Chapter Forty-Seven Jax
I’m still angry.
But seeing her with Zinnia… seeing her this happy…
I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do with that.
It’s late morning now. Zinnia’s at the kitchen table with markers spread everywhere, drawing something that looks like a rainbow threw up on paper. Tiger’s sitting next to her, coffee in hand, smiling at whatever Zinnia’s saying.
That smile.
I haven’t seen it in days. Haven’t been the reason for it in longer.
Callum’s at the stove flipping pancakes like he lives here. He walked in twenty minutes ago and immediately started making Zinnia laugh with his stupid jokes. I watch as Tiger swoons over him. It’s clear that she adores him.
“Jax, can you pass the syrup?” Zinnia asks.
“More syrup?” Tiger asks, watching me.
I grab it from the counter and hand it to her. But Tiger intercepts, grabbing it from me. Her fingers land on mine, and she grins up at me.
“Hey,” Zinnia says.
“You have more than enough on your plate.”
She looks up at me and says, “Shouldn’t you be a basketball player?”
“Hockey,” I correct her.
“But why do you have to be so tall for hockey?”
I shrug, looking at Tiger, who’s staring at me.
“I think basketball is way cooler.”
Callum barks. “No way, Zinni. We skate on ice, it’s actually the most coolest game there is.”
Zinnia says, “What? I’ve never seen hockey before.”
“We’ll fix that,” Zephyr says. “Next home game, you’re coming.”
Zinnia’s eyes light up. “Really?”
“Really.”
Tiger is still watching me. A flash of last night crashes through my mind. The sounds she made while I kissed her flood my senses. I meet her eyes, thinking I can read her mind.
I look away first before I do something stupid like agree to this.
We eat breakfast together. All five of us crowded around a table that’s too small for this many people.
Zinnia talks nonstop.
Every time she says “Lily,” Tiger’s face softens.
And I watch closely.
Watch her laugh at Callum’s jokes. Watch her lean into Zephyr when he says something quiet I can’t hear, but not close enough to make Zinnia question it.
Watch her steal glances at me when she thinks I’m not looking.
I am. I’m always looking.
After breakfast, Zinnia discovers we have a PlayStation.
“Can I play?” she asks.
“What do you want to play?” Callum’s already grabbing controllers.
“I don’t know. What do you have?”
Zephyr lists off games. Racing. Fighting. Some cartoon thing I’ve never heard of.
Zinnia picks the racing one. Within five minutes, Callum and Zephyr are sitting on the floor with her, all three of them yelling at the screen.
Tiger’s standing in the hallway watching them. Her arms are crossed with a soft smile on her face.
I walk up behind her. Not touching. Just close enough to see what she’s seeing.
“She’s happy,” I say quietly.
“Yeah. She is. I don’t know how I can thank you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
The words are simple, but the way she says them isn’t.
I don’t know what to say, so we stand there for a moment. Her shoulder almost touching mine. Close enough to feel her warmth but not close enough to count as touching.
Then Zinnia shouts, “Jax! Come play! I bet I can beat you!”
“She definitely can’t,” Callum adds.
I look at Tiger. She nods toward the living room. “Go. She likes you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
I walk over and take the controller Callum hands me. I sit on the floor next to Zinnia.
She grins at me. “Prepare to lose.”
“Big talk for someone who just learned how to play.”
“I’m a fast learner.”
She is. Within three races, she’s figured out all the shortcuts. By the fifth race, she’s beating Callum consistently.
“This is bullshit,” Callum mutters when she crosses the finish line first again.
“Language,” Tiger calls from the kitchen.
“Sorry. This is bull... crap.”
Zinnia giggles. “You’re just bad at this.”
“I’m not bad. You’re just freakishly good.”
“Jax, are you going to let him talk to me like that?”
I raise an eyebrow. “You are freakishly good.”
“See?” Callum says. “Even Jax agrees.”
“Jax is on my team though. Right, Jax?”
She looks at me with these big eyes. Expectant. Like my answer actually matters.
“Right,” I hear myself say. “We’re a team.”
She beams and turns back to the game.
And I sit there realizing this kid has somehow pulled me into her orbit without even trying.
We play for another hour. Zinnia gets more comfortable with all of us. Laughs louder. Trash talks more.
She gravitates toward me. Asks me questions between races. What position of hockey do I play? Do I score a lot? Am I the best on the team?
“He’s pretty good,” Zephyr says. “When he’s not being a dramatic ass––”
“Language,” Tiger calls again.
Zinnia looks at me. “Are you dramatic?”
“No.”
“He is,” all three of them say in unison.
Even Tiger.
