20. Lyra
As I was pulled back against Eli’s chest, smiling as he nuzzled my neck. “Petal,” he started, then paused.
I knew he wanted to ask me questions about what I’d said on the patio and understood why he was hesitant. Truthfully, I didn’t blame him for treading lightly or fearing I might have yet another meltdown. It was becoming apparent to me I needed to make weekly appointments with Dr. Barnett or see if she could recommend someone here for me to work with. My pack didn’t deserve to have to deal with all my baggage when they never expected to have a second Omega. It was my fault things ended up like this, so I should be the one to deal with the fallout.
“It’s okay, Eli, you can ask me anything,” I assured him, placing my hand over his where it rested on my stomach.
“The pack you were with…” Eli stopped, his body tensing and a growl rumbling in his chest.
It was obvious the mere thought of me living with another pack wasn’t something Eli wanted to discuss. I shifted to hug his neck, reminding him I was here and not with them. Instantly, he tightly wrapped his arms around me, and the growling stopped.
After a moment, he asked his question. “How did it end?”
I took a deep breath, relieved it was an easy answer. “They found their Omega. Who knew they’d stumble upon her working at a company we’d just signed a contract to work with? Once they realized the connection, I was asked to pack up and leave. Thankfully, my best friend, Elora, lives in the same town, and I stayed there while I figured out what to do next.”
“Just like that?” Zachary demanded, chucking a pillow at the couch. “How dare they treat someone they claimed to love that way. God, that would be like me telling Tanner to kick rocks just because he wasn’t matched to Fawn. Did it make it easier because he is bonded to Fawn as well? Sure, but I have no doubt we would have figured out a way to make it work regardless.”
I understood Zachary’s reaction since it had been the first thing that popped into my head. However, now that I’d experienced what it was like to meet my matches, I could see the situation through their eyes.
“It’s not that simple, Zachary,” I argued. “Look, I’m not defending them or trying to make excuses. I was devastated by their choice. That being said, I do believe it’s different when it comes to relationships between Alphas and Omegas versus any other. Betas can freely choose who to love, not bound to the matching system. Alphas can love more than just their Omega, but no matter what, their instincts will drive the need to put the Omega first. Any threat or danger to that bond won’t be tolerated. To my old pack, I was seen as a reminder that they hadn’t been looking for their Omega and only picked a different one to make a family with. You’re upset right now because I’m your Omega, a person to protect and cherish always.”
Zachary didn’t look convinced by my argument, but his anger seemed to settle. “I suppose you’re right,” he muttered. “It just blows my mind they’d kick you out like that.”
“Thank fuck they did,” Fawn announced as he flopped onto the couch across from us. “In fact, I’d like to send them a present.”
Pascal nearly choked on his tongue at Fawn’s declaration. “What? You can’t be serious.”
“Damn straight,” Fawn said, nodding fiercely, causing his cotton candy pink curls to land in his face. He flicked his hair to the side and sat up straight. “Did our sweet angel deserve to be dumped like that and kicked out of her home? No. Would we have ever found her if they didn’t?” Fawn paused, giving all our Alphas a rather dramatic yet questioning look, but none of them answered. “That’s what I thought, so let’s not piss karma off while we’re in its good graces.”
The guys muttered their acceptance of the situation, but they were not happy about it. I had to cover my mouth to stifle the laughter fighting to come out at their sullen expressions. It wasn’t like I was going to leave, nor would there be any chance they’d meet my old pack. That chapter of my life was over, the page turned, and a new story was being formed.
Tanner finally joined us, lifting Fawn so his lap would be Fawn’s pillow. I watched as Fawn’s eyes fluttered closed when Tanner started to massage his Omega’s scalp. “Oh fuck.” Fawn moaned. “I don’t know if I can orgasm from this, but I’m willing to give it a go.”
