Chapter Nine
T he next morning, Alisdair declared we were going out to hold court among the people since they couldn’t come to us. He also claimed it was a great opportunity to let every skeptical and secretly resentful villager see the others paying tribute to me, and know that any more attacks against me would summon the wrath of all of Lumenfell.
His suggestions sounded reasonable and wise, and it would’ve been, if my husband wasn’t an evil bastard.
Alisdair strode alongside my litter proud and puffed up like a peacock faeriken. There were no two ways about it. He fucked me so hard the night before, I groaned myself to a shaky, standing position getting out of bed that morning, then promptly collapsed on my ass. I was sore all over, and I wasn’t walking anywhere. Let alone traipsing from village to village.
Alisdair was only too pleased to present the litter, letting all and sundry witness the mess he made of me.
Despite the humiliation, the litter itself was a throne of beauty and comfort. My platform had small, raised sides to hold the bed of silks, blankets, and pillows. Starflowers and roses painted on the sides, and a small, carved headboard cradled my back. Six men held me up by the handles while Talulla walked on the other side with grapes, apple slices, and a bowl of pranganuts. I’d discovered a taste for the tart little fruits and I couldn’t get enough of them.
Our party made our way out of Lumenfell to another, smaller village two miles away, Dervlen.
“Stop,” Alisdair ordered, making the procession pause at the side of the path.
I peered over the side as he bent down, and gasped. The most beautiful flower peeked out of the snow—its petals light and lovely as angel wings. I thought no other flower could be as pretty as a starflower, but then I’d never seen this flower, a twin of the butterfly—speckled, delicate, and flying with the wind.
Alisdair picked it and presented it to me. “For you, little bird. Delight in how even this flower’s beauty pales in comparison to yours.”
I glared fit to burn him where he stood. “Your pretty words and false gifts do not fool me. You don’t get to behave as a beast at night, and a gentleman in the light.”
The corner of his mouth quirked up. “I resent the accusation that I was anything less than gentlemanly last night. Every time you said harder, faster, and deeper, didn’t I obey?”
My face caught fire amid the guards’ shifting glances and smothered chuckles. “I didn’t know what I was saying,” I cried. “The things you do to me... It’s like I lose my mind.”
“Then you’re halfway to me, my queen.” He tucked the flower behind my ear. “Because I lost my mind and all sense of control the moment I met you.”
If there was something to say in response to that, I didn’t know what it was. It was odd, but I was starting to get the feeling that somewhere along the way, Alisdair had stopped hating the pointless, decorative child of his most hated enemy... and had started respecting me.
That threw me even harder than his threats and cruelty.
Even so, that night, I covered myself in more dura dura fruit and jumped on the back of a shocked and squawking bird faeriken, warning him that if he didn’t want my husband to tear his wings off, he’d better fly fast.
We made it five miles out before a dark, growling figure burst through the trees. The poor servant was so terrified, he dumped his load directly in Alisdair’s hands and took off for the mountains.
Alisdair magicked us out of the Taken’s territory and into the war room, where he proceeded to bend me over the table on a map of Lyrica, then pounded me from behind. He said he wanted me to enjoy a good long look at Lyrica how it was, because the next I returned, it’d be nothing but rubble.
I screamed curses at him even while I screamed for another reason.
The night after that, I ran through the woods behind the castle—covering myself in all the starflowers I came across. My failing was continuing to mask my scent with stronger scents. I needed to be invisible, not a walking stink beacon. I should no more stand out than a blade of grass.
Glowing like an orblight, I found a cave and tucked myself in there for the night—jumping and twitching at every snapped twig or shifting shadow in the distance. It wasn’t Alisdair finding me that frightened me. It was the Taken finding me first.
I sat in the dark in the cave for hours and hours. So long, night began to fall away and I sensed the sunrise coming for me.
Alisdair laughed a second after I shouted with glee. He had found me an hour before, but decided to let me taste victory before he snatched it away.
On it went for a week, and then two. Every night, I stretched the limits of my cleverness to outsmart a beast, and every morning, I woke up sticky and sated beneath his arms.
On the fifteenth morning, I couldn’t recall Savia’s face.
I remembered her name. I remembered a sweet laugh, pudgy fingers, and the screams of kakkas who got a face full of her soiled wrappings, but try as I did, I couldn’t remember what my youngest sister looked like.
I sat at the vanity, methodically combing through Emiana’s long and lovely hair. Behind me, Alisdair lay on the bed—his true form unleashed. I gazed at him, then at the delicate, glass comb trapped between my fingertips. How easy it would be to break it, then plunge the jagged pieces in his throat.
And what a waste of time that would be. Precious, precious time that I was quickly running out of. There was no outrunning Alisdair Shadowsoul. No outsmarting him. No fooling him. And no killing him.
There was only one thing left for me to do. The one thing I swore I wouldn’t do. The option that wasn’t an option... because it was doomed to fail.
I glanced out at my unwanted kingdom—its people rising under the burden of a terrible curse. Just like me.
“Meya, never let it be said I don’t know when it’s time to stop fighting and accept your will,” I whispered. “I’ll do it, All Mother.
“I’ll make the man with no heart fall in love with me.”
I WATCHED ALISDAIR out of the corner of my eye. We were in the training yard. After that first lesson, Alisdair declared that every morning I’d learn the running of the kingdom, and every afternoon, I’d be in the training yard, learning how to defend it.
Despite my resolution to break the curse by making him fall in love with me, I had no idea how. I’d never been in love. I’d never seen love. I knew not a single thing about love.
That’s not entirely true, I thought. Mama used to tell stories about the things Papa did that made her fall in love with him. Stories about how even when she rolled out of bed with ratty hair and stale breath, he’d kiss her and say she was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen.
Compliments. I stood up straight, nodding to myself. That’s as good a place as any to start.
I cleared my throat. “Alisdair?”
He paused his explanation, lowering his bow. He’d been in the middle of telling me how to aim for the eye. “What?”
“You... You look...” Truthfully, it wasn’t hard to think of a compliment for him. He’d let his hair down that day, allowing his ebony waves to whip and roll with the wind. At some point, he shed his cloak and shirt for training, and now all that stood before me was six feet of tall, hard, and handsome. “You look well—nice— handsome, ” I finally got out. “You look very handsome today. Actually, not just today.” My face warmed under his gaze. “You look handsome every day, but today you’re particularly... handsome. A very handsome man.”
He gave me a long, flat look—stretching out the silence until I could literally die from embarrassment. “All this I know,” he said flatly. “Are you finished?”
Lifting my chin, I nodded.
“Good. Now, take a breath before you notch the bow,” he said, returning to business. “That will steady your aim. After, you will...”
We continued on with the lesson. I wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed that he ignored my compliment, or relieved that he didn’t comment on my nervous rambling.
After the lesson, Alisdair strode off without a word or look back. Aeris ran over to take my bow and bundle me in a warm shawl.
“Where does he go in the evenings?” I asked her. “I mean, in the time after lessons and before he begins the chase. I am having my supper, but what is he doing?”
“Why, he’s having his supper of course.” She vigorously rubbed my arms, spreading warmth into my frozen limbs as we headed inside.
“So he does eat.”
She laughed. “Of course he eats. You say the funniest things, my lady.”