I glare at her. She just smiles and turns back to whatever she’s doing in the kitchen.
By early afternoon, Zinnia’s getting tired. The excitement of the morning catching up to her.
“Why don’t you rest for a bit?” Tiger suggests.
“I’m not tired.”
“You’re falling asleep on Jax’s shoulder.”
I look down. She is. Her head’s drooping, eyes half-closed.
“Come on,” Tiger says gently. “Just for a little while.”
Zinnia reluctantly gets up and follows Tiger down the hall.
As soon as they’re gone, Callum says, “She’s obsessed with you.”
“She’s ten.”
Zephyr adds, “She asked you twice as many questions as she asked us.”
“Maybe I’m more interesting.”
“Or maybe kids can sense who needs the ego boost,” Callum mutters.
I flip him off.
But he’s not wrong. Having Zinnia look at me like I matter—like I’m someone worth paying attention to—does something to the knot in my chest.
Loosens it. Just a little.
Tiger comes back out twenty minutes later. “She’s asleep.”
“Already?” Callum asks.
“Yeah, maybe she wasn’t getting any sleep at the foster home. I don’t know.”
“It’s been a big couple of days for her,” I add.
Tigerlily walks to the kitchen and starts cleaning up from breakfast.
I follow her, grab a dish towel, and start drying what she’s washing.
We work in silence for a few minutes. The sounds of Zephyr and Callum talking in the living room drift over.
“You’re her favorite,” Tiger says quietly.
“Maybe, maybe not. Maybe she’ll choose Cal or Zeff tomorrow and then change her mind the next day.”
Tiger stills and puts a hand on her hips. “That’s not fair.”
I set the plate down. “Tiger—”
“It’s fine. I get it. You’re mad. You don’t understand it. You think I’m weird.”
“I’m not—” I stop and start again. “That’s not what it is. I want you and only you.” I lean in and whisper, “How would you feel if I told you I want you and two other women? Hmm?”
She inhales, watching me.
“Do you want to see me fuck anyone else, Tiger?”
She chews on her bottom lip and shakes her head. “It’s not the same.”
I step closer to her. “It’s not?”
She shakes her head. “It’s not. I’m committing to you publicly. Only you.”
I almost laugh. “Is that supposed to make me feel special?”
She licks her lips, and my eyes track the motion. “What if I don’t tell you about Cal and Zeff?”
I huff. “You want to cheat on me?”
She shakes her head and tiptoes to whisper in my ear, “I actually want to be with you, and I know you want to be with me too.”
I lean into her and smell her hair. “You also want two other dicks.”
She drops her heels to the ground and glares up at me. “Fine, I’ll take Callum publicly and cheat on him with you.”
“You want me for a side piece?” I question, feeling myself getting hard. I reach for her, and she blushes.
She leans up and whispers, “Does that turn you on?”
And to answer her own question, she feels my length through my jeans. She rubs me, and it makes my head spin.
She adds, “But we told CPS that we’re the couple, so you’re going to have to play along with me, Jax.”
“Play?”
“Play house with me.”
I whisper, “And you’re the slutty wife who fucks her husband’s two best friends?”
She whispers, “I didn’t know you wanted to marry me, Jax.”
She pulls back, and I search her eyes. She grabs my face and then kisses my lips. “I’ll be your slutty little wife, Jax,” she murmurs against me.
I kiss her back, hard this time. I pin her against the counter and press myself against her. Playing into this is turning me on. It turns me on knowing how much she wants me, how much she craves me. I run my hand through her hair and kiss her.
And I realize I’m not as angry as I was yesterday.
The afternoon passes slowly. Zinnia wakes up and we all end up watching a movie. Some animated movie with talking animals that she loves and we all pretend to care about.
She sits between Tiger and me on the couch. Her head on Tiger’s shoulder, her feet kicked up on my lap.
She’s comfortable, like we’ve done this a hundred times before.
Callum and Zephyr are on the other couch. I catch Zephyr watching us. He raises an eyebrow, so I look away.
When the movie ends, we make dinner together. Zinnia helps Zephyr with the pasta while Callum and I work on the spaghetti sauce.
Tiger sets the table, pours juice for Zinnia and water for the rest of us.
When we sit down to eat, Zinnia chatters about the movie and beating us at the video game earlier.
And it feels... normal.
Scarily normal.
After dinner, Tiger gets Zinnia ready for bed, reminding her that she’ll start a new school once they transfer the documents.
Later, I hear them talking in Tiger’s room. I can’t make out the words but I hear the tone. Soft. Loving. Laughing.
Then the door opens, and Tiger comes out.
