Chapter 19
“Do you think they are any closer to finding out how to break the curse?” I mumble to myself as I sit in the kitchen.
Mother turns her head to me. “What was that?”
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
But it’s everything. I’ve been constantly thinking about this any time my mind starts to go blank. It’s something that I am constantly worried about and never feel at ease about.
Mother cocks her hip to the side and places her hand there, arching an eyebrow as she looks at me. “We are not starting this again. You know that I am here for you if you need to talk about things. Now, what’s got you so worked up and worried?”
“They have something that can help them, but they need to translate it and I’m just curious if they have found anything,” I whisper.
“I’m worried and anxious. I want them to figure it out so that things can change around here and I don’t have to be so worried.
I want them to figure it out so that he and I can be together and both of us can be at peace and not constantly worried that something is going to happen to one another. ”
She walks over to me and gently places a hand on my shoulder. “Everything is going to be okay. Why don’t you go lie down and get some sleep? Try the herbs he gave you to see if it works.”
Sighing, I nod. “Okay.”
“Have you figured out how to break the curse yet?” I ask as I lay my head on Kieran’s chest.
It’s been a month since the cut on my thigh really started to heal. All thanks to the healer that Kieran brought with him when Mother wanted me to get it checked out.
But even with another month going by, my mind still hasn’t recovered ,while my body slowly has. Every little noise makes me flinch, waiting for someone to come at me and cause me pain.
When will I get over this?
Sleep hasn’t come any easier either. I’ve taken the herbs Kieran has given me and did what he told me step by step, but nothing seems to work. The only way I’ve been able to fall asleep is when I’m with Kieran.
There is just something about being near him that allows my body to fully calm down and be able to fall asleep. Probably because he’s Fae and my mate. He’ll do anything to keep me safe.
Kieran runs his hands up and down my arm, almost putting me to sleep. “We are still trying to translate it. We have not used this language in a long time and everyone outside of the wall is rusty on it. We know bits and pieces of it, but there are a lot of words that we do not know.”
Dread forms in my stomach and I close my eyes, trying to block out every little direction my mind wants to go with that information. It’s been almost three months since I was released from the dungeon, and it doesn’t feel like we are getting any closer to figuring out how to break it.
My fingers curl around his shirt. “We need to figure it out soon. I don’t know when she is going to come for me again. She knows that I took the book, even though I’ve denied it, and has been showing up at random to ask me.”
There’s only so much I can withstand before I completely break.
“She has been appearing even though the prince told her not to?” Kieran asks.
“Yes.” My voice breaks. “She is the witch, but only a few people know that. Prince Archie isn’t one of them.”
“And you haven’t told him?”
I shake my head. “No, because when he told me he would keep her away, he also told me soon after that I’m going to have to get used to being around her.
That once I move into the palace there is no way for me to not run into her.
He essentially said to get used to the fact that she did that and everyone thinks she’s still my sister and won’t do it again. ”
I quickly wipe the tears from my face.
“She isn’t going to do anything to you,” Kieran says firmly. “She will not take you again. We are going to have the cure before any of that happens.”
“Even before the wedding?” I can’t help but ask.
Even though Prince Archie pushed it back by a year, it’s still hanging over my head, and each month that passes is just another month closer to the dreadful day.
Kieran kisses the top of my head. “Even before the wedding. The only person you are going to get married to is me.”
“I trust you,” I whisper.
His arms tighten around me and I slowly let out a breath.
“Any time you want to know about the progress, you just let me know. There are a lot of spells and how to break them in the book. We don’t want to randomly do a remedy and it not be for the curse and waste our time.
So, we are trying to go through all the pages and translate the titles to figure out which one is the one we need,” Kieran explains.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble into his chest.
“Why, Sweets?”
The guilt inside me is growing with each second I’m silent.
“Sweets?” Kieran sits up, taking me with him.
He cups my face with his hands before I can do anything and makes me look at him.
“Why are you sorry?” he asks again.
“Because I was being so inconsiderate of how hard it was going to be. I was being impatient and kept asking if you had gotten closer, not realizing that there were other spells in there. I thought it was the one spell and that was all,” I reply honestly.
How could I be so naive in this situation.
He runs his thumbs across my cheeks, giving me a small smile. “It’s okay. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry, but now I understand that it was a mistake and I won’t do that again.”
Shaking my head, I pull out of his hands.
“No, it is me who should keep apologizing. I know you guys have a lot of eyes on you and you can’t work on it every moment of the day.
I know that you have to be extremely careful and I keep forgetting that.
You don’t have to just worry about Avira but you also have to worry about the guards.
