20. Bailey
Jamie was acting weird.On the way to school that morning, he held my hand but hardly said a word. We walked into school like we always did, not touching, and when it came time to part ways, he barely acknowledged me. No secret smile. No promise to see me later.
I wanted to blame it on pre-game jitters. Things between us had been amazing. But he was laughing and joking when I saw him in the halls between classes.
And flirting.
He was avoiding me.
I tried to catch his eye a few times, but he’d looked the other way. He’d been talking to someone each time, so it could have been my imagination. All I knew was that things were different from the first day he kissed me for real.
I could be patient. I could let Jamie figure out what he wanted, but deep down, I knew that was giving him an out. I let him use me just like he’d used all the other girls before me. Sure, our relationship went deeper because we’d been friends for so long, but in the end,Jamie didn’t want to be my boyfriend. He didn’t want commitment. And that meant I was just another girl in the long string of NCMO conquests.
The thought made me sick. I wanted to reject it. Jamie and I had been kissing all week. I meant more to him than those other girls—I knew it, but not enough for him to stick around for the long haul.
He didn’t want me to get hurt? It was too late.
At lunch, I sat in my usual spot with some of the cross-country runners. Dallin, Jamie, and the rest of the football team held court at the table in the center of the cafeteria. I didn’t sit with them. And after thirty minutes of watching girls throw themselves at Jamie from across the room and Elise Bradshaw sitting on his knee for ten minutes, I didn’t want to sit in the cafeteria at all.
I spent the rest of the day plotting ways to murder my best friend.
However, I didn’t get an opportunity toput my plan into action because the football team left for their away game as soon as the final bell rang.
It was justas well.
After cross-country, I went home to wallow in my insecurities.
The kids were all in bed, and I’d just begun my second movie of the night when Mom found me fat and happy in the front room surrounded by empty candy wrappers and a half-eaten bag of Oreos.
“No game tonight?” She eyed the mess but didn’t say a word as she took a seat in the rocker recliner, Delia propped against her shoulder. At two months old, Delia was getting better. She still wouldn’t sleep through the night, but she stayed awake longer during the day, which made her more tired at night. Mom was finally starting to look more like herself.
“It’s away.”
Mom frowned. “How come you didn’t go with Jamie?”
Ohhh. Yeah. I forgot. I hadn’t told my parents about Jamie playing football against his mom’s wishes. “Um. Well, he—” Dang. Should I tell her?
“He, what?” I’d piqued her interest. She adjusted her shirt to feed Delia, so she wouldn’t be going anywhere, and short of running away from this conversation, I’d have to confess Jamie’s sins for him. I was a terrible liar.
“He’s playing,” I blurted with my eyes squeezed shut.
When Mom didn’t say a word, I opened one eye to gauge the expression on her face.
“You knew?” I shouldn’t be surprised. She really did have superpowers.
Mom nodded. “I’m willing to bet Kara knows, too.” Kara was Jamie’s mom.
I didn’t know how to feel about that. Maybe relieved, but worried, too. I was worried about what it meant for Jamie and his relationship with his mom.
“Wow.”
“I know you two have been making out on our back porch, too.”
Double whammy. I cringed. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“When? This is the first night you’ve been home inweeks.”
That was true. I’d spent a lot of time away from home, except right after practice, to help with dinner and do some chores.
“Sorry. I’ll work on some stuff around here tomorrow after my meet.” We had a four-school cross-country meet in the morning. All the junk food I just ate would not serve me well. What was I thinking?
Oh. I know. I was thinking about Elise sitting on Jamie’s knee at lunch today and that he didn’t push her off. I was thinking that the game had been over for an hour and a half, and the bus should be back at the school by now, and Jamie hadn’t texted or called. That meant he was going to the party. That meant he didn’t want me to go with him.
“I’m not worried about the house being clean, Bailey.” Mom’s brow was pinched with concern. “I’m more worried about what’s going on with you and Jamie.”
“I dared him.” She’d find out somehow, anyway.
“What?”
“I did. I dared him to kiss me.” I plucked at the blanket covering my legs. “You were right. He does have a reputation. He makes out with girls at parties all the time and other times, too. It’s like a one-and-done thing, and I called him out on being a jerk and a player.”
“How did that end up with the two of you kissing?” Mom asked, absently patting Delia’s back.
