Chapter Eleven
T hat evening, the palace court gathered around the dining table—devouring everything in sight.
“What about siblings?” I threw in Alisdair’s direction. “Did you have any? Do you have any?”
He responded by snatching the turkey leg off my plate and tearing off a bite. I used the distraction to drop my addition in his ale.
I peered around, but no one was sounding the alarm. No one even looked in my direction. So in the end, that’s how easy it was to fell the great Alisdair Shadowsoul. All it took was a little flower—
Alisdair downed the ale in one messy gulp.
—and a little bird.
An hour later, I entered our bedchamber. Alisdair lay stretched on the mattress—pale, sweating, and still. I don’t know what I expected the poison flower to do to him. Possibly hurt him? Ravage his insides or make him sick? But it didn’t seem to be doing any of that.
Alisdair didn’t look to be sick or eaten from the insides. He looked like he’d run around the entire world, and collapsed right on that mattress—too weak and jelly-kneed to carry on.
Yes, that was it. For the first time since I met the impossible man, Alisdair was weak.
He caught sight of me, and not quickly. It was a slow, agonizing turn of the head that narrowed his gaze in my direction. “My queen...” he drew out, sounding like he was choosing every word carefully, for each cost him dearly. “Something... is wrong. Fetch... Aeris. Now.”
“Aeris?” Slowly, I closed the distance, my prize clutched behind my back. “Why would you need Aeris? Your wife is here. I will help you.” I lofted the knife high, enjoying the slow widening of his eyes. “I’ll make everything better.”
“Princess—!”
My knife fell, slicing the rope in two. Moving fast, I pounced on him, caught his wrist, and roped it to the headboard. The other one received the same treatment. Alisdair truly was weak magically and physically. He barely put up a fight.
“What are you doing, woman! Untie me!” His bark had much less of a bite when he was leashed to a headboard. “Untie me this instant!”
“Nope,” I sang. “I don’t believe I will.” I wriggled down his chest, dropping comfortably on his middle. Cheerily, I peeled off my robe. “I told you, husband. Warned you even. I said that one day soon, I would have you at my mercy.”
“You?” he hissed. “You did this to me? Did you—you— poison me?!”
I laughed. “It was just half a petal in your ale.” I clicked my tongue. “You really should be careful with those. Could do a lot of damage in the wrong hands.”
Roaring, he reared up—growing fangs splitting his lip. Alisdair made it halfway, and flopped back down, panting hard.
I patted his chest. “Nice try, dear. When you speak of this in the future, you’ll be able to tell everyone you gave it your all. But now it’s my turn.”
Alisdair growled, latching on to the knife I still held in my hand. “What are you going to do?”
“Oh, well, that’s simple. It was recently pointed out that you can’t fall in love with someone without being vulnerable, and you, Alisdair, are never vulnerable. You hold all the power in our marriage. You inked those very words of power on my skin in a language I can’t even read.” I pressed the knife tip to his collarbone, and slid down—slicing his tunic in half.
“You even hold all the power in the bedroom. Eadaoin says it’s the Wind and Wild way for men to put a woman’s pleasure first. Much in the way male animals attract and tempt a female, but even though it would bring me pleasure to be on top every other night, you’ve allowed no such thing to happen. I must always be at your mercy. I must always beg and plead beneath you—not the goddess receiving pleasure, but your puppet to it.”
“And so you will be tonight.” His eyes flashed. “And every night thereafter. My wife. My puppet. Mine.”
“I dispute none of that.” I flicked his nose, earning a snarl. “I’m merely opening your mind to the Lyrican way. The women of my kingdom know a few tricks to please a man too.” My hand traveled down, slipping past his waistband, and gripping the length that had been tearing me in two every night. I paused. “Ah, but there are rules.”
“The rule being that you’re never to do anything like this again!”
I giggled again. “No, definitely not that. I’ve actually hidden away a few petals in case you don’t learn your lesson tonight.” I swore the glare he gave me was murderous. “No, the rules are that you must share an intimate detail about yourself. Something you’ve never told anyone.”
“And that will make you cease?” he snapped.
“No.” My grin widened. “That’s what you must do... if you want me to keep going.” With that, I freed his cock from its confines, dropped my head, and swallowed him to the hilt.
