Chapter 36
Nadia
I was asleep in my childhood bedroom. Sun was streaming in through the window and our old labrador, Goldie, was nudging me in the ribs.
This is why I was a cat person. The damn dog would put her cold nose against your skin and then give you a shove for good measure.
With a groan, I rolled over, opening my eyes to see not my parent’s dog, but her.
“Whoa…”
I scrambled into a seated position to stare at a massive white wolf just sitting there. Her jaws opened, and she panted gently as if in welcome. Moving slowly, I peered at her, taking in the long, silky fur, the ears that were swivelling right now, then a very familiar set of brown eyes.
I stared at them each time I looked in the mirror.
“Are you…?”
Reaching out slowly, as if not to scare the beast, her feet moved.
I felt that same strange sensation inside me as a result, though it was muted now.
My body felt… heavy, like my hand was a boulder I was trying to heave through space.
Fingers outstretched, I made a small sound of protest, but that did me little good.
The wolf seemed to get further and further away as the seconds ticked by, only to shiver, then disappear completely as soon as I touched her.
Her sudden absence allowed something far less welcome in.
Pain.
When I was a kid, I got migraines. They were so much more painful than a headache, they almost needed a different classification.
Throbbing skull, lighting flashes of light playing across my eyes, even as I screwed my lids shut.
My world narrowed down to just the ice pick of agony stabbing into my brain.
That’s what this felt like.
I couldn’t sit still and just allow it to happen, but moving was like wading through quicksand. Shifting back and forth, demanding my body obey me, finally had my eyes opening, only to see Ethan staring down at me. Before I could ask why, a wave of intense nausea had my mouth flooding with bile.
“I’m gonna be sick.”
“On it.”
Being carried into the bathroom would be very romantic if my guts weren’t lurching, ejecting all the junk food I’d eaten into the toilet the moment I was set down on the floor in front of it. Over and over, my body convulsed, long past the point of being emptied.
“It’s OK,” Ethan murmured, holding my hair back and rubbing circles between my shoulder blades. “You’re OK.”
But I really wasn’t.
That same heavy feeling had my hand slapping down on the cistern, missing the flush button, then trying again and again before Ethan did the job for me. My legs tried to move to get me to my feet and quickly failed.
“What…?” I mumbled, head swaying. “What’s wrong with me?”
“You tried to shift in your sleep.” Ethan’s arms went around me again, helping me over to the bathroom sink.
I cupped my hands under the water once I turned the tap on, glad to rinse my mouth out.
I should’ve brushed my teeth, but that was apparently the extent of my abilities.
Wavering on my feet, I blinked owlishly up at him.
“Were partially successful.” He tried for a smile, but even I could see how fragile it was. “Your wolf has white fur.”
“I know.” I frowned slightly, then remembered my dream. “I think I saw her when I was sleeping.” Stretching out my arms, I turned them from side to side. “Though I’m assuming I didn’t actually manage to shift.”
“You don’t remember what happened?”
Ethan grew intent, stepping forward, which stirred something. A flicker of sorts, tiny snippets of different memories, rapidly edited together. Pain, so much pain, that had me hissing. My muscles jumping, my bones—
“Not really,” I replied, pushing that aside. “Just that it hurt.” My eyes met his, looking for clues and why was that. “Badly, right?”
“If you can’t remember, that’s possibly a blessing in disguise,” Ethan said, his hands finding my arms to steady me. “If I thought I had exaggerated how shit this process is, seeing you before?” He shook his head. “Made clear I hadn’t.”
“So what did happen?” My arms wrapped around myself, the pressure somewhat comforting. “All I remember was going for a nap with Tex and then…” Those flickers started up again, growing more and more insistent. “I woke up and you were holding me.”
“Right, so, we think that when you were asleep, whatever is keeping the wolf down was set aside. She tried to make an appearance.” His grip tightened, then he let go of my arms and stepped backwards.
“Not strong enough to make it all the way through the shift, you got…” He was struggling with this, that was obvious.
Eyes everywhere as he began to move in aimless little circles.
“Stuck. That’s the dangerous part. You need to use massive amounts of energy to shift, so it naturally only takes seconds.
Latents struggle with that. In the past, people died trying to shift into their beast or back to human, because they didn’t have enough energy to maintain basic things like your heart beating. ”
“Right.” Why did I suddenly feel so cold? My hands rubbed at my arms, trying to improve the circulation. “So then what happened?”
“Riley and Candy replied to the distress call. They assessed you, decided that you’d been stuck too long for them to let you continue trying to shift, and so they gave you some sedatives to knock you out.
” It felt like his words echoed off the walls, getting louder and louder as each second ticked by.
“The wolf was pushed back and you slept for a while.”
“And where were…” I didn’t want to say the words, but I had to. “Where were my so-called mates during all of this?”
The look he gave me was somewhat apologetic. For just a moment, he stared at me and I stared right back, making clear I needed an answer.
“Tex tried to talk you through it.” His voice sounded thin, insubstantial but that was perhaps because of the shrill whine building up inside my head. “Pretty sure he thought he could just manifest your wolf for you with a few upbeat phrases.”