She may laugh, but I’d certainly never seen the man eat. Alisdair made sure I ate, by barking at the nearest servant to feed me, but he’d never sat down to eat a meal with me. I told Aeris as much.
“That’s because my lord takes his meals in the dining hall with us while you dine in your chambers.”
“What?” I halted, pulling her up short. “Why? Why am I eating alone? Did he decree that I had to?”
“No,” she cried. “It wasn’t my lord, it was...” Discomfort ruffled her feathers. “It was I who thought it best for you to dine in the peace and comfort of your chambers. I told our lord it was for the best.”
“Why would you do that?”
“I’m truly sorry, Lady Ana.” She grasped my hands. “We know what the other fae think of us. That we’re beasts and savages and we can’t control ourselves.” She winced. “All of those rumors are confirmed when you watch us eat.”
“Aeris.” I looked her straight in the eyes. “I will be eating with my husband and our people tonight. End of discussion.”
“Yes, ma’am. I will get you changed and ready right away.”
Aeris and I went upstairs to my bath to wash off the tiring target practice. My attendants already had the water hot, steamy, and scented with oils, while Eadaoin and Talulla stood by with my dinner tray. Aeris sent the tray away while the attendants undressed me. I long since stopped arguing with them about dressing and undressing myself.
If compliments don’t work on the empty-chested man, what will? What else did Papa do to woo Mama?
My mind went through the stories she told me as I stepped into my bath. The doors blew out, snapping me out of my memories. Bradach walked inside.
“Bradach,” I cried, slapping my hands over my exposed bits. “You’re back.”
“That I am, my queen.” He bowed low, wings crowning and spreading the calming scent of wind, rain, and pine. “As proud as I would be to die for you, I can happily report I did not.”
“That’s great, but”—I flapped a hand—“would you mind?”
“Mind what?”
“Leaving! I’m naked.”
“Oh, right. If you insist.”
“Thank you.”
He then proceeded to strip off his clothes. “Now, where was I?”
I gave up.
“Aeris, my blossom,” he said, kneeling beside her sitting on my chaise.
“What?” she snapped.
“I missed you most of all.”
Her eye roll made me giggle.
“I can’t apologize enough for scaring and being away from you for so long, but I hope this comes close.” Bradach got something out of his pocket and covered it, holding up his closed palms to her.
Aeris tried to seem disinterested. “What is it?” she breezed, gaze fixed on a spot on the ceiling.
He opened his palms. “It’s a snowflake from the highest mountain peak in all of Wind and Wild, where the stars still shine. I encased it in everlasting glass for you.” He placed the beautiful silver necklace in her hand. “If the stars won’t shine on you, my love, I will bring them to you. My wings will carry you until the day your heart flies side by side with mine.”
“Wow,” someone breathed.
It was me. Was that the kind of sweet, flowery stuff Papa said to Mama, because if it was, I understood why she said she’d never known a love like theirs.
Me, Eadaoin, and my attendants fixed on them—wide-eyed and waiting for Aeris’s response. She reddened under our gaze.
“Will you wear it?” he asked.
“Well, I mean...” She roughly cleared her throat. “You— Nothing you said made any sense,” she cried, “but if you went through all that trouble... I could... I could possibly wear it.
“Thank you,” she mumbled so low, I almost didn’t hear her.
Her tomato-red cheeks shone brighter than an orblight as he lifted her hair, and carefully placed the necklace on her feathered collarbone.
“You’re beautiful.” Bradach bent and pressed a featherlight kiss to her lips.
Aeris’s eyes fluttered shut—the softest sigh escaping her.
Then her lids ripped open and she shot up, spinning her back to him. “Bradach, you forget yourself in the presence of our queen. Leave us, you’re making her uncomfortable.”
I blinked at them. I was feeling something, but discomfort wasn’t it.
“Very well.” Bradach rescued his clothes from the floor, and bowed his way to the door. “I’ll save you a seat at dinner.”
I was suddenly very glad to be attending that dinner. Why had I dismissed Bradach as the court’s jester? Aeris did nothing but snap and bark at him, but given a few sweet words and ice off a mountain, and she was ready to have her way with the man right there on the chaise.
Mama’s stories were of friends falling in love, but Alisdair was never going to make it easy. I wasn’t wooing the banished heart of a man who was half in love with me already. I was trapping and capturing the heart of a beast who swore to give me anything but.
Besides, I mused, following Aeris and Eadaoin down to the dining hall. Bradach is Alisdair’s companion. Who better than his bedmate to teach me the ways of seducing him?
A flash of anger roared in my chest at the thought that Bradach was still his bedmate. A thought I’d been trying hard to ignore. Alisdair marked me so that another man couldn’t touch me. I had no such marking on him, and of all the promises he made me during the mating ceremony—fidelity wasn’t one.
Together, we entered the dining hall, and my eyes blew wide. Beasts. Savages. Can’t control themselves.
Aeris was being kind.
There wasn’t a single utensil in sight. The faeriken tore at the meats, cheeses, bread, and vegetables with their bare hands, while snarls, snaps, and demands for more filled the air. A ring of masticated remains surrounded the long, oaken table and high-backed velvet-covered chairs. All the makings of a beautiful, formal dinner in a royal palace—if not for half the guests scrambling over the table to tear apart a turkey, and attacking each other for the bigger piece.
Alisdair sat at the head of it all with food that was only for him—easily seen from the fact that no one else dared look at his chicken, turkey, slab of beef, tray of bread rolls, four mugs of ale, and the fruits and vegetables from my tributes.
No. No one else dared lay a finger on his food... because they’d lose a finger bringing it that close to his mouth.
Alisdair was more the beast than the man. Long claws shredded the chicken and shoveled its tender meat into his mouth. He snatched up a mug and drained it, spilling ale all down the sides of his face and soaking his half-exposed chest.
“That is enough!” Aeris roared, making me jump. A dozen heads snapped up—growls, screeches, hisses, squawks, and barks peeling from their throats. Aeris screeched right back. “Get a hold of yourselves! Your queen is in your presence, and she is used to finer things and proper decorum. You will sit in your seats. You will chew and swallow your food before taking another bite, and you will use utensils!”
They all glared and groaned... at me. I truly was in another land because to look at my fath—King Salman with the fury they were throwing me was to be smote for treason. I knew because Emiana witnessed him do it when a peasant dared to look at him with the contempt he deserved.
Even the sweetest, gentlest dog will growl if you try to take their food while they’re eating. Some instincts are too deeply ingrained, and protecting your meal is one of them.
Slowly, I rounded the table and made for the empty seat next to Alisdair. Had Aeris called down for them to leave a seat for me, or was it always sitting empty—the constant symbol that their queen was too high and refined to eat with lowly faeriken?
Quietly, I reached for my seat. Aeris was quicker and pulled it out for me to sit down.
Alisdair scoffed. “Lo and behold, our table manners have been found lacking. Get your bibs and forks, everyone.”
Mocking laughter went up around the table.
“Will that satisfy you, little bird, or should I have a servant cut your food for you? Possibly chew it for you too? They can also—”
I pounced on the food, shoveling it into my mouth faster than I could chew. I’d never been at a table with this much food in my life. And meat! So much meat of all kinds and types. The rare times I had a full belly, it was full on the meager vegetables from our garden. It was then I realized Aeris had been instructing the cooks to feed me the dainty portions worthy of a princess. Why hadn’t I demanded to eat with everyone weeks ago?