Alisdair howled. Yes, howled like a wounded animal. The howl was smothered by a choked groan when I sucked hard, caving in my cheeks. Even though Eadaoin said it, I didn’t truly believe it. Alisdair had his own harem basking in a sauna oasis. I’d met them myself.
I didn’t believe he hadn’t done all the things there were to do in the bedroom, and more. But then I underestimated the man who shocked his staff by announcing his hunger. To not be in control at every moment? To allow his pleasure to be at someone’s discretion, and their power? That was not the Alisdair way, and the customs of Wind and Wild had nothing to do with it. This was the first time a woman pleasured him with her mouth, and I was going to make it count.
I sucked, bobbed, and stroked—my fingers tight around the base of his cock, but my tongue a dancer’s minx—light and playful teasing his member. I only had the little I remembered of Shadi’s advice to aid me, but confidence was my guide.
She did tell me that his groaning, moaning, and carrying-on would be all the encouragement I needed to know I was doing it right. If that was the case, I was doing it very, very wrong.
Alisdair growled, thrashed, and kicked—snapping and clawing at the ropes. Fighting to get free like an animal caught in a trap. The last time someone sounded this furious with me... they attacked.
The poison flower was still doing its work. His claws weren’t as long as they could be. His fangs not as lethal. His thrashing only served to drive his length deeper, making me moan to rumble the vibrations down his pole, and hitch his breath every time.
I withdrew and sucked on the tip, scraping my teeth across his hole.
“Agh!” he grunted, yanking harder on his restraints. The man was going to wrench his arms out of the socket.
“Sorry, husband. You’re not getting out of those.” I leaned forward, capturing his cock between my breasts, and sliding them up and down—gifting the glory of the valley of my breasts.
Alisdair was so incensed, his eyes glittered like the insane rage of the Taken.
“I understand,” I breezed. “Believe me, I do. You haven’t surrendered to another soul in a thousand years, but if you wanted to retain tight control of everything and everyone, you shouldn’t have married me.”
He started thrashing back and forth, trying to pry the very headboard off. His roars echoed over the horizon.
“I will get you to open up to me, and doing so before and after I sit on your face, will be the cherry on top of a perfect—”
His claws broke through and shredded the ropes.
I ran.
Scrambling off him, I leaped—
A hard body tackled me, crashing us both foot over limb across the sheets. Alisdair grabbed and pinned me down, turning the tables on me so fast, I couldn’t recall how it happened.
I swallowed hard, losing my grin fast. “Are... Are you going to kill me?” It was a fair question. The last time Alisdair looked this enraged, he ripped out someone’s throat with his teeth.
“Kill you?” He pressed his forehead to mine. “My queen, I’m going to throw a parade in your name and the women of your land. Today will mark the grandest celebration in the entire kingdom.” He growled, “Now do that again.”
I was so shocked, I lay there gaping and blinking at him for a full minute.
“But, you— Don’t forget our deal,” I blurted. “You have to tell me something about yourself. Or am I still bartering with worthless coin?”
Alisdair gritted his teeth—his warring emotions splashed across his face. “Damn you,” he belted—the war won. “I do have a sibling, all right. Pleased with yourself?”
“Immensely.” I kissed his wrinkled nose. “But I’ll need more detail than that.” I laughed at his rising growl. “Come on, you wouldn’t want me if I made this easy for you. You said have, not had. Who is this sibling? What’s their name?”
“You know well who the fool is and their name. The flying bastard makes himself known.”
My jaw slackened. Flying bastard? I didn’t need more detail than that. “Bradach?” I cried. “He’s your brother? But you two look nothing alike.”
“Borrowed brother.” Alisdair looked pained, like the explanation was being yanked out of him. “The little beggar wandered into our home one day to steal food, and my mother kept him. She made me swear to look out for him. Mother Meya has kept me honest to this promise by giving him wings.”
I clapped my hand over my mouth, smothering a giggle. I couldn’t help it. Suddenly it made so much sense why Alisdair had both an abundance of patience and an abundance of irritation toward Bradach. Siblings demanded both in equal measure.
“But when—”
“Again!” he demanded, flipping me squealing over the pillows.
I squirmed free and shoved him back down, pouncing on his hard, weeping ridge with the same enthusiasm. Groans and moans filled the room—the right ones. Alisdair was definitely enjoying himself, and I was definitely doing it right.
