Chapter 41
Grey
“Jess…?”
I walked in the back door, instantly hit by the familiar sights and smells of my old home.
It was still early in the morning, so she might be at the bus stop, seeing the school-aged kids off.
Expecting to sit down and wait, I went to turn the kettle on but was greeted by the sound of thundering feet.
“Grey Grey!”
Tyler was a funny little guy and he burst into the kitchen, then launched himself at me, forcing me to reach out and sweep him into my arms. Last time he’d rugby tackled me, he’d head-butted my nuts, which didn’t go down well.
The cub is getting bigger, the wolf informed me.
So he was.
“Oof!” I made a show of staggering under his weight as I hoisted him up on my hip, which just got the kid giggling. This apparently was a call-to-arms for the others. More shouts, more footsteps echoed through the house as I turned to Tyler. “You’re getting huge, little man.”
“‘Big and strong!” Tyler announced, flexing his little arms. “Like you, Grey Grey.”
“Just like me,” I agreed, pressing a kiss to his forehead, then setting him down on the kitchen counter, because the cavalry had arrived.
“Grey…!” Kids came streaming in through the door only to mill around my feet. “Jess, Grey is here!”
“So I heard.” The woman herself appeared in the doorway, stopping for a second to smile at me before bustling over when the kettle boiled. “Tea for me, pitch black coffee for you, right?”
“Always.” The mugs were in the same place, so were the spoons, coffee grounds and tea bags, so I grabbed them all, as well as a tin of Milo. Shaking it, I asked the kids, “And a Milo with extra scoops for you little monsters?”
The ragged cheer that went up had Jess rolling her eyes.
“They’ll be hyper all day having that much sugar.”
“That’s been scientifically debunked.” I set more mugs out, knowing that Charlotte liked the princess mug and Joey liked the blue one, then started spooning massive heaped tablespoons of the malty, chocolatey drink power into each cup.
“Anyway, every Aussie kid knows you measure Milo with your heart, not a teaspoon.”
Pouring out the hot water, I let her tea steep as I mixed my coffee and the kids’ drinks.
Setting them up around the kitchen island, the children all took seats, knowing that hot drinks needed to be handled carefully.
Joey still took an experimental sip, then jerked back, fanning his mouth to cool it.
“So what brings you by?” Jess shot me a knowing look. “You know I love catching up with you but…”
“But I don’t do it enough.” I met her gaze head on. “I’m sorry, Jess—”
“There’s no need.”
Jess was like a deep, still pool and every time I was around her, it was like a whole-body exhale. The wolf went quiet the moment I stepped into the house, his usual commentary trailing away.
Because this is the family den, he informed me. Jess is our pack mother. We will bring our cubs here one day and she will care for them as she did us.
“You and every other kid that’s stayed here are always welcome back.” She reached over and squeezed my arm. “You know that. So, what’s going on with you? How’s that mate of yours and when are you bringing her around to meet the clan?”
“When we can be sure she can shift properly.” I took a long sip of coffee, the scalding, bitter brew a perfect match for the acidic roil of fear in my gut. “Nadia is staying at Crowe Corp for the moment.”
Jess nodded slowly, dangling her tea bag, then pulling it free to drop in the small compost bin.
“They’re good people, but I remember what it was like when you were struggling. This must be a scary time for you, Grey.”
For a moment, I just stood there, staring into her eyes. It was like I could count every fleck of amber, green, and brown in the irises.
“Scary…” I tried to smile and failed, my face too stiff.
The chatter of the children in the background was a soothing sound, but it wasn’t enough to settle me.
I’d had to explain to the wolf explicitly why we were coming around home, not staying right there with Nadia the entire way. “You could say that.”
“Finish your Milos,” Jess said, turning to the kids. “Rinse the cups and put them in the sink, then you guys can turn the TV on. Bluey is about to start.”
“Bluey!”
I should’ve been offended, being so easily ignored in favour of a cartoon dog, but the quiet that settled over the kitchen when they were all done was a welcome thing.
“So, tell me about it,” Jess said, nodding to the back deck. “Your mate, what you’re going through. Grey…” Her hand went to my cheek. “I haven’t seen you look this pale since the moment this boy with huge blue eyes was brought in through my front door.”
“About that.” I swallowed the rest of my coffee, then rinsed the cup and set it on the draining board, just like she taught me. “I want you to meet Nadia, to fill you in on what’s happened, but first.” I opened the door for her, following her out onto the deck. “I need to ask some questions.”
