Chapter 32
Nadia
“So you’ve decided to transition.” Riley smiled as she sat back in her chair. “And you’re sure about that? It’s not like treatment is a one-way street to Wolfsville and once you’re on it, there’s no getting off, but it does make suppressants less likely to work.”
“I am.” Looking from side to side, I got the full range of reactions from the guys.
Tex held my hand, giving a squeeze, then smiling down at me while Grey sat there, arms folded, staring Riley down like she was a threat rather than my saviour.
“I don’t know if I want to be a mother, but I do know I want to have the choice. ”
“OK, so let’s discuss how the process will go,” Riley said, turning her screen around so I could see a diagram displayed.
“What we’ve worked out is that if you were born in an alpha town, you’d go through puberty normally.
Your pituitary gland would send female hormones into your body, starting the process of sexual maturity. Omega wolf shifters…”
She tapped a button and a little animation showed a small gland pumping something else.
“Being around the different packs would trigger another set of hormones that would also prepare your body for a shift.”
“So is that what’s happening now?” I asked, moving in my seat.
“In a way, but the delayed or latent response is more like peri-menopause than puberty. If you’re anything like most latents, your levels of hormone are fluctuating wildly.
Some days you’ll feel this close to shifting.
” Was that the growing tension I felt in my body, like I was standing on the edge of something, unsure whether to jump back or leap over into the abyss below?
“Others you’ll wonder what all this fuss is, feeling perfectly normal.
What we’ll do is slowly titrate up the levels of hormones needed to make your first shift. ”
“You might meet your wolf today.” Tex’s thumb rubbed against my knuckle as he stared down at me. “Can’t wait to meet her.”
“And the risks?”
Grey’s voice was like a splash of cold water to the face.
“As I said to Nadia, there’s a possibility of being stuck mid shift,” Riley informed him. He sucked in a breath to reply, but she forged on. “And we have protocols for dealing with that. There are sedatives, muscle relaxants and beta blockers to reduce the impact of adrenaline on the heart.”
“Shouldn’t that be omega blockers?” I said in a thin voice.
“All I can say is we’ve done this before,” Riley told me. “We’re ready and prepared for anything that might happen.”
“But maybe it’ll be a snap,” Tex said. “Nadia’s said she’s experienced a lot of physical changes already. She could be producing a lot of those wolf hormones herself.”
“Maybe.” Riley nodded then turned back to me.
“What we’re proposing is that we’ll place a small implant under your skin.
It will give us real time data about your hormone levels, heart rate, etcetera.
That information will be fed back to our databases and any time you’re having the kind of dramatic spike associated with a shift, our team will mobilise, ready to assist. It’s why we need you to stay at Crowe Corp until you’ve successfully shifted for the first time. ”
It was lucky there was no implant in place right now, because my heart was pounding.
Was I sure about this? Last night it seemed straightforward, but right now it felt like I was laying myself on the line for the possibility of having a child I didn’t even know if I wanted.
My fingers found a small hole in my yoga pants and I picked at it, making it a little bigger, right up until a hand grabbed mine.
I looked up to see Grey, silver eyed and staring down at me.
“If this is what you want, then I’ll be with you every step of the way,” he told me. “If you change your mind, I’ll support that too. Potential kids don’t matter to me. You do.”
I clung to his hand like a drowning woman might a lifeline. Somehow that was enough to slow my racing heart.
“OK, so when do we start?” I asked with just a little trepidation.
“Now, if you’re up for it.” Riley got to her feet, then ushered us into the hallway.
“We’ll put the implant in, then start the first dose of hormones.
You’ll stay in an observation room for an hour so we can watch you closely and ensure the chip is providing accurate data.
After that, you can do what you like, as long as you stay in the building.
” She smiled. “But being around your potential mates helps a lot. They’re the ones that helped start you on this journey, so the more contact you have, the better. ”
“Can you write that on a prescription, doc?” Tex pulled me back against him and I admit, that warm body helped settle something in me. “Knowing that touching my omega is a medical necessity would be kinda cool.”
Whatever comfort he might provide, that evaporated when we walked into the observation room.
Glass walls, monitors everywhere, and yet another medical gown to put on killed the mood.
I sat down on the vinyl stool provided as the guys ranged about the room.
Grey watched everything with a frown, but Tex was right there beside me.
“You’ve got this, omega. We’re fated to be together, so you’ll come out the other side in one piece. I just know it.”
Which was great for him. As Riley cleaned her hands, then snapped on latex gloves, all certainty left me. My heels hit the edge of the stool and my muscles quivered, ready to run the fuck out of the room when she lifted a strange gun-like piece of equipment.
“This is the quickest and most painless way to place the chip,” she told me. “With your permission, I’ll place it against your bicep, and you’ll hear a loud click, then a small sting and then that part will be done.”
No, I wanted to say. No, I did not want that to happen, but of course, this was what I had agreed to. Unable to trust myself to speak, I nodded sharply.
