28. Permission To Be Free
Permission To Be Free
~ASTRAEA~
“ Y ou sent it to my family’s house?” I mutter into the phone with annoyance before punching at the hanging bag that’s been taking every tedious blow I can give. “I swore I changed my information on the system.”
“My apologies, Miss Soleil. I’d request for the documents to be redirected, but the package was already accepted.”
“Ugh,” I groan, losing the motivation to keep punching the shit out of the punching bag. I’m already dripping with sweat, barely catching my breath. “It’s fine. I’m sure my mom accepted the package, but she won’t open it unless she wants a lawsuit thrown her way.”
“I believe she learned from the last incident, Miss.”
I smirk at the reminder.
“Much appreciated, Adam. I’ll handle it. Let the client know I’m not home as of now but will return in a few weeks’ time,” I instruct while I let my tense shoulders relax a little. “I’ll deal with getting the documents and returning them promptly upon my return.”
“I’ll ensure the message is delivered to them, Miss Soleil. Again, I apologize for the mishap.”
“No worries,” I assure him. Already done . Can’t change anything by getting mad over it. “I’ll check back in upon my return.”
“Thank you, Miss Soleil.”
Listening to the line go dead gives me a sense of relief while anxious fluttering stirs in the pit of my stomach. Closing my eyes and lifting my head farther back, I try to take deep breaths in hopes of not panicking over this.
Everything has felt like a blur of action the last few days, especially with the tour literally days away. Rumors have been circulating, trending topics about the potential idea of the lead singer dropping Blossom Salvation right before the tour launches.
I’m sure it was a paid ploy to sabotage the band, courtesy of their very own pack leader who said ‘fuck y’all’ and walked out of the studio a week ago.
We haven’t really sat down and talked about that day properly, but I can feel the heaviness Nate’s actions did on the rest of the pack.
The ones he said were supposed to be his friends.
I can only imagine the sacrifices Icarus, Kenji, and Kai have made in the past for Nate. The excuses and constant need to protect his ass so he could be successful.
It hurts to imagine all the things they stopped themselves from having or enjoying so he could propel in life. Just thinking of that day with Nate and Nathaníel confronting each other in that tense moment was enough to prove that Nathaníel went through so much shit, all because he’s the twin labeled as some sort of enemy to those he once loved and cherished.
Maybe he still cares about his parents, but their ease in discarding him due to their own struggles with grief is unacceptable.
I haven’t shown it, but I’ve been thinking about how to fix it.
Would Nathaníel even want to speak with his parents again? To resolve this ongoing tension of misconception that all started because of Suzy’s death?
No. This started long before her demise. That’s why the pain has built and created roots that are desperate to remain in the depths of this ongoing pain.
The light touch to the top of my forehead forces me to look up, my eyes meeting a set of calm ones, beads of sweat already rolling off those drenched strands of hair and dropping onto my cheeks.
“What are you thinking about that has you standing here dazed out?” Icarus questions. “You feeling okay?” He effortlessly lays a hand on my drenched forehead, immediately checking my temperature to his.
I don’t know if it’s the action or his worried expression that makes all those bubbling fright within me fade, a blanket of safety wrapping around me.
“Mhmm.” My response follows with a loving smile. “Hey.”
“Hey, little Omega.” His taunt makes me pout, rewarding my lips with a lingering touch of his. “Talk to me, Astraea.”
“Was thinking… about whether there’s a way to fix Nathaníel’s parent situation,” I confess. “I know it’s random… but I guess maybe I’m just projecting.”
“Is your mother bothering you?”
“No…” I trail off before admitting, “I’m gonna have to pass by there when we’re done the first tour stop. Some important documents were delivered to my family’s house, so I have to pick them up. Was already accepted by my mom, or they would reroute it.”
“Okay,” he says while his hand moves down the front of my neck, wrapping almost possessively. It’s not too tight, but it’s very evident the power such a simple move can have over an Omega.
It’s making me warm up in need, though I’m trying to “stay focused” on the topic at hand.
“You’ll go with one of us, yes.”