“Sure.”
She settled back into the wooden outdoor chair with a small sigh.
“How did…?” This felt too stupid to ask. “You know I struggled to control my animal.”
“I remember.” She shot me a wry look. “Does the wolf still talk to you?”
I shook my head.
“All the time. The prick has an opinion about every damn thing.”
“And what does he think about your mate?” she asked in careful tones.
“He’s obsessed by her.” I flopped into a nearby chair. “Has been since the moment I laid eyes on Nadia.” With a flush, I remembered exactly how that happened, then looked over at my foster mother. “That’s part of the problem. Nadia is a latent. She’s struggling to shift.”
“Shit, Grey…”
She leaned forward and turned to face me.
“And right when she needs me to hold it together, I…” My hands trembled and before my eyes, fur prickled across my skin and claws formed. Muscles stretched the seams of my shirt as I started to Hulk out. “I lose it. Seeing her hurting, hearing her scream, I…”
A hand landed on my forearm and suddenly, my heart slowed. Nails reappeared, as did skin, and I let out a long shuddering breath.
“What is that?” I took her hand in mine. “How do you do that? Whenever I’m around you, I calm down and suddenly I’m completely in control. Like is this some weird foster parent hoodoo you guys learn or something?”
“Don’t you know?” She smiled gently. “Grey, you were half-feral, out of control when you came here, and the department was very wary of placing you in my home. They were concerned about me, the other kids, and I admit, so was I on some level. But when we first met, when I stared into your eyes, I saw something.” A squeeze of my arm.
“You were like a wolf starved of food, water, light…” She patted it before pulling back.
“A pack. I knew I had to earn your trust, integrate you into the family we had in this place, and then once you had that connection, you’d protect every single one of us with everything you had. ”
I was quiet, didn’t say much, but worked hard in class.
Teachers liked me, right up until the moment they didn’t.
If someone started on one of the other foster kids, all bets were off.
I’d sail over my desk and be in the bully’s face in seconds, ready to throw down.
Never once did I fight someone for my own sake, but anyone that lived under this roof?
I lived and died for them. We’d all gone our separate ways now, but back then…
“So was it the breathing exercises?” I asked. “Or the visualisations…” My voice trailed away as she shook her head.
“This probably isn’t what you want to hear right now, but it was love.
” My rude snort had her smiling. “I know it sounds cheesy, but that’s what it was.
Humans need connection and no one had bothered to do that with you.
The wolf protected you from your parents’ crap and then it just kept everyone at arm’s length, making clear it would bite first, ask questions later, but your beast?
He’s a beautiful creature. Such soft fur.
Loved a good belly scratch. Scared the freaking hell out of me the first time he appeared, but I dunno.
I saw past the raised hackles and fangs that could tear me to pieces, because somehow I just knew he never would.
” She shrugged. “After that, we bonded. I made clear I’d always look after him and so he returned the favour. ”
Always, the wolf growled inside my head.
“But…” I leaned forward, clasping my hands. “He’s pushing me to my limits. I’m listening to my mate scream in agony and he’s trying to take over. Bite her, claim her, he keeps telling me, until I’m forced to bolt from the room lest I lose control.”
“Your wolf has always known what to do to protect you and those you care about,” she said. “It might be time to start trusting him.”
“What?” I couldn’t believe what I was saying. “Everything you taught us about consent. Nadia said she isn’t ready for the mating bond yet.”
“The wolf is the most primal part of you. On some level, he knows exactly what to do.” A self-satisfied huff filled my ears as I felt the wolf move. “If you’re struggling to work out what to do, then maybe you need to spend some time with him, asking him what he thinks?”
We sat there for a while longer, filling each other in on the minutiae of the other’s lives, but when I headed for the car, I felt a curious, hollow feeling.
Love? Bloody hell, what kind of answer was that?
Scrubbing my hand across my face, I let out a breath, then stared into the rear-vision mirror to back the car out.
Only to see silver eyes staring back at me.
I know what to do, the wolf said. I know how to help my mate.
Be there as she tries to shift. My suggestion felt like a whisper in the face of an incoming storm. Support Nadia’s choices.
She wants to meet her wolf, but she’s kept the wild side of herself locked down for so long, nothing can get past her defences, he replied.
Except me. My lips moved into a sly smile that wasn’t my own.
I am stronger, more powerful than any mental block.
If she wants to shift? Watching my fangs slowly descend was unnerving.
Then I’ll be the one to make that happen.