19. Lyra
As Zachary made my tea, I watched him move about the kitchen with a rather focused expression. It was clear he was doing everything in his power to make this an amazing cup of tea. Fawn appeared in the living room and signaled me to keep quiet as he snuck up behind Zachary. Pascal arrived a moment later and headed right for me.
“Lyra, would you be up for me showing you something?” Pascal asked, extending a hand.
I glanced at Zachary and Fawn facing each other and whispering. “Oh… well, Zach?—”
My words were cut off by a wanton moan from Fawn as he arched in pleasure.
“Please,” Pascal urged.
This time, I took his hand. He pulled me to my feet and urged me back toward the elevator. Fawn’s voice followed us down the hall, but Pascal kept moving forward until we reached a door at the end of the hall. He quickly flipped the lock and yanked open the door to reveal a small patio.
“Fuck me, papa bear, fuck my needy little asshole,” Fawn screamed in ecstasy.
Pascal slammed the door shut, blocking the sounds of what I guessed to be rather enjoyable quality time between an Alpha and his Omega.
“I’m so sorry,” Pascal apologized, rubbing the back of his neck. “Normally, they’d never do that with guests in the house, but…”
“It’s fine,” I assured him. “Fawn already told me about his above-average neediness. I know it’s not something he can always control.”
Pascal let out a sigh of relief, his whole body relaxing. It was clear he’d been expecting the worst, which made me sad for all of them. How many people have judged them or Fawn for being born the way he is? He didn’t ask for his mother to be a druggie who wasn’t able to do what was best for her baby—it’s just what happened. No one got mad at a person who was diabetic or anemic. The only reason people saw this differently was because his issue was with sex, and that was a load of bullshit.
“I feel like I need to make sure you know it doesn’t bother me in the least that sex happens pretty much everywhere in our house. Fawn is my Omega, and I love him with all my heart, but neither of us has ever felt sexually attracted to each other. It doesn’t change the fact I would do anything to protect Fawn and ensure he has whatever he needs,” Pascal explained.
Cocking my head slightly, I studied Pascal, trying to figure out what exactly had this man wound so tight. If I’d thought Eli was a ticking time bomb, Pascal was mere seconds away from exploding. I reached out and took his hand, leading him to the pair of wicker patio chairs where I urged him to sit.
“I hope I’m not overstepping or assuming something incorrectly, but do you feel that there’s something wrong with you because you don’t want to have sex with Fawn?” I asked as I continued to hold his hand in my lap, feeling he needed the reassurance as much as I did.
Pascal dropped his amber gaze and covered my hand so it was cradled between his. “Maybe a little,” he admitted. “I don’t know anyone who’s bonded to an Omega and doesn’t sleep with them. One Omega for a pack… that’s how it’s supposed to work, right?”
I nodded but kept silent, allowing him to share whatever he was feeling without my input.
“I do love Fawn. He’s the little brother I always wanted. My mom couldn’t have any more kids after me. She had complications, and the only way to stop her from bleeding to death was to remove everything. We cuddle, watch movies, play video games, and he is one of the only people who thinks I’m funny,” Pascal shared with a chuckle. “I’ll be the first to tell you I’m not a funny person, but you’ll never be able to convince Fawn any differently. What doesn’t make sense to me is how a love like we have is seen as wrong. Clearly, as the Alpha, I’m the one who’s broken because with one glance at Fawn, you know he isn’t the one saying no to sex.”
Listening as Pascal poured out his heart, my own ached for him. I knew what it felt like for people to call you crazy and fucked in the head for a choice they didn’t agree with. Why did everyone have to be the same? Wasn’t the world big enough for a person to be themselves?
“I’m so sorry that you were ever made to feel that way, Pascal,” I murmured, gripping the hand I held tighter. “People can be so shallow-minded and fear what they don’t understand. To me, the love you have for Fawn makes me feel a little jealous.”
Upon hearing me say that, Pascal’s head snapped up, and a look of horror was written on his face. Before he could panic a second more, I held up a hand to stop whatever he planned to say.
“Wait, let me finish,” I requested, and he nodded but braced himself for the worst. “The way I see it, you love Fawn for who he is as a person. You see past the hypersexual nature and see Fawn, the sweet, cheerful ball of sassy sunlight that he is. Do you know how many people would kill to have that kind of love? Think about it… Fawn never has to worry if his looks fade or he gains weight from having babies, you won’t see him any differently. A love like that is rare and beautiful in my eyes.”
Pascal’s eyes shimmered with emotion and unshed tears as he gazed at me, shell-shocked. He raised a hand to cup my cheek, gently stroking his thumb across my skin, causing my eyes to flutter shut at the pleasant sensation. Having him this close, I inhaled his rich, cedar scent with earthy tones of sage that provided a grounding sensation after the tumultuous day.
“Can I kiss you?” Pascal whispered.
I could feel the warmth of his breath alerting me he’d leaned in closer. “Yes,” I answered, and not a second later, his lips met mine.