“Uh…” I’m a bit confused as to why I would, but when he tightens his hold around my neck, I just want to melt against him in submission. “Yes?”
“Don’t try to give us an excuse, Little Omega,” he groans, and I can see the restraint he’s displaying not to do other things, as if the sexual tension maxed with our wet, dripping bodies isn’t driving us both insane. “When you’re ready to pick up the package, we go together.”
“N-Not everyone,” I argue, only to moan when he presses my back against his muscled chest, sending tingles of desire through me.
I have to press my thighs together to try to tame the slick already pooling in these thin panties, but I know that action won’t stand a chance of hiding the truth.
Icarus’ low growl follows with my lips being captive in a heated fury of sucks and tiny bites.
“Astraea,” he growls against my swollen lips when neither of us can kiss any longer, our panting breaths heavy and deep. “Agree already.”
“If I do, are we gonna go fuck in the shower?” I offer tauntingly. “And having you all go to my family’s house is unnecessary. Especially with the tour bu— Mhmm.”
This Alpha won’t let me finish—expected . Not with this nagging need to caress each other, while the burning urge to get lost in one another is overpowering.
How effortless it is to turn in his hold and allow my body to focus solely on him. My lips crave his touch, his flesh, the need to sink my teeth and lay dozens of markings to claim my territory.
“You love being all independent and shit,” he grunts between brutal kisses. “Did you forget you’re ours now?”
“Maybe,” I purr, which has him growling deeply enough to send my insides haywire. I’m not sure how we get from the “Omega” only training space to the showers, but I know neither of us cares, but goodness, I’m struggling to keep up with this conversation.
“Meaning I need to remind you,” he concludes as he presses me against the shower glass, not caring that we’re still in our workout gear.
“A reminder would be good,” I pant while I admire how fucking sexy he looks right now. “Then I’ll think about my options.”
“You know there are no options, Vesper,” he further teases with my secret identity, reminding me of what’s been brewing in my mind as of late.
“I wonder if that secret is worth keeping,” I mutter against his lips as he lightly kisses me. I can tell he’s taming himself, noticing the hint of uncertainty in my voice, despite the nagging need to feel good and forget whatever trouble is bothering me.
“You want to tell the world you’re Blair?”
“After I tell Kai, yeah,” I breathe and further relax, knowing Icarus can hold my weight with ease. I like this connective moment, wrapped around him with my legs while my arms casually rest on his shoulders. My fingers lightly play with his hair while my eyes bore into his.
The need to fuck is as vibrant as ever, but the craving to communicate is outweighing our primitive desires.
At least for the moment.
“Go for it.”
I’m surprised by his easygoing nature today.
“You’re not saying that so we can fuck, right?”
“No,” he admits and leans in close. “I don’t want you remaining quiet about it.”
“Why?” I’m curious. “It won’t make a difference. In fact, it’ll probably make things complicated when people lose their shit over it.”
“I don’t care if people make a big deal over it,” Icarus acknowledges first. “We shouldn’t let the world’s opinions push us away from being who we truly are. At the end of the day, what’s the fucking point?”
I realize this is something deeper than he’d like to admit, which is why I move my arms back enough so I can cup his cheeks. The heightened gaze of emotion makes me feel like I’m his world. That my success, happiness, and contentment encourage his orbit around my atlas.
“So many sacrifices and where did it get me?” he quietly confesses. “Years wanting the best for someone when their best interest wasn’t even on me. Didn’t care about the sacrifices I was making. My time. My commitment. My strive was driven by the hope of watching another succeed and celebrating together. All that secrecy in hopes success would be inevitable, and look at the end.” He smiles and shakes his head as if he is still trying to convince himself otherwise.
“All those sacrifices and time that I could have invested in my goals… my hobbies gone in the wind,” he concludes. “Aside from my pack, James, and Rex, who would know? In fact, who will care? Even if the world finds out the truth, it’ll be a trend for only a few days. In the end, as long as you are happy and free, that’s what matters.”
“You’re right,” I agree with him, his words resonating with me in so many ways. “I want to write the band a song.”
“Do you?” he hums in approval. “What’s the catch?”
I smirk in amusement, loving how playful his expression is.