But in typical Alisdair fashion, he dominated me within an hour of being introduced to our new activity. He propped me against the headboard, holding my head back by the hair while he pumped my mouth—straining to keep hold on his thin tether on control.
I was far from stopping him. I gripped tight to his thighs, urging him on with every squeeze and moan.
Alisdair suddenly stiffened—limbs going rigid. I relaxed as he came, his seed spilling down my throat, and me accepting all of him.
Shadowsoul collapsed on the sheets, chest heaving. The effects of the petal must’ve still lingered, because it was the first I’d ever seen him out of breath. “So what would you like your day of celebration called, my queen?”
I laughed. “Nothing too scandalous, I hope.”
He gave me his suggestion, and it was so scandalous it burned my ears. I picked up a pillow to whack him. Alisdair caught it in time and tugged, dropping me laughing across his chest.
“Although...” His eyes sharpened. “I will see every one of those petals destroyed. In front of me. Now.”
I hummed. “No, I believe I’ll hang on to them. Just in case your stubbornness gets in the way of my will again.”
“Either you destroy those petals, or you’ll wake up one night roped to the bed.”
“Oooh.” I winked. “I might like that.”
Alisdair snorted. One look at each other, and we burst out laughing—a loud, cleansing, raucous laugh that let me know... I wouldn’t need those petals again.
“I’M PARTIAL TO TOFFEE .”
I bit my lip hard, holding back a grin by the actual skin of my teeth.
“I’ve read all the early works of Garban Wordweaver.”
Picking up my rune instruction book, I crossed the length of the library, returning it to its proper place.
I didn’t spend much time in the library, and whenever I crossed its threshold, I regretted that. It was such a calm, quiet place. Cold, yes, but filled with warm, squashy armchairs and sweeping ceiling-high stacks that encouraged me to stay. Simply shut myself inside and keep out the world.
Alisdair followed, trailing me across the shining, marble floors. “I was born with a full set of teeth.”
I broke, a giggle bursting free. “I’m almost certain you’re making all of these up.”
He shrugged, leaning against the stacks. “You’d have to prove that, my queen, but in the meantime, I expect you to keep with the terms of our deal.”
“A deal you’ve taken to with vigor,” I replied, brow high.
“Is that a complaint? I could always be less... vigorous.”
I shivered. Mother Meya strike you down if you dare.
Aeris was right. There was no moving forward with Alisdair while he treated me like a toy, a duty, or a bunch of fuckable holes. He had to be vulnerable, and she was correct to put that obvious notion in my head.
But I was right too.
If he was going to fall in love with me, then I had to be me. I didn’t dance, or flirt, or hand out clumsy compliments. I gave one warning, then I acted.
Like the single warning I gave to recruiters, telling them to keep their notices off our door or receive a face full of soiled cloths. Like the single warning I gave to the bullies chasing Riordan, telling them to back off, or I’d do to them everything they did to him. They walked off laughing, but then came and beat him the next day—breaking his nose, wrist, giving him a concussion, and bruising him all over.
Kahir I kicked down the stairs. For Brenden I lay in wait outside his favorite war wife’s house, hit him with a brick when he rounded the corner, then stomped him until he cried and wailed for me to stop. Conri got his hands on a coudarian crystal and taunted me with all the ways he’d tear me inside out if I tried attacking him. I took the crystal off him while he was passed out drunk at his usual table at his usual pub, then broke the whole arm and smashed his face on the bar table for my trouble. I broke his nose and three teeth.
I may not have been so brutal if not for the reason they chased and beat up Riordan. It was because my friend intervened and chased them off when the three filthy kakkas cornered Meliora in an alley and tried to rape her.
And then there was Kirwan, and the second and last time he struck my mother. The second because I warned him after the first that if he ever hit her again, I’d kill him.
He laughed at me, naturally. A thin waif of a thirteen-year-old girl against the king’s advisor, the hero of the battlefield, and the heir to House Dawnbreaker? I wasn’t a threat.
And then, months later, he hit her again. That evening, I walked into the deepest part of the woods where the plants not meant for the sun and light grew. I picked something my mama warned me never to eat, snuck into his grand manor through an open servant’s window, and slipped it in his midnight cordial while he slept next to his unsuspecting wife.
He was on death’s door for weeks. It wasn’t thought he would make it. After he recovered, he returned to my mother’s house with a look in his eyes like he knew what I’d done. But he never accused me, and he never hit her again.