Blown brows and hanging jaws stared at me. I blew past them all and narrowed in on Alisdair’s hand. “Are you going to eat that?” I snatched the turkey leg from his slackened grip and let out a belch that made Alisdair jerk in his seat.
I met the wide eyes with round eyes of my own. “What’s everyone looking at me for? If you’re not going to eat this, I will.”
Alisdair let out a strange and terrible sound, making me slow my chewing to give an expression more shocked than Aeris’s.
He laughed. Full-blown, raucous, pounding-the-table belly laughs. “You heard my queen.” He gave me the first real smile I’d ever seen on his lips. Not a smirk. Not a mocking grin. But a smile. “Let’s eat.”
The faeriken descended on the food—eating almost as fast as me. The pretty silk sapphire gown Aeris chose for me was ruined by spilled ale and food stains in minutes. Everyone was too focused on unhinging their jaws and shoveling food inside to chatter, and wasn’t that the way it should be?
Memories flashed through my mind of Emiana sitting at a mile-long table, picking at her apple-sized portion of a meal, and being forced to stop eating every time someone insisted on making meaningless small talk with her. Apparently, it was rude to eat while someone was speaking to you, or speak while you were eating. The result was Emiana always went to bed hungry.
“Fuck that,” I belted, “and fuck table manners!”
“Yeahh!” bellowed my court—laughing and pounding the table with their mugs.
Bradach clapped Alisdair on the shoulder. “You did good with this one, my lord. Dare I say better than you deserve.”
Alisdair tore off a bite of beef, grinning at me. “This I know.”
I PUSHED AWAY THE REMAINS of my meal, letting out another belch. I was stuffed to the gills. Couldn’t eat another bite if I tried, and I’d never been able to say that in my life.
“Twenty minutes.” Alisdair picked food out of his unnaturally long and jagged teeth with his claws. “I’m feeling generous tonight.”
Nodding, I pushed away from the table. “Bradach, come with me, please. I need your help with something.”
Bradach stiffened. “My lady, I live to serve you, but I humbly ask that you not mark me and use me for a decoy. I’d rather not spend another fortnight on a mountain.”
Half the table jumped up from their seats, readying to run away from me.
“That’s not— I wasn’t going to!” I cried. “I just want to talk to you, I swear. I’ll keep my hugs to myself.”
Narrowed eyes held suspicion. Slowly he rose from the table and followed me out, keeping a healthy distance between us. When we were far enough away from Alisdair’s earshot, I rounded on him.
“How do you do it?” I demanded. “One minute, Aeris can’t stand the sight of you, and the next it’s a good thing she’s sitting because she’s about to pass out from swooning. How do I do that? How do I get Alisdair to... do that?” I finished, flushing deep.
Bradach frowned at me, then his brows smoothed out. “Oh, I see. You’re asking me how to make him fall in love with you.”
I don’t know why him stating it plainly made me want to run and hide, but I didn’t. I simply nodded.
“And you’ve come to me because I’m his closest companion and most trusted advisor.” He puffed out his chest, ever the vain, cocky raven. “I’m flattered, my queen, and more than happy to help, but we men are grossly simple creatures.”
“What do you mean?”
“We all want what we can’t have,” he explained. “Our lord already has you, or so he thinks.” Bradach smirked, winking. “Make him know he doesn’t, and that he has to work, bleed, and sweat to have you. All the things he will discover through want of winning you will naturally lead to love, for how could any man who knows you, not love you?”
My face warmed, heart fluttering in my chest. Oh yes, I could definitely understand how Bradach was thawing the ice around Aeris’s heart.
“Thank you,” I said lightly. “That’s... good advice.”
Aeris and Eadaoin chose that moment to come around the corner, looking for me.
Bradach gave me one last bow and a wink, kissed Aeris’s blushing cheek, and walked off.
My companions fell in step with me as I burped my way through the halls, pinching Aeris’s lips tighter and tighter. Eadaoin couldn’t hold back her giggles at the both of us.
“You continue to surprise me, Lady Ana,” Eadaoin said. “But how will you tackle your daring escape in this state? I could practically roll you down the hall.”
I laughed. “No running, no rolling, no daring escape. I have something else planned for Alisdair tonight.”
Fifteen minutes later, a large hulking shadow crossed the threshold of our bedroom. He observed me reclined on the bed—relaxed.
“What manner of trick is this?” Alisdair breathed deep, scenting a trap. “Why are you lying there? Why aren’t you running or hiding in a pile of manure?”
“That was an act of desperation that I’ll never repeat again,” I snapped. “Mostly because it didn’t work.”
He circled me, back gliding against the wall—keeping me in sight. “And what about this is supposed to work?” Alisdair chuckled. “Let me guess. You’re going to suddenly leap off the bed and throw yourself off the cliff where Bradach will be waiting to fly you away?”
I smiled back. “Now that’s good. I probably would’ve done just that if Bradach wasn’t wary of me by now. But no, I have something else planned for tonight.”
Alisdair tensed like I was going to attack him. His lips peeled back, growls leaking through his fangs as he readied for my strike.
“Woo me.”
The growls stopped. “Excuse me?”
“Seduce me, husband.” I peeled back my robe, letting it fall off my shoulder. I wore it and nothing else. “If you want to have me... you’ll have to earn it.”
The predator stalked closer. “Is that so?”
“You’ve gotten everything your way, but not me.”
“Hmm.” He moved around the headboard. His voice rolled over me, shivering my spine. “I seem to recall having you my way last night, and the night before that, and three times the night before that.”
“Not anymore,” I rushed. “You wanted a mate, Lumenfell. A queen to rule and wage war by your side. A partner to have and raise your babies. You burned your promises to me on your soul, and now it’s time for you to deliver. By day I am your queen, but at night, you’re my husband. Act like it. Seduce me, woo me, tempt me, flirt with me, compliment me.”
“No.”
“And if you do, I’ll—” I blinked, the words halting on my lips. “What?”
“I said no. You’re speaking utter nonsense, woman, as usual.”
As usual?!
“What reason have you to say no to me? I bet you wouldn’t say no to Bradach.”
“You—” His face crumpled. “Bradach? What on earth are you talking about? What does he have to do with this?”
“Don’t give me that. I know everything. I see the way you laugh, joke, and touch him. I see how he laughs, jokes, and touches you . I know he’s your companion.”
Alisdair’s eyes blew wide, jaw slackening. I’d never seen that look on his face. I don’t think anyone’s had for a thousand years. “He’s my— Don’t be absurd!”
“You’re absurd if you think you’re going to lie to me now. Bradach told me himself. He’s your right hand, your most trusted advisor, your sage counsel, your truest comrade, and your closest companion .” I smiled at him in equal parts irritation and triumph. “Are you calling Bradach a liar?”
“Unreservedly and without hesitation,” he dropped, tone flat. “That fool is none of those things to me. He’s only bold enough to say otherwise because he’s proven extraordinarily difficult to kill,” he gritted. “Blast him and those fucking wings.”
My jaw worked. “Oh.”
While it made me feel marginally better to know he wasn’t denying me because he preferred someone else’s company, it was hard to swallow that the only reason Alisdair Shadowsoul had a friend... was because he hadn’t figured out how to kill him yet.
