Chapter 18 – Zale
Chapter Eighteen
Zale
F uck. I knew he would panic, but I didn’t think he would shut me out again.
I should’ve known better. Clearly, what happens in the darkness, in the heat of the moment, when we’re stripped bare doesn’t translate to the daylight.
When Shiloh opens his door and we collide, I know that he’s once again trying to draw his lines in the sand. He’s got his fake glasses on, as if that changes anything. It’s almost amusing how he thinks those will protect him from me. He can’t hide any longer, last night I saw every inch of him and I wanted more.
There was no easy way to navigate the mess we’d made, but I wanted him to understand that we were in this together. All he had to do was say the word, give me a sign and then we would face it all together. He was mine. And I was his.
Leaning in, I inhale, hating the way the traces of us have been washed away. If I had my way, he would spend every day smelling like us. He melts under my touch, not that he wants me to know that. He wants to drive me away and silence the thing slowly taking shape between us but I can feel it, the way his tension ebbs away, and his breathing slows.
Even when he’s reminding me that we’re both here for Millie and I know he’s deliberately trying to make it painful so I'll accept the space he’s creating, his eyes are begging me to choose him.
Stepping forward, I plan to show him exactly how I feel since he refuses to listen to words, except a familiar voice interrupts, shouting my name. Together we move towards the balcony, and look down at the front door. Millie.
We’re quickly joined by everyone and Millie throws herself at me. I’m forced to catch her, or risk letting her fall, but as she buries her face in my neck, I wince, wanting to push her off me.
Before, I never minded her sweet, sugary scent, but now it makes me feel almost nauseous. It’s similar to the notes I picked up on Shiloh, only much more sweet and almost artificial.
Wanting to offer him comfort, I try to get him to meet my gaze. If he’d just look at me, he’d understand that I have no choice but to go along with this until the weekend is over.
I swallow down my amusement when I see how he’s glaring at us, while still trying to avoid my eyes. I’m not blind, the jealousy scrawled on his face when Millie launches herself at me is crystal clear. But what am I supposed to do? She isn’t a mind reader, she didn’t know that I was waiting to have a serious conversation with her. As far as she was aware, I was her boyfriend and he was her brother.
When she tells me she misses me, I freeze, not sure how to reply before I try to divert. Did I miss Millie last night and the night before?
In all honesty?
No. She’d become a shadow lingering in the back of my mind. A creature with claws, feeding my guilt. I knew, logically, that it wasn’t her fault and she was the innocent party in all of this, but I itched to finally untangle this mess. Once we talked and finally put this relationship to bed then I could be free of the rain cloud hanging over my head.
I try to get his attention again, but he’s still ignoring me, trying to pretend this thing between us doesn’t exist. But I’m not gonna let him do that anymore.
I’ll give him space because everyone has just arrived and there’s a lot going on, but I refuse to let him think that what happened was just a one-night stand (or was that a two-night stand since it was two separate days?). It doesn’t matter. He wasn’t going to beg ignorance and act like it didn’t happen.
Resolving to speak to him later when everything has calmed down, I watch as he returns to his room, retreating as if he’s folding in on himself and making himself smaller in her presence. How had I never noticed that before?
I fucking hate it.
Evans is standing in the doorway of one of the guest rooms, he’s tossed his shirt somewhere and I can see some scratches and a couple of pretty nasty bruises blossoming on his skin. He looks like he was chucked in a barrel with some bricks and rolled down a hill.
“So, what happened?” I ask, while Millie continues to hang off me.
He shakes his head, “Don’t even ask.”
Blake stands behind him with his backpack slung over his shoulder. We share a look as he nods, signaling that he’ll tell me everything later. Omegas were known to be notorious gossips, but in reality, they had nothing on football players.
“Let’s get unpacked and settled. Maybe nap. Then we can all meet back downstairs later, maybe get the grill going and turn the hot tub on?” Millie grins, and some of the others give her a thumbs up or nod before disappearing into their rooms. The Vos’ clearly like hosting since their guest rooms were all either twin beds, that could be made into doubles, or had pull out beds. I wasn’t even sure how many people they could fit in here altogether.
“Sounds like a plan,” Hunter says as he and Blake look into the room I’ve been staying in and motion to it with a thumbs up.
Squeezing past Millie, I start walking towards them, hoping to have a catch-up with them before we start hanging out with everyone else later. I wanted to know what really happened with Evans, and why Sadie was sticking to him like glue.
“Babe,” Millie grabs my arm. “Where are you going?”
Frowning, I look at her nails biting into my skin. Did she usually do that? How annoying. “I thought you wanted to go get settled in your room.”
She glances between me and the room Hunter and Blake just entered. With an annoyed sigh, she rolls her eyes. “Did Shiloh not tell you which room was mine? Did that little shit make you sleep in a guest room?”
Holding back I growl, I fake a smile. “No, I chose to sleep in the guest room. I thought it would be awkward to be in your room without you. And to be honest, I haven’t been sleeping very well lately so I’m not a very good co-sleeper.”
She presses up against me, looking up as if she wants me to kiss her. “You know that kind of thing doesn’t bother me, I just wanna be close to you.”
Carefully, I try to step backwards, but she follows me until I’m practically backed against the wall. “You’ve had a long two days, Mills. I just think it’s best if you at least have somewhere where you can get a decent night's sleep.”
She strokes my cheek, before curling her fingers in my hair. “You’re always so thoughtful trying to take care of me. I’ll have to reward you later…”
It makes my skin crawl. Surely that wasn’t a normal reaction? Last week I didn’t flinch when she touched me, did I? So why was I struggling so much now?