The truth of me was very simple. I never let anything—size, power, position, magic, or threat—get in the way of protecting the people I loved. Alisdair and his stubbornness was in the way, so I felled him like an oak tree—
—and what an amazing decision that was.
Alisdair took to blowjobs with the expected gusto, and he wanted more. All the more.
As good as the sex was before when he catered to my pleasure, it somehow became three times more incredible. I ran out of my secondhand sexual knowledge pretty quickly, but that didn’t stop us from getting creative.
There was no other word for it but that we were having fun now. Our bedchamber was filled with teasing, laughter, fevered moans, and conversation. Alisdair told me of his favorite books and music. We talked of the beautiful, kind woman who raised him and took in his brother, Bradach.
He told me the myriad of ridiculous, troublemaking scrapes Bradach got into that Alisdair always had to save him from. He told me about his first horse, and what life was like before forced bindings, hatred, and war.
Alisdair also told me how he liked his eggs, that he was nine pounds at birth, and that he once saw an eagle snatch a rabbit off the ground and carry it off. He truly scraped the bottom of the mundane barrel for the sake of holding up his end of the deal, and getting me on my knees—wherever and whenever the mood struck us.
I once ran away from all the amorous couples partaking in their naked activities outside of their rooms. Who knew it would only take me a few short weeks until Alisdair and I were one of them.
It wasn’t an exaggeration that we couldn’t get enough of each other. And it wasn’t a lie for me to say that somewhere along the way, I thought less of tricking him into falling in love with me, and more about how I’d stop myself falling in love with him.
“I once caught a bee with my bare hand.”
I spun on him, hands on my hips. “Now why would you do a fool thing like that?”
The wicked smirk danced on his lips, heating my core though he had yet to put his hands on me. The effect Alisdair had on me—had always had on me—neared forbidden. “To impress a girl, of course.”
“It didn’t sting you?”
“It not only stung me. It made my face swell to grotesque proportions. Said girl ran away screaming.”
I snorted obscenely, shaming my etiquette instructor. I couldn’t help it. Alisdair Shadowsoul was funny. Of all things, I never expected him to be funny.
He heaved a sigh. “You think my face grotesque too.”
“I do not,” I cried, and blushed doing so.
“You do”—he spun me squealing off my feet—“that’s why you’re going to sit on it.”
Alisdair dropped us both down on an armchair, him draping my legs over the arms and disappearing under my voluminous skirts. I’d have switched to breeches long ago, but all the layers did the best job of keeping me warm. That is, of course, when Alisdair wasn’t undressing me.
His claws neatly shredded everything in his way. It was a good thing this cold, filthy place was wealthier than anyone knew or believed. I was spending a fortune from our coffers getting new clothes made.
“Cover every part of me that displeases you,” he said, ridding me of my undergarments. A swift swat on the backside made me yelp and swat him back—laughing. “I deserve no less.”
“Hmm.” I dipped low, then drew back up, dangling his prize out of reach. “You do have rather a filthy mouth. Should I smother it into obedience?”
“How else will it learn?”
I dropped down—keeping to my word and smothering those lips with my own. I was too eager for him to delay with flirting.
I rocked my wet, hungry pussy on his tongue—moans peeling from my lips. I laced our fingers together, making him the firm, steady anchor as I bounced on his face, impaling myself on that impossibly long, thick tongue.
“Agh, Alisdair,” I breathed, throwing my head back. “I take it back. I love your filthy mouth.”
Alisdair caught hold of my thighs, latched on to that small, sensitive nub, and suuuucccked harrddd. My cries bounced up the stacks and danced among the rafters. Alisdair may have given in to the fun of letting me be on top, but I had no illusions. Alisdair dominated me mind, body, and soul. My pleasure was always his to tempt, twist, and tease. Riding him was like being thrown about on a bucking bronco. Yes, I was on top. Yes, I was holding on. But to think that meant I had control over the raging, deadly beast was a fool’s dream.
Alisdair was handsome, smart, fierce, strong, and deadly. Since the day I met him, he kept me under a spell of pretty words, praise, and cold indifference—addicting me to him. Making me crave the barest drop of kindness or attention, just for how rare it was.
It was a game of seduction that had no doubt crushed many a heart beneath his boot. A game he surely believed I’d fail too, but they didn’t call me Volka for nothing. I would addict him to me. I’d make him fall in love with the girl who loved to read, learn, sing, and get grubby on my hands and knees—growing precious gifts from the earth.
