Chapter Three
Four months later
“Are you well?”
“Not especially,” Onyx said, looking up at his friend and brother-in-law Andrei, who was standing at the other end of his study, staring at him.
Andrei was the head of his security, and had married Onyx’s sister a year ago after her own convenient marriage imploded disastrously.
Well, Andrei was the one who had imploded the convenient marriage.
At the time, Onyx had been livid. His head of security had not acted in the best interest of the country, but rather his and Emerald’s hearts.
The two of them had been in love for years, but had always believed it impossible for them to be together.
Now they had a child, and were deliriously happy in a way that Onyx had certainly never been.
Which made Andrei’s inquiry now grate in a way that was perhaps unfair.
“What’s this about?”
“I’m grieving,” he snapped.
“I have no doubt you are,” Andrei said, sounding unbothered. “But you and I both know it’s more complicated than most people think. Remember, I lived here in the palace with you and your wife. I know you weren’t in love with her.”
“I won’t lie and try to change history now, but do you honestly think that makes it easier?”
“From the perspective of guilt? No. I don’t. From the perspective of missing her? I would assume so.”
His brother-in-law was so madly in love with Emerald that he’d nearly toppled two governments to claim her. If he were to lose her… Onyx couldn’t even think of it, because loss wasn’t theoretical to him. It was far too real.
But he knew that Andrei wouldn’t be mired in melancholy if he lost his wife. He’d likely burn the world down.
“I suppose that’s true,” Onyx said.
“Then what is bothering you?”
Did he tell him? He was his oldest friend.
Though, there had been a big breach of trust around Emerald.
It was the secrecy of it. The fact that Andrei hadn’t come to him about his feelings for his sister.
And then, when he’d kidnapped her from her wedding, he’d hidden her location even from Onyx.
It wasn’t that he was still angry with him about it, but it did make him feel like he didn’t owe his friend an explanation.
But he felt that he might need to give it.
Five months on from the funeral. From when he’d made love to that woman. She was all he could think about. He craved her. Wanted her in his bed again more than he wanted anything else.
And he had no idea who she was or how to find her.
“I have something to tell you, and it will likely make you think ill of me.”
Andrei shrugged. “That’s fine. I’ve given you plenty of reasons to think ill of me.”
Onyx had just been thinking of those reasons. He didn’t say that.
“The night of Circe’s funeral I…” He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth together. “There was a woman.”
“Oh dear,” Andrei said, moving closer to where Onyx sat.
“She came to me in the library. I… I don’t know who it was. I didn’t recognize her. It was dim and I didn’t want to turn the lights on. I didn’t want to think better of…what happened.”
“I assume you slept with her.”
“Yes.”
He wouldn’t do anything to malign Circe by saying how long it had been since the two of them had slept together. Andrei knew full well that the marriage was dysfunctional. He didn’t need to do anything else to make him dislike a dead woman.
Andrei looked philosophical. “Well, you probably needed it.”
He had. He’d needed it more than he’d ever needed anything in his life. Though admitting that felt shameful.
“It’s not a bad thing to have feelings, Onyx,” his friend pointed out.
“I know that,” he said. “But it is not the way I would normally behave, and I’m not proud of myself.”
“Don’t be proud, then. But it happened. I’m no stranger to that.”
“I know. Except when you lost control it was with my sister and you created an international incident.”
“Congratulations on avoiding political upheaval with your ill-advised sex. You are right. I can’t say the same.” Andrei was, as ever, unrepentant.
“I want to find her,” he said. “She’s all I can think about.
I have to get married again. And there’s a woman out there…
As long as she’s not married to someone else, I need her to be mine.
She must’ve been a guest at the funeral.
” His thoughts began to move faster. “I don’t see why I can’t take her to be my wife.
I’ve never wanted anyone the way I wanted her. ”
“And how are you going to find her? You can hardly go around acting like Prince Charming, seeing who fits your cock, can you?”
Onyx almost laughed at that, an angry huffing sound working the back of his throat. “Hardly.”
“So, you have to invite everyone back who was at the funeral. For a ball.”
“Are you out of your damned mind? We can’t have a party this soon after Circe’s death.”