If only I knew the language then I could help you. ”
“No,” he replies.
“What?” I tilt my head.
“Even if you knew the language I wouldn’t allow you to do it.
You’ve seen how Avira reacted when she found out.
I am glad you don’t know the language so that you aren’t part of this anymore.
If you were trying to help it would put you in more danger, and I wouldn’t be okay with that,” Kieran says.
“I would be constantly worried about you and if Avira would come after you.”
“But I helped before,” I point out.
“Yes, you did, but do you know how worried I was the whole time? Every day I woke up worried that something bad was going to happen to you that day and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
” Kieran locks eyes with me. “It was a constant worry in my mind that you would get taken away and I would have no idea. And then it finally happened. I could feel your fear but I couldn’t do a single thing about it.
And when I knew where you were, I couldn’t go to you and get you out.
I had to wait until something happened.”
I never knew that was how he felt.
“How come I couldn’t feel it though?” I ask before realization dawns on me. “You kept it hidden? I thought you promised we wouldn’t do that!”
Hurt flashes through me when Kieran looks at me apologetically.
I thought something was up when I couldn’t feel his emotions at all.
For a while I thought it was just him being able to feel it since he was Fae, but every once in a while I would feel them.
And when I did it made me think he may not be feeling too many emotions strongly.
But I was wrong.
He was hiding them from me and I never had any idea.
“I didn’t want you to worry about me and be more anxious.
I needed you to be focused so you didn’t mess up.
” He looks up into the sky. “Back then I had a feeling that if you knew how worried I was about you that you would get nervous and then doubt everything you did. I wasn’t ever doubting your capability of getting the book and finding a way to get out of the marriage.
I was worried that you would get caught and something bad would happen to you.
And I was right with what I was feeling.
If I could go back to stop you from finding the book then I would.
I never wanted you to get beaten and threatened. ”
I take a step back from him, tears lining my eyes.
“You promised that you would never do that.” My voice breaks.
“Sweets.” He takes a step toward me but I hold my hand up, stopping him.
“I know I kept it from you when I was getting hurt because I didn’t want you to feel the pain and get angry, doing something that would put you in harms way,” I whisper.
“But I stopped doing it. I thought you weren’t feeling strong emotions and to find out that it is all a lie now… I don’t know how to feel.”
“Adeline,” he says gently.
“I need a second,” I tell him.
“Adeline, are you ready to go back?” Henry asks as he walks into the clearing.
I quickly wipe away the tears from my face and turn away from Kieran.
“We need a couple more minutes,” Kieran says.
“I’ll talk to you later. I’m not giving up on us, but I need a couple of minutes or hours to fully wrap my brain around everything.” I turn to Kieran briefly before looking over at Henry.
Henry looks between us and takes a step back. “I can give you a couple more minutes to talk things through but not many more than that.”
I shake my head. “We can come back tomorrow. I’ll be ready tomorrow.”
I have no idea if I will actually be ready to see Kieran tomorrow, but right now I know if I stay anywhere close to him I’m going to end up forgetting about what he did behind my back.
I want to be able to process it now rather than let it fester inside some for who knows how long and take it out on him later.
“Kieran, we’ll talk more about it tomorrow. I just need a couple of hours to really think about it,” I whisper. “I don’t want to say something that I am going to regret later.”
“I understand,” Kieran replies. “I’ll be available if you want to talk tonight, and if not then I will see you tomorrow.”
I take a shaky breath and slowly start walking back to town with Henry right next to me. My heart tugs with each step I take. All I want to do is run back to Kieran and wrap my arms around him and say anything and everything that comes to mind.
But we don’t have time for that, and I may say something that I’m going to regret later. Once words are said, you can’t take them back.
“Is everything okay?” Henry asks as we get closer to the house.
I shrug my shoulders and pick at the hangnail.
“Whatever it is, if you need to talk about it I’m here. You two are going to make it through,” he says.
“Thanks,” I mumble.
I walk into the house without another word and immediately go into my room and sit at the end of my bed, looking at the white wall in front of me.
Every single emotion is going through my mind as I replay what he did. He kept his emotions a secret even after he said we weren’t going to hide them. Part of me can understand what he was doing since I did something similar, but he was in the know when I hid them from him.
I was completely in the dark.
Will he do this later when the curse is broken? Will he hide things away from me in other areas?
I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way, but I can’t help but let my mind wonder about them. He has done it once and it becomes easier every single time you do it.
Tears of frustration roll down my face and I angrily wipe them off my face.
“How could you do something like this?” I whisper to myself as I lie back in my bed.
“Do what?” Mother asks as she sits down on the side of my bed.