Chapter 47 #2
“I’m not angry, Cara. Like I told you before. I understand your loyalty.” A faint smile touched his lips. “Someday, that loyalty will be mine. I only ever admire it, even when it puts me at the tip of a blade.”
The tip of a blade. Or the bottom of Ander’s boot.
“I’m sorry for what happened in the arena,” I said stiffly.
“No need. What happens in the arena doesn’t pass the gates.”
“You melted a crown into Ensmeth’s head due to what happened in the arena.”
His lips arched. He didn’t try to hide his delight at the memory. “He’s better now.”
I had felt so gutted by the sight of him suffering, by the sense I had betrayed him. I’d been nervous about what it would be like to come face-to-face with him again and with Anayla or Dairen or Asrael.
His calm forgiveness left me unsettled. It didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel true.
As if I’d only been doing what he expected.
My mind reeled, trying to make sense of things I couldn’t yet understand.
I turned away, but he caught my wrist in his hand. I stopped, and our gazes collided. I could’ve pulled away, but we would have caused a scene.
“We still have our ruse.” His gaze on mine felt heated. “Our fates are woven together.”
He sounded so sure.
“No.” I shook my head. “I think the ruse died when I went to another clan, Fear.”
“Ander is going to lie to you.”
“As much as you have?” I asked with a bitter, hard little laugh.
“More. At least I don’t lie about intending to use you. I don’t lie about what I am.”
“And what are you exactly?” Ander reached my side. “Let go of my recruit.”
Fieran raised his hands in a gesture of apology that we all knew wasn’t meant. He was smiling that vicious version of his smile. “Do you think one sabotaged fight makes her yours?”
I resisted the impulse to rub my wrist. His touch still burned on my skin. “Stop it, Fieran. Leave us alone.”
Ander’s stern mouth softened at my defense, but his gaze was still intent on Fieran. I was an afterthought to him in Fear’s presence. “You embarrassed yourself on the field, and you lost her. Why did you return to embarrass yourself again? It’s over.”
“You embarrassed yourself. You’ll never know if you could have taken her from me.” But Fieran could barely even look at Ander to insult him. His gaze was mine, always mine, hot as his eyes tracked across my face despite my best efforts to ignore him.
Ander stepped between us, shielding me. “She’s part of Clan Amber now.”
“You grow so tiresome, Ander.” Fieran clasped his shoulder, half-pushing him aside so he could lock eyes on me. “Cara will discover the truth, I’ve no doubt. She was born to stand at my side.”
The air thickened between us. I hated how my pulse tripped, how easily he could pull a reaction from me just by saying my name. “You don’t decide where I stand.”
Fieran couldn’t seem to look away from me. “I’m the only one in this kingdom who can give you what you truly want.”
“I’ll fight for her brother’s life and her sister’s magic,” Ander told him fiercely. “I won’t use them like you have.”
“And I’ll fight for her power.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Ander’s anger finally boiled over, and Fear’s answering grin was triumphant.
“Stop,” I warned them both. “No one’s fighting for me—or over me—tonight. I want to drink in peace.”
Fear took a flagon off a tray carried by a passing mortal and left us with a dismissive wave over his shoulder. “Watch your people, Ander. They aren’t sure of their new mortal sister.”
Ander bristled. “My people will fall in line. They’re none of your concern.”
Fear glanced back, his gaze catching mine. “She’s always my concern.”
Then he was gone, moving through the crowd.
“Asshole,” I whispered, and Ander’s faint smile was a reward.
“Yes.” Ander put a gentle, warm hand on my shoulder. “Were they unkind to you?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Fear’s right, they’re not sure of me. But they weren’t unkind. They just want to know I won’t…let you all down.”
“You won’t.”
He invited me onto the dance floor, where the shifters were partying with a wild jubilance they had not shown the night before.
But I was lost in my own dark thoughts, and all I wanted was to be alone.
The terrible feeling of having been maneuvered like a doll once again gripped me.
I found Fieran alone later in the inner courtyard—just beyond the stone arches where the torches flickered low and the night pressed in, thick with the scent of fresh lavender and old magic.
He sat on the edge of the fountain.
He didn’t turn when I stepped into the light.
“Was that beating worth it?” I asked. “Or was it the cost for some reward we won’t see for a long time?”
His head tilted slightly. “What are we talking about, Cara?”
My jaw clenched. I pulled the ring from my pocket and tossed it. It clinked against the stone at his feet.
“You gave me that. For protection.”
He looked down at it. Then he finally met my gaze.
“It is for protection. And more than that, for your power.”
“You knew I’d use it. You knew I’d try to help him.”
“I knew you might not choose me. I gave you freedom.”
That simple.
“You can’t give me freedom, and that’s not what you’ve ever done.” My heart kicked in my chest. “You had a reason. You let him beat you.”
“I let you choose,” he said softly. “That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
“No.” I crossed the space between us. “You let me feel clever, like I had some kind of power. But you can always guess what Ander and I will do, can’t you? Did you plan the fight?”
“I expected it. Ander wouldn’t walk away from you. Neither would I.”
I swallowed hard. “So what now? Am I supposed to thank you for letting me carry that ring into the arena, for letting me betray you?”
His mouth curved. Bitter, not amused. “You think I’m wounded because you made a choice?” He rose slowly, stepping close. Too close. “Cara, I’ve known from the beginning that you’d never choose me. Your loyalty is to Lidi and Tay. Not to me.”
My breath caught. There was no anger in his face. He faced me as if my betrayal was expected.
As if it were planned.
But for a moment, in the arena, he had looked so heartbroken. I studied that dispassionate, beautiful face; he looked as if he had been carved from stone.
He reached down, picked up the ring, and then held it out to me. “I fell in love with you a little bit that first moment I saw you. Standing between the children and the wyrms. You are the bravest, fiercest, truest mortal.”
His gaze studied my face, still unmoved. “You’re just not brave or fierce or true to me. And I cannot make you be.”
“Is that why you gave me up to Clan Amber?” My voice came out soft. “To Ander?”
His lips tilted as if I were amusingly innocent. “You think I’m a liar, but this is the truth. I will always choose you. Tell me if you ever choose me back.”
Then he walked away.