I cleared my throat, shaking away the thought. “Well, then, if that’s the case, you have no reason to say no. Woo me, husband.”
He snorted. “I have no reason to say yes. I fulfill my husbandly duties to perfection nightly. I cater to your pleasure above my own—as is the Wind and Wild way. I do not let you sleep until you’ve completed at least four times. I ensure you can’t walk in the morning for limping. Beyond that, I’ve bestowed my protection on you, making sure my enemies dare not lay a hand on you, and I waste considerable time teaching you to fight and rule my country.
“No other husbandly duties are required of me.” Alisdair ripped off his clothes. “Now hands and knees. Head down. Ass up.”
My jaw worked but nothing came out. I didn’t know where to begin. Marking me was to protect me? It wasn’t to cheat or make it harder for me to run? Was that true? Could I possibly believe it was? But more importantly, did he just say putting my pleasure above his own was no more than a faeriken custom? Did that mean he didn’t enjoy his nights with me? Why did the thought of that cut as deep as him saying every minute he spent with me—teaching me to rule and fight—was a waste of his time?
Why would this man put any effort into winning me? He already had a pet. He didn’t need a wife.
I turned away, my lips pressed tight to stop them trembling. “You’re right,” I rasped, drawing up my robe. “Just forget it.”
“What’s this?” he demanded. “What’s happened?”
“Nothing happened.” I blew out the candle on the nightstand. “You win, okay? I ran, you caught me. Let’s just go to bed.”
“No, you’re crying. Why are you doing that?”
I hurriedly wiped my eyes. “I’m not crying, I’m tired. It’s been a long day, and I wouldn’t want you to waste any more time on me.”
A heavy silence filled the room.
“I see,” he said. “Very well. I will seduce you.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“Prepare yourself, woman.”
“I don’t— Ah!” A hand grabbed my ankle and slid me across the bed, depositing me gaping beneath him.
Slowly, deliberately, Alisdair ran a finger down the length of my body—from my neck to the crown of my thighs, parting my robe.
The fabric fell to the sides, exposing me to his cold eyes—something that’s happened every night since I met the man, but that night, I shivered under his gaze.
Dropping down, Alisdair pressed a light, tickling kiss to my ankle, then continued the trail—dropping soft pecks along my leg, knee, and up my thigh—coming to my slit where he passed over and went to the other thigh, and gifted it the same tender treatment.
I was wide-eyed and still, afraid to move and break whatever spell he was under. Where was the man who barked at me to put my ass up, then took me before I had the chance?
Alisdair rose over me, cupping the back of my head. I gasped as he kissed me—a slow, tender creation that parted my lips with the softest nip, and invited my tongue to dance—unhurried and teasing.
I didn’t have to search my memory. This was the first Alisdair had ever kissed me in this way. He rarely kissed me at all, but when he did, he was rough, fierce, and passionate. I felt like I was in a hurricane, clinging to the ground by a blade of grass.
But this kiss... felt like we were both in that hurricane, but Alisdair was holding me. Protecting me. Anchoring me through the storm.
Eyes so cold. Words so harsh, but his lips were soft and warm. They banished my hate, anger, and fear, leaving nothing behind, except me and Alisdair.
He guided me onto the pillows, our bodies and mouths still connected. I’d never drunk to excess before, though I had to believe this is what it was like. My head spun. Pulse raced. Breaths quickened. I felt clear and silly at the same time. Like I was about to jump off a cliff without wings, but the joy of falling through the air was worth the end.
His tongue tangled with mine, inviting me to play. I moaned as he caressed me, his hands trailing up and down my body, and I was suddenly sure that this was nothing like being drunk. If wine gave this feeling, no one in the land would set down a bottle.
Fingers tickled me, skating higher along my thigh and slipping between. I dropped my knee, making clear what I wanted him to do.
Breaking from me, he brushed a kiss on the tip of my nose. “You are perfection, intelligence, and ferocity itself. To bask in your presence is to be humbled. To delight from your lips is to slip between the veil and walk through the meadows of Meya itself.”
“Ug—” I got out, throat restricting. What did one say to words so beautiful? And what did they say when those words came from their terrible, beastly husband? Did he mean them?
Did I want him to?
Alisdair brushed over my lower lips, and kept going—chuckling at my grunt of irritation. He seemed to just want to touch me. Soak in every inch of my body.
Her body , a quiet voice broke in. It’s the famed beauty of the east who he admires. Not the little wretch from the gutter.
“Don’t frown, my queen,” he said, trapping my gaze. “When you do, I’m forced to remove that frown by any method necessary—usually sexual.”
I giggled, making him laugh in return.
“That was easy.” Alisdair lifted his hand and a starflower appeared on his fingers. He tucked it behind my ear, smiling at me. I couldn’t say how I knew, but it was a true smile.
Alisdair bent and kissed the ghost of a laugh still on my lips, then he kissed my cheek, my nose, my lids, everywhere—dropping sweet gifts on my soft skin.
My skin started heating, beading sweat on my neck and stomach. My breaths came too fast, heaving my chest, and straining to contain my pounding heart. What was this? How was he doing this?
Alisdair captured my lips again and I moaned, limbs melting like ice in a land with sun.
Breaking away, Alisdair rose up on his knees and draped my legs over his thighs.
I pressed my palm to his heart, wondering if it beat as hard as mine. Wondering if it beat.
But there was nothing there. He hadn’t returned his heart to his chest. He was still keeping it far away from me.
“Another frown?” Alisdair gently smoothed the line between my brow. “I will banish it for good.”
He kissed me again—hard. The sudden fierce and fiery kiss sent my heart galloping away, chasing a moan from my lips. I broke from him gasping. My vision spun as his mouth moved lower, leaving nipping, teasing kisses down the valley of my breasts to my tender stomach. Alisdair flipped me over, continuing his path one by one, kiss by kiss down the ridges of my spine. I arched like a cat—pleasure rippling goose bumps over my skin.
My excitement built as he moved lower, lower, low—
Growling, Alisdair buried between my legs—tasting me with abandon. I gasped on a cry, eyes rolling up in my head.
Alisdair both took his time and chased me to a high. His tongue probed, and rolled, and flicked my tortured nub, waiting until my cries grew hoarse to stop and start all over again. I was a sweaty, limp mess in no time at all.
“By the A-All Mother,” I stuttered, feeling the fire burning through my veins. One more and I’d—
Alisdair flicked the nub and I exploded—spasming on the bed, coming so hard white spots danced on the wall.
He draped himself over me, humming as he bit the shell of my ear. “I will fashion a paradise for you, my queen. I’ll burn all of Elva down, and remake it in your image.”
My pants tickled the back of my hand, but I couldn’t move it. Alisdair laced his fingers through mine.
“You will want for nothing for the rest of your days, and not as a discarded decoration,” he whispered, nipping my ear. “You will have books, and tutors, and university.”
My eyes popped open—shock parting my jaw. How did he know that’s what I wanted more than anything?
“You will be all of the incredible, enigmatic, troublesome things you are meant to be,” he said, making my eyes fill.
Alisdair dropped a kiss on my shoulder. “Although, I confess, it escapes me how you plan to improve upon perfection.”
My heart thundered so hard, it thrummed louder than the howling wind. Cold ripped through our exposed bedchamber, but I was warm. Warm from his body heat. Warm from the lingering aftershocks of my orgasm. And warm... from him.
