Chapter 37
Chapter
Thirty-Seven
WINTER
My lashes are wet as I open my eyes, having been stuck in a nightmare while sleeping. Shiloh is sitting next to me, his head on my mattress with his eyes closed holding my hand, and I realize it wasn’t a nightmare, but memories replaying over and over in my mind.
I exchanged happiness for more nightmares. Awesome.
Staring at Shiloh’s messy, sun-kissed hair, I realize if I could go back in time to The Hug Project, I still would have left with Cassidy and my alphas. The opportunity to be free for a short time before it all crashed and burned was worth it.
Taking in my surroundings, I make a face at the IV in my vein, and the very loud monitor logs all kinds of things I don’t understand. I hate hospitals, but I can admit I need to be here.
My entire body is incredibly sore and I’m still tired, yet I don’t want to close my eyes again so I can relive the last week over and over. There’s also the uncomfortable feeling of slick between my legs from my body being forced to work overtime to protect myself.
It doesn’t escape me that Cassidy didn’t have that kind of protection, so I can’t imagine how torn up her insides have to be.
There’s a bed next to mine with a curtain pulled for privacy. A hand reaches out and yanks it open, and I find myself smiling as I see Ansel and Bellamy.
“Where’s Cassidy?” I rasp, my voice sounding like broken glass. Shiloh flinches as he sits up quickly, his eyes moving over me as if I’m going to disappear on him. “I’m fine, Shiloh.”
“Fine is not something I would use to describe anything that’s happened,” he says softly.
“Cassidy is still in surgery,” Ansel says.
I stare at him, both because of the information and how deep his voice is.
It’s reminiscent of alphas who have gone feral, and I’m kind of concerned.
Did we do this to him? “Don’t look at me like that, Princess.
The past week wasn’t the best for any of us.
If we’re using the word ‘fine’ loosely, then that’s what I am. ”
“That’s not reassuring,” I mutter.
“Yeah, only we’re allowed to lie,” Bellamy pouts, making my lips twitch in amusement as our alphas roll their eyes.
“How about no lies,” Shiloh suggests. “We need each other to get through this, and that means only the truth.”
“I had a nightmare,” I sigh, ripping off the bandaid.
“Understandable,” Shiloh says, kissing my hand. “Want to talk about it?”
“No, but I do want to know more about Cassidy,” I admit.
“The knife did some damage,” Abbott says, leaning against the door jamb. Coming in, he closes the door as he continues. “They’re repairing things, and she has a cracked rib.”
“Some asshole squeezed her to get her to behave. I guess he figured if he tried to break her, she wouldn’t fight anymore,” I explain. “Avery was breaking our bonds, and Cassidy lost her shit. God, it was awful. I feel…empty.”
“We can fix that any time you want, Winter,” Shiloh says seriously, offering his wrist. “My mom can deal. I’ll tattoo my bites so they’re always fucking there.”
“Are you being serious?” I ask.
“As a heart attack,” he says.
“Okay,” I say, tugging him closer to me.
“I don’t know if return bites are a good idea right now,” Abbott says carefully.
“Avery stabbed me continually with a fishing spear after throwing me into a pool with a wicked undertow. She kept me for hours there playing Spear the Omega,” Bellamy growls, pulling at Ansel’s arm. “Pretty sure this is a great idea.”
“Is that why you have so many stab wounds?” Abbott asks, horrified. “The doctors had to sedate you so you didn’t end up in sepsis while digging out the shit they stuck in your wounds.”
“Cool trick, huh?” I mutter, biting down hard on Shiloh’s arm with the intent to draw blood. Bell does the same with a shrug, while Abbott looks like he’s going to faint.
“I blew the bitch up,” Shiloh grunts in pain. “At least, I’m pretty sure I did.”
I close my eyes as the bond flares back to life, whimpering in relief.
Lifting my head, I raise my brow. “Context, baby.”
“I saw her while I was in my killing era, and chased her through the bunker. She’s really hard to kill, by the way. I chased her into a room with a whirlpool thing and she jumped in while I shot at her,” he explains.
“Ugh, I fucking hate that pool,” Bellamy mutters. There’s a drop of blood on his lips, and Ansel licks it off with a smirk. “My turn.”
“I won’t say no, even if Abbott thinks it’s a bad idea,” Ansel says.
“Ugh, it’s not a bad idea, it’s simply not the responsible thing to do. After everything, I have to say fuck responsibility,” Abbott sighs.
“What happened after you shot at Avery?” I ask Shiloh, watching as Ansel bites Bellamy’s forearm. It’s where there was a bite bond before. While it’s healed, it no longer has the shimmery look that a healed bite bond usually does since that evil cunt broke the bonds.
“I put explosives in the chamber, closed the door and blew it up,” Shiloh says smugly. “Unfortunately, I’m not a hundred percent sure she’s dead, because there was too much smoke for me to check. I squirreled after that and found Jake.”
