18. Bailey
What.Just. Happened?
Jamie left me on the couch as he stormed outside. I had no idea what he was thinking, but if he was anything like me, he wasn’t thinking much. I was too stunned. I’d felt silly about my kissing schedule, worrying that Jamie hadn’t been affected. But then the last—I glanced at the time on my phone—two hours had blown that out of the water. Two hours! I’d been making out with Jamie for two hours.
Time had ground to a halt. All I’d been aware of was Jamie. His kisses. His touch. His firm body beside mine. Every other thought had fallen to the wayside in a hazy fog, while everything about Jamie sharpened into clear focus until he was all I could see.
And then he was gone.
I sat up, ran my fingers through my hair, and straightened my clothes. My cheeks burned with embarrassment. I buried my face in my hands. I couldn’t believe what had just happened.
And Jamie ran away. Again.
I might be inexperienced, but I wasn’t the only one affected by that.Why had he left me like that?
Jamie was still outside. Picking up my shoes, I waited, battling indecision. Were we going to talk about things now? Did what just happened mean something? Or was this just another night for the NCMO King?
I waited a full five minutes for Jamie to come back inside. When he still hadn’t returned, I slipped into my shoes and headed for the door.
Would he be where I could see him? Was he going to avoid me now? After that? I felt slightly nauseous but couldn’t hide in his basement all night. Mustering all the courage I didn’t feel, I opened the door and stepped out.
Jamie paced in the darkness on the small patch of concrete driveway in front of his car. He paused, looking up as I approached. For several heartbeats, neither of us moved or spoke.
I wanted to scream at him. I saw it in his face, his indecision. Or was it regret? And it made me angry. Not because he didn’t have the right not to want me, but because he did want me, and he was scared.
Taking a deep breath, I held his gaze for a moment more, giving him the chance to say something. Anything. But he just stood there.
Right.
“No! Bales, wait!”
I’d made it several steps into the cool, damp grass before his arms wrapped around my waist, stopping me.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He whispered the words over and over, his lips close to my ear.
“It’s okay.” Because I was a coward, I kept my back to him. “We aren’t supposed to regret this, Jamie.”
“I don’t,” his reply came fast. Almost too fast. “I don’t. Geez, Bales.” He sounded a little shaky. He pulled me around to face him. His hands on my face were cool, but his body felt warm.
“You should go in. It’s cold.” And I can’t deal with your rejection right now!
“I’m fine,” he insisted. “We should talk about this, don’t you think?”
No! I didn’t want to talk. Especially if he was about to tell me it didn’t mean anything to him.
He sensed my hesitance. “That was a little intense in there, right?”
Intense? Yes. Mind-blowing? Definitely. Expected? Not at all. And now what? We weren’t supposed to kiss like that yet. We’d blown my plan completely out of the water. I’d been counting on that time to get him to warm up to me, get used to the idea ofus—long term.
“Bales?” He tilted my head back, forcing me to meet his gaze. His blue-green eyes reflected a myriad of emotions.
“Jamie, that was—” I didn’t know. I felt vulnerable, split wide open.
“I know, I’m sorry. We agreed we wouldn’t do that. I just, I mean—” He turned his face a little and blew out a long breath before his lips curved into a slight grin as his eyes met mine again. “Wow, right?”
“Um, yeah.” Because, holy freaking heck, wow.
His smile grew. “Yeah.”
“So, what now?” I almost didn’t want to know. I wanted to crawl into my bed and relive every second of what had happened tonight a hundred times. And then a hundred times more.
With one arm wrapped around my waist, Jamie traced my cheek with his fingertips. “Now, we sleep on it.”
I nodded. Part of me wanted to press him to tell me how he was feeling, to define what had happened and determine what would happen now that we’d crossed that line. At the same time, another part of me wanted to run away from him and bask in the knowledge that we’d kissed. We were on the brink of something great, but I was terrified. How would I go on if Jamie wanted to leave things like they’d always been between us?
It would break my heart. Crush it into millions of tiny pieces.
I should never have started this.
“Hey.” Jamie shook me, pulling me out of that downward spiral. “Listen, it’s okay. I just,” he cleared his throat. “I needed to cool down. We both did.”
I nodded in agreement. Cooling down was probably a good idea.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Okay.”
He held my gaze for another moment before touching his lips to mine in a soft kiss. He held me just long enough for me to want him never to let me go.
“I better walk you home.” He took my hand and started across the lawn with an urgency that had me snickering. By the time we reached my back door, we were both laughing.
“I’ll see you in the morning?” He hadn’t loosened his grip on my hand, and I was slow to let him go.
“Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning.”
Neither of us moved.
“Just one more,” he murmured. And I was in his arms again, his lips moving over mine as though he’d done it a thousand times. My knees weakened. I gripped his shoulders for support.
“Okay,” I agreed readily. I could kiss him all day and night and all day again.
Kiss.
“You should go in.”
Kiss.
“I’m leaving.”
Kiss.
“For real this time.”
Kiss.
I smiled against his lips. I’d imagined being with Jamie like this, but I hadn’t even come close to reality. I wanted to crawl up his legs and live forever right where we were—together.
