Chapter Forty-Six Tigerlily #2
That night, I put Zinnia to bed in the guest bedroom that’s mine. She was so happy to see all her things from the house.
“Is this really happening?” she asks. “Can I really stay?”
“Yes. You’re staying.”
“What about the thing?” She scrunches her face. “The listening?”
I smile. “The hearing. We’ll deal with that when it comes. But for now, you’re here. With me.”
She hugs me tight. “I love you, Lily.”
“I love you too, Zinni.”
I lie with her until she falls asleep, and then I walk out.
The house is quiet. Callum left earlier. Zephyr and Jax must have gone to bed, but as I round the corner, I catch Jax in the fridge.
“Aren’t you tired?” I ask, recalling all the traveling and the game.
He turns and looks at me. “No.”
We stand there. The counter between us.
“Is she sleeping?” he asks.
I nod. “Thank you,” I say again. “For everything. For Zinnia.”
“It’s no problem. I didn’t do it for you.”
The words are sharp. Final. It stings to hear that.
“I know. You said that you did it for her.”
“Yeah. I did.”
“But you’re staying now? You’re not going back to your mom’s house?”
“Tiger.” He sets the glass down. “I came back because Marcus called and said Zinnia needed help. Not because I forgive you. Not because I’m okay with any of this.”
I look down at the water and then back to him. “Okay.”
He chugs the rest of his glass and places it in the sink.
Now that his back is facing me, I find the courage to say, “Jax, please. Talk to me.” My stomach rumbles with butterflies when he turns to look at me.
He says, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Anything. Just... something.”
He’s quiet for a long moment. “I’m going to bed.”
He walks past me.
And I stand there alone in the kitchen, wondering if I lost him completely.
I go to bed next to Zinnia and lie there staring at the ceiling.
I can’t sleep. I have too much running through my head.
Around midnight, I get up to use the bathroom.
I splash water on my face and sigh. I’m so happy to have Zinnia, but my heart’s still not satisfied.
Guilt starts to creep in. I literally got what I wanted, what I’ve been crying nonstop over.
My sister’s here and she’s safe, so why do I still feel this way?
When I open the door, Jax is standing in the hallway.
We both freeze.
“Oh,” I whisper. “Sorry.”
Neither of us moves.
The tension from earlier is still here. But there’s something else now too. Something electric. My pulse spikes.
“Can’t sleep?” I ask.
“No.”
“Me neither.”
We stand there, looking at each other in the dark hallway.
Then I make a decision.
I walk toward him. He doesn’t move. Doesn’t back away.
I stop right in front of him, close enough to feel his warmth.
“Jax,” I whisper.
His jaw clenches. “You should go back to bed.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Tiger—”
“Please. I just...” I don’t know how to finish that sentence.
He stares down at me with dark, conflicted eyes.
“I’m not okay with––” he says quietly.
“I know.”
“But I—” He stops. He closes his eyes. “Fuck.” When his eyes open, they’re not as mad. He looks at my lips and then inhales. “Fuck it.”
Then he kisses me.
It’s not gentle. Not soft. It’s desperate. Angry. Full of everything we’re not saying.
I kiss him back just as hard. I grip his shoulders and pour every confused feeling into this moment.
When we break apart, we’re both breathing hard.
“Come with me,” I whisper.
He hesitates, then follows.
I take his hand, lead him to his room, and close the door behind us.
And for tonight, we don’t talk. Don’t try to solve anything. Don’t pretend we’re okay.
We just need each other.
When he enters me, stars explode behind my eyelids. He holds me tightly, kissing me sensually. I’ve never felt so loved, so seen, so taken care of. I cling to him as I suck his bottom lip. He grinds his hips against mine, hitting the perfect spot. I moan, and he tells me to keep the noise down.
This time, he doesn’t ask me to be with him, he doesn’t tell me to choose, he doesn’t bring up Callum or Zephyr.
He just gives me the best sex of my life, and I slip away to take a shower and hop into bed with Zinnia.
I watch her sleep, so happy that she’s here.
My eyes fill with tears, feeling like tonight was Jax’s way of saying goodbye.
I wake up the next morning in an empty bed, but I hear voices in the kitchen, and it makes me smile. I get up and pull on Jax’s shirt that I’ve held hostage. It smells like him, and I love it.
Zephyr and Jax are making breakfast. Zinnia’s at the table with a pen and paper. It looks like they’re playing Hangman.
“Morning,” Zephyr says when he sees me.
Jax looks over at me and doesn’t greet me.
“Morning,” I mutter, watching Jax’s back tense.
Zinnia looks up. “Lily! Guess a letter.” She shows me the paper. “And no, it’s not Zeff makes the best pancakes.”
“Does he?” I question, looking at the half-eaten pancake on her plate.
She nods and says, “And Jax makes the best eggs.”
Zephyr grins. Jax minds his business at the stove.
We eat breakfast together. The four of us. And it feels right. It feels like Jax has loosened up, like he might not be as mad anymore. I wish Callum were here to complete the morning.
Just as I think that, Callum walks through the door.
“Zinni, is that you?” he calls out. “Again?”
Zinnia’s face turns red. She looks embarrassed. “Who is that?”
I chuckle. “It’s Callum, remember?”
She looks at him with wide eyes and shakes her head slowly, but I can tell she’s just joking.
Callum walks over and places his hands on my shoulders. “How is your first morning, Zinnia?”
She’s still blushing. “It’s good. Way better than the other foster homes.”
I tease, “Zinnia, this isn’t a foster home anymore. I’m your sister.”
She shrugs and continues to eat.
Callum squeezes my shoulder lightly. “How are you doing, Tiger?”
My eyes find Jax’s across the table, and tears fill my eyes. Heat pools in my low belly with the way Jax is staring back. “I’m so happy.”
Zinnia hugs me from the side, resting her face on my shoulder. “Me too.”
I hug her back and let the tears fall down my face. I catch Jax still staring. I can’t help it. I stare back.
Callum says, “What’d you guys do last night?”
I stiffen as Zinnia sits up. “Sleep,” she sasses. “What else?”
I blush, glancing at Jax.
And for the first time in a very long time, I see a smile playing on his lips. It loosens the knot in my chest as my smile grows.