Alisdair had never spoken to me this way without a mocking tone and a smirk thrown in for good measure. To hear him say all the things I never dreamed a man would say to me, but deep down, wished he would...
It undid every lock, chain, and trap around my heart.
“Alisdair,” I whispered, stroking the fingers holding mine. “I—"
Alisdair tipped my chin. We kissed slow, sweet, and mind-scrambling.
How had he done this to me? I melted into the kiss. I think I’m falling—
“No!” I ripped away. “No, no, no!”
“Princess?”
“No.” I scrambled out from under him and snatched up my robe. “Absolutely not. We are done. You are done! This— Whatever this is,” I cried, waving my hands between us. “It’s over.”
He gave me a crazy look. “What the— You demanded I do this! You bawled like an infant when I refused!”
I flung a pillow at his face. “Well, lucky for you, the bawling infant is leaving!” I stormed off—my anger burning away whatever delusion-induced feelings I thought I was having.
“Fuck’s sake!” Alisdair’s roar rattled the door on its hinges. “You’re impossible!”
I slammed the door, then immediately dropped against it, sliding down to the floor.
I wasn’t versed in the ways of sex, attraction, marriage, mates, or soul-bindings. I never felt the emotions that others labeled, so how could I know which label fit?
All I did know was whatever Alisdair made me feel in there, it could never happen again.
THE NEXT DAY, I FOLLOWED Eadaoin down the many staircases to a part of the castle I’d never been before. It amazed me that there were still new depths to plumb in Castle Riagin.
Memories of last night flashed through my mind on a loop, warming my face and tightening my lower belly every night.
That could not happen again. Leave it to Alisdair to turn the tables, and make seducing me a bid for power that he won. Won absolutely.
The plan was for him to develop feelings or me, it wasn’t for me to form feelings for him. It made no sense that his initial rejection hurt me. I hated the man. What did it matter that he slept with and spent time with me out of duty? It shouldn’t matter at all... but it did.
I didn’t want it to be true, but it felt good when he praised me. Felt even better when he was impressed with me. And it thrilled my heart when he respected me and my opinion. No one, ever, in my whole life had done or felt any of those things toward me. No one except my family.
To have Alisdair turn around and say all of that was a waste of time cut me to the bone. And then to have him kiss and have me tender and sweet, healed all the broken parts of me right back again.
That wouldn’t do. I could not get overly invested in a man who planned to wage war on my home, my family, and my life. He was a monster and the only way this marriage ended was by me breaking my curse and leaving him—whether he loved the real and true me or not.
“Eadaoin,” I spoke up. “How did you and your soldier man fall in love?”
“Love?” She laughed. “I wouldn’t say we’re in love. More like having a bit of fun.”
“Really? Well, you two seem to have fun every free minute of every day. It’s a wonder to me that you don’t walk with a limp.”
She nudged my shoulder, laughing. “What can I say? When you’re having that much fun, you don’t want it to stop.”
“But the way he looks at you.” We stepped into a darkened hallway—heavy with a damp, musty smell. “With such need and lust like he can’t get enough of you. How do you... uh... invoke that in a man?” I forced out. “How do I make him need me ?”
“Ahhhh.” She gave me a knowing look. “My lord’s giving you trouble, is he?”
I prayed Meya would open the floor and swallow me.
“Don’t worry, my queen. I know many a trick to bring a stubborn man to heel.” She threw her arm around me. “And may I say, I’m so happy you’re finally partaking in my sexual experience.”
“Or you could just kill me,” I mumbled. “End my humiliation now.”
Naturally, she laughed at me. “All right, first thing you want to do is make him jealous. That’s what I did with Keefe. I started bedding his friend Oisin. After weeks of watching how much fun we were having in the bed next to him, he finally leaped across the room, tackled me off Oisin, and had me right there on the floor.” She shivered. “Mother Meya, it was good .”
I gaped at her in horror. “That’s what you suggest I do! Bed another man in front of Alisdair? He tried to kill Bradach for saving my life. He’d tear that poor soul to shreds.”
She winced. “Excellent point. Definitely do not do that. It’d be a violation of your marriage runes anyway.” Eadaoin pointed to one on my elbow. “It’d be enough to give another man your attention. All your attention. Trust me, when you do, our lord will be driven mad with the need to have that attention back for himself.”
I bobbed my head, considering. It wasn’t the worst idea, and besides, Eadaoin was skilled in seduction. If anyone would know how to twist a man around her finger, it would be her.
“In here,” she said, stopping short beside a small, dirt-covered door. “This is where our lord said to bring you.”
One step inside and I saw why.
“Whoa, whoa!” Foalan shouted. “Careful on that side!”
My happiness at seeing Foalan had returned to Castle Riagin in one piece was overshadowed by the spectacle that had the attention of everyone in the dungeon.
A spherical glass tank wobbled and rolled on the dirty stone floor, bouncing off a wall of magic shot by each soldier it tried to flatten. The women, and Foalan, formed a ring around it, sweating hard for the effort of keeping it in— No, of keeping her in.
My feet moved on their own power, bringing me closer to her. Brilliant, iridescent scales caught the orblight and reflected it into a million billion rainbows dancing through the water. Dark ebony hair like silk ribbons swayed with the water, forming a halo around the loveliest face I’d ever seen. Far more lovely than the one I saw in the mirror.
Shimmering, aquamarine eyes beheld me—twisting me in their pools. Dusky, desert-sand skin was smooth and unbroken—never knowing a scar, pimple, or blemish. Full, pouty lips twisted with her pert, wrinkled nose, and she looked at me like I was the source of her displeasure—or her salvation.
Emiana wasn’t the beauty of the east. This creature was. She was the beauty of this land and every other.
“But she—she’s a—a—”
“Mermaid.” Alisdair stepped out of the darkness. “Otherwise known as...”
My gaze trailed her long, dazzling fish tail.
“A siren.”
“What is she doing here?” I whispered, drawing closer. Her eyes... Such beautiful eyes...
“At the present, she’s attempting to kill you.”
The dry reply only just began to penetrate when that beautiful face morphed. Hard, ridged, scaly lines erupted on her nose and forehead, appearing as fast as the second, jagged row of teeth that descended from her jaw. A fierce, watery screech turned to bubbles in the water as she came straight for me—teeth heading for my throat.
Screaming, I lurched back and she struck the glass head-on—turning purple in her foiled rage.
“Careful, Princess.” A firm grip on my elbow guided me back. “Just because her voice doesn’t work on women, doesn’t mean she’s any less lethal to them. Too long staring into her eyes and it’ll be the last thing you ever do.”
“I—I don’t understand,” I cried. “A mermaid? A real mermaid? How can she be here? Mermaids went extinct centuries ago. Long before dragons did. She can’t be here!”
“And yet, she is.” Alisdair encircled her—his smile terrible to behold. “I told you, my queen. We found the vanishing island. A land where many an impossible thing exists,” he said. “It took some effort, and a few lives, but our soldiers brought her here—for us.”
“Us?” I repeated. “What are you talking about?”
Alisdair paused, pressing his hand to the glass. “She is all we need to win the war. Once I figure out how to harness her voice and use it at will—without killing myself—we will unleash it on the armies of Elva.