“Little sting,” she said in a soft voice as the cold metal pressed against my arm.
If it did hurt, I didn’t feel it. It felt like the stool, the cool air, and the stiff cotton of the gown disappeared as my heart rate picked up again.
I wasn’t here. This wasn’t happening, so when Riley pulled away, I blinked and looked down at my arm.
There was a small red mark there, the only evidence that something had happened.
“Now, lets see if that’s sending a signal to our equipment.
” Riley crossed the floor, staring at the row of monitors as they all lit up.
Numbers, charts, diagrams all appeared. “Interesting. Your hormone levels have already spiked from yesterday, which is promising.” She glanced our way.
“Must be because you’re spending a lot more time around your mates. ”
“So we’ve gotta stay in close proximity?” Tex’s arms went around me, but right now, I could barely feel the weight of them. “Sounds good to me.”
“Can that be a bad thing?” Grey frowned at Tex, then turned to Riley. “What if we push Nadia too hard, too fast?”
She glanced up at the screen that showed my heart rate, then back at me.
“Your omega is the one to answer that question, not me. Be led by her.”
What a ridiculous idea, I thought. The definition of the blind leading the blind.
I had no instincts… That thought trailed away as something moved inside me.
The sensation was freaking weird, like a muscle spasm or something.
I jumped off the stool, breaking contact with Tex as my hands slapped down over my stomach.
It was like a period cramp or really bad gut pain, and yet it didn’t hurt so much as just feel odd.
“Everything OK?” Grey appeared before me, hands slapping down on my shoulders. “Nadia.”
My breath came out in a rush.
“I… yeah. That just felt really strange. Stopped as soon as you touched me though.”
I was pulled into a full-body embrace.
“Then that’s what I’ll do.” A hand slid down my back slowly, as if learning the shape of me, then moved in small circles that grew firmer and more confident with each pass.
“Good,” Riley said. “Very good. You’re bringing Nadia’s heart rate down nicely, Grey.”
“If one alpha helps, how about two?”
Suddenly I was the middle of an alpha sandwich, and that was just about as amazing as I’d thought it would be. My legs sagged as it felt like every muscle relaxed at the same time.
“Alright, if you’re up for it, we’ll attach the hormone pump.
” Some of the feel good sensations faded as Riley held up a small device.
“We took the idea from insulin pumps. They are able to read a diabetic’s blood sugar level and inject insulin as needed, allowing for far better control.
This will do the same. The chip will relay information about your hormone levels and when they drop, the device will top them up, while also slowly titrating them to the kinds of levels we see in non latents. ”
“Via a needle.” My eyes narrowed as I inspected the device. “You didn’t say anything about having a needle in me the entire time.” I definitely did not like that idea at all. “What if we just try things naturally? Maybe my hormones will work themselves out.”
“The needle is nothing like the ones you get for blood tests,” she said in soothing tones. “Its so fine you won’t even notice it. Of course, if you want to wait and see if nature will step up and help you through the process, that’s fine.”
No one else said a thing, but all eyes were on me. My decision, that’s what they were waiting for. I needed to make the call, but every part of me rebelled. What was once hot and sexy and fun was somehow now cool and clinical, and I freaking hated that.
But it was what I signed up for.
“OK.” I held out an arm, then realised I had no idea how this would work. “Where does it go?”
“The pump will attach on one of your hips,” she said, “then we clip the device to your belt or waistband. You can wear it in the shower or swimming or whatever. We designed it to be as unobtrusive as possible.”
So why didn’t it feel that way?
I stared at the polished floor, counting every fleck of grey as I felt people moving around me.
Fingers touching my skin, something pulling my t-shirt up, then tucking it into my waistband.
Another prick to go with the antsy feeling crawling up and down my arms, then just cool air, emptiness which had me looking up.
“You’re all set up.” Riley’s concern was palpable. “But we don’t need to start hormone therapy right now.”
“Another day might be a good idea.”
Grey’s growl had my head swinging his way, just in time to catch the white gleams of his knuckles as he held his fists down at his side.
“What do you think, Nadia?” Tex asked, but before I could answer, the door to the room swung open.
“You’ve got a visitor,” Colt said, ushering a familiar figure in.
“Hey.” Ethan slapped a pile of letters into his empty palm.
“Some invoices came in and… I figured you’d want to process the payments, Grey.
” If that was the case, why was he staring at me, those bright blue eyes bleeding silver as he looked down, noticing the device at my waist?
“The pump looks like its had a redesign.” As he moved closer, the scent of sun-dried laundry filled my nose, as well as the ozone of the sea.
Ethan’s spare hand flexed, but before he could touch the pump, he pulled it back.
“So you’re going through this?” he asked me.
Was I? With a shuddering breath, I nodded slowly.
“Yep,” I said with a bravado I didn’t feel. “Let’s dial this thing up to eleven and see what happens.”