Chapter 19 – Shiloh
Chapter Nineteen
Shiloh
A fter a quick call with Bell, I push aside my guilt and jealousy, forcing myself to catch up on my sleep. Waking, I feel better. My head is clearer, and I tell myself it’ll be fine as long as we never speak of it again and I pretend that it never happened. It’s just another forbidden memory to be packed away. The attic of my mind was starting to look a little full with all these boxes, but needs must.
My body still aches, all the muscles are sore and tender after sleeping on the floor and my preheat hasn’t eased up completely, coming over me in waves, so I pull on my swimming trunks and plan to sit in the hot tub for a bit.
When I finally emerge from my room in the evening, most of them are sitting out on the heated patio, either by the firepit, cooking some burgers or in the hot tub.
Millie is in the tub with Evans, Sadie and another alpha from the football team called Blake. He’s one of the only ones who never seems to have an issue with me. I’m not really sure why he’s friends with them since he doesn’t appear to be an asshole—but what do I know? He could be sticking chewing gum under seats and kidnapping cats.
Zale and the others are sitting by the firepit, drinking beers and chatting as they occasionally flip the food over. I’d passed Caz and Ivy in the kitchen, making some sort of chicken kabobs. They were an alpha and omega pair who were pretty decent to me, always giving me the occasional head nod whenever they passed me in the corridors. The rest of them could be set on fire, and I wouldn’t piss on them to put them out. The only reason they were being civil to me was because Millie was here.
“Lo-Lo! Are you feeling better?” Millie yells when she sees me, obviously more than a little tipsy as she waves a bottle of champagne in my direction. “Get in here!”
Ignoring the sensation of being watched, I strip off my T-shirt and step into the hot tub. She slings her arm around my shoulders, and offers me the bottle of booze. I shake my head, and she shrugs, putting it on the side.
“Can you believe we’re twenty-one?!” she whispers in my ear, as the others carry on whatever conversation they were having when I joined.
“Has it changed anything?” I ask, watching her in her element, surrounded by friends. Looking like some sort of beautiful, wild, force of nature with her curls falling loose from her hair pin, cheeks flushed and a wide smile.
“Well, not really. But it’s our birthday, Lo,” she removes her arm to nudge me with her shoulder. “We’re grown-ups now. We have our whole lives ahead of us, and we’re right on the edge of it.”
I chuckle, ignoring the way Zale stares at us across the firepit, the flames reflecting in his eyes. “We’ve always had our whole lives ahead of us, Rom. That’s how it works.”
She tuts, taking another sip of champagne. “But now is the time to think of our futures. Careers. Marriage. Babies.”
Nudging her back, I chide, “You can’t have it all as an omega, Rom. Career or family. Not both.”
Her face morphs into a cute frown, lips pursed into a small pout, a tiny crease between her perfect brows. “Well, I want a family then. I always wonder what being pregnant feels like, don’t you?”
I raise my eyebrow at her, wondering if her drunken joy would give away my biggest secret. Omegas and beta females were the only ones who could carry children, and although she hadn’t explicitly outed me, it was a strange question to ask a beta.
“Oh. Yeah. That’s right, my beta brother.” She finally catches on after fluttering her long dark eyelashes for a moment. She snorts, “We can have it all, Lo-Lo. We only need to want it hard enough. We just have to take it. You’ll see.”
I follow her stare, and see that she’s watching Zale, watching us, a small smile spreading on her face. After a few minutes, he looks away, drawn into conversation with Caz and Millie’s attention turns back to me.
“You know, when I told Blake about your obsession with cartoons, he told me that he also watches cartoons.” Another nudge.
Across from us Sadie rolls her eyes, and goes back to stoking Evans’ chest and laughing at his unfunny jokes.
“Anime, Millie.” Blake faux sighs dramatically, flashing me a grin. “It’s called anime.”
“Well, I figured you could geek out a little.” Millie smiles at both of us, waggling her eyebrows before lowering her voice again. “I mean, you said Bell was just a friend.”
“They are just a friend.” I’ve had this conversation countless times with her. It’s rare for same secondary genders to pair (omega x omega or alpha x alpha), but not unheard of, and in a way, I guess it’s nice that Millie is open minded, even if she likes to tease me.
But she’s still wrong. I’m not in a relationship with Bell.
She chuckles, grabbing the bottle and stands, letting the bubbly water run down her curves—something everyone notices as heads turn our way. “So, I think maybe I’m going to go and grab something to eat and leave you two nerds talk dragon balls or whatever it is.”
Sadie stands too, making a big deal of shaking some of the water off her huge tits before linking arms with my sister. “I’ll come with you, babe.”
Evans and Blake both move a little closer to me, one on either side.
“So, dragon dick? Is that what we’re talking about?” Evans grins, “Have you seen those tentacle dildos? Do they make dragon ones?”
Blake laughs, “We’re talking about anime, you pervert.”
“I bet Shiloh knows what I’m talking about.” His brown eyes are fixed on me, as if he’s hoping to uncover all my dirty secrets just by staring at me until I’m uncomfortable. Under the water a hand creeps onto my thigh and I freeze.
Evans sways towards me, “Can you smell something sweet? Like…caramel?”
He leans in further, his nose almost against my neck now and my stomach clenches. My mark is still covered but that isn’t deterring him as fingers bite into my skin, his eyes glassy as his lips part, almost as if he’s readying himself to take a taste.
Blake’s arm comes around me to push Evans back, something I’m grateful for as his hand withdraws. “Maybe you should lay off the brewski’s, bro.”
Evans blinks, before chuckling. “Yeah. Time for some food I think.”