“They say a siren’s song is so beautiful. So enchanting. Its majesty consumes you.” He shook his head. “The second it ends, you realize you’ll never again hear anything so wondrous in your life, and that’s not a life worth living. A single verse of her song, little bird, and the men will turn their swords on themselves—wiping themselves up without a single drop of spilled blood on our side. My queen,” he breathed. “Our victory is assured.”
My eyes bugged, horror leadening my bones. “Stop saying our! That’s horrible, Alisdair. Worse than horrible! How can you even think such a thing!”
He turned a cool gaze on me. “How can I think to end the war quickly without sacrificing our people? What a ridiculous question. I could think of nothing else.” I blinked and he was in front of me—towering over me. “This is mercy, little bird. It’s what you once wanted of me.”
“This isn’t mercy, it’s insanity!” I shoved him back. He didn’t move an inch. “You can’t wipe out every man in Elva! Do you have any idea what that’ll do to the kingdoms?”
“Yes,” he said, smirking. “They’ll become matriarchies once again.”
“You—” I choked. “Wait, what?”
“Every vile person that fights to keep your women stunted and oppressed will find themselves on the other side of the veil, facing Meya’s judgment. Once they are, the kingdoms can start over. The forced magic bindings will stop, and the young, adolescent boys will be raised properly—without their fathers’ hatred and prejudices teaching them to look down on their own mothers and sisters.
“Elva will be cleansed, my queen, and yes”—he inclined his head—“there will be grief and tears and wailing, but you and I will lead our people out of the dark into the new age. All of Elva will be like Lumenfell,” he said, throwing out his arms. “Harsh, cold, brutal... but equal and free.”
I stared at him amid the shouts and barked orders from Foalan and the soldiers. “A return to the matriarchies,” I said slowly. “That is something you want?”
“Why would it not be? I was born in the old age, Princess. In the times of peace and equality. I can assure you,” he said, “it was a much better age than this one.”
“But, Alisdair—”
“You said you wanted the bindings, the oppression, and the wasting sickness to end.”
My throat tightened thinking of Mama slowly starving to death in a small, desolate room.
“That doesn’t happen without war. Without sacrifice,” he hissed. “So now is the moment you decide.”
I snapped up, eyes wide.
“Will you fight for your freedom, or die on your knees?”
I didn’t speak for so long, he turned away. “Can you undo the binding spell? Can you free my—?” The curse stole mom off my tongue. “Can you free the women of Elva?”
“I can’t,” he said honestly. “I’ve tried to unbind you every night since you got here.”
I started. I wasn’t expecting that.
“It’s a simple spell, but a powerful one. The magic it’d take to free you would kill me, but this”—he raised his clawed hand—“has no such limitation.”
It took me a second to understand what he meant. “The beast curse?” I whispered. “It undoes the binding spell? That’s why all the women in Lumenfell are free?”
He nodded. “The binding is put on the person you are. But when you change, you become someone else. When that happens, the chains that were once on your soul simply... fall away.”
I looked into his eyes. “Elva would be a better place if the curse consumed the land.”
I said it. I hated myself the moment it fell from my lips, but... I wouldn’t take it back.
“Until, of course,” I continued, “we all turned into mindless beasts—swinging from trees and flinging our feces.”
“One thing at a time,” he breezed. “First we conquer all in our path, then we save it.”
“Meaning only once everything and everyone is under your power, will you finally destroy the heart?” My blunt words went straight to the point. “At least it makes sense now. Why you’ve let this go on for centuries. It’s a ransom, and all of Elva are your hostages.”
“My queen, how many times must I tell you?” A slow, wicked grin twisted his lips. “All of Elva are our hostages.”
My fist balled, aching to punch that smile in. I hated what it revealed in myself. I hated even more that I couldn’t voice the denials screaming in my head.
“Unless, of course,” Alisdair continued, stepping back. “You’ve decided to die on your knees.” He gestured to the siren. “If that’s the case, say the word, and our only hope of complete victory will be returned to the swamp we fished her out of.”
“Send her back,” I said without a second’s hesitation. “I want Elva to return to the days of equality and freedom, but not this way. What you mean to do is slaughter, not mercy.”
“Hmm. No.”
“What?” Disbelief colored my tone. “You just told me to say the word.”
He shrugged. “Because I assumed you would choose correctly. You’re still not ready to do what needs to be done. That’s fine. When the change has taken you and all that simpering civility is smothered by the true beast within—you’ll see things my way. Even more, you’ll know what it is to be free again, and you’ll be willing to give that gift to all the people—no matter what it takes.”
“Oh, save your manipulative speeches!” I spat. “You’re not doing this to free Elva. You’re doing it to get revenge against my father!”
His grin went nowhere. “Why can’t it be both?”
“No,” I ground out. “You’re not torturing that creature in the name of wiping out half the population of Elva. I do want to fight for the end of the bindings and the freedom of the women of Elva, even if it means going to war, but you said this is our fight. If you mean it, you’ll stop making decisions without me.
“We rule together. We fight together. We decide together. Equals. Anything less and you’re no different than the shitty, evil bastards who held me down when I was ten years of age, and ripped my magic away from me while I screamed.”
His smile melted away. Slowly, he ate the distance between us. “If you’re saying this—if you mean this, you’re telling me our nightly runs are at an end. You’re forsaking Lyrica and allying yourself with me as my queen. My wife.”
I didn’t look away. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”
Alisdair gave me a long look. “Well, then, there’s only one thing to say to that.” Stepping back, he bowed. “As you wish, my queen.”
My eyes narrowed to slits. The mocking in his tone rang loud and clear.
“My wife has spoken,” Alisdair called, rising up. “The mermaid will be kept here—safe, unharmed, and untouched—until we decide the best way to wage and win this war. Together.”
All the words were right, but I didn’t trust a single one of them. “You promise me?”
“I promise,” he replied—light. Easy.
“Will you ink that promise on your skin with runic magic?”
The corners of his mouth quirked down. “I’d say yes, but you can’t read runes, so you still wouldn’t trust me.”
“Very true,” I said, smiling. “That’s why you’re going to teach me to read runes. Add that to our many lessons.”
“As you wish, my queen.”
Once again the urge to punch him overwhelmed. Only Alisdair could mock me while giving me exactly what I want.
I cast one last look at the siren, then flicked away when our gaze connected. “Foalan, will you heed our orders?”
“Yes, my queen.”
Now him, I believe.
“Very well.” I sniffed in Alisdair’s direction—a habit of Emiana, though warranted in his case. “I have business in the village. I won’t be long. When I return, we’ll begin our rune lessons.”
“Your wish is my command.”
I left before I made another failed attempt to attack him. I was trying to make the man fall in love with me, giving in to my disdain for him wouldn’t achieve that goal.
On the way out, I picked up Eadaoin on my tail. We passed through the market, picking up cheery hellos and polite conversation as we went. Lumenfell truly was a nice, peaceful village, and despite the harsh everlasting winter and the animals consuming their bodies and soul, the people seemed happy.
Seeing them, I knew Alisdair was right. A woman in my position would have to make a choice. They’d have to draw their allegiances in the ever-shifting sands of morality, and say this is where I stand . I will free my people and my kind, and I’ll cut down anyone who stands in my way.
