14. Jack
JACK
"How did you know?"
Her eyes are wide and fearful, and I hate that she would ever look at me that way, as though I might be a threat, as though I might be something to be afraid of.
It sucks.
I have to get rid of that look on her face as soon as possible. I have to make her feel safe with me.
But how?
Maybe Adam's got ideas.
Mister Emotionally Sensitive back there sure knew what to say whenever she was in tears, I think bitterly.
Jealousy is an all-consuming monster when it comes to this woman.
It seems I've never been the type to feel that way about a woman, but once again, Alyssa is making me break all of my preconceived notions about the kind of man that I am.
Apparently, I'm jealous. And possessive.
I'm also the kind of guy who, when it's the right woman, am eagerly and enthusiastic about the idea of becoming a father. About being “settled down”: A married man with a wife, some kids, and a white picket fence. The whole damn thing.
Hell, maybe we could even get a dog.
I pull the ultrasound photo out of my pocket and hand it to her.
"Found this on your dresser," I say. "Sorry I went in there. I was worried about you.”
She stares at the black-and-white crumpled photo in her hand and just nods. New tears spring to her eyes.
"Damn it!" I growl, and she startles a little bit.
"What?" she asks. "What did I do?"
"It's not what you did," I reply. "You didn't do anything wrong, Alyssa. Everything about you is right, actually, and that's the fucking problem."
I don't want to mess this up, but it seems like messing it up is all I ever do.
"You're terrified of me, and I don't understand why. Is it because of my size?"
I gesture to my body. Even in the large cab of my truck, it appears to be cramped and squished into the seat.
"Do I scare you?” I continue. “Do you think I'm going to hurt you?"
"Of course not," Alyssa says. "Not physically, anyway, if that's what you're asking. But emotionally?" She takes a breath. "Sure. Of course I think you're going to hurt me emotionally. That's what everybody does."
I identify more with what she's saying than she can possibly imagine.
"I don't want to hurt you emotionally either. I don't want to hurt you at all," I say.
"Yeah?" she asks. "Well, what do you think about this?"
She holds up the ultrasound.
“Because I heard what you were saying to your friend,” she says. “You don't want kids. You specifically ditched that lady this morning at the diner because you don't want kids. You called them a burden."
I exhale slowly, regretting every stupid word that I said.
"Kids aren't a burden when you have them with the right person," I say. "I guess that's what I meant. I don't want to have kids with someone like Carla, someone who isn't the right fit for me. But with you, it’s different."
"Why?"
"I don't know,” I say earnestly. "It doesn't really make sense to me either. I haven't been able to forget about you ever since I met you months ago."
I pause.
"If I'd had your phone number, if I had any clue that I could have tracked you down at all, I would have. Believe me, I tried. But I didn’t have any information to go off of, other than your first name.”
She looks down.
"It's just our bad luck," she says.
"Are you talking about me losing your phone number? Or are you talking about the pregnancy?" I ask.
"Both," she says.
I grip her hand.
Our eyes are locked, and I need her to understand this, to believe it, to really absorb it and know that every fucking word that I say is the truth.
“I don't think that this pregnancy is bad luck," I say slowly. "And I don't think it's a burden either."
I take a breath.
“I think it’s fate. Fate that we met that night. Fate that the birth control didn’t work. Fate that you walked right back into town and found me at the diner.”
I shake my head.
"I'm not usually a believer in corny stuff like that, but with you, I am. You’ve made me a believer in soulmates. Because I’ve found mine, and it’s you.”
I stare into her eyes.
"It's you or nobody. That's the thing. If I can't have you, I don't want anybody else."
I squeeze her hand.
"I don't want to have kids with anybody else. You're it. You're the one.”
Her eyes widen. Her breath hitches, and at first I'm afraid she's about to put the wall back between us.
I can't have that. Not again. Not when there's so much on the line.
So I squeeze her hand harder, pulling her nearer to me.
"I'm going to kiss you now, Alyssa," I say. "And you're going to let me because I think that deep down, if you weren't holding back because you were worried that I was going to hurt you, you would admit to yourself that you want this, too. You feel the same damn way, and want the same damn things.”
“Jack - ” she begins to launch another protest but I can’t fucking hear it.
Not again, not anymore. What’s done is done.
There’s a piece of me growing inside of her, getting bigger every day.
And I’m glad about it. Today is the start of forever.
I won’t go another day without this woman, not as long as my heart is still beating.
My mouth collides with hers and she yields beneath me, melting against my firm lips. I part them with my tongue and slide mine between her lips, caressing her as I pull her across the bench seat, drawing her as close to me as it’s possible for two people to be.
I break away abruptly when I feel my cock straining painfully against the zipper of my jeans.
“What’s wrong?” Alyssa asks.
“Nothing,” I breathe. “For once, absolutely nothing is wrong. Let’s go inside, baby. I need you.”