39. Jay
CHAPTER 39
JAY
I blink at Violet, because the words don’t exactly compute. I know what they each mean on their own, but not when they come out of Violet’s mouth.
Violet takes a deep breath, and her tears disappear as she explains. “It’s… it must have been from that first time, at the bar. I’m not sure how it happened, but birth control isn’t perfect, I guess. And… I found out a couple of days ago. And I know I should have told you right away, but…”
“I need a minute.” I try to keep my tone even, but I’m overwhelmed. I need a second to think through this mind-blowing revelation.
I step out into the hallway and stare at the pile of costumes on the floor. It seems like ages ago that I was undressing her and calling her my foxy lady. But now, I understand the moments where Violet was staring off into the distance, in a world of her own. This has clearly been weighing on her.
“Pregnant,” I whisper the word, which just makes the whole situation feel more real.
I’m trying to process this, but it’s like my brain is moving a lot slower. It’s not computing things like it usually does. I lean against the wall, running my hands through my hair, trying to make sense of everything.
A baby. We’re going to have a baby.
My mind is racing, a million thoughts and questions swirling around. Am I ready to be a father? What will this mean for our relationship? How will we tell our families? Hannah is going to hate me forever, but that’s beside the point.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I need to talk to Violet, to figure this out together. I can’t do this alone, and neither can she.
I want to talk this out with Violet. Questions keep popping into my mind, ones that didn’t appear when she first said those words to me. Fuck, I wonder if she was just worried about the baby the whole time we were making love.
I hope not. But I shouldn’t have left her alone like that when she was clearly terrified to tell me.
I head back into the bedroom, where Violet is sitting on the bed, the sheet pulled up to her chin. She looks so small and uncertain when she sees me, like she’s not sure what my reaction is going to be.
My heart aches because this wasn’t how I saw the day going. I saw us coming back here to my place, making love and maybe watching a movie or falling asleep curled up in each other’s arms. I wanted this to be a perfect night.
But I can’t avoid this. And I can’t imagine how scared she’s feeling. She’s the one who has a baby inside her.
I take a seat on the end of the bed. Suddenly, I feel so distant from her. I don’t mean to be that way, but I do. “Violet, we need to talk about this. I have so many questions, and I’m sure you do too.”
She nods, her eyes downcast. “I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just… I didn’t know how. I kept thinking I was going to, but then, it was never the right time.”
I reach across the sheets, taking her hand in mine. It’s a show of solidarity, even though I’m feeling as scared as a squirrel in the middle of the road during rush hour traffic. “It’s okay. We’re going to figure this out together. First things first, how far along are you?”
“I think I must have gotten pregnant the first time we were together. So, it’s been almost a month since then.”
“So, four weeks along?”
“Well, actually six weeks.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t know you six weeks ago. I mean, I knew kid you, but I didn’t know… this version of you.” Words are coming out of my mouth strangely, and it’s like I forgot how to talk to Violet.
“Pregnancy is counted from the day of my last period, not the day of conception.” Violet gives a crazy laugh. “I’m finding out so many strange things. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be laughing. I just feel relieved that you don’t hate me. Or maybe you do, but you aren’t acting like it.”
“No, I don’t hate you. It’s not your fault. It… takes two to make a baby.” My mind wanders for a moment as I remember the first time we were together in my bar. I sigh. This is not what I had planned for my future, but I’m going to have to step up to the plate.
I squeeze her hand gently, trying to offer some comfort, even though I feel like I’m the one who needs comfort. “Have you seen a doctor yet?”
She shakes her head. “Not yet. But… I made an appointment with a gynecologist, and I’m going to check on the baby in two weeks.”
“Okay. Do they not have any sooner?”
“They usually don’t see women until they’re eight weeks along. It’s just their policy or something. I’d like it if you could come along, but if you can’t, that’s okay too. I get it.”
“No, I want to be there with you.”
Violet’s eyes fill with tears, and she blinks them back. Her grip on my hand tightens. “I’m scared, Jay. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. And I know it’s not your problem, but I don’t know if I can handle this on my own.”
I move around the bed so that I’m sitting next to Violet. I put my arm around her shoulders and stare at the closed bedroom door. I feel a lump forming in my throat, but I push it down. I need to be strong for her. “I feel the same way. But we’ll get through this. We’ll figure it out together. You’re not alone. I mean, wow, I’m going to be a dad. Sorry, that just hit me.”
Violet giggles, and I don’t understand how she can jump from one emotion to another so easily. “Yes, that’s what happens, unless you want to be the mom, and I can be the dad.”
“No, thanks. I don’t think being pregnant would be fun.”
“So far, it’s just a lot of hunger and exhaustion,” Violet explains. She nestles her head into my shoulder, and neither one of us speaks for a moment.
We sit there, just holding each other, letting the reality of the situation sink in. It’s a lot to take in, but I know we can handle it. We have to. At this point, we don’t have a choice. The baby is going to come whether we’re ready or not.
After a while, I pull back, taking a deep breath. “Okay, let’s talk about what comes next. We need to make a plan.”
Violet nods, wiping her eyes. “Right. A plan.”
“First, we’ll need to go to the doctor’s appointment. When is it?”
“October 12th.”
“Do you know when the baby is due, then?”
“Sometime in early June.”
“Okay,” I nod, taking in that information. “After the doctor’s appointment, we’ll have to somehow tell our families.”
“Actually… my mom already knows. She guessed. So… it’s just up to you to tell Hannah.”
I make a face at the idea. “Maybe you should tell her. I think she’ll take it better from you. Okay, then after that, we have to start the real preparations.”
“Like what? I feel like there’s a thousand things to do, and I can’t even concentrate long enough to remember one of them.”
“Well, the baby is going to need a crib, clothes, um… diapers.” That doesn’t seem like enough.
“Maybe we should go to the doctor’s appointment first. Then, we’ll find someone who’s just had a baby and ask her everything we need to get.”
I laugh. “Good idea. I wouldn’t–”
Violet’s phone rings, and I glance at the clock on the wall. It’s almost ten p.m. now, which is late for a call. She glances at the screen, her eyes widening in surprise. “It’s Hannah.”
I nod, understanding then why Violet is getting a call so late. “She’s probably wanting to rehash the festival. That or she has something to say about me.”
Violet takes a deep breath, nodding as she answers the call. “Hey, Hannah. What’s up?”
She stands up and starts pacing the room, and I decide to go downstairs and get a little evening snack. After burning all those calories with Violet, and the shocking revelation that we’re going to be parents, I’m hungry.