But the woman in that position—the one as his wife and queen—could not be me. Of course, I’d take up arms and life for my freedom, Meli’s freedom, Gisela’s freedom, Savia’s freedom, and Mama’s life. But I’d do it as the true me, and I’d do it for all the forgotten in Gutter Galley.
I would not do it for Alisdair’s revenge, or his thirst for power. I’d also never be in the position of having to since I would leave the moment I was free of the curse. Let his true betrothed make that choice. Knowing Emiana as I was beginning to, she’d jump at the chance to dig her slippered heel into the throat of the nation that spurned her.
“Queen Ana, hello.”
I shook myself, pulling out of my musings. Riordan waved from his market stand. His table was loaded down with three times as many goods as people dropped off their produce for coin.
“Riordan.” I ran over, a true smile breaking out on my face. “I’m so happy you’re okay. The last thing I saw was you being thrown from the carriage.”
He winced. “Ah, yes. Our lord wasn’t kind in his ripping apart the cart to find you. I understand now why you told me to have a replacement waiting. All the same, once I made it back to the replacement cart, I left without a problem.”
“And you did well in Lyrica?” I asked, sweeping over his fresh and vibrant haul.
“Very well, my lady. They paid even more than you said they would. I sold everything I brought to market down to the last carrot.”
I looked around. Eadaoin was across the way, speaking to a woman who sold jarred fruit jellies. “What about the other thing I asked you to do?”
“As ordered, I delivered two sack-fulls of jewels and gold to Aya Olene and her children. She was so shocked, she fainted.”
Was she okay? How did she look? The questions refused to leave my mind. “Is that all?” I asked instead.
“What do you mean?”
I strained to find words the curse would let me say. “Just—! Did anything else happen?” I burst out.
He hummed, pushing his lips out. “Not really. They didn’t want to take them at first. Meliora kept asking who they were from, but I wouldn’t say—like you told me. She didn’t like that,” he muttered. “Said I either told her, or I could walk out the damn door with my stolen loot right then.”
I cracked a smile. That sounded like Meli.
“I didn’t want them getting rid of it because they thought it was stolen, so I just said someone important wanted them to have it,” he said. “Wanted to make sure they were taken care of. They seemed to accept that because when I left, they were jumping up and down—crying and laughing about how everything was going to change.”
It was me who was crying and smiling. I nearly jumped over the table and hugged him, if not for remembering at the last second that Alisdair wouldn’t take too kindly to that. “Thank you, Riordan. You have no idea how much I... Just, thank you.” I held my hand out to him, resting it an inch above his heart. “If there’s anything I can do for you, name it.”
He smiled. “My queen, you’ve already done everything for me. I’ve got this great position and... uh...” Riordan glanced past my shoulder. I followed his gaze to a tall, dark-haired bat faeriken. I only knew she was a bat from the spindly wings fluttering on her back. The curse had yet to touch her face, and what a pretty face it was.
I flicked away from her charming smile to her round, pregnant belly. It suddenly made perfect sense why Riordan abandoned Lyrica and took up the charge of uniting the fae and faeriken.
“It’s really going to help our family,” he finished. “We’re even moving into the castle tomorrow. Everyone employed by the royal family has the right.”
“That’s great, Riordan,” I said, and meant it. “I’m really happy for you.”
He beamed at his love.
“I have another sack for you.” Urgency made me return to the point. I had to get back to Alisdair before the runes demanded it. “Would you mind delivering it to Aya Olene again?”
“Not a problem, my lady.” He took the sack of diamonds and tucked it under the table. “Maybe this time I’ll get to see her.”
My ears quirked up. “Who?”
“Just an old friend of mine.” He softened, surprising me. “She was the best. Tough, fierce, but kind too. She saved me from some bullies, and this was after her magic was bound. Imagine the guts that takes. Standing between a scrawny kid and three guys twice your size, with no magic to help you.
“But that’s Volka,” he said, laughing. “Fearless.”
I found myself laughing too. Volka. I hadn’t heard that nickname in a long time. It meant wolf.
His smile dimmed. “I asked Aya Olene about her, and their dancing and laughing stopped. They wouldn’t say what happened, but I know. The Gutter took her,” he rasped. “Like it takes us all in the end. It’s terrible because out of everybody, I always thought she’d be the one to make it out.”
I did, Riordan! I made it out. If only I could tell you. My hand fell to my side. If only I could tell Mama and my siblings they don’t have to stop smiling. Everything’s going to be all right.
“My lady.”
I turned to Eadaoin, who pointed at the flickering orblight. It was only recently I was informed they flickered every hour, on the hour, to help the Lumenfellians track the time in this land of dark and ice.
“Goodbye, Riordan,” I said, “and thank you.”
I LET MYSELF INTO THE war room, causing Alisdair to raise his head. He glanced at me, then to the man behind me.
“What do you want?”
The leopard faeriken bowed. “I am here at my lady’s request.”
“This is Fintan,” I broke in, saving him. “I remembered you saying how busy you are, dear husband, and what a waste it is having to teach me. It was unfair of me to demand you teach me to read runes too when you already have so much on your plate.” I gestured to him. “Hence, Fintan. He will take over my runic lessons.”
“No,” Alisdair replied. “Get out.”
I laughed. “You’re so silly, my lord. Come, come, Fintan, it’s all right.” The guy was already halfway out the door. “My lord makes these jokes all the time.
“You just continue working,” I told Alisdair, “and we’ll be over here.”
I herded Fintan to a small table in the corner. Under Alisdair’s watchful, narrowed eyes, I gathered parchment, inks, and quills, and brought it back for us to begin.
“Okay, uh...” Fintan tried not to look at his glaring king. “How much do you know, my lady?”
“Nothing. You’ll have to start at the beginning, and teach me absolutely everything you know.” I winked at him. “But a smart, clever guy like you? You’re just the man for the job.”
He started. “Oh. Th-thank you, Lady Ana.”
“You are most welcome,” I said, brushing back my hair to reveal Emiana’s pale throat and ample cleavage.
Aeris didn’t know when she chose my blue silk gown with the plunging neckline, she was helping me and Eadaoin complete the next step in my plan to make Alisdair fall in love with me.
I couldn’t tumble the man in front of Alisdair—and I also didn’t want to—but I could give him my full and adoring attention.
“Let’s begin.” Fintan grabbed a quill and parchment and began writing out the runes. “There are six thousand five hundred and seventy-eight runes in total, but you only need to know four thousand for fluency.”
I nodded. That much I knew.
“Let’s begin with the twenty most common ones. This is the rune for water and—”
“Actually,” I broke in. “I was hoping we could begin by learning my marriage runes. They’re bound to my soul. I should know what they say.”
“Very sensible, my queen. Which one would—?”
I slipped my sleeve off my shoulder. A deep, furious growl smothered the room.
“Princess.” The warning in his voice was loud and clear.
I ignored him. “This one.” I pointed. “What does this mean?”
“It— Uh— It means—” Fintan flicked back and forth between me and Alisdair. “It means fidelity.”
Of course it did. “Would you show me how to write it?”
He did—tracing a loopy, entangled design that reminded me of a mangled heart.
I shrieked laughing. “Wow, Fintan, you have such lovely handwriting. I do love a man that’s good with his hands.”
Alisdair growled louder.
“What about this?” I covered my shoulder back up and picked a rune on a less scandalous spot. I tapped the tiny one on my wrist. “What does it mean?”
