially well off. Shouldn’t there be women hanging off you like jewelry?”
They each look at one another, their heads twisting and turning like they’re on a swivel pad. None of them know how to answer, and I swear they actually look confused.
“Did ya’ll just, what? Not bother to look in a mirror? What’s with the confusion?” I ask, my brows threading together tightly.
“Uhh, I guess we just never noticed that none of us have. We’ve never really cared to have anyone around that much. Never needed to have someone lingering,” Max provides, biting at the inside of his cheek.
“Yeah, I mean, we’ve all had the casual hook-up,” Zane begins before Kade coughs, interrupting him. “Okay, so most of us have…,” he amends, glaring at a brightly smiling Kade.
What the hell was that?
“But Max has had the longest thing with that one girl, Mary or whatever. Even then it was only like… a couple of months before they split,” Zane finally finishes.
“Twelve years,” I mutter under my breath, but of course they catch it.
“What?” Kade asks.
“Over a decade, and none of you have had a long-time girl. Have experienced love first hand or the rush of starting something new with someone?”
Each of them shake their heads back at me, blinking slowly.
Damn, and I thought I was alone.
Four heads snap in my direction, and it takes less than a minute for me to realize I accidentally said that last bit out loud. Before they can interrogate me on why I would compare, I excuse myself on the notion of exhaustion.
Standing with an exaggerated stretch, I force a yawn before making tracks for the stairs and the safety of my new room.
“Good night,” I call from the top, receiving four harmonious responses before the click of my door seals me in for the night.
One day down, and only a minor slip up.
One to go.