15. Jamie
“Set hike!”
Ethan snapped the ball perfectly into my hands. We fought hard for every yard of offense. There were no open receivers, and it was too late to hand off. So I tucked the ball under my arm and put my head down, running for an open patch of green. I made it five yards before getting smashed at the bottom of the heap. Football was brutal. But so fun. We needed four more yards to get the first down. A junior ran in from the sidelines with the play. Braking the huddle, we marched to the line of scrimmage.
I called out the play. Ethan snapped the ball. Our line held the defense, giving the receivers time to get down the field for a long pass. Pulling back my arm, I grunted with the force of the throw, watching as the ball sailed in an arc over the field.
“Yes!” As Clint Moore made the catch, I pumped my arm in the air and ran into the end zone to celebrate.
Twenty minutes later, we headed to the locker room victors.
“What a game, right?” Dallin sank onto the bench in front of our lockers with an exhausted sigh.
“No kidding.” I should be pumped after a game, but tonight I was wiped.
“Two and oh, man.” Dallin grinned and held out his fist.
“Two and oh.” I smiled in return and pounded my fist into his.
We’d both already showered and dressed. I pulled on my shoes and stuffed my gear into my bag.
“Are you going to the party?” Dallin asked.
Ugh. The party. There was always a party. I wasn’t in the mood. “I don’t know, man. I’m beat.”
“Yeah, Bailey texted that she wants a ride home.”
What? Why would Bailey text Dallin for a ride? I always gave her a ride. An unfamiliar and unwelcome emotion slithered in my gut. I’d seen Bailey every day this week. And by unspoken agreement, neither of us had mentioned what happened on Saturday night before I all but shoved her out of my house. There had definitely been no mention of our next ‘make-out’ session.
I’d tried to play it cool, but I had to admit, things were different now. I found myself thinking about Bailey at odd times during the day. When I brushed my teeth, it reminded me of cleaning up before she came over because I didn’t want to smell bad around her. When had I ever cared about that before?
Never.
I thought about Bailey when I put on my hoodie after practice and remembered what she looked like the last time I snuck into her room and she was wearing one of them. I thought about Bailey at night when I should have been sleeping but couldn’t get the feel of her petal soft skin or the clean, shampoo scent of her hair out of my system.
I was thinking about her now, after a game, when I should be thinking about going to a party, having fun with my friends, and finding a beautiful girl to kiss. But I didn’t want to. Instead, I was thinking about giving those butterfly kisses a try. I’d looked them up on my phone—freaking eyelashes.
Last time it was noses, now eyelashes. The sad part? I was looking forward to it. So muchthatI’d avoided talking to Bailey about it for almost a solid week. I wasn’t a sentimental guy. I didn’t get excited about eyelashes. I was excited about Bailey’s.
Good grief. I was losing it. And Bailey was texting Dallin for a ride home.
“I can give her a ride.” I tried to sound as normal as possible. As far as I could tell, Dallin hadn’t figured out I’d lost my mind.
Dallin shrugged. It wasn’t like we didn’t all live on the same street. “I don’t care. How about we all skip the party and do movie night on your big screen?” he asked through a yawn so big I could see his tonsils.
Now we were talking. “Let’s see what Bailey wants to do.”
Bailey stood propped against the outer wall of the locker room. I carefully watched her reaction to seeing me with Dallin. She probably thought I was going to the party. That’s what I did.
She gave nothing away. “You ready, Dal?”
“Yeah, but I think we’re gonna do a movie on the big screen. You in?” Dallin yawned again, his hand scraping over his face. Dude would be out before the opening credits. At least, that’s what I was counting on.
“Oh.” Bailey’s gaze shifted to me. “You aren’t going to the party?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’m tired. Been a long week. You coming with me?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
The three of us headed toward the parking lot. Dallin and I usually drove our own cars,but Bailey didn’t have one. Bailey always rode with me. Dallin never cared or thought anything of it, but I did. If Bailey had chosenDallin, I’d have been frustrated.
I was acting crazy. I knew it. My emotions were all over the place. On the one hand, I wanted to avoid Bailey at all costs. Those Eskimo kisses…the way they’d made me feel was scary and incrediblyexciting. That excitement had me all screwed up, scared and nervous, and anxious all at once.