A mischievous smile grew on Tanner’s face before leaning down to whisper something in Fawn’s ear. The Omega’s eyes snapped open as he gasped, then twisted and slammed his lips to Tanner’s. I thought it might make me feel a little awkward to watch men I craved like a drug being intimate with Fawn. Yet here I was, smiling and feeling this sense of warmth as two people I was beginning to truly care about reveled in their love for each other. However, when Tanner pulled back and offered two glistening cum-covered fingers for Fawn to suck on, I looked away. My reaction had nothing to do with disgust or embarrassment but an overwhelming desire to snatch Tanner’s hand and clean those fingers off myself.
Holy fuck, I might not last another two weeks before going into heat if my reaction was that strong.
“Lyra,” Eli snapped.
Shaking my head, I tried to clear the hormone-driven thoughts I was lost in. Once I was thinking straight again, I realized why Eli sounded upset—I was perfuming again.
“I’m so sorry,” I blurted, trying to roll off the chaise but was stopped as thick arms yanked me back.
“Easy, Lyra, take a breath. You’re fine,” Zachary instructed, his tone calm and soothing. “If anyone should walk away to clear their head, it’s Eli.”
As if taking the not-so-subtle hint, Eli got up and stood behind the couch so there was a barrier between us, but he could still see me. I saw his knuckles whiten as he gripped the couch frame, forcing himself to stay where he was.
“That, honey bear, is the look of an Alpha holding onto his control by mere threads. To be clear, it’s not your fault he’s like this. Somehow, he’s held off going into rut for a very long time. Just like Omegas should have a heat at least once a year to stay healthy, it’s the same for Alphas and ruts,” Zachary explained, his beard tickling my neck as he spoke in a low voice.
It took a second for what Zachary was saying to register in my anxiety-induced panic, but once it did, I was able to take a deep breath.
“Good girl, take another breath and just relax. We’ve got you,” he praised, kissing my temple as I sank against him. “I think we need to talk about your upcoming heat, but we don’t have to do that now.”
I nodded, agreeing we needed to come up with a plan. It’s not like I could call up my heat buddies who got me through college before moving in with my old pack now that I found my matches.
“Starlight, can I ask you something?” Tanner inquired, a nervous look on his face.
“Any of you can ask me anything,” I answered. “I only ask if it’s a topic I might struggle with, you’ll let me answer when I can. This isn’t me trying to keep secrets or not wanting to share my thoughts. It’s only that some topics are hard to navigate without triggering memories that send me back to those dark days.”
“That’s fair, and none of us would want that to happen,” Tanner assured me and pulled off his hat to roll the brim between his hands. “Back in Fawn’s room, you mentioned something about a surgery and it affecting your heats…” His words trailed off as if he wasn’t sure how to ask what he wanted to know.
I nervously tucked my hair behind my ear and looked down at the blanket where I was twining the tassel around my finger. “Two years ago, I decided I wasn’t going to have kids. While cut short, my childhood was wonderful, and I’m blessed to say that when so many can’t. Growing up, my parents didn’t hide how difficult it was for them to conceive, and once a year on Mother’s Day, we’d go visit my two older siblings. They were stillborn but loved by my parents as much as they loved me. One way they showed it was making sure I knew where Ryan and Tina were laid to rest, along with celebrating our mom together.”
I paused, sniffing back tears, remembering the pictures I’d seen of my parents holding my brother and sister. Zachary shifted so I was now seated between his legs. He gently rubbed my back, giving me space to feel my feelings and let me know I wasn’t alone.
“After losing the rest of my family and ending up on my own, I struggled with the idea of having my own kids. What if something happened to me, and I forced them to live a lonely life? Another thing I struggle with to this day is how cruel and jaded my mother became after losing my fathers. I fully understand losing your bonded Alphas is like having both your arms cut off, but she wasn’t the only one they left behind. My fathers were my heroes. I loved them with all my heart, and at that young age, I didn’t know how to process my grief. It wasn’t until I started therapy that I came to understand how selfish grief makes you and how my mother lashing out was part of that. It doesn’t make it easier to heal from the things that were said, but understanding the why keeps me from blaming myself,” I continued.