“It means run.”
“Run,” I repeated, committing it to memory. I truly did want to learn. “Hey! You never got to finish that funny story you were telling me on the way up.” Alisdair’s growl was a steady thrum in the background. “Please, go on.”
“Um, well.” Fintan was quite cute for a leopard man. He had intense, round yellow eyes and whiskers, but they did nothing to impede his shy, nervous smile, or the way his dreadlocks perfectly framed his heart-shaped face. “All I said was that I tripped on my sword getting out of bed this morning.”
I howled, slapping the table. “That’s hilarious. Tell me more.”
“That’s not hilarious,” Alisdair barked. “He’s clumsier than a one-footed fool. Fitting that the first thing you do in the morning is humiliate yourself.”
Fintan flinched. “Yes, my lord.”
I flapped a hand over my shoulder. “Don’t mind him. I want to learn everything about you. Tell me about your family. How did you come to live in Lumenfell?”
“I thought this was a runes lesson,” Alisdair said. “Not mindless chatter time.”
“Oh,” I cried, covering my mouth. “You’re right, husband. We wouldn’t want to disturb you. We’ll be quieter.” I leaned over the table, putting my mouth close to his ear.
Alisdair’s snarls ratcheted up so high, my natural survival instincts flooded my pumping heart with adrenaline. All my senses were telling me to run.
“So,” I whispered. “What were we talking about? Oh, right! You were going to tell me how you became so smart and sweet.”
Crash!
“That’s enough.” Alisdair sprung to his feet, toppling his chair. “This lesson is over. Back to your post.”
“It’s not done.” My hand flashed and grabbed the head of Fintan’s chair—trapping him between me and the wall. “I’ve only learned two runes. Fintan, sweetie, be a dear, and teach me what the ones on my arm mean.”
“Uh... uh...” Poor guy looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.
I felt bad for using him, but Eadaoin was a genius. Most of the time when Alisdair and I were in the same room, he was ignoring me, barking instructions at me, mocking me, or drilling me from behind. This was the first he ever fought for my attention.
It was the first time he’d gotten jealous.
“This is... nightfall,” Fintan croaked. “That means—"
I leaned in closer. “Do you have a lover, Fintan? Handsome man like you, someone must have snapped—”
A blur roared up out of the corner of my eye.
Alisdair ripped Fintan out of the chair, and threw him headfirst out the window. My screams echoed over the shattered glass and fading shouts.
“Mother Fucking Meya!” I shrieked, eyes popping. “What did you do!?”
“What I did was tell him to return to his post.” Alisdair sniffed, dusting himself off. “Next time he’ll listen.”
“Next time?!” My voice was hitting undiscovered octaves. “There won’t be a next time! You killed him!”
I rushed to the window. Fintan was a black, unmoving mass in the snow. A dark, reddish pool grew around him, staining the white red. “Oh no,” I breathed. “I have to go see if he’s ok—”
A fist punched the wall—scattering flecks of stone that hit my neck. Now, I was the one trapped.
He leaned in—closer, closer, closer—until there was an eyelash’s-length distance between our bodies. “You will never speak to that insubordinate worm again, or next time, I won’t be so forgiving. Am I making myself clear?”
I swallowed hard. Why didn’t I learn from our first meeting? I plunged a sword in his chest, and the man married me. Alisdair never does what I expect.
Chest heaving, I lifted my chin. “Maybe I want to speak to that insubordinate worm again?”
His fiery displeasure vibrated from his chest to mine.
“I’ll have to,” I plowed on. “He’s my runic magic teacher.”
“ I am your runic magic teacher!”
“You’re too busy to teach me!”
“I’m never too busy for you,” he roared, blowing me back. “Never, little bird. You always have my time and attention. Always.”
My lips parted, but nothing came out. There wasn’t a chance to speak. Alisdair was already slamming out the door.
I slid down the wall, sitting down hard. Closing my eyes, I pressed the heel of my palm to my fluttering heart. “Don’t do that,” I whispered. “You can’t fall for your own game. I can’t cut you out too.”
THAT NIGHT, I SKIPPED dinner in the dining hall, and asked for a tray on the terrace.
The Riagin Gardens were beautiful at night. There were no starflowers, but magic I’d never heard of bathed the flowers in steady warmth. It melted the snow around the flowerbeds, allowing the ice water to flow into little contraptions rigged up to spray a steady mist over the begonias and orchids.
I was so enamored with it all, my pheasant chilled on my plate while I crouched in the snow—studying how it was all done.
“Mimicking the humidity,” I muttered. “Giving them hot and wet in a land that’s cold and dry. Genius.”
I didn’t grow flowers back at home. Flowers didn’t fill a hungry belly, but if I had the chance, I would’ve loved to fill our tiny, cramped space with beauty. There was just something about taking a tiny, helpless seed and nurturing it to its full and natural potential.
I couldn’t control anything in my life. I couldn’t stop them binding my magic. I couldn’t keep Kirwan out of our lives. I couldn’t prevent Mama’s illness. But what I could do was take a seed and grow a cucumber. A small and unimpressive power, but it was mine.
“ I’m never too busy for you. ”
I tossed my head, groaning. I was doing well. I’d gone a whole hour without thinking of Alisdair and what happened in the war room. The flowers couldn’t distract me for long.
Let it go, my mind ordered. You know he didn’t mean it. He says things like that to mess with your head. Don’t allow it to work. You’re here to make him fall in love with you. Not the other way around.
I repeated that to myself over and over until I believed it. I made Alisdair jealous, so he reasserted his ownership of me by his usual methods of violence and head-scrambling compliments. What mattered is that I did what I had to do. I made Alisdair break down and prove I was something he wanted. Not tolerated, endured, or despised.
Wanted.
That’s what Eadaoin was trying to tell me. Her soldier didn’t know what he wanted until she was right there, bouncing on another man’s lap. The first step was getting him to stop masking his feelings behind sarcasm and disdain. What I needed to do next was improve upon my progress and... and...
“And what?” I sighed. “I have no idea what to do now. I can’t even face him.”
I needed another distraction—quickly.
Rocking back on my heels, I tried to recall the nursery rhymes I sang to Savia. Those were my favorite memories with her—crooning softly to my baby sister while she slept peacefully in the sling. Maybe, just maybe, the right verse would bring her sweet face back to me.
A song floated to the surface—alive in my memory and Emiana’s. Seemed her mother used to sing to her too. Before the sickness took her.
Leaning back over the flowers, I sang—crooning for my dew-kissed begonias.
I don’t know how long I knelt there, singing to the garden, but Savia’s face never came to me. Though tears did.
Crunch.
I stopped and quickly wiped my face. “Aeris, there you are. Did you check on Fintan? Is he—?” I twisted, and landed on Alisdair in the doorway.
He watched me—expression unreadable.
I froze as if not moving would stop him seeing me. What was he thinking? Was he mad he caught me asking after Fintan’s welfare? If he was, too bad. I got the poor man thrown out of a window. The least I could do was apologize.
“We don’t need that siren,” he said. “The beauty of your voice would bring any man to his knees.”
He walked away, leaving me blinking and shaking in the snow.
Alisdair was right. This was the deadliest game I’ve ever played, and I couldn’t tell whether I was happy or sad... that I was losing.