I’d been fighting it all week, but it was time to facethe music. Tonight.
“You could have asked me for a ride,” I said as soon as we were on our way. I was making a big deal out of this, and I didn’t know why. Okay, I knew, but still.
“I thought you were going to the party.”
“Dallin usually goes out, too,” I pointed out. Rather petulantly.
Bailey rolled her eyes. “I know, he does, but you’re the star of the show now, Mr. Quarterback. Isn’t it expected that you’re gonna show up?”
Probably. My phone had vibrated in my pocket a dozen times since we’d pulled out of the parking lot. “They can live without me.”
“I don’t know. I think there might be some disappointed cheerleaders.”
Now, she was being confusing. What the heck did that mean? I thought the whole idea behind our make-out sessions was to keep me from engaging in the other ones.
“Let them be disappointed if they want.”
We made the rest of the drive in silence. Bailey, thinking whatever crazy crap went through her head, and me stewing about what in the world was going on. Maybe this was why I’d never thought about Bailey as girlfriend material. It was just too complicated. Since when was Bailey complicated?
“Are you coming over?” I asked once we were standing in my driveway.
She edged toward her house. “I want to change out of these jeans.”
Bailey hated jeans. Give the girl a pair of sweatpants or leggings; she was golden. But if she went inside her house, she’d get sucked in and have difficulty getting back out.
“I have a pair of sweats you can borrow. Come on.” She hesitated for a few seconds before following me. After dropping my gear beside the washer and dryer, I led her straight to my bedroom. I had a basket of clean laundry on my bed. I shuffled through it until I came up with a pair of black sweats. I had a narrow waist, and this pair had a drawstring. She’d have to roll the legs up about ten times, but they’d work. I held them out.
“You can change in here. I’ll go set up the movie. Do you want The Rock and a giant monkey or The Rock and a skyscraper?” I asked. “I think they both have skyscrapers.”
“Option number two.” She took the sweatpants and avoided my eyes.
“Okay.” I wanted to press her to talk, but I wouldn’t. Yet. I could already hear Dallin getting a drink out of my refrigerator. I left her to change and tried not to think about Bailey half dressed in my room. It was bad enough she would be wearing my clothes again. That didn’t make me regret offering them to her, though. Not one bit.
“The Rock okay?” I asked Dallin as I turned on the television.
“With the gorilla or where he’s dangling from a building?” Dallin asked. He walked to the couch with three bottles of water, a package of Red Vines from my stash, and potato chips.
“Building. Do you want popcorn? I think Mom has some upstairs.” I sent her a text earlier to let her know I had company. She offered upher precious gourmet popcorn.
“Ooh, the good stuff?” Dallin’s eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.
“I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll be right back.” I sprinted up the stairs to Mom’s office.
“Hey, honey. You here for popcorn?” Mom’s eyes sparkled behind her glasses.
I rolled my eyes a little and shook my head. “Dallin loves that stuff.”
“I should order him some for Christmas this year.” She reached behind her desk and grabbed a large plastic sleeve filled with multi-colored popcorn. It was half empty.
I accepted the bag and raised one brow. “You sure about this? He’ll eat the whole thing.”
She waved a hand dismissively. “In case you couldn’t tell, I’ve had plenty.”
“Okay, well, thanks.” I turned to leave, but she stopped me.
“I forgot to ask about the game. Did you have a good time?”
My heart rate kicked up a notch even though I knew she wasn’t asking about me playing because she still didn’t know. “Oh, yeah. It was fun. Our team won, so that’s good.”
Mom nodded. “Great. I wondered how they would do without their superstar. What was his name again? The quarterback?”
“Connor. He’s playing for State this year.” My pits startedtosweat. I would have to change my shirt again. And find a new brand of deodorant.
“That’s right, Connor. Well, that’s two wins. The new guy must be doing all right, huh?”
That was a little close to home. I took just a second to study my mother’s clear blue eyes, looking for any sign of her trying to trip me up, that she knew what was going on. But nothing. Maybe she was just honestly interested.
“Yeah, he’s playing pretty well.” I almost choked on the words.
“That’s nice. When’s the next cross-country meet?” she asked, adding another nail to my guilty coffin.
“Wednesday.” I knew the schedule even though I wouldn’t be running.