“After college was when I knew for sure I didn’t want kids. That choice was further confirmed when I found out that, like my mother, getting pregnant would be challenging for me. This wasn’t the main reason but one of many. My doctor encouraged me to use long-term birth control before making a permanent change just to be sure. Things with my previous pack hadn’t settled into anything official yet, so I agreed.” Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, not wanting to see their reaction to my choice. “Two years passed, and I still felt firm in my choice not to have children, so I had my tubes removed.”
The room was silent, but I didn’t feel any anger or tension in the quiet, so I slowly opened my eyes. Fawn was now standing before me with a look of understanding and a warm smile. He reached out a hand, and I took it, allowing him to pull me to my feet and right into a hug. The scent of strawberries and sweet cream wrapped around me as I nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck. I think it took us both by surprise when he started to purr, causing it to abruptly stop, but when I hugged him tighter, the soft rumble started again.
“Angel,” Fawn said after a moment, pulling back so he could see my face. “In this family, we believe that the only person who can decide what is best for you and your body is yourself. I understand why you’d be reluctant to tell anyone about this since Omegas have always been viewed as optimal breeders, but none of us will ever think less of you for this choice. I do have one question, though. Would you be open to kids if I had them?”
Horror and panic slammed into me simultaneously hearing Fawn’s question. “I would absolutely be open to that,” I blurted. “It’s not that I don’t like children or hate the thought of being a parent. I truly don’t believe I will be able to see past my own trauma to give a child the love they deserve. Look at how I reacted to meeting all of you. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that you would be the best nurturer to your children, Fawn. You ooze affection for those you care about. A child should never question their value in this world, and that starts with the mother. Somewhere along the way, in trying to protect myself, I think I lost the ability to know how to love someone.”
Fawn ran his hands down my arms until he reached my wrists. He gently lifted my hands and placed them both on the warm, soft skin of his stomach. “Trust me, Lyra, when this belly begins to swell with our child, you’ll be able to give it all the love in the world.”
“How can you know that?” I argued.
He leaned in and kissed me softly. “Because we’re going to shower you with so much love and affection, there’s no way you’ll ever forget what it feels like again. That’s a promise I will take to my grave, angel.”
I dove in for another kiss and pulled my hand free so I could grasp the back of his neck to deepen it further. Fawn slid his hands up my back, pressing my body to his so I could feel his cock harden between us. God, it would be so simple to lift the skirt of my dress and let him fuck me where I stood. I shuddered, thinking of how amazing it would feel to have him fill my needy pussy. Hell, at this point, I think I’d be happy with both of us naked, cuddling, and a full pussy keeping his cock warm as we made out.
“Okay, you two, I really don’t want to do this, but now you’re both perfuming,” Pascal announced right before an arm wrapped around my hips and yanked me back.
Dazed, it took me a second to realize Zachary had tossed Fawn over his shoulder and was walking away. “Wait, don’t leave. I promise I’ll be good,” I said, panic in my voice.
Zachary stopped and turned to face me, looking confused. “Honey bear, we’re not leaving, and no one is upset with you. The timer for the oven went off, and I brought him with me because he knows what Tanner made.”
Wow, way to look desperate and clingy there, Lyra.
“Oh…” I mumbled, my cheeks flaming with embarrassment at my overreaction.
“If there’s one thing none of us will ever get mad at you about, it’s sexy make-out sessions we get to watch,” Zachary added with a wink before setting Fawn down and giving him a playful slap on the ass. “Please make sure we aren’t burning dinner because our Omegas are simply too distracting.”
“We’re not distracting, papa bear. We’re captivating,” Fawn sassed, giving Zachary a saucy look as he wiggled his ass, bending over to open the oven. “Look at that… the casserole is done and ready to come out.”
Zachary rolled his eyes as he had to push a twerking Fawn out of the way and grabbed the potholders. “Cub, if you don’t stop fooling around, you’re gonna get yourself burned like last time.”
“Hey, how was I supposed to know the stovetop was still hot when I sat my ass on it?” Fawn demanded indignantly.
“Hence why we have the rule you can’t be in the kitchen alone,” Tanner yelled from the living room, chuckling and shaking his head.