She sees me standing in the hallway.
“She wants to say goodnight to everyone.”
We stand near the door, looking in. Callum makes her laugh. Zephyr ruffles her hair. Then it’s my turn.
“Goodnight, Zinni,” I say from the doorway.
“Jax, wait.”
I walk over and sit on the edge of her bed.
“Are you Tigerlily’s boyfriend?”
Tiger freezes by the door.
“Maybe ask her,” I offer. I glance at Tiger. She’s watching me. “I don’t know,” I say honestly. “We’re figuring it out.”
“Do you like her?”
“Yeah. I like her.”
“Good. She likes you too. I can tell.”
She says it so matter-of-factly. Like it’s obvious. Like it’s simple.
“Get some sleep, Zinni.”
“Okay. Night, Jax.”
“Night.”
I walk out. Tiger’s still standing there.
“I’ll be out in a few minutes,” she tells me. “I’m just going to lie with her until she falls asleep.”
I nod, walk to my room, and change. Then I lie down in bed and stare at the ceiling.
I overthink about Zinnia’s question. About whether I’m Tiger’s boyfriend. About what the hell we’re doing. She wants to play house with two other boyfriends. I’m still not okay with it, but the idea doesn’t make me want to punch a hole in the wall anymore.
I must doze off because the next thing I know, there’s noise coming from the hallway.
I check my phone, and it’s past midnight.
I hear the bathroom door close. The faucet runs, then silence.
I’m about to roll over when my door opens.
Tiger stands in the doorway. Silhouetted by the hallway light.
“Jax,” she whispers.
I sit up, immediately worried. “Are you okay?”
She steps inside and closes the door behind her. The room goes dark except for the moonlight through the window.
“I can’t sleep,” she says.
“Tiger—”
“I’m trying.” Her voice cracks slightly. “I’m really trying. But it’s hard.”
She moves closer, stands at the edge of my bed.
I should tell her to go. Should tell her we need to talk more before this. That would be the smart move.
Instead, I reach for her.
She comes to me.
I pull her onto the bed. She straddles my lap, and her hands frame my face.
“Jax—”
I kiss her before she can finish.
It starts gentle. Tentative. Like, we’re both testing to see if this is okay. If we’re okay.
Then something breaks open.
She kisses me harder. Desperate. Like she’s been starving for this.
I am too.
My hands slide under her shirt, feeling the warmth of her skin. She shivers when I touch her. She pulls back just enough to yank her shirt over her head. I do the same. Then we’re skin to skin. Breathing hard. Hearts racing.
“Your arm—” I start.
“Is fine,” she finishes.
She’s not fine. Neither am I.
But right now, in this moment, with her hands on my skin and her mouth on mine, I don’t care.
I flip us so she’s under me, still careful of her injury, careful of everything.
“Are you sure?” I ask, not wanting to cross another line. Last night felt like a way of saying goodbye, but right now feels like we’re about to reopen what I thought we were closing.
“Yes.”
“Tiger—”
“Please, Jax. I need this. I need you.”
That breaks whatever restraint I have left.
I kiss her again, deeper this time. My hands map every inch of her I can reach. She arches into me and makes small sounds that drive me insane.
We shed the rest of our clothes and move together like we’re making up for lost time.
And when I finally slide into her, when she gasps my name and grips my shoulders, I feel something shift.
Not fixed. Not resolved.
But different.
Less broken.
We move together. Slow at first. Then faster. Harder.
She wraps her legs around my waist and pulls me deeper.
I bury my face in her neck and breathe her in.
“Jax,” she whispers. “Jax, I—”
I fuck her slowly, watching the pleasure in her face every time my hips reach hers. “I know,” I tell her. “I know.”
We finish together. Shaking. Holding onto each other like we might disappear if we let go.
After, we lie tangled in my sheets. Her head on my chest, and my arm around her.
Neither of us speaks.
What is there to say?
That I’m still figuring this out? That I don’t know if I can do this long term? That watching her with Zephyr and Callum still makes me want to punch them?
Or that I can’t imagine my life without her in it? That seeing her with Zinnia today made my heart squeeze? That I don’t want to walk away again even if it kills me?
I don’t say any of it.
Instead, I just hold her and feel her breathing even out as she drifts off.
And I lie there staring at the ceiling, thinking about the impossible situation I’m in.
I hate knowing that I have to share her. I hate that Zephyr and Callum know exactly what we’re doing because they’re not with her right now. I hate that I slept with her twice now, knowing this is going to destroy me.
But the alternative—being without her—is worse.
So I hold her tighter.
I know I’ll stay.
Because leaving hurt more than staying ever could.