12. Violet
CHAPTER 12
VIOLET
I don’t know why Hannah wants to put so much effort into creating decorations for her fall festival booth, but she has always been the type of person who puts her full effort into every project she attempts. This time is no different.
So here I am on a Thursday night helping her. She texted me this morning and started talking about decorations like the chance to make them would disappear if we didn’t start right away . I’m working Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so tonight was the only option.
I show up at Hannah’s apartment, and she makes a shushing motion as soon as she answers the door. She mouths, “Charlie’s on the phone.”
The words are barely out of her mouth before I hear him loudly in the bedroom talking about investment portfolios. Hannah nods to stacks of supplies on the counter, and we take them out to the little patio area.
“Do you spend a lot of time out here?” I ask her as I settle onto the bench swing looking at the patterns she has printed out.
“I’m not supposed to listen in to his phone calls because his client information is private. So, if he’s talking to someone and I’m home, then yeah, I’ll come out here. Honestly, it’s not bad.”
“What are you going to do when winter really hits, and it starts snowing?”
“Maybe I’ll invest in a great pair of noise-canceling headphones.”
I couldn’t imagine living in a place where I’m constantly trying to hide myself away, but Hannah seems happy with where she lives, so I won’t criticize it.
“What do you want me to do?” I ask.
Hannah hands me a pair of scissors. “Start cutting those out. I’m going to use them as patterns on this paper. I couldn’t print on the cardstock, but I think it will be too flimsy if I just cut that paper out and use it on the table.”
Hannah is the one with the vision, so I just follow her instructions. I’ve barely made two snips before Hannah asks me, “So, how’s Jay?”
The tone of her voice says it all. This whole decoration idea was a ruse so that she could get me over here to talk about Jay. Luckily, I get a few extra seconds to consider my response when a gust of wind blows the papers around the porch.
We scramble to gather them up and put the unused papers under something heavy. Both of us laugh, and the tension eases a little.
At least, until Hannah repeats her question. “How’s Jay?”
“Um, he’s… fine, I guess. You could just ask him yourself, you know. Just because I work with him doesn’t mean I’m standing around talking to him all night.”
I’m hoping that piling the excuses on will make it easier for Hannah to get distracted by something else and focus on that. I don’t want her to start assuming things about us just because we work together, but her question makes me think that she already is.
Hannah narrows her eyes, clearly not buying my deflection. “Violet, come on. I know you better than that. What’s going on with Jay?”
I keep cutting the paper, trying to appear nonchalant. “Nothing’s going on, Hannah. Really. He’s my boss, and we work together. That’s it.”
Hannah shakes her head. “You’re avoiding eye contact. That means you’re hiding something.”
“I’m trying not to cut my finger off, but if you want to make an emergency room visit this afternoon, then I’m more than willing to make eye contact.” I pause my cutting and widen my eyes, dramatically staring at Hannah.
We both burst out laughing, and my funny stunt has done exactly what I was hoping. It’s gotten us both into a better, lighter mood.
I think maybe Hannah is done pushing, and I’m scrambling to come up with some other topic of conversation. But I’m coming up blank. Like it or not, now that Hannah has brought up Jay, I can’t think about anything else.
He’s handsome in a rugged, devil-may-care way. I can’t stop thinking about the way his hair swung back and forth a few inches away from me as he thrust himself inside me. And just remembering what happened between us sends goosebumps up my arms. Or maybe that’s the cold autumn wind.
Hannah isn’t done with the topic, though, so I try to drag my attention back to what she is saying. “Violet, you don’t have to hide it from me just because I’m his sister. Talk to me like you’re my best friend. I know we don’t live in the same town anymore or keep up with each other like we used to, but I’d like to think that we’re still close friends, right?”
I sigh, knowing there’s no way out of this conversation. “Yes, we are. You know more embarrassing things about me than anyone else has ever known.”
“So?” Hannah really isn’t going to let this drop.
“We’ve talked a bit outside of work. But it’s nothing serious. Just conversation.” There is no way I’m going to tell her that we slept together. No way. I can’t do that to my friend or to myself… or even to Jay. Despite what she thinks, Hannah doesn’t need to know the details.
Hannah’s expression hardens. “The reason I’m asking is because I’m going to be brutally honest. Jay has a history. He’s not a bad guy, but… he’s not great with relationships. I don’t want you to get hurt. There’s a lot of other great guys in Maplewood if you’re open to someone. I could even introduce you to one.”
I feel a pang of defensiveness rising up. Hannah has always been like this, but I kind of forgot about it with our time apart. She likes to take charge and make decisions for other people. In high school, it was nice. I felt so unsure of myself that being friends with someone who knew exactly what she wanted was perfect for me. “Hannah, I can take care of myself. And besides, people can change.”
“Maybe,” Hannah says, looking skeptical. “But I don’t want you to be the one who finds out he hasn’t. Has he mentioned anything about his past relationships?”
I shake my head. “Like I said, we haven’t talked that much. I just asked him a couple of questions about how he ended up with The Rusty Oak since I last saw him. We recognized each other and talked for a minute. I needed a job, and…” I shrug, not sure how to continue.
It’s sad as I realize it’s true. We really haven’t talked. I don’t know that much about him. I know what he looks like naked but not what he wants in life. A sudden desire springs up in me to change that. I want to ask him questions, to get to know who he truly is.
All Hannah wants to tell me about is his slew of failed relationships, though.
“I just don’t want you to catch feelings because there’s like, no guarantee that he will reciprocate. If his track record is any proof, he’ll have fun with you for a few weeks and then completely disappear. Only you won’t have the luxury of moving on because you see him at work every day and… I don’t know Violet, that sounds like misery.”
I swallow hard, trying to reconcile this image of Jay with the one I’ve been getting to know. “I appreciate the warning, Hannah. Really. But I’m not looking for anything serious with him. We’re just talking.”
“I just want you to be careful, Violet. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I can feel Hannah staring at me. “I will. I promise.”
We fall into an uneasy silence, the only sound being the snip of the scissors as we continue working on the decorations. After a few minutes, Hannah breaks the silence.
“Has he caused any problems for you at work? Or do you think I’m completely crazy bringing this up? I’m only trying to protect you.”
I hesitate, then decide there’s no point in hiding it. “A couple of nights ago, I accidentally broke some glasses at the bar. Jay got really mad, and we had a pretty heated argument.”
Hannah’s face tightens. “What did he do?”
I wince as I admit, “He yelled at me in front of everyone. It was humiliating.”
“See? That’s what I’m talking about. It’s like he can’t read a room and empathize with someone. It’s like he has the emotional intelligence of a fork.
“At least he apologized. I think he realized how embarrassed he made me feel. He said he was out of line. So…”
Hannah seems to consider this for a moment, then shakes her head. “Apologies are one thing, Violet. But actions speak louder than words. Please, just keep your relationship professional, for me? He’s had communication issues in the past, like disappearing or not responding to texts, just simple stuff. Lashing out about something dumb because he doesn’t know how to express himself like an adult. He’s not ready for a serious relationship.”
I nod, feeling torn, but I don’t promise anything verbally. Hannah has confirmed my fears about Jay, but I fully believe that Jay’s apology was sincere, and Hannah can’t take that belief away from me.
Hannah gives me a small smile, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “Good. Now, let’s get these decorations done. We have a booth to set up for the festival.”
I focus on the decorations, but I’m really questioning my decisions. What am I doing, blatantly ignoring my best friend’s advice?