How to explain this to my mother? “I don’t know. I got mad at him and dared him to kiss me and not feel anything for me. I guess I was trying to get him to realize he hurts their feelings sometimes. All the girls he kisses. Most of them like him or would like him if he wasn’t always being such a jerk.”
Mom watched me with careful eyes. It made me mad. She felt sorry for me. Stupid Bailey, the only way to get her best friend to kiss her was to dare him. How pathetic was that?
I didn’t want to be pathetic.
“Oh, honey.”
“It’s okay. It is,” I sniffed. “But it was probably a huge mistake, too. Jamie’s—” my voice trailed off. I didn’t even know what Jamie was.
“Jamie’s scared, Bailey.” She said it with such conviction I wanted to believe her.
Instead, I snorted.
“I’m serious—” Delia fussed, cutting her off. Mom was quiet for a second as she repositioned my baby sister until she settled. “Look, I know I’ve been preoccupied with the little kids for a long time, but I’m not blind. And I’m not stupid.” Her piercing gaze met mine directly. “I know you love that boy and have for a long time. And it’s no secret he’s adored you since you were five.”
Oh, brother.
“Don’t look at me like that, young lady. You just don’t remember thingsclearly. Jamie’s been following you around like a lost puppy since the day you two met. Kara and I’ve been waiting for the two of you to figure things out. It was only a matter of time.”
“Oh, my goodness. Mom, that’s crazy. Jamie’s got girls falling all over him all the time. And now that he’s playing football, it’s even worse. He kissed me last night, and today at lunch, he was flirting with cheerleaders.”
Mom frowned. “Well, I never said he wasn’t an idiot, Bailey.” Her face softened again. “And I’m sorry he’s hurting you. I think he needs time to figure things out. He’s still grieving, and I know sometimes Kara leans on him more than she wants to.”
“I will not sit around and let him use me until he gets his act together, Mom.” And I wouldn’t. Jamie might NCMO other girls, but he wasn’t going to NCMO me.
“Certainly not. I would never want you to.” Mom shook her head. It was a few moments before she spoke again. She’d considered her words before saying anything. “Making excuses for Jamie’s behavior isn’t right. And I’d never want you to do that. You deserve the best that any man has to offer you. But he’s scared. I know that sounds crazy, but he is. He’s lost so much. And when the time comes that he asks for your forgiveness, and believe me, he will. I hope you’ll remember that.”
JAMIE
What was I doing?I was such an idiot. We were at a party after the game. Dallin was already buzzed and trailing after Rylee, who’d dropped Seth without a backward glance once he was off the team. I’d talked to Dallin about her being a jersey chaser, but apparently, he didn’t care.
Speaking of jersey chasers, Elise had been dogging my heels from the moment I walked through the door. Lights were low, the music was good, we’d just won a big game—I should be roaring to go. All I had to do was give Elise a drop of encouragement, and we’d be in a quiet corner somewhere.
Her soft hand slid over my knee possessively. I wanted to swat her away. If I were honest, I wanted to leave and find Bailey.
Find her. I knew exactly where she was.
I let my hand fall to Elise’s shoulder. She leaned into my side. She was pretty. She smelled good.
She made my skin crawl.
But I needed a distraction. Didn’t I?
All around me, people talked about the game. Hooked up. Danced. I joined in their conversations, drew lazy circles on Elise’s arm, and tried to ignore the memory of the night before. The tears soaking my shirt. The broken glass I’d cleaned up before leaving for school this morning. She’d already been at her desk, her fingers moving steadily over the keyboard like she’d forgotten all about breaking down in her son’s arms.
Well, I hadn’t forgotten. It was all I could think about all day.
I’d played a good game that night. In fact, I’d played a great game. I’d accumulated passing yards and rushing yards and thrown for three touchdowns. Coach patted me hard on the shoulder when I passed him, heading to my car. He said nothing, but that was Coach speech for ‘you did it, kid.’
I had a legit chance to play college football. It was why I was sitting at this party drinking bottled water and not nursing a warm beer from the keg in the corner. If I were smart, I would leave this scene altogether. I should focus on resting my body, eating clean, and playing the best football I knew how to play.
Instead, I was trying to forget.
Forget Bailey.
Forget that my dad was gone and my mother was broken because of it.
Forget that I was lying to everyone.
Even myself.
Elise leaned close. The scent of her perfume should have made me want her, but it didn’t.
Not that it would matter, because I was an idiot.