I’d make him toss and turn every night from the dreams of our passionate tumblings. I’d have him begging and trading every secret in the darkest corner of his mind, all for my lips around his cock, and my body within his arms.
I’d have him level every enemy in my path, and delight in finally finding someone as wickedly harsh as him—doling out death to everyone who made this world dangerous and unbearable for me, my mother, and my sisters. Like I once did to Kirwan. I’d make Alisdair Lumenfell fall in love with me—
—and then I’d leave him and never look back.
“Ah, yes!” I bounced on his face, out of control. My lower belly was so tight it bent me in half, and still I rocked faster—fucking the shit out of myself on his tongue.
Alisdair grabbed my collar and tore my front clean off, freeing my breasts from their cage. He kneaded it under his strong, calloused hands—tugging roughly on my sensitive nipple. My eyes rolled up in my head—pleasure flooding every nerve ending and drowning them.
“Yes, right there, right there, right—”
The door banged open and Aeris walked in. I tipped over the side, scrambling to cover myself, and landed hard on my face.
“Ow!”
“Ooh, oh dear.” Aeris rushed over to help. “I’m so sorry, my lady. I didn’t mean to—”
“To what? Knock!” I slapped her hand away. “How dare you go barging around my castle without so much as a by your leave! Servants have sense and respect where I come from.” I shoved up to my feet, glaring at a calm and smirking Alisdair as he slid up and lazily licked my juices from his lips. “This is your fault,” I snapped at him. “You let them get away with this nonsense.”
Aeris backed away, eyes huge—feathers ruffled. “I truly am so sorry, Lady Ana—”
“That is Royal Highness Emiana to you.”
Lips pressed tight, she bowed deeply. “Your Royal Highness, I apologize. I was told you were having a rune lesson in here. If I’d known you were up to more amorous pursuits, I would’ve knocked.”
My amorous pursuits were hanging free in the open air and running down my leg. “Are you going to do something about this?” I demanded of Alisdair, gesturing to my nakedness.
“As you wish, my queen.”
I bristled. I hated how he did that—mockingly used my title as if my Meya-given power was no more than a joke. The beast didn’t know how lucky he was to be married to me. To share my bed, to breathe my air, to live another day now that I had the purple petals in my possession.
Alisdair snapped his fingers and my clothes magically reknit themselves.
“What was so urgent, Aeris?” he asked.
“It’s Foalan. Terrible news, I’m afraid, my lord. The Rajadom chancellor went to temple today and prayed for Meya’s mercy,” she said, “because he’s dying.”
“He’s what? Fuck!” Alisdair blared, punching the chair.
I was having the same reaction, but decorum wouldn’t let me show it. It may have seemed strange to be angry that a man we wanted dead was dying, but it was the second-worst possible news we could’ve received. The worst being that our assassins were discovered. Still, finding out that Rajadom was about to initiate succession protocols was pretty bad.
“All of the heirs are about to scatter to the far corners of Elva and go into hiding, waiting until he’s passed and his chosen is safely coronated,” Alisdair gritted. “Killing the heirs was supposed to be the simple part. Only the chancellor was the challenge. If it’s a slow disease, they’ll stay in their holes for months.”
“Which means our plans are delayed for months,” I cut in. “Unacceptable. Give the word to kill the chancellor and his heirs now.”
Aeris’s face was grim. “That’s why the news is terrible, my lady. The heirs have already left. The chancellor didn’t share his news with the priestesses until after he sent his sons off to the summer palace. Treasa checked with your servant in the summer palace. It’s empty, dusty, and everything is covered in white sheets. No word was sent to open it,” she said. “They’re not going there. We don’t know where they are.”
“Fuck,” I shrieked, decorum be damned. “I will not have this. Not now when everything was finally in place. There has to be something else we can do.”
“Treasa is looking for them, of course,” Aeris said. “As soon as she does—”
“No.” My hand sliced the air. “My father will not live a second past his due. What about the siren? Have we figured out how to harness her song?”
“You forbade it,” Alisdair reminded. “Ordered me on multiple occasions to return her to her home.”
I planted my hands on my hips. “Well, thank Meya you didn’t listen to me. We tried the method of least resistance, it didn’t work, and now we move on to our next plan.” I met his eyes. “As a general should.”