Mom nodded. “Okay, well, you guys enjoy your movie, sweetie.”
“Will do. Thanks again for the popcorn.” I called over my shoulder as I made a quick escape. Man, I sucked. How could I lie to my mother like that? But how could I not?
I would tell her.
Soon.
Maybe.
Downstairs, Dallin had sprawled on one side of the couch while Bailey lay curled in a ball on the other, leaving me the center seat. I tossed the bag of popcorn to Dallin and moved the ottoman closer.
“Yes! This stuff is amazing.” He wasted no time breaking into the bag, not even offering to share.
“Hey! I want some.” Bailey uncurled herself to reach across me for the popcorn, her clean scent assaulting my senses.
Yeah, that wasn’t going to work. I yanked the bag out of Dallin’s grip and settled it on my legs.
“Share,” I admonished them both.
“No fair. She’s your favorite. You’ll let her have more,” Dallin pouted.
It was an innocent comment. One he’d made a million times throughout our friendship, but after the last couple of weeks...it took on a whole new meaning he didn’t even know about.
“Go get a bowl, and we’ll split it up.” That would be better than the two of them digging out of the bag in my lap, anyway.
A few minutes later, Dallin brought a plastic bowl from the kitchenand ripped the popcorn out of my hands. He poured a generous amount into the bowl before tossing the bag back at me.
“Come on. Start the movie,” he demanded around a mouthful of popcorn.
BAILEY
Dallin madeit almost to the end of the movie before falling asleep. He’d curled under a blanket with his arm pillowing his head. His mouth hung open, and a soft snore billowed from his throat every few seconds.
“He looks like a little kid,” I whispered to Jamie, who snorted.
“He’s worse than a little kid. He didn’t even drink tonight.”
“He got buzzed on gourmet popcorn.” We both laughed softly at that. Dallin had eaten all of his popcorn before stealing the bag and finishing the rest, too.
Once our laughter quieted down, I realized how close we were sitting. I’d been aware of Jamie during the movie, but Dallin had been awake and alert and ready to tease us if he noticed even the slightest sign of anything. So, I’d spent the last hour and a half hiding my reaction to every brush of our arms, every touch of our hands as we reached for popcorn, and each secret glance.
Dallin wasn’t the only one I wanted to hide from.
I’d been avoiding Jamie. I didn’t know what to think after theother night. For one, I hadn’t expected those nose kisses to be so bone melting. But they had been. Completely. Utterly. And for once, it seemed like Jamieand I were on the same page. I thought he’d been just as affected as me.
Until he shoved me out the door.
Under pain of death, I’d never tell him this, but I’d gone home and cried my eyes out for two hours. I’d never felt such a crushing rejection. And because of that, I had said nothing about our next make-out session because eyelashes.
How stupid was I, anyway? Jamie was the NCMO King. I wouldn’tbe turning his head with noses and eyelashes. Why did I ever think my plan would work in the first place? Jamie’s had years to notice me. What made me think I could change how he saw me in one evening of rubbing noses together?
I wanted to be confident, but it was much harder than I imagined.
“Hey.” Jamie nudged my elbow with his. He tilted his head toward the beanbag.
Oh, man. I couldn’t come up with any realistic number for the times we’d sat together in that beanbag, but the thought of doing it right now terrified me.
Jamie stood and held out his hand. Choking on my anxiety, I placed my hand in his. He pulled me to my feet and held my hand as he led me across the room. I expected him to plop down immediately, but he didn’t. Instead, he hauled it further from the couch. Then, he turned off the lamp, so the only light in the room came from the television, which played infomercials on mute.
Jamie faced me when he’d adjusted everything the way he wanted it. What should I say? What should I do? I had no idea. Would Jamie wish to keep our bargain and finish our kisses?
After he pushed me out the door the other night, there was no way I’d be the first to make a move tonight. I didn’t care that this whole thing had been my idea. My confidence was at an all-time low.
Jamie slowly reached out and placed his hands on my hips. I was shorter than him by a lot. It was awkward not to touch him with his hands on my hips. I gave in to the desire to touch the muscles covering his chest. He felt firm. And warm. And so very Jamie.
“What about kiss number two, Bales?” His voice was soft, but I still glanced at the couch where Dallin snored.
