40. Violet
CHAPTER 40
VIOLET
A s I glance down at my phone and see Hannah's name on the screen, I let out a small sigh of relief. This baby conversation is scaring me, and I need a break from it. I answer the call, trying to sound cheerful.
"Hey, Hannah! What's up?"
"Hey, Vi! I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing after the festival.”
I glance over at Jay as he steps out of the room. I guess he wants to give me privacy to talk with Hannah.
“Oh, yeah, I mean, great. Got home a little while ago, and I’ve just been… chilling.” That’s not the best word to describe what’s been happening.
“Have you gotten any word from the insurance company?”
“It’s Saturday. You asked me about that this morning, so no, nothing has changed since this morning.”
“I was just trying to make sure. I’m sure you’re ready to get out of Jay’s house. It has to feel awkward having him around all the time.”
I don’t know what Hannah’s trying to hint at, but I suddenly feel like I’m sitting on pins and needles. “Well, as you saw today, we’re getting along pretty well.”
“I did see that. And I don’t know. I just didn’t think about it, but then…”
Hannah is hiding something from me. I can just tell by her tone of voice. I start picking at the comforter, waiting for it to come out. Hannah has never been great at keeping secrets.
“Your mom called me a little while ago, like thirty minutes, and she mentioned something that got me a little worried."
I feel a knot tighten in my stomach. My mom called Hannah? What did she say? I try to keep my tone light, but I have so much worry weighing on me that it’s hard.
"Oh, really? What did she say?"
"She was just checking on you and mentioned that she thought you would be home early. Except that I thought you were already at the house. I told her that, and she said you hadn’t come home. She seemed kind of... I don't know, anxious. And I thought it was weird. So, I just wanted to check, and you didn’t answer my text, so…"
I glance at my phone, scrolling down. Sure enough, my mom texted me an hour ago to make sure I was alright, then Hannah texted me not too long after. She didn’t hear us come in since we didn’t open the garage door. Which seemed like a good idea at the time. "Yeah, I'm fine, Hannah. Just a little tired, that's all. I didn’t check my messages, and I’ve just been relaxing. I was about to go to sleep when you called actually."
The adrenaline flowing through my body is actually going to make it impossible to sleep anytime soon, but Hannah doesn’t have to know that.
"Violet, don't lie to me. I know you too well. And your mom sounded really worried. Is there something you're not telling me? Something you’re hiding? Maybe something to do with… Jay?"
I bite my lip, feeling the weight of this baby secret. I felt better momentarily after telling Jay, but I don’t know if telling Hannah will have the same result. She doesn’t understand my relationship with Jay, and I don’t think she’ll ever approve of it.
“Violet?”
I can’t get the words out. I glance around the room, working to keep the lump of tears forming in my throat from rising. I hate the roller coaster of emotions that I’ve been feeling.
I hate the fact that I can’t just stay calm and steady.
“Violet? Are you going to answer me, or do I have to guess myself?”
“Don’t. I… Hannah, just give me a second.”
I put the phone down on the bed and stare at it for a second. I have to tell Hannah. It will be easier to get it over with now than to hide it and try to pretend that nothing’s happening for a few weeks. Eventually, she’ll have to know.
Jay slips back into the room. He has a plate of cheese, pepperoni, and crackers, and he offers it to me. “I know you said you’re hungry a lot,” he whispers. “I thought you might want a snack too.”
I motion to the phone, even as my mouth waters for the snack he’s prepared.
“Violet?” Hannah’s voice sounds tinny coming from my phone. Jay’s eyebrows go up. I put her on speaker, so I can hear her more easily. “I thought you said you’re about to go to sleep. Why is Jay bringing you a snack? And–”
I can’t listen to the questions anymore, so I just blurt it out. “I’m pregnant, Hannah.”
The phone is silent for a good two minutes.
Hannah's voice is incredulous. "I can’t believe this. Violet, what the hell?”
For some reason, her negative reaction hurts more than Jay’s. I expected Jay to react negatively, and hell, it wasn’t even negative, just shocked.
But Hannah has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I always imagined us celebrating whoever got pregnant first. Of course, none of my imaginary scenarios included her brother in any way, but… there’s no changing that now.
“How long have you known? And why didn’t you tell me sooner?"
I feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "I found out a few days ago. I’ve been trying to figure out how to deal with it. It’s not like I planned for this to happen."
Hannah lets out a frustrated sigh. "Vi, this is huge! I can't believe you didn’t tell me right away. And… wait, Jay is..." It’s like Hannah’s just put everything together.
"Yes, Jay’s the father. He’s… I just told him tonight. So, it’s not like I was keeping it from you for a long time.”
“But… God, Violet! Have you never heard of protection? Were you not on the pill? Or Jay could have used a condom? I mean, the world is full of options, but Jay! He’s the worst person who could have gotten you pregnant.”
I glance up at Jay and watch him flinch as his sister’s words hit him.
“Hannah, he has his issues like anyone, but he’s not so bad. He and I actually understand each other, and…”
“I’m just saying you should have been more careful. You should have used protection.
“This just happens sometimes. Don’t act like I’m the first person in the world it’s happening to.”
Jay clears his throat, his voice steady. "It wasn't planned, Hannah. We didn’t expect this, but now that it’s happening, we’re going to deal with it together."
Hannah lets out a huff. "Jay, no one asked for your opinion. I’m talking to Violet, so I’d appreciate it if you’d butt out.”
Jay reaches for the phone, then yanks his hand back. Instead, he rushes out of the room. I hear him hurry down the stairs. I go to the bedroom door, but I can’t tell where he’s gone. I don’t like this sudden feeling of being alone.
I swallow again, struggling to deal with my emotions. "We’re trying to figure it out, Hannah. We’re going to see a doctor, make a plan. We know it’s serious. But we’re not teenagers and I don’t appreciate you acting like we are.”
Hannah’s voice softens some. "I’m sorry, Vi. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I’m just worried about you. This is a big deal. Jay isn’t the most responsible. He can take care of his bar alright, but I don’t think he can take care of you. I’m just being realistic."
" Realistically , he’s reacting to this better than you are. Yes, I need to be realistic, but I also need support. I didn’t see my dad dying a couple of months ago or getting pregnant before I was in a steady relationship. I’m kind of freaking out here, but sure, I’ll be realistic and calm just for your benefit.”
“Violet, I’m sorry. Seriously. Okay, I’ll try to keep my issues with Jay to myself. I love my brother but... I don’t know,” she sighs.
“Can you just pretend you’re happy for me?” I sound whiny, but I can’t help it.
“Of course I’m happy for you, Vi! I’m… wow. I’m barely able to believe it. Can you call me again tomorrow and tell me the news? I’ll be ready to react excitedly. I just have to take some time to process this.”
That isn’t the kind of answer I want. I want Hannah to squeal my ear off and talk about baby names with me. But that isn’t what I got.
That’s not realistic.
I end the call and step out into the hallway. “Jay?” I call softly, but he doesn’t answer.