“She loved a party,” Andrei said. “Particularly one in her honor.”
“I am especially not having a party in my dead wife’s honor for me to find another woman.”
“Why not? She didn’t want you. She would probably be thrilled that you were moving on to somebody else.
She would only wish that she was still alive to see it.
I know that that makes things complicated.
Because you’re trying to present as a grieving husband for all the world to see, but you aren’t.
Not in the way that you would like to be.
I want to see you happy. If you can find this woman, then you should do it. And not wait any longer.”
“I didn’t see her face,” he said. “When I say I don’t know who she was, I mean… I really don’t know. She was small, and I’m almost totally certain blonde. Her hair was long and very curly, but women change their hair all the time.”
Andrei seemed to consider that. “I can see how that’s a problem.”
“I’d have a better shot at recognizing her in the dark.”
“A masquerade,” Andrei said. “Have a masquerade. It’s so dramatic that it’s perfect. You’ll see her as you did that night. Not fully revealed, and you’ll have to find her again based on that connection you had with her.”
“I don’t know that desire can be called…connection.”
Andrei snorted. “Lies. It is. It’s only that you’ve never experienced it like this, am I right?”
He shook his head slowly. “No.”
“I know you don’t wish to hear too much about the way I feel about your sister.
But I spent years trying to deny it. I spent years sleeping with women who looked like her, thinking to myself that I could demystify her.
Take the edge off what I felt. But desire isn’t about beauty.
Yes, it’s part of it, but there’s more. There’s something more that makes it so no one else will do, that no one else will truly satisfy you.
That is what you’ll recognize. I promise you. ”
The door to his study opened, and the little maid who saw to all of his needs during the day came in.
She was such a funny, unassuming creature.
Her blond hair always done in a tight bun, the pale blue uniform she wore making her figure an indistinct shape.
She never met his gaze. She always scuttled around like she was nervous.
When they spoke, he found her amusing. Which always surprised him because so much of her demeanor seemed bashful.
“Good morning,” he said.
“Good morning, your highness,” she said, edging around Andrei and setting a tray of tea and sweets on his desk.
He wanted to tell Andrei he was insane, but he also wanted this to work. He just needed to believe it could.
“And what?” he asked. “We send out repeat invites, and say all of you who came to the funeral, come to this masked ball now?”
“We can expand it. Include some of the ladies in the kingdom. We have a full list of people who came, and that can be repeated. So I think that’s exactly what we should do.
And actually, I know you feel it’s quite early, but you should definitely find a wife at least a year before you take one.
So even if you do meet someone at the ball, you can take your time.
No one has to know what you’re up to behind closed doors. ”
The maid dropped a teacup onto the floor, shattering the porcelain. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I…”
Something jolted inside him and he turned to look at her. His head was bent, she was on her knees cleaning up the glass and something…tugged at him.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
His head swam with memories of the night, of the woman.
He was losing his senses. If a maid breaking a cup could even be a callback to that encounter then he knew he had to take action. No one liked a man who wallowed rather than acting.
He didn’t even like himself at the moment.
“Don’t worry,” he said to the little creature scrambling to undo her mistake.
“I won’t trouble you further,” she said, clutching the pieces of cup in her hands and rushing from the room.
“Is she all right?” Andrei asked.
“I don’t know. She’s always jumpy.”
“Well. I hope that you’ll heed what I’m saying to you.”
“Yes,” he said. “You’re not wrong. Nothing that you’re saying is wrong. Even if it is annoying.”
“I have a tendency to be like that. Ask your sister.”
“I don’t need to. I’ve seen evidence of this in my own life all too well.”
“I think we need to do this,” Andrei said. “I think it’s the best thing we can do. For you, and for the country.”
After all these months, he was still so hungry for her that his resolve was weak.
“All right. We will have a ball. And I will choose my new wife.”
Birdie thought that her heart was going to gallop out of her chest, and worst of all, she thought she might pass out. She made it out of the study, and managed to get to the kitchen. She leaned against the wall next to the stove, trying to shrink into an alcove.
That was where Elizabeth found her.
She looked at her with sharp blue eyes. “Birdie,” she said. “You and I are going to go into my quarters and have a talk.”