The kiss was tentative, as if he wasn’t comfortable with what he was doing. There was a certain lack of confidence, almost like this was the first time he’d kissed someone. Although, with each passing second, Pascal grew more assured in his actions, drawing me closer until I had to crawl onto his lap or break the kiss. Tilting my head to the side, I wound my arms around his neck as I felt his hand spread wide on my back, pressing me against his body. I cautiously nipped at his lower lip, hoping he would deepen the kiss further.
Pascal groaned, rocking his hips in a way I couldn’t ignore the hard cock hidden away under his clothes. Dropping his head, Pascal buried his face in my chest, nuzzling between my breasts as one hand slid to my ass and pressed me down on his cock.
“Fuck,” Pascal moaned, his voice muffled by my cleavage. “Lyra, what are you doing to me?”
I gripped his head with my hands and sat back enough to see his face. “Tell me, Pascal…tell me what I am doing to you.”
“It’s hard to describe…” he admitted. “I feel like my blood is on fire, and the only thing that could possibly put it out is you.”
I yelped as he yanked me close and moaned at the feel of his teeth scraping along my neck.
“Your scent is intoxicating, Lyra. I want it everywhere so I never have to go a moment without its sweet reminder of you. God, this feels almost primal in the way I need you. Like how junkies talk about getting their next fix, but it won’t be enough and will never be enough. I don’t think this desire will ever go away. How could it when it feels so intense? Nothing has ever come close to making me lose the control I value in my life until this moment. Why? What about you changes everything? Desires I’ve never had, urges I don’t understand, and knowledge deep in my soul that you’re mine.”
Pascal growled those last two words, sending a jolt of need right to my weeping pussy. It seemed like the slightest touch, look, or word could bring me to the edge, desperate for that final step to push me over the edge, but it never came. How could I not have realized I was close to my heat? I’d been brushing these feelings off because this was the longest I’d gone without sex in years. For any Omega, sex was a routine part of life unless they were always on suppressants for some reason. I’d never taken them, choosing a different route to deal with the ever-present need as an Omega.
Not wanting Pascal to take things further than he was ready for because of how close I was to my heat, I pushed him back. He looked at me confused, then tensed when the door to the patio opened, but Pascal relaxed when he saw who it was. I ignored whoever joined us, not wanting to break the spell between Pascal and me. What just happened confirmed what I’d suspected.
“I just want you to know your reaction to me proves nothing is wrong with you, Pascal,” I stated. “How could you know that your pack was meant to have two Omegas? Besides, there are many types of love, but none are lesser than the other. To have people in your life you love is a blessing, and there is no wrong way to share your heart.”
“It just doesn’t make any logical sense,” he argued. “How can it be so different and yet equal at the same time?”
“You’re preaching to the choir on that one.” I chuckled. “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to convince myself that it didn’t matter if I met my matches? How could biology possibly have that much influence on a person? No, it had to be a lie. I could be happy and find love with another pack, even if they weren’t my Alphas.”
“Were you? Happy, I mean, with another pack?” Pascal asked with a slight crack in his voice, betraying his fear.
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head.
Emotions began to build as I slid off his lap, smoothing out my dress so I didn’t have to face anyone. “I thought we were happy and in love. We worked hard enough at it, so there was no reason we shouldn’t have been. If I’d known how simple it was supposed to be when youre with the right people, I never would have fought so hard.”
Closing my eyes, I hugged myself as I remembered the day they came home and introduced me to their real Omega. In the years we’d been together, I’d never seen them look at me the way they looked at her. It had been a knife in my already wounded heart. I couldn’t understand how they could throw away everything we’d worked for in a second. Now, I knew if the same thing had happened to me, I would have left without a second thought. Elora had been right when she warned me I’d get hurt either way, but at least I’d know what unconditional love felt like.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I opened my eyes and was met with the sight of my pack. All five of them watched me with loving concern, and I knew it was time to come clean. They deserved to know my story and the scars it left behind. Each of them had been doing their best to give me space and let me take things at my own pace without a word of argument. I didn’t deserve that, but they gave it to me anyway.
“I’m so sorry I let my fear and desire to shield myself from pain steal precious time we could have had together,” I conceded. “When I was eleven, my three fathers went on a business trip, leaving me and my mother at home. This wasn’t unusual since one of them traveled every other week. However, this was an important meeting that required all three of them to attend. I was their only child. Mother had two miscarriages before me and wasn’t willing to try again once I was safely brought into the world.”
I paused, wiping my tears and sniffling, trying to collect myself. “There are some moments in life you’ll never forget no matter how much time has passed. For me, one of those is the day a policeman knocked on our door and informed my mother the plane my fathers had been on crashed. We found out twenty lives were lost that night, but they were wrong. Twenty-one lives were lost because my mother died that day as well. The woman who used to be my mother was lost forever and transformed into a bitter shell of a human. I watched for a year and a half what the devastation of losing your bonded Alphas looked like. Her suffering was only brought to an end due to a car accident that happened in the middle of a thunderstorm.”
“I don’t know how I survived. Truthfully, I don’t remember what happened that night. There are only bits and pieces, flashes of a memory, but it’s not surprising with the head injury I got from slamming against the window. Because of the trauma of that accident, I can’t drive or even sit in the front seat. My therapist and I worked on it for a while, but the severity of my reaction to any method we tried didn’t justify the additional trauma,” I revealed, fighting against the panic that was clawing at my throat.