“I wasn’t sure you still wanted to.” I kept my voice low.
Instead of answering, Jamie leaned down, down, down, his gentle gaze holding mine until his features went out of focus.
When he’d lowered his face as close as he could get without our noses bumping, Jamie tilted his head, turning, so when his eyelid closed, his lashes tangled with mine.
It was exquisite and surprisinglysweet. I breathed out a little laugh. I could feel more than see his smile as he opened and closed his eyes, again and again, his lashes brushing mine, tickling the top of my cheekbone.
My laughter grew. I pulled back enough to bury my face in his chest to muffle the sound. Jamie’s hands left my hips and came around my back, pulling me close. It was heaven.
Until he threw us onto the beanbag.
I stifled a squeal of surprise.
“Shhh. You’ll wake him up,” Jamie admonished quietly, his lips beside my ear.
“You should have thought of that before you tackled me,” I said just as softly.
Jamie simplygrinned, his eyes sparkling in the dim light from the tv. We both listened, comforted by the continued sound of Dallin’s steady breathing.
“So…” Jamie started, one brow raised.
“Yeah?” I asked a little breathlessly.
“I was thinking about the rules.”
I hadn’t been expecting that. “Okay. What about them?”
Jamie didn’t answer right away. Hereached out, absently picking up a lock of my hair and rubbing it through his fingers. His eyes followed his hands, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.
“Your hair is beautiful,” he whispered.
I knew Jamie liked my hair. He’d been playing with it for years just like he was doing. But he’d never voiced his thoughts before. I enjoyed the compliment.
“Thank you.”
I waited. He was the one who’d brought up the rules. I’d let him follow through. He studied my hair, tangled in his fingers, before speaking.
“I was thinking—” he cleared his throat. “I was thinking if we both agree to go through with your five make-out sessions,” he cringed but continued. “If we’re going to go through with it, let’s not talk about it.”
I pulled back a little. Not talk about it? What did that mean?
“I mean, of course, we’ll talk about it. But I think we should wait until the end.” He sighed and raked his fingers through his hair, allowing mine to fall to my shoulder. I still didn’t say anything.
“This week—last weekend,” he cringed again and stopped.
It was awkward, but we would have to get over that if we followed through. That was the whole point. Making out led to feelings. I’ve never felt so vulnerable around Jamie as I had the last six days.
“I know,” I said. “It’s been—” Now, I was the one who didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t easy to lay it all out there.
Jamie sighed. “Yeah. It has been.”
We shared a look before cracking up.
“I just,” Jamie started once we got ourselves under control. “If we do this, let’s treat it like any other experiment. We’ll wait until the end to analyze the data and discuss the results. I don’t want to pick apart everything either of us thinks every time we see each other. Once it’s all over, we can dissect it piece by piece. I just don’t think I can go through with this if I have to worry about how you’ll react the next time I see you.”
I understood what he meant. And maybe not talking about it until the end was a good idea. It would be hard not to speculate about what he was thinking and feeling, but in some ways, being in the dark would be better. We’d just pretend nothing had happened.
“Okay, deal.”
Relief shined in his eyes. “Yeah?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
He sagged against me. His arms, which he’d loosely wrapped around my waist, tightened. Suddenly, the air surrounding us changed, charged with awareness.
“I liked those butterfly kisses,” Jamie whispered. “I liked the Eskimo ones, too.” He moved closer, brushing his nose against my jaw near my ear.
“Me, too,” I breathed, lifting my chin to give him better access to my face. His lashes fluttered against my cheek, making me smile.
“What do you smell like, Bailey,” he asked against my ear before inhaling deeply.
“Shampoo. Cheap shampoo.”
Jamie’s shoulders shook as he chuckled softly. “I like it.”
“That’s a relief.” I’d never thought about what I smelled like except to make sure I didn’t smell bad. Maybe I would invest in some scented lotion or body spray.
Jamie sat up and then rolled off the bean bag. He grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch before coming back to lie beside me.
“Stay with me,” he said with a hint of a request.
I nodded and rolled to my side. Jamie covered us with the blanket and curled his big body around mine. We’d fallen asleep in this same position dozens of times, but there was nothing the same about how it felt. For the first time in the years since I’d realized I was in love with my best friend, I felt hope.