He stands, and I glance away, but not before I realize he’s half hard. I swallow, trying to avert my eyes. I took my—I didn’t. I didn’t take my suppressants this afternoon. With everything else going on I forgot about the next dose.
“Maybe something sweet,” he murmurs as he climbs out of the hot tub, leaving me with Blake, who smiles at me awkwardly.
I hesitate. Should I get out and dash to my room? But the chlorine was dampening the scent of my pheromones. That little hint of warm caramel would only get worse if I didn’t get to my room and take my meds soon, but also getting out surrounded by alpha’s was risky. I chew on my bottom lip, debating whether to get in or out, when Blake waves a hand in front of my face.
“You okay there? You zoned out a little.” His mouth is pulled up in one corner into a shy half smile, and it makes him look cute in a boyish kind of way. He’s not as large as Zale, slimmer but still toned and bigger than me. His black hair is short, with a skin fade hairstyle and his warm brown eyes are amused as he waits for my response.
I shake my head softly, “Sorry, I must be tired.”
“I’m sorry Evans was being weird, he can be like that once you get a few drinks in him.” Blake leaves his arm on the edge of the hot tub, behind me and I pick up notes of cedarwood and musk. It’s earthy, and different to the scents I pick up off Zale, but it’s not horrible.
“It’s fine.” I shrug, used to strange antics from Millie’s friends. Evans was just on a new level of strange this evening. As was Blake. Why was he giving me the time of day? “Look, I’m sorry that Rom asked you to talk to me. You don’t have to.”
Blake’s smile dims, “But I want to.”
He wraps his hand around my wrist, and twists me gently so I’m facing him. I feel enclosed, the space too intimate with his one arm around and the other guiding me.
“Look, you’re cute, Shiloh.” Blake looks away for a moment, before turning back. “But you really don’t let anyone get near you, so I might have asked Millie to give me an opening.”
“What?” My body goes tense. Why would he do that?
“Who’s cute?” A deep voice cuts in and we both turn, to see Zale standing beside the hot tub, beer in hand. He’s staring between us like it’s a ping pong match.
Blake grins, “I was just having a private conversation with Shiloh.”
“I can see that.” Zale glares at me and instead of shrinking back, like I know I should under the glare of an alpha, I stare right back at him with my eyes narrowed.
Who the hell does he think he is? Is he looking for another fight? Another bite? Because I will if his face stays like that.
“So, uh…” Blake waves his fingers a little as if trying to subtly tell Zale to go away, but there isn’t anything discreet about it.
“You know what, I was just saying to Millie how we should all get to know this little Hedgehog better.” He winks at me and my hand curls into a fist. Fucker .
Handing me his beer, he reaches down and strips off his T-shirt before climbing into the hot tub with us. Between us.
Blake’s mouth drops open, “Dude…”
Zale acts like he hasn’t heard him as he wiggles a little as if we’re the ones squashing him, pushing Blake and I even further apart. “Hm, you okay mate? Did Shiloh tell you about his love of octopi yet?”
Love of…he’s talking about my dildo. That prick. After I’d managed to avoid that same topic with Evans, not giving anything away, here was Zale—smashing my walls down and making me blush.
Blake takes a sip of his beer and shakes his head, “Does every conversation go back to tentacles tonight? Was there a documentary I missed somewhere?”
“It was definitely one of those ‘you had to be there’ moments.” He nudges me with a smirk, as if we’re sharing some sort of secret. We’re not sharing a secret, he walked in on me fucking myself on the toy he might have also seen me purchase. Very different.
“Huh?”
Before Zale can say anything else, we’re interrupted.
“Blake, Shiloh, you guys want something to eat?” Caz calls, waving over to us a burger in his hand.
“I’m starving,” Blake gets out but not before giving me another boyish smirk. “But I’ll be back. We haven’t finished this conversation, Shiloh.”
“I think you fucking have,” Zale grumbles under his breath taking another sip from his bottle.
Zale and I sit in silence as the minutes tick by and I slump deeper into the tub, closing my eyes and tilting my head back to enjoy the heat and bubbles.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” His voice is low, and closer to my ear than I was expecting. Why is he still so close? There’s a whole hot tub big enough for at least 10 people, why is he practically in my lap?
I barely crack an eyelid open as I grunt, “About what?”
His words dance across the wet skin on my neck, sending a shiver through me despite the heated water. “The fact that you’re an omega.”
Grinding my teeth, I place my hand on his chest and push him away. “Because I’m a beta.”
I need to get to my room.
I need my pills.
“I know what I felt,” he murmurs. “You were slick for me.”
Finally, I open my eyes, and he’s not as close as I expected. His blue eyes are like a swirling storm, a hypnotizing clash of swirling greys and blues as he looks hungrily at me.
We can’t do this. He can’t look at me like that, like he wants me and I can’t enjoy it. Not even a little bit. Not even if I wanted to.
“I’m done with this conversation, besides, isn’t Millie looking for you?” It’s my turn to get out of the tub, grabbing one of the towels from the side and my T-shirt, not bothering to dry as I make my way back into the cabin. I’m praying the chlorinated water masks my scent for long enough to give me some time to sneak up to my room, take my pills and duck into the bathroom.
As I go to close my bedroom door behind me, something blocks my way. Zale slips inside into the room and before I can say anything, he closes the door, locking it behind him.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I hiss, as he steps forward, pulling me to him. He buries his face into my neck and hair.
“I had to know,” he growls, body pressed against mine.
“Had to know what?” I say, my words quiet and shaky as I try not to run my hands through his hair and rub myself in the scent of him. He’s not mine.
He’ll never be mine.