With a quick kiss that I wipe away as soon as she’s out of sight, she heads towards the family rooms and goes in through the door next to Shiloh’s.
After the excitement of the last couple of days, most of the others decide to have a quick afternoon nap ahead of tonight. I try to join them, laying on my bed with Hunter’s soft snores providing a steady soundtrack. After another two hours tossing and turning, I finally admit defeat. There will be no sleep for me because every time I close my eyes, all I can see are mossy green eyes staring back at me. I wanted to be curled up with him, wrapped around his smaller frame while we slept. My bed felt lonely with just me in it.
Deciding I need some fresh air, I head back downstairs and turn the hot tub on. I also can’t resist the allure of the fire pit and soon I have a steady blaze warming up the patio, even though it’s heated.
Grabbing a beer from the fridge, I pop the cap and sit watching as the sun dips behind the trees. I just needed to survive the next day or so, and then I could start working on a plan to win over Shiloh. My reactions to Millie made no sense, but if I could find a way to push through then I wouldn’t ruin her celebrations.
It would also give me some more time to start considering what I wanted from my life, and how I was going to achieve it. I always toyed with the idea of going into Sports Management, but if that was ever to become more of a reality, how could I make that happen?
“Is everything okay?” a croaky voice asks as Evans drops down into the chair next to me, looking more tired than he did earlier. Did he even sleep at all? Hunter and Blake aren’t far behind, bringing more beers. What was this? Was there some shit housemate sigil out there, beamed up in the sky like The Bat-Signal?
“Yeah.” I nod, ignoring the way all three of them are watching me.
“There’s something different about you today. It’s like you’re the same, but you’re also different somehow.” Hunter muses as he hands me a cold bottle, taking the seat on my other side while Blake leans against the balcony rail.
“Different…” I tilt my head, thinking about last night. About the call to my parents and the decisions I was making. Was different bad?
The four of us stare out at the landscape as Evans’ takes a sip of his drink, and sighs. His voice is stronger now, as if having the others with us has given him a little extra bravery. “The last couple of months it’s kinda felt like you’re only half in the room. One foot in, one foot out the door.”
“What?” Blinking, I don’t know what else to say. Where was this coming from?
“The last three weeks have been worse, but we didn’t want to say anything because we didn’t want to put any extra pressure on you.” It's like they’ve pre agreed what they’re going to say as Blake’s the one to speak this time. “You’ve been holding yourself back. Hiding whatever is it you’re dealing with. And if you wanna talk about it when you’re ready, we’re here for you.”
Nodding, I take another gulp. Quietly, I ask, “Have you ever been with somebody, but one day you look at them but it’s not the same anymore? Suddenly everything they do just doesn’t seem right—hypothetically speaking.”
The way I’d wanted to flinch away from Millie was weighing on my mind. How was I supposed to get through being around her if I couldn’t stand to be near her right now?
The heaviness of the moment is broken as Evans chuckles, his eyebrow lifting knowingly. “Did you get ‘the ick’?”
“What the fuck is the ick?” Blake asks as he narrows his eyes at Evans suspiciously.
Evans opens his mouth to answer but it’s Hunter who gets in there first. “It’s when somebody does something that disgusts you for no reason and now everything they do just annoys you. It changes your whole perception of them.”
Taking a moment to think about it, I try to rack my brain and pinpoint anything that would give me ‘the ick’ but nothing comes to mind. It wasn’t that she’d done anything specific. Or that it had been something that happened instantly. It had been a seed, growing, swelling and taking root for a while now.
“No. That is not what I’m talking about.”
We sit in silence for a while. Behind us, in the house we hear some of the others come down and start pulling the food out of the fridge and preparing it for the grill. Someone else brings out more drinks, placing them in the snow to keep them cold.
“You know, that kind of thing happens sometimes between bonded partners, where other people will give them the ick.” He grabs a poker and stabs at the fire. “So, for example, if a bonded alpha is in physical contact with another omega who’s not their Mate, they might get the ick. It’s an evolutionary thing.”
“How on earth do you know that?” Blake sounds as confused as I feel right now. This was Hunter. Nothing he ever said was reliable.
“My parents are Fated Mates,” he shrugs as all our heads swivel to glare at him.
“How come you’ve never told us that before?” Crossing his arms, Blake looks at our housemate as if he doesn’t quite believe him. The same roommate that once tried to convince us that betas could become omegas if there weren’t enough omegas in the area, as if they could just magically grow a womb. He also tried to convince us that sharks were older than trees.
“It’s never really come up.”
“Hunter, I swear man, you live in a world of your fucking own.” Evans looks like his eyes are going to pop out of his head as he runs a hand through his hair. “We literally talk about mates, omegas, future relationships all of the fucking time.”
He snorts, shaking his head. “No, we mostly talk about your weird thing with Sadie and that bores me.”
Evans throws his hands up, making a noise of protest. “What has everyone got against me and Sadie?”
“You keep doing you, man.” Blake offers. He’s ever the diplomat even though we all know he hates Sadie. “We’re just trying to look out for you.”
I try to be supportive, even though I’m struggling. “Yeah, if Sadie makes you happy, it’s none of our business.”
Moments later, the woman herself appears in nothing but an absolutely tiny bikini that leaves nothing to the imagination. “Did I hear my name being mentioned?”
Evans grins at her, mesmerized by her bouncing tits as she climbs onto his lap with a giggle.
“Speak her name three times and she shall appear,” Hunter murmurs under his breath, so only I can hear him. “It’s like summoning a demon.”