The distraction of watching these men who’d become my pack had me forgetting all about my blunder. Normally, I would have left the room and stewed over how I’d made an idiot out of myself. This is typically when the memories of my mother’s criticism would echo in my ears. Be better, be smarter, be a woman your fathers would be proud of. Yet standing here with Pascal at my back, holding me, the negative thoughts were silent.
“Would you mind helping me set the table?” Pascal asked.
I nodded, offering him a smile. “I’d be happy to.”
Soon, we were all seated in a rather comfortable dining room with plush gray chairs and a large, sturdy wooden table. Black and white photos of various cities hung on one wall, while the other mainly featured windows that faced the patio garden. Most people made their dining rooms a more formal atmosphere, but this stuck true to Zachary’s description of their modern-cozy theme.
Eli took my plate and started to scoop out the casserole but paused. “Lyra, are you allergic to anything? Food or otherwise?”
“No food allergies, but I do have some mild seasonal allergies,” I shared. “Although I’m not sure if I’ll have the same issue since moving. I’ve never lived anywhere but Rockton, so things might be better for me here.”
“Let’s hope you’re not like me,” Fawn grumbled. “Fall is terrible for me. I get all puffy and snotty, thanks to the ragweed. It’s not a cute look, and sometimes I have to put off working for a week or two. Thankfully, I found a routine that helps without having to take meds that turn me into a zombie.”
My plate was finally returned to me filled with delicious-smelling food. How they managed to whip up such a feast so quickly was impressive. The conversation drifted off as everyone dug into the meal, and it looked like I wasn’t the only one who’d been rather hungry. The guys started talking about what their plans were for the weekend while I simply enjoyed us all being together.
“So, angel, what time should I pick you up for our spa day tomorrow?” Fawn asked.
I’d almost forgotten that we’d made plans for the weekend. “You tell me. Do we have reservations already?”
Fawn grinned, a mischievous glint in his gaze. “I have so much to teach you, my sweet baby angel. You and I are going to Oasis for the full-treatment experience. All you need to do is tell them what time you’re showing up two days in advance, and they take care of the rest. You have to be a member or accompanied by a member to use their services, which should help put our overprotective Alphas at ease so we can be on our own.” The last part he directed toward the Alphas in question, making me almost snort out my water at their reactions.
“If you want it just to be the two of you, then you have to use my car service. I need to know someone I trust will be looking after you two. They are also going to wait for you at the spa in case anything should happen,” Eli informed us, his tone making it known this wasn’t a request.
“Works for me,” Fawn agreed with a shrug, then turned his attention back to me. “Are you still up for going back to your apartment for pizza, popcorn, and movies?”
“Definitely,” I assured him with a smile. “I’m rather interested to see what movies you picked for us to watch.”
“You’re just gonna have to wait to find out, but I promise they will be life-changing,” Fawn teased, causing me to laugh.
When dinner was over, we all headed to the kitchen to clean up, and then Eli noticed me starting to drift off, dead on my feet. “Petal, I think it’s time we get you home and to bed,” he suggested as I leaned against him.
“Mm-kay,” I answered, not having the energy to argue.
Upon my agreement, Eli scooped me up as each of my Alphas kissed me goodnight. Fawn nuzzled his nose against mine before peppering my face with kisses. “See you in the morning. Set your alarm for ten, and I’ll be there to whisk you away at ten thirty. I don’t want you to make any effort to get ready, okay? If I see anything other than a messy bun, yoga pants, and T-shirt, I’m gonna dress you myself.”
“You know threats aren’t supposed to make a person want to get in trouble,” I pointed out, which had Eli chuckling.
Fawn sighed dramatically and swished his hair out of his face. “And they say I’m the one who’s always trying to be difficult.” Grabbing my face, he kissed me soundly once more and stepped back into Zachary’s waiting arms. “Go to bed, angel. You’re gonna need your rest if you plan to make me follow through on that threat.”
The last thing I remember was snuggling up in Eli’s lap once we were in the car. I vaguely remembered asking him something, but I couldn’t for the life of me, tell you what it was. All I knew was I’d never win against the powers of that man’s purr.