I liked Ethan’s sardonic tone very much.
“And Grey… He didn’t want to go.”
“But he did,” I said. “He did, didn’t he? This attempted shift could’ve killed me.” I looked down to see the little pump was ticking again, pumping hormones into my body. “And he couldn’t even stick around to see if I lived or died.”
“Grey…” Ethan shook his head. “I should make excuses for him, but I can’t.
He should’ve stayed. I do know one thing about the bloke.
If he left, it was because he felt he had to.
His control over his wolf is not great. It takes everything he’s got to keep a lid on his beast and I think he was worried about what he’d do if he didn’t. ”
“Right.” My snort was an ugly sound. “This isn’t what happens in my books.
Alphas don’t bail on their omegas.” That was the moment when I looked over Ethan with fresh eyes.
“But you didn’t.” I finally dropped my hands.
“Holding me as I slept. Pulling my hair back as I vomited.” With a slow shake of my head, I continued.
“Seems like a lot for a friend to have to deal with.”
“Nadia—”
I hated that tone. The one men used when they wanted to head off your anger before you’d even had a chance to feel it.
“Is this something you do for all of your female friends?” My eyebrow rose slowly. “Or am I somehow special?”
He was doing so well, up until now. Calm, measured, he gave me all the facts I needed to work out what to do next.
Except for this.
His hands flexed, becoming fists, but when they relaxed, I saw fur, claws form. Someone else’s wolf was close to the surface. I felt her move inside me, what I assumed was my wolf. A small, almost furtive movement, but there if you knew where to look.
“I meant to tell you,” he said. “It’s why I came by today. The bills? I could’ve just dropped them off so someone could pass them onto Grey, but…”
“But?” I prompted.
“In my defence, everyone made the mate bond seem like this cosmic event. I thought I’d just know instantly. When we met… And afterwards…” His hands fell to his sides. “Nadia, I didn’t even know myself until last night.”
“Knew what?”
There was a throaty growl to my voice now.
“That you… and I… Fuck.” His hands raked his hair back from his face and when he met my gaze, his eyes were pure silver.
“You’re right, I wouldn’t hang around to watch a friend sleep.
I’d make sure she was OK, safe, getting the medical assistance she needed, but once it was clear she was going to sleep it off, I’d have left her to it. My mate—”
“No.” I shook my head. “No.”
“I can’t explain why Grey did what he did, because short of being dragged out of that room by the scruff of my neck, there was no way I was leaving your side. Nadia—”
“No.”
“You’re my fated mate.”
That restless feeling was irresistible now. My feet, her paws, they moved as one, pacing across the floor.
“I don’t deserve your consideration. Here am I criticising Grey, when I did…” I paused at the sound of his voice cracking. “I did the exact same thing. You’re right, this isn’t like the books or movies, because every single one of us has let you down, right when you needed us the most.”
I turned slowly, my eyes feeling unusually keen as I looked him over.
“Don’t accept the bond. Don’t take me as your mate, but…” He took one step closer, then stopped when I bared my teeth. “Just let me look after you. If anyone can get you through your first shift, its me. Give me that and I’ll… get the fuck out of your hair and leave you to your life.”
I should’ve said yes. It was there, right on the end of my tongue, ready to be said, but the sound of a door opening stopped me.
Footsteps approached and then the bathroom door was pulled open, filled quickly by the sight of Tex and Grey.
The former shot me a sheepish smile that quickly faded and Grey looked ashen pale, but that wasn’t my focus. The fact I had no way out was.
“Hey, you’re awake.” Tex tried for cheerful and failed hopelessly. “Riley said you’d be hungry so I went down to the cafeteria and bought up a bunch of things.”
“What I need…” Where was this strength coming from? I didn’t get a chance to question it as I pushed past the lot of them. Grabbing my phone and a hoodie, I shoved the device in my pocket, then headed for the door. “Is some space.”
“Omega—”
“Nadia—”
“My mate—”
For just a second, I closed my eyes, hearing all these labels but not yet willing to wear any of them.
“You were allowed to bail when things got too much for you,” I said in a crisp voice. “Well, I’m doing the same.”
Upon leaving the suite, I realised I then had to decide where to go.
Marching up to the elevator, I walked inside as soon as it opened.
Staring at the buttons, I punched the top floor, hoping it opened out on some rooftop or something.
Instead, I was greeted by a very nice looking lobby, some offices, and then saw the fire door on the side.
Opening it, climbing the steps, I emerged out onto the roof.
Wind tugged at my hair, the stink of fuel, smoke, the city brought with it as I fished out my phone.
Helena would be at work right now, but maybe…
? I tapped her contact, putting through a call seconds later.
“C’mon…” I muttered. “Pick up. Pick up.”
“Heyy…” I could hear her grin in her voice. “How’s my girl? Having hot monkey sex while also on leave from work?”
“Hel…” I said.
“Shit.” There was a frantic rustle, then her voice dropped several octaves. “Are you OK? Tell me who did what, otherwise I’ll just have to kick all of their arses at once.”
I sank down on a concrete slab and found myself smiling despite the fact my eyes ached, then filled her in on what was happening.