“A little birdy told me you can sing.”
He arches his eyebrow my way, but I smile while my hands move from his cheeks to run through his hair.
“I could be a horrible singer.”
“I have a strong hunch you’re probably really good because when the bands have been doing auditions with chosen candidates from their elite list of potential singers, you rejected all of them.”
“They’re all tone deaf.”
“You’re a perfectionist— EEP!” I squeal when he has me away from the glass wall and drenched in the stream of warm water. It’s only for a few seconds, but when he spins us around, so the stream of water is beating against his back, we’re both completely drenched. “Perfectionist,” I ensure to finish the word. “And if you think that’s getting me to hop on your lollipop, you’re losing points.”
“Liar,” he huffs but genuinely smiles. “If you can get Kai on board, I’ll do it.”
“Kai?” I think about it. “On board with singing?”
“Guitar,” he reveals. “He’s a really good guitarist.” He lowers me, then helps me out of my wet sports bra.
Every man should know just how agonizingly hard it is for a woman to get out of her sports gear when it’s wet.
“You know… I liked singing when he played. There’s just something different about it. Those who talk less and listen more perceive the world in such a different perspective.” I watch as he lowers to his knees, his eyes never leaving mine while he descends.
“When he plays the guitar, I’m able to zone out the world and just focus on the raging music around me. Can enjoy the rapid rhythm of Kenji drumming away. I could appreciate the tender softness in Nathaníel’s voice way back then. I never admitted it to them… but I guess they were my solace. They made the busy world go quiet, and I could let go and sing without fear.”
He wraps his arms around my legs, pulling me close as he presses his body against me. I don’t feel odd or embarrassed at our position. It’s an interesting sensation to experience.
This fond sense of connection in this moment of vulnerability. It seems as though our relationship thrives on these intimate conversations in the midst of our heightened sexuality.
I like it.
A different form of communication I never knew I enjoyed and craved.
A form of solace I realize can help heal so many wounds.
My hands rack through his hair, comforting him as we stand there, dripping from the water that still beats onto the shower floor inches away.
“Would you want to be on that stage again?” I quietly whisper as I caress his scalp. “To face the rows of fans, screaming in excitement for the unknown you guys are going to bring.”
“I always asked that question to myself,” he admits. “Through the years. As I did this manager job, thinking this was the role I always wanted.”
“It wasn’t… huh,” I quietly whisper.
He slowly shakes his head and hugs me.
“This was the role I was appointed to. The role I did to benefit Nate. The opportunity came, and I just fit the role so perfectly. It was a favor that ended up being my career for all these years. I practically forgot about the old times, where I wasn’t just in the background, watching my artists live the dream I thought for myself. When Nathaníel wasn’t the hidden brother that we all were ‘forced’ to pretend we didn’t miss. Those late nights where we did gigs for free and would get the whole bar losing their shit in pure happiness. I missed that high. That sense of importance in this world that makes you so minuscule in nature.”
He leans back so he can peer up at me, and I can see everything he’s saying is the truth. So raw and beautiful.
“I don’t care about what the world thinks… but I do care about what you think,” he admits and tries to smile, despite looking so heartbroken. “You think I have a shot.”
“Icarus,” I whisper and cup his cheeks so I can lean right down and kiss him firmly. “I’d support you to the end of the road. Of course, you have a shot.”
He smiles against my lips, kissing me softly until we’re breathless and staring into each other’s eyes. I end up kneeling, the two of us facing one another with this humming connection between us.
“From now on, I want you to focus on your dreams. Your ambitions and goals. What makes you happy and feel… free. If the talent manager role wasn’t doing that for you, no one will force you to remain. Not even me,” I emphasize and kiss his cheeks.
I can’t tell if the beads of water running down them are water from his dripping hair or tears, but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is supporting my Alpha to express what he’s been bottling up inside for so many years.
“You’ll walk down the path that makes you the happiest, and I’ll be right there to support you in any avenue. Good or bad.”
“You make it seem as if you’re saying our wedding vows,” he teases, but how wonderous it is to watch all that tension leave him. “We should have a big wedding.”