I could feel myself starting to dissociate, and when that happened, my fear seemed to take on a life of its own. Shut up, shut up, shut up! Stop talking right now. Don’t tell them any more. They know enough. If you keep this up, they won’t want anything to do with you. It won’t matter if they’re your scent matches. No one wants to deal with a basket case like you.
Unable to ignore the intrusive thoughts as they tried to bury me in their lies, I let out a pained sob. “Make it stop,” I pleaded, gripping my head. “I don’t want to keep feeling like this, but I don’t know how.”
“We’ve got you, starlight,” Tanner murmured as he cradled my head to his chest.
I was soon surrounded by my pack, creating a physical shield around me. I started to panic, feeling too confined, but then their scents reached my brain, and I instantly took a deep breath. Reaching out, I clung to whoever I touched first and used that connection to ground me in the here and now. The panic and thoughts slowly quieted until I was once again able to think clearly. Absolutely wrecked from the panic attack, my legs started to shake and were about to give out when Eli scooped me up.
“Come on, petal, let’s get you inside,” Eli said, then kissed my temple. “I promised you that you wouldn’t have to struggle with this alone anymore, and I meant it. We’ll get through this as a pack because you’re worth fighting for.”
It turnsout you can fit four people on the oversized chaise if the fourth person is cradled in their laps. Pascal, Zachary, and Eli didn’t seem bothered by how close they were crammed together because their attention was fixated on me. They’d wrapped me up in a blanket, handed me a warm cup of tea, and let me snuggle against their bodies until I was comfortable. Eli rested his head on top of mine as he combed his fingers through my hair. Zachary had his arms wrapped around my legs, holding me close while Pascal was slipping my feet into a pair of fluffy warm socks Fawn had supplied.
“Here, starlight, you need to eat something,” Tanner murmured, setting a tray he’d turned into a charcuterie board on Eli’s lap where I could reach it. “Fawn and I are working on dinner, but it will take about an hour to be ready.”
“Thank you,” I whispered and reached out for a cube of cheese even though I didn’t feel hungry.
However, once I started to chew, it seemed to wake up my stomach, leading to a rather loud growl everyone could hear. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, but the only reaction out of the guys was for Zachary to build a little cracker sandwich and offer it to me. I took it and shoved the whole thing in my mouth, knowing it would prevent me from saying anything or explaining myself. To my surprise, no one said anything or tried to push for an explanation for my meltdown.
“These are sweet pickles I made myself. Would you like to try one?” Pascal asked, holding up the small green vegetable. “If you don’t like sweet things, I’ve also got spicy or extra sour pickles too.”
“I like sweet things,” I assured him, holding out my hand. “I also like spicy and sour, so I’d like to try them all.”
Pascal blushed, dropping his gaze as he popped a pickle into his mouth, stalling for time. “Anytime you want some, I keep the open jars in the fridge. They’re labeled on the lids, so you know what kind they are. If you don’t see any, let me know. I keep the extras stored in the second kitchen.”
“There’s a second kitchen?” I asked before biting down on the crisp, crunchy pickle.
The explosion of flavor had me stopped in my tracks. It was the perfect balance of sweet right up front followed by the tang of vinegar. There was a certain spice to it that I couldn’t put my finger on, but it gave so much depth to the flavor. These were nothing like you’d get at the store. It was obvious how fresh the pickles were—the crunch was out of this world. I like pickles as much as anyone, but I wouldn’t say they were a go-to snack or something I kept on hand in the house. After tasting Pascal’s creation, I might be thinking differently.
“Pascal, these are amazing,” I praised, reaching for another one. “I’m serious. How the hell do you make them taste this good?”
“He won’t tell you,” Fawn called from the kitchen. “I’ve been trying to get him to teach me how to make them since I moved in. Passie is one stubborn ass when it comes to his pickling secrets.”
My brows rose as I studied Pascal, nibbling on the cracker Eli handed me. The Alpha in question simply shrugged. “I like having something to offer that he enjoys so much and only I can provide. If he learns to make them, then he won’t need me anymore.”
Hearing the honesty in Pascal’s answer had my heart breaking for him. Somewhere along the way, Pascal had truly come to believe that because he didn’t sleep with Fawn, there was nothing for him to offer his Omega.
“All right,” I decided with a nod. “I won’t ask to learn your secrets, but you have to promise to keep making pickles for us to enjoy.”
The smile that bloomed on Pascal’s face was like a balm to my own battered heart. He brushed his fingers along my jaw, drawing me closer to him. “Beautiful, I promise you will never go without pickles for the rest of your life.” Pascal then sealed his promise with a kiss.
Why that simple, silly promise had me glowing made no sense, but I drank it up without arguing. Every passing moment with these men showed me how starved I was for authentic affection that was freely given. I was starting to realize with these men, there weren’t strings attached to their actions. There was no way for me to see the difference, having never experienced a genuine connection within a pack. The truth was, no one would, not until they found their matches.