Chapter 3
Ivan
A Present Day Silence
Shadows danced across my walls as I sat in the dim light of my bedroom, hunched on the edge of the unmade bed.
The one I was supposed to be sharing with Kinsley tonight.
The blinds were half closed and let in the late-afternoon sun.
The warmth of the day may as well have not existed, because all that remained was a cold numbness inside.
I was hiding out. I couldn’t be in the same space as Kinsley at the moment. Our day played on a loop in my mind, tormenting me. My behavior had been inexcusable, driven by a moment of madness that left me hollow. I hurt her.
Each of her cries of pain and her words asking me to stop echoed in my head, driving me further into the darkness. I lost complete control of myself, and there was no excuse for my behavior. My chest tightened with regret and self-loathing. The emotion was so strong it was suffocating me.
She had looked at me with such hurt and confusion. I raked my hands through my hair. The churning in my stomach wouldn’t cease. I raped her. The blood that flowed down her legs and covered my cock was evidence enough of how roughly I had treated her. What the fuck had I done?
Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t even hear the knock on my door. I jumped, my heart racing, and whipped my head up. Alek stood there, concern etched on his face. For a moment, I couldn’t process his presence.
“I—” My voice caught in my dry throat. “What?”
He stepped closer, his brow furrowed. “I’ve been calling your name. You didn’t hear me?”
Pinning my stare on the floor, I shook my head, trying to pull myself together. I couldn’t look at him. The guilt was too much.
“No, I…I didn’t hear anything.”
“Is Kinsley in here?” he barked, his voice laced with urgency.
I finally looked up, startled, and his expression bordered on panic as he scanned the room. His eyes shifted from corner to corner.
“No, she’ll be sleeping in her room, or you and Nik can have her.” I could barely get the words out.
A fresh wave of guilt crashed over me, but I swallowed hard, trying to keep my cool. His brow furrowed, and he took a step farther into the room, glancing at me with a mixture of confusion and desperation.
“Blade, I’m not entirely sure what happened between the two of you—”
Nik burst through the door, his face a mask of terror. “I found her phone,” he exclaimed, breathless, holding it up as if it were a lifeline. “But she’s nowhere to be found.”
His vivid green eyes, so similar to our mother’s, were wide, frantic, as he looked between Alek and me. “I’ve searched everywhere,” he continued, his voice trembling. “She’s just…gone.”
The room immediately closed in on me, the walls pressing tighter as their concern and panic magnified my guilt and disgust. My heart seized inside my chest as the reality of what I’d done hit. I couldn’t breathe.
“We need to look again,” Alek stated, taking off.
I leaped off the bed, taking off after them both. We spent the next hour combing the entire grounds—twice—in a frantic search for any sign of her. We spread out and called her name, our voices growing hoarse and desperate. The afternoon sun was sinking lower, and shadows crept in.
Close by where Nik had discovered her phone, we found a bunch of yellow flowers she’d picked. They lay scattered on the grass, as if she’d dropped them in haste. It was a small, innocent detail, yet it screamed of something more.
We continued our search, but to no avail. There were no signs of struggle, no clues to suggest where she might have gone. It was as if she had vanished, leaving nothing but a chilling silence in her wake.
The minutes dragged on, and my eyes drifted to the wall at the edge of the property, the one she had scaled twice before when she needed to escape. Could she have gone that way again? My mind raced with possibilities, each one more unsettling than the last.
The wall mocked me. If she had climbed it again, where would she have gone? And why hadn’t she taken her phone? The questions swirled in my mind, each one twisting the knot of worry tighter in my chest. We needed to find her, and soon. This was all my fault.
“Her blade, it has GPS,” I said, my voice breaking the silence.
She faithfully wore the blade I gave her with the tracker embedded in the hilt. Without waiting for a response, I sprinted back to my room, Nik and Alek close on my heels.
I fumbled with the lock screen on my phone and pulled up the app. My fingers trembled as I scrolled. Every second felt like an eternity. The app closed out abruptly, and I wanted to scream. Taking a deep breath, I opened it again. This time it loaded.
A blinking dot signaled her location, and relief flooded through me. “She’s in her room,” I said, showing the screen to the guys.
We exchanged a glance.
“That doesn’t make sense,” Alek replied.
“We check again,” Nik exclaimed, already heading toward the door.
Surely, she wasn’t hiding. And she would have heard us calling her name over and over.
We rushed down the hall, our footsteps echoing in the otherwise silent house.
I pushed her door open, and it was as she had left it.
Seemingly empty. The bed was made, the window slightly ajar, letting in a gentle breeze.
We called her name again, but there was no answer.
Desperation surged within me, and I scanned the room, stopping on her dresser.
There, lying conspicuously on the polished wood, was her blade.
Its sleek surface reflected the light, and I picked up the weapon, feeling the cool metal against my skin.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I exclaimed, fear gripping me.
“Why would she leave?” Nik asked, voicing the question we were all thinking. The one I knew the answer to.
“We need to think,” Alek said, trying to steady his breathing. “Where could she have gone?”
The three of us sat there, stunned. “Sarah?” I asked.
I set the blade down on the dresser, a gnawing sense of unease tightening my chest. I pulled out my phone and dialed the number, trying to ignore the shaking of my hands. Last time, she went to Sarah’s. That’s where she’ll be, I tried to reassure myself.
The phone rang once, twice, three times. Every ring felt like a fuck you from her, and my anxiety mounted with each one. Finally, she picked up.
“Hello?” Her voice was clipped and wary. I was probably the last person on earth she wanted to hear from.
“Sarah, it’s Ivan. By chance, have you heard from Kinsley?” My words tumbled out.
“You’re joking, right?” she snapped, her voice sharp and cold. “I haven’t spoken to her since you and your brothers kicked my door in the last time.”
I rolled my eyes. Now was not the time for whatever this shit was.
“Look, I get it. You’re angry. But she’s missing, and we’re worried. Please, if you have any idea where she might be, we’d appreciate any help you can give us. Did she reach out?” I tried once more.
“I already told you I don’t have a clue. You have a lot of nerve, you know. You’d appreciate my help,” she huffed. “Want to know what I’d appreciate? You losing my number.”
A beep sounded as she hung up on me, and I nearly crushed the phone in my grip. Alek started making calls of his own to the girls she’d made friends with at the club. There were only two or three, and none of them had heard from her.
Marcus stood in the doorway, shaking his head. He’d gone out on a drive to look for her. He looked distraught. Guilt ate at him. He was the last one to see her.
“Skagit?” Nik asked.
But even that would prove a dead end. She was gone. Just like that. The resounding silence was frightening, similar to the days after Vanya left us.