That makes me giggle.
“Well, Alpha. First, you have to put a ring on it,” I tease and lean in to whisper, “And a knot, but we haven’t gotten there yet, have we?”
“Are you tempting me?” he growls, making me giggle in bubbling excitement before I try to slip out of his arms. I knew I didn’t stand a chance, but I still squeal when he has me back in his arms.
“You think I don’t know what you and Kenji did in the studio, huh?”
My whole face is red when I look back at him in horror.
“Th-The studio is soundproof!”
“Mhmm,” he agrees. “Never said it was stalker proof.”
“Stalker…” It takes me a few seconds to clue in on what he means. “YOU WERE WATCHING?”
From the way he smirks, I’m seconds from punching him in the face, but he’s faster in throwing me over his shoulder and spinning us around.
“Let’s put wild knot sex on hold so this doesn’t become a crime scene.”
“LIAR!” I huff as I punch his back. “How much did you see?
“That’s not the right question you should be asking,” he hums in delight, his tone pissing me off.
I growl and punch his back, making him chuckle as he walks as if I’m not even making a dent in his muscled flesh.
“You watched everything!”
“I slept pretty good, too,” he adds.
“You masturbated to it?!”
“How could I not? Hot as fuck,” he admits without a hint of shame. “Took me ages to tame my knot. I need to hang you like a punching bag and fuck you until you moan just like that. You moan and whimper in tune, too.”
“Sh-Shut up!” I whine and kick, but he’s just enjoying this. “So embarrassing!”
“Not to me. I’m going to blackmail the others whenever they act up and try to steal my time with you,” he vows. I’m positive he’ll do it, too. “But we’re totally fucking tonight.”
“We need to shower now,” I groan. “We’re both smelly!”
“Not to me,” he teases. “You always smell divine, but I’m biased.”
“Ugh! Favoritism!”
“For my Omega, of course,” he hums, sounding like he’s in a really good mood. “We’re going to the other showers.”
“Why?”
“Because no one comes to those until the night shift, so I can enjoy having my knot deep inside you and feel no need to rush afterward,” he reveals. “Plus, there’s a jacuzzi. Can waddle there.”
“Waddle! You’re insane! What are you imagining in that thick head of yours?!”
“Fucking your naked self for hours,” he reveals.
“We… we have stuff to do.”
“Yeah,” he admits. “Each other. Anything else can wait.”
“Icarus!”
“I can’t hear you,” he sings, the tone so deep, yet at the perfect tone that sends goosebumps through me.
“Holy shit,” I curse and pause in beating his back. “Sing that again.”
“Nah.”
“Icarus!”
“You’re being so noisy,” he complains as he uses his feet to open whatever door we’re in front of. I can tell the moment we enter that it’s the sauna with how steamy hot it is.
He doesn’t hesitate to lower me to the wooden bench before he takes a step back to admire me.
“The sauna?” I question, but I’m quickly getting distracted by how he’s already tugging at his black shorts, pulling them down to his ankles with ease.
“No point in showering if we’re gonna get sweaty again,” he reveals with a devilish smirk that has my whole body tingling with desire. “Good after an intense workout.”
“Bullshit,” I mutter, but I’m more focused on his cock. “Either you’re going to go sit down or move out of my way so I can relax.”
“You can relax,” he assures me, yet he’s prowling my way. “I won’t be blocking your view, either.”
“And why is that?” I ask him as I lean back as he towers over me. “You’re blocking my view, Icarus.”
“My apologies, Omega.” There’s that deep rumble of his, but I see that cunning twinkle in his eye as he begins to kneel. I watch the movement, shivering at the way his hands lay upon my knees and spread my legs wide open.
My pussy is fluttering with excitement, just like my core that’s quaking.
“There,” he groans. “Not in the way, yes?”
I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks, but I don’t want to be defiant with him.
Not when I can get what my body is begging for.
“Yes,” I end up whispering.
“Then relax,” he coos, positioning between my legs while his eyes never leave mine. That seductive gaze assures me that I’m about to go on a pleasurable ride. “Let your Alpha take care of you.”
I can’t argue with him.