With one last kiss, Jamie took a long stride away from me, his fingers jabbing through his hair.
“You better go inside.” He stood there in his gym shorts, t-shirt, and no shoes or socks. He had to be freezing.
As much as I wanted to jump back into his arms, I took pity on the poor boy and opened the door.
“Goodnight, Jamie.”
He didn’t respond, just gestured for me to go, his expression equal parts amusement and determination.
Once inside, I didn’t waste time hurrying up to my room. If Jamie’s appearance was any indication, there would be no hiding that I’d just been well and thoroughly kissed.
I pulled aside the curtains in my room to peer down into the backyard. Jamie paced in the grass, his hand occasionally reaching up to muss his hair. He finally went back to his yard and through the door leading to the basement.
As soon as he closed the door, I fell back onto my bed and screamed into my pillow.
JAMIE
I was so confused.What was I supposed to do now? Bailey would be out any second. I waited for her in the front seat of my car, watching her front door with what had to be a terrified expression on my face.
I’d kissed my best friend.
I hadn’t just kissed her; I kissed her for hours. We’d made out. A lot. And it had been freaking awesome. I felt things I’d never felt before. I cared about Bailey. For the first time, except for Allie, I wanted to kiss a girl a second time. And I didn’t want only to kiss her. I wanted to hold her hand. I wanted to snuggle on the couch and watch movies together.
And Iwas scared.
Because all of those things came with commitment, the one thing I’d promised myself I’d avoid at all costs. And I’d been doing a bang-up job of it. Then, in a matter of weeks, Bailey smashed all of that to smithereens.
But was that what I wanted?
Commitment to Bailey? A relationship with her? It was a concept so foreign that I didn’t even know how to wrap my head around it. Could I do commitment if it was with my best friend? And if I couldn’t, did that mean I would lose her altogether?
And that was it right there. We’d gone down this road. There was no going back. Did I even want to?
Bailey opened the front door to her house. Her prettygreen eyes found mine almost immediately. Her smile was tentative and beautiful and heartbreaking. I hated that she was unsure of us, even though I couldn’t blame her because I was, too. But I wanted to kiss her, reassure her, and tell her everything was okay. So, I smiled and hoped she understood.
Because I sure didn’t.
“I brought you a bagel,” she said as soon as she opened her door, her hand extended with a paper towel wrapped bagel.
“Wow, thanks.”
“Well, I woke up late and didn’t have time to eat before I left, so I had tobring you one or eat in front of you.”
I laughed, appreciating her honesty. “I’ll take it however I can get it.” I took a huge bite of the French toast bagel smothered with cream cheese, glad for something to do with my hands other than reaching for her.
“Always thinking with your stomach, Barnes,” she teased.
“Well, not always,” I couldn’t help but tease her back. The blush staining her cheeks was worth it.
“Oh, my gosh.” She swatted at my arm. “I can’t believe you just said that!”
“Sure, you can,” I replied with a smirk.
“Okay, but stop. Just stop.” Her cheeks were still pink, and she turned the heater down a notch.
We joked like we always did the rest of the way to school. I parked in my usual spot. We arrived later than most mornings, and the crew of football players and jersey chasers had already made their way inside. I was glad because Bailey and I had a few things we needed to discuss as much as I would rather avoid this conversation like a communicable disease.
“So, um, I was thinking—” I began, but Bailey interrupted.
“Don’t worry, Jamie. I’m not expecting you to hold my hand and walk me to class or anything,” she said with a pained expression.
As relieved as I was to hear that, it still made me feel bad. She should expect those things from me. Especially from me. I wanted to tell her that, but I couldn’t. The words wouldn’t push passed my throat.
“I just, uh, we haven’t talked and—”
“Dallin,” she interrupted my stumbling words again.
Crap. Dallin. Our other best friend hadn’t even crossed my mind. We definitely couldn’t spring anything ‘us’ related on Dallin without talking to him first.
“Yeah,” I blew out a breath. “Dallin.” And everyone else at school. I wasn’t ready to label what was happening between Bailey and me. And I hoped to heaven that didn’t make me a jerk.
“We’re on the same page, Barnes. No worries.” The words sounded good, but her face told a different story. Maybe I wasn’t a jerk, but I sure felt like one.
“Bales.” I reached for her hand and held it tight, my eyes searching hers. Her guarded expression gutted me. I felt desperate to reassure her. With my other hand, I tucked loose strands of her hair behind her ear. My best friend was beautiful, and I couldn’t have stopped myself if I had wanted.
Her lips were soft and tasted of cream cheese and strawberry lip balm. My heart immediately reacted, beating faster even as it clenched with emotion that had nothing to do with the physical attraction I was feeling. Emotion that tripled when Bailey’s fist gripped the front of my t-shirt and pulled me closer.
“Let’s just skip school,” I suggested when I finally pulled away.
Bailey grinned, her eyes twinkling. “Come on, Mr. Football, you can’t afford to get caught skipping.”
I sighed, dropping my head to hers. “I guess you’re right,” I said, making a big show of reluctance. It wasn’t all feigned. I would have happily skipped school to stay right there kissing my best friend.
I was so screwed.