He flashed me an unreadable smile. “Well said. And it no longer bothers you that it will kill every man—heir and innocent—who hears it?”
“Should it?” I turned back to Aeris. “As for that rat woman, bring her here. It’s unacceptable that we’re receiving vital information after it’s passed through half a dozen ears.”
“But, my lady, it’s difficult for Treasa to travel with the babies.”
“Then send the litter for her,” I snapped. “Must I think of everything?”
“No, Your Highness.” She backed further away. She bowed deeper. “It will be done.”
“Good. Now leave us.”
Aeris didn’t move. “There was one more thing. Eadaoin has asked to see you. She’s in the garden.”
“Excuse me?” I scoffed. “The servant asked to see me ? Who is she to send for me like a kitchen maid?”
Aeris’s blandly polite expression didn’t change. “She said it was a topic you preferred to speak about in private. She merely thought the garden best for such privacy. Of course I can send for her if you wish.”
I pursed my lips, but didn’t give the order. Something we needed to speak about privately? I confessed, the tiger-beast piqued my interest. “It’s fine. I’ll go down to the gardens. In exactly ten minutes, send one of my attendants out with my hot cider.”
I left without listening to her agreement. She’d do what I ordered. Why wait around for her to confirm it?
Heading out to the garden, I spotted Eadaoin sitting on a bench under the rose bushes, waving me over. I barely kept control of my curling lip. It was simply disgusting how familiar these peasants were with their betters.
“There you are, my lady. Come, come.” She took my hand and tugged me down, letting me go before I slapped her off. “I have good news— Well, I hope it’s good news. I think I know where the boy is.”
I stared at her, patience running out fast. “Boy? What boy?”
“The fox boy,” she said. “Honora was in the east wing earlier today when she overheard a child’s voice coming through the wall. There wasn’t a door to the room in that hallway, so there has to be another, possibly concealed, way in.” Eadaoin looked at me expectantly. “Well, isn’t that good news? That child must be the fox boy, and he has to be on the other side of that wall. All you have to do is find the way in.”
Snowflakes dusted my hair, hands, and shoulders—spreading their cold gift and chasing away the lingering warmth of my almost-orgasm. Along with my razor-thin patience.
“Why in the name of Elva would I do that? I don’t have time to go chasing around after little peasant beasts,” I snapped. “If you haven’t noticed, we’re at war!”
Eadaoin flinched, her smile melting away.
“Meya knows why I was so obsessed with that brat.” I tossed my head. “I had obviously taken leave of my senses, and how dare you make fun of me by rubbing it in.”
“But I wasn’t,” she cried. “I was only trying to help, my lady. Honest.”
“I don’t need help from the likes of you.”
Eadaoin’s eyes blew wide. Pathetically, her eyes filled.
Egh. Don’t tell me she deluded herself into thinking she was my friend. As if I’d ever lower myself that low for company.
“I’m certain whatever Lord Lumenfell did with the boy was for the best,” I continued, “and don’t ever question him or his will again.”
“Yes, my lady.” Fixing her face, she straightened. “It won’t happen again.”
A fluttering noise turned my head up to the falling snow. I saw nothing but white, black, and gray. “See that it doesn’t,” I said, rising to my feet.
“Do you still wish me to escort you?”
I halted. “Escort me where?”
“To Riordan. It’s at this time that you usually bring him a sack of jewels.” She noted my surprise. “Yes, I know, my queen, but it’s not my business to question. They are your jewels after all.”
“Yes, they are, but all of that is done with.” I tossed my head, feeling a memory coming and throwing it back. “We’re about to go to war. We need all the coin in our coffers. Now is that all?” My voice said that it had better be.
“Yes, my lady.” She rose to her feet. “I’ll escort you to your archery lesson now.”
I held up a hand. “My archery lessons are over. To imply that I need to learn to defend myself is to say that my guard intends to fail in her single, most important task—which is protecting and defending me with her life. Is that the case, Eadaoin?” I stuck my face in hers. “Are you such a pathetic excuse for a companion, guard, and soldier that I’d better learn to rescue myself, because you’re no better than a furry-faced ornament?”
“No! Of course I’ll protect you. I will not fail you.”
I sniffed. “Good. Now if you ever mention archery to me again, I’ll have you flogged for—”
“Excuse me, Lady Ana.”