“She’s a cockroach,” Bellamy complains, “I bet the bitch is alive.”
He and Ansel look a lot more relaxed now that they’ve solidified their bond again, and I decide I want that too. Right now, there’s a slight, happy buzzing from Shiloh, but I need more.
“Bite, Alpha,” I purr, pouting at Shiloh. He groans as he watches me, and I know he won’t be able to tell me no.
“You’re too tempting, even in this bed,” he mutters. “Abbott, how can you possibly say no to her?”
“I can’t,” he complains, stalking toward me. “Can you handle both of us?”
“Ahh, pretty sure I have,” I tease him.
They’re my safe place. The past seems less black when they’re here, and I’m going to hold onto that. Maybe therapy will help at some point, or I can kill everything that’s ever hurt me.
“Is it bad to kill people as therapy?” I ask suddenly.
“Absolutely not. Is that what you want to do?” Abbott asks, sitting next to me.
“Yes,” Bell and I say at the same time.
“I want to move past it, while knowing the past can’t hurt me because I watched it die,” I admit. “Does that make me a bad person?”
“Never,” Ansel says, leaning back in his chair so he can see us all. “Do you want to be part of it, or just watch it?”
“I have to be part of it,” Bellamy says, wincing at how adamant he was about it.
“I do too. The things that happened, the sounds…” I shake my head as I remember Cassidy’s multiple rapes.
“Winter,” Shiloh whispers, his hand rubbing his chest. “Baby, you need to tell me. Please. Fuck, this hurts.”
“Cassidy alpha barked us,” I say softly.
“What?” Abbott asks with wide eyes.
“She didn’t want us to see what happened to her,” Bellamy adds.
“I think that the only way to break our bonds was to exhaust us physically, emotionally, and mentally. That’s why Avery spent hours making me swim and bleeding me.
We weren’t allowed to sleep, they tried to drown Winter, and electrocuted us.
This all happened while we were blind. Cassidy alpha barked us to close our eyes, and then wasn’t able to remove the command because she was gagged while she was continually raped for fucking hours. ”
“Fuck me,” Abbott breathes.
“We all wanted to die, and I think that’s why Avery was able to break the bonds. We were weak,” I say, beginning to cry.
“I do not see weakness,” Abbott growls, his hand cupping my cheek as he leans forward. “I see survivors. Do you hear me?”
“Yes,” I sniffle. “I don’t know how to feel about it all.”
“You just feel,” Shiloh murmurs, lifting my arm to kiss the inside of my wrist. “Ready, Kitten? Looks like you’re getting all your bonds today.”
“Ready,” I confirm.
“I can’t be left out,” Abbott says, taking my arm connected to the IV carefully.
If Cassidy was so affected by losing both bonds, I wonder how awful it was for Abbott. I don’t believe in rubbing salt in open wounds, so I won’t ask.
My eyelids slide shut as they both bite me, and I sigh as the bond snaps into place.
“Mmm,” I say happily. While there’s pain from the bites, I hurt in so many other places, it doesn’t even faze me.
There’s simply a feeling of rightness at having two of my alphas officially bonded with me again.
“I want to be that happy,” Bellamy pouts, watching me as I open my eyes.
“It feels really good,” I admit. “Gimme, Abbott.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he chuckles, handing over his wrist. “I missed you a lot.”
“I missed you too,” I say honestly. “I thought it was going to kill me when she gave me the injection.”
“It’s….oh fuck that’s evil,” Shiloh says. “Hopefully I blew all that shit to hell and back. She didn’t have anything with her but the clothes she was wearing when I blew up that chamber.”
“I have a really bad feeling that she's still alive,” Bellamy admits as I take Abbott’s wrist and bite down.
“I’m going to have Seren tattoo my bites too,” Abbott murmurs happily. “Fuck, there’s my girl.”
The rest of my bond snaps into place, and I shudder as I begin to sob. I felt so empty without this. I need my alphas to feel whole now. All of my life, I needed Bellamy and them.
I was lucky enough to find Bellamy at sixteen, and now my life is complete. My sadness is still there. I know it’s not a cure, but they definitely give me stability. I don’t think I would have survived without Cassidy during everything either.
The universe gives you people, and it’s your responsibility to hold onto them tightly. I swear at that moment that I’ll never let them go.
Not ever again.
Releasing Abbott, I pull in a shuddering gasp.
“Let it out,” he whispers, squeezing my fingers. He doesn’t tell me to suck it up, or that it’ll be okay.
He just gives me the space to feel the shit show of emotions inside of me.
“I’ve been really sick this whole time,” I confess. “I couldn’t stop puking, and outside of when we were detoxing, I’ve always had a really strong stomach. I don’t want to throw up again because I’m too emotional.”