Chapter 37
Grey
It was times like this I understood why my parents treated me the way they did. For all intents and purposes, they hated me. Well, right now, I felt the exact same way.
I’d left the room, moving blindly as I fought the wolf.
People passed me in the halls, then shrank back from what they saw, because who wouldn’t when they saw a man half shifting into a wolf, then back again, over and over, until the seams of my clothes screamed in protest?
It was only when I realised I’d walked back into the gym that I knew what to do.
Power a treadmill up, set a punishing pace, and start running.
But it wasn’t enough to stop the wolf.
Claim her! His roar filled my head, crowding everything out, including the sounds of my pants. She is in agony—
And that’s no reason to take away our mate’s autonomy. My legs pumped, my feet slamming down on the treadmill. Nadia has not chosen us. She may never choose us, and—
She might never get a chance because you left her to die.
I stumbled, forced to grip the treadmill railing or be thrown from the piece of equipment. Before I got a chance, someone else killed the motor. Looking up, I saw Blake and Ryan standing there, arms crossed.
“Riley said there’s been an emergency in your suite,” Ryan said, his eyes hardening as he took my state in. Blake shifted slightly closer, looking me up and down, seeing all the places the wolf pushed through, as if preparing for a fight. “What’re you doing here?”
“Have to run.” I tried firing the treadmill up again, but the power cord had been disconnected.
Leaping from the platform, I went to plug it back in, but Blake stood in my path.
The biggest of the Taylor alphas, he was one of the few that gave my wolf pause.
The slow grin that formed on my face was my beast’s, not mine. “Can’t be in that room right now.”
“Why not?” Blake’s voice was a deep rumble. “Nadia is going through this because her latent side was awakened by you and your pack.”
“I know.” All the despair I tried to keep stuffed down rose again and the wolf surged in response. My lips peeled back, revealing fangs, my shirt seams popping as my biceps and chest grew. “I know this is my fault. I know I should be there with her.”
“So why aren’t you?”
“The wolf…” I paced, back and forth, back and forth, because if they wouldn’t let me run, then I needed to keep moving.
“If I stay in that room, he’ll shove your mate and Candy to one side.
Everyone will get pushed out of the way.
” In my mind, I saw with perfect clarity the wolf’s intention.
“When she’s in my arms, I’d hold her, tell her she was mine, and then…
” When I looked up, both their eyes shone silver.
“I’d claim her, whether Nadia wanted it or not. ”
I bit off every single word of the last sentence.
“Fuck…”
Ryan glanced at the doorway, then back at me, as if assessing his options in real time, but he had to know. The only person capable of stopping me was me, and so that’s what I was doing.
“You’ve taken a moment to get your head straight.” Blake’s tone was far softer now. “That was the right choice.”
“Glad you approve,” I said, brushing past him and heading towards the power point.
“But if you’ve got enough control to stop yourself from doing something real fucking dumb when Nadia was mid-shift.” Someone else said that, which forced me to pause. “Then it stands to reason you could use that same iron control to keep a lid on that wolf of yours while our mate suffers.”
Tex.
He didn’t realise how fucking lucky he was. The list of people that could say shit like that to me was short, but for some reason his name was on it.
“And you’re here because…?” I asked, taking one stiff-legged step towards him, then another.
“Nadia has been sedated.” His eyes dropped to the floor. “She’s sleeping the attempted shift off, but we need to be there when she wakes up.”
“She’s…” My throat was bone dry, but I forced the words out. “She’s alright?”
We would feel it if our mate was hurt permanently, the wolf said. Or I would. It’s the only reason why I let you run on your stupid, pointless machine.
Not for the first time did I swallow down a curse at my beast.
“Nadia’s unconscious, so not sure I’d call that alright. We have to see how she is when she wakes up.”
I nodded to Blake and Ryan, not trusting myself to speak and with the same urgency that I’d left the suite, I headed back there. Muffled voices came from inside Nadia’s room and I placed my hand on the door, trying to make out what was said, before walking in.
The look on my mate’s face.
Her eyes weren’t brown or grey anymore. Instead they were cold, bright silver, staring me down, and I deserved every part of the silent judgement. She shook her head, those full lips twisting into the bitterest of smiles.
“You were allowed to bail when things got too much for you.” Her words were like a punch to the gut and I leaned into the blows, craving the pain. “Well, I’m doing the same.”
Follow her! the wolf snapped. Beg for forgiveness. Tell her how unworthy you are and hope she deigns to keep you around.
But I couldn’t.
Nadia was right. We took space because we needed it and she was doing the same, so the wolf was forced to concede ground.
“That went about as well as I thought it would.” Ethan shook his head. “Are we going to talk about this, come up with a battle plan, or just muddle through, fucking things up even worse than we have already?”
“What. Plan?” I growled.
My heart didn’t want this. Plans were things my wolf laughed in the face of, right as he did exactly as he pleased.
“The plan where the three of us pull together and help Nadia through an agonisingly painful process,” Ethan stated bluntly.
“Where you get it together enough to stay in the room and use all of that strength of yours to help her, not leave her to suffer. Where Tex stops thinking he can kumbaya his way through every damn thing.”
“What did you do?” I snapped at Tex.
“Pretty much what Ethan said.” Seeing the man’s eyes drop to the floor was a novel sight. “I didn’t think it would be that bad. Nadia’s an omega. She was born to shift, so I don’t get why its so hard.”
“I do.” Ethan’s smile was utterly mirthless. “Unfortunately educating the two of you is going to be my role in all of this. I confessed to Nadia what she is to me.”
“During her attempted shift or afterwards?” I asked.
“After. Still shitty bloody timing and honestly, I’m expecting her to reject the bond.” Ethan’s back straightened as he looked at us. “But no matter what, I’ll be right there by her side, helping her in any way I can, until she tells me to piss off. So, are you lot in?”
The note of challenge in his voice was what had my back stiffening, but then his words sank in. Forced to pause, I considered the idea.
“I never wanted to walk out,” I said. “It took everything I had. While Nadia fought her wolf, I did the same with mine, because he was utterly determined to mark our mate there and then.”
“Shit…” Ethan hissed.
“If you can think of some way for me to keep my fangs to myself while supporting our mate through this, then…” I considered each man. “I’m in. Of course, I’m in.”
“You’re the only one who’s got some kind of understanding of what’s going on,” Tex said with a nod, “so yeah, Golden Boy, hit us with whatever you’ve got. Can’t be any worse than what’s already happened.”
“You’d think that.” Ethan scrubbed at his face. “Well, imagine the worst pain you’ve ever been in and then times that by a thousand…”
Everything he said confirmed what I suspected.
Each word was like a slap to the face, but I bore it.
If that’s what it took to help Nadia, I’d submit to it, over and over again.
She might not choose me, might not be able to forgive me walking out, but that didn’t change what was required of me.
When she finally took fur, when her wolf had me in her sights, she’d either trot over and shove her nose in my hand, or she’d turn tail and run, out of my life forever.
I just had to wait and see what she would choose.