I spun around. “What!”
Cold, freezing water splashed in my face. My scream echoed over the mountaintops.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, keva?” Bradach demanded. “First I heard you dressing down Aeris for doing nothing wrong, and now you’re berating Eadaoin for helping you and keeping to your schedule?”
I breathed hard, gaping at the birdman as snow and ice swarmed my wet face and clothes, eagerly making more of itself.
“Is this your stunted sickness?” he asked, voice softening. “Wasting, I believe you call it. We’ve heard that it sometimes takes the mind. Is that why you’re not yourself?”
“ Not yourself. ”
The question hit me like a brick, scraping the claws of Emiana’s ghost out of my head. With it gone, everything I’d said and done came tumbling in.
“Oh, Meya,” I breathed, clapping my hand over my mouth. “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” Twisting around, I grabbed Eadaoin in a fierce hug. “I didn’t mean any of those awful things I said, Eadaoin. I can’t believe any of that came out of my mouth.”
She hesitated. “Is... is it true, then? Is the sickness taking you, my lady?”
“It’s definitely a sickness,” I said firmly. “Terrible, evil one that spreads misery without remorse. I didn’t think it would take me this quickly.” By it, I meant Emiana’s soul. I’d only been in Lumenfell for less than two moons, and in that time, she was wiping more and more of the true me away.
At this rate, I wouldn’t have long before I forgot why I had to get home. Actually, when she took me over completely, I wouldn’t want to go home at all. Not until our war plans were a success, and Alisdair reduced all of Elva to rubble and crowned her the empress of a broken, desolate kingdom. When that happened, I’d walk up to my family, assuming they survived the war, and kick the dirty peasants out of my way.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, tears staining my cheek.
“My lady, it’s okay.” Eadaoin hugged me, rubbing my back. “You don’t have to apologize that much. I know the true you. You’re sweet and kind and only yell at our lord.”
“He deserves it,” I rebounded, then we laughed.
The tension broke.
“It’s me that’s sorry.” Eadaoin drew back, squeezing my arms. “What they’ve done to you is unforgivable. I wish I could’ve protected you then, Ana. I truly do.”
I smiled sadly. “Me too,” I whispered.
Shaking myself, I cleared my throat. “Okay, forget all that nonsense I said before. I do have another delivery for Riordan. I stashed it behind a statue in the west hall. I’ll go get it, then I’ll take another poke around in the east wing. I’m not surprised someone else noticed that wing is hiding secrets. It’s about time I uncovered them. When I’m done, I’ll meet Alisdair for my archery lesson.”
“What if you can’t get the east wing to reveal its secrets?” she asked. “Wouldn’t the simplest solution be to ask our lord where he is? You two are on better terms now—fucking anywhere, everywhere, and all hours of the day.”
It’d be a long time before me and my overheated cheeks got used to how open and casual faeriken were about sex.
“Won’t he tell you now?”
I sighed. “I did ask him again, and he said the answer would forever change the way I see him”—I swallowed hard—“and there’d be no going back after that. I haven’t asked since.”
Eadaoin blinked at me, jaw slack. She didn’t have a response for that either.
I turned to Bradach, who wore a trickster’s smirk on his lips as usual. “Thank you, Bradach. You have my permission to throw freezing water in my face whenever and wherever you need to.”
“Thank you, my queen. I will abuse the privilege shamelessly.”
I snorted, smothering a laugh. Alisdair found him ceaselessly tiresome, but I couldn’t help but like Bradach.
“Shall we?” I asked Eadaoin.
She followed me indoors to my hiding place for the jewels, pearl necklaces, and two gold chalices. I placed them in her safe hands. “Would you mind taking these to him? I don’t have much time before the runes demand my presence on the training yard. I want to check the east wing while I’ve got the time.”
“I overheard Riordan say last time the family you’re blessing are becoming more insistent about knowing who is giving them these treasures.” She cocked her head. “Why don’t you want them to know?”
I want them to know more than anything. “Because the answer would only lead to more questions,” I replied. “It’s easier this way.”
“Are you sure you want to keep looking for the boy?”
Eadaoin’s whispered question stopped me mid-turn.
“What if you can’t handle the truth of why every child who comes to Castle Riagin disappears?” Her eyes were low and hooded. “We fae live long lives, my lady, and yours is now forever tied to Lord Lumenfell. If you discover he’s a monster the likes of which would shame and horrify other monsters, it’ll be a long life of misery.”
I was quiet for a long spell. “I had all of those thoughts, Eadaoin, but for better or worse, I made a promise to that boy. We’re only as good as the promises we keep, and if I break this one, I’ll be the monster that shames and horrifies other monsters.”
She smiled at me—soft, fleeting, and a little sad. “This is the true you, Lady Ana. Even if this is impertinent to say, I hope the change takes you... so that you don’t.”
I thought about what she said while I made my silent trek to the east wing. Eadaoin and Bradach saw the real me, but did Alisdair? Bradach gave me a freezing bath for dressing down Aeris, but Alisdair just looked on in amusement while licking me off his lips. I was being an interesting little bird once again.
As much fun as we were having together in the bedroom and out, how was I supposed to know if he was falling in love with me? Alisdair had certainly never said he loved me or anything approaching the feeling.
I was quick, clever, magnificent, the owner of a sweet and tasty pussy and toffee nipples, but his love? He never suggested such a thing. Not even sarcastically.
How was I supposed to know if I was doing it right? What was the proper way to make someone fall in love with your true self other than being your true self? One fucking thing this curse won’t let me do! And that wasn’t even approaching the problem of how I would get him to learn my true name.
I groaned, clutching my head as I rounded the corner and headed downstairs. What was I meant to do? Emiana got harder and harder to push out every day. If he couldn’t see the real me by now, he never would. And I’d be lost forever.
“Maybe I should ask Aeris for advice again. Assuming she ever speaks to me again.” I groaned again thinking of the huge apology I owed her. “A thousand sorrys won’t be enough—”
A hard force struck my ankle and ripped it out from under me. My leg went flying and took me with it—all the way down the stairs.
“Ahhh!”
Feet over head I tumbled, smacking my shoulder hard on the stone step. Vicious pain clamped my jaw down on my tongue. Blood filled my mouth—smothering my final cries.
“My lady!”
The spinning, falling, tumbling, everything stopped, except my screams. Chest heaving, my shrieks bled through my blood-stained teeth.
“My lady, are you okay?” Foalan’s magic buoyed me on a soft pillow of air. Gently he floated me down to him. “Thank Meya I was nearby. Are you hurt?
“You,” he shouted back at someone I couldn’t see. “Fetch the healer now.”
“S-s-s-someone tried to kill me! They grabbed my ankle! I’ve been attacked!” Emiana’s voice bled through my fear and panic, shoving me away. “Someone dared to attack me!”
“Attack you?” Foalan looked up—his fur-covered face crumpled in a frown. “There’s no one there.”
“You dare question me?” I tried to slap the beast, but it easily dodged the blow. “A disgusting, filthy, no doubt clawed hand grabbed me!”
“I do not doubt you,” he said kindly. “What I meant to say is that if this wasn’t a physical attack, it was a magical one. You have an enemy outside of these walls, my queen. A serious one.”
“Outside of these walls?” I clutched my shoulder, tears leaking down my cheek. “Who says so? You?” My derision told him exactly what I thought of that. Of course High Commander Masochist refused to suspect his people. It would mean he failed in his basic task of protecting his sovereigns.
I’ll have his head for this. Alisdair won’t dare fight me. Commander Foalan has howled at his last moon—
“I do not say so,” Foalan continued, rising up and carrying me floating next to him. “Sense does. If you had an enemy within these walls who sought your death, they wouldn’t need to lay a trap on a staircase and hope you spring it. It is not as though you prepare your own food or bath. And you frequently traverse the castle without protection or weapon. You also have no magic to defend yourself. You’re the easiest target there could be within these walls.”
My mind quieted under howling pain.
“Whoever did this sought a small window of opportunity and thankfully failed in its execution.”
Emiana faded back into the depths from whence she came. This one was for me. “The boy,” I whispered. “Someone randomly approached Eadaoin... and told her she thought the boy was in the east wing.” I gritted against the pain. The shoulder was dislocated. No question. “Those are the only stairs leading to this wing. It’s the only way I would’ve gone.”
Even through the agony, I shared a grim look with Foalan.
“I will guard you myself from now on,” he said firmly. “This will never happen again.”
“Of course it won’t happen again,” Emiana shrieked. “From this day forward, if even another scratch is laid on me, it’ll be your head!”