Chapter 12
Twelve
VIOLET
F aedra sets the plate of chocolate covered fruit on the coffee table before handing me my favorite mug.
“You didn’t have to do this,” I say as she sits beside me on the sofa.
Her eyebrows are drawn low, her lips pulled down in her concern. “Of course I did. You’re my best friend.”
My smile is less forced than the others I’ve given today. She leans her head on my shoulder. “Did you unblock him?”
“This morning,” I say. Jasper’s not overly active on socials, mostly just reposting from other friends. It was still enough to get a crash course of the last six months of his life, though. “He plays for the philharmonic. And he’s been with Rylan and the other Alpha since the fall.”
Unless the dates on the photos are off, they hooked up shortly after my heat.
It shouldn’t sting, and it certainly shouldn’t make me jealous. The Haven was literally his job. He got paid to knot me until my heat subsided. Doesn’t mean that I’m actually rational about it. The fact that Jasper has gotten Rylan these last months while I’ve been dreaming of his knot and whatever citrus scent he has just makes it burn more.
“Guess it’s lucky we didn’t end up seeing that candlelight performance last November then,” Faedra murmurs. “That would’ve been a shitty way to end the night. And then we wouldn’t have gone out for ice cream and seen that blood moon.”
I can’t help but laugh, glancing at the print of said moon that’s hung on her door. “You nailed that photo, so I can’t be upset either.” And she did. She’s won two different photo competitions with that print.
A notification sounds on my computer, and I pull it toward me. Faedra stands from the sofa and heads toward her room. “Text me if you need me.”
“Of course, Fae,” I murmur, clicking the provided link from the Council. It takes me to a meeting with only one person, the woman who’s been assigned to my matching. “Hello, Mary.”
“Good evening, Ms. Fallon.” She offers me a quick smile that isn’t quite warm. “The pack is just finalizing their set-up with my coworker. I’ll get you connected to them as soon as possible. Do you have any questions for me?”
I look over my shoulder, making sure Faedra’s door is closed.
“About annulment…” I start.
The woman’s eyes grow sharp as she answers my questions.
“You’re sure?” I ask again, nerves making my throat tight.
She nods again. “Absolutely, Ms. Fallon.”
I blow out a breath and nod. “All right. Thank you.”
She looks at something else on her screen. “They’re ready. Are you?”
“Yes, Mary. Thank you.”
She does something on her end, and then there’s suddenly two new boxes, Mary’s face nowhere to be seen. A young man stares at me out of one screen. I vaguely recognize him as the man Faedra’s been talking to about her own match. The other screen contains them .
Dominic sits in the middle, a heavy scowl making his features seem nearly severe, his cheekbones sharp and his lips literal perfection. He’s in an identical black button-up and pair of slacks that he had in the picture. Rylan’s hair is messier than the photo and the gala, and maybe a little bit longer, too. The hoodie he wears has Snow Patrol scrawled along the chest. His gaze is guarded but not actively hostile.
It takes all my willpower to take in the third person. Jasper’s hair is longer now, a couple strands dropping across his forehead. His blue eyes are just as striking, though. He’s wearing a simple gray t-shirt. The metallic reflection of a necklace catches the light, but it’s tucked under his collar, so I can’t see what’s at the end of it. I force my breathing to stay calm and my face into a blank, half-there smile. Something that takes little effort.
“Good evening, Ms. Fallon,” the man says, ripping me from my quiet perusal of the men. When I confirm I have no additional questions, he says, “This call automatically ends in an hour. Don’t panic when it cuts out. I’d start with exchanging numbers or socials or whatever other way you prefer to communicate.”
I murmur a soft agreement, noticing that the men are silent. His box disappears off the screen a moment later, leaving only the three men I’ve matched with.
Pack Montegue.
Dominic stands up, his scowl still firmly in place. Jasper twists toward him, stopping him with a hand on his thigh. My chest tightens at the simple intimacy of the movement, at the way Dominic’s gaze softens for a heartbeat of time, the way Jasper leans into him. I glance away as they kiss, that blade twisting in my chest until I feel like I can’t breathe.
No wonder he left me. I’m the literal opposite of Dominic. Well, except maybe in personality. He’s as much a black cat as I am from what I can tell. But I’m Omega, not Alpha. I crave comfort and routine and safety. I need touch and smells and a place I can create as my own without restrictions. Alphas don’t. They’re possessive and territorial, needing to stake their claim and mark their people as their own.
Rylan leans forward, ignoring the other two men. “What’s your number, Violet?”
Right. We’re supposed to actually be productive with this thing. Asking for my number is good. Normal. I rattle it off, and he’s quick to send me a single text, only his name and a winking emoji. I save the number and then put my phone away, leaning forward and crossing my arms, trying to keep my fidgeting from being noticeable.
By the time I’m resettled, Dominic is gone, and Jasper is looking at me like he’s attending someone’s funeral. Is it so awful that we’re matched that he feels like something has died? I force a swallow, trying to move the lump lodged there.
Fuck me. I’m better than this, right? I can face down a call with these men. I can handle it. I promised myself I would give myself the weekend. If everything is still fucked after the weekend, then…
I cut the thought off, already feeling the frustrated tears springing to life. I blink to clear them, hoping they’re not obvious on the video call. Rylan moves a paper around, pulling something that looks like it might have come from the Council’s packet of information and looking it over.
“You go to UCLA?” he asks, glancing up at me.
Jasper’s still looking at me. It feels like that somber, tired gaze sees right through me to the scared girl I feel at the moment. In another life, he was that person. He saw the scared girl and, for a time, helped me believe I could be more than that, could coax her into becoming something other than what society demanded of my designation.
And then he was gone.
I clear my throat and focus on Rylan, trying to keep myself together. Only an hour. I only had to make it an hour, and then I could cry again.
“Yeah,” I say, picking at my fishnets. “I’ll be graduating next weekend.”
“That’s fantastic,” Rylan says, setting down the paper, dropping his hand to Jasper’s thigh. Jasper visibly relaxes under the touch, and the knife in my chest twists again. “Send us the information for the ceremony. We’ll make sure to be there.”
Jasper stiffens but doesn’t say anything, and Rylan runs his hand down Jasper’s thigh, soothing him so instinctually it fucking hurts . Every single instinct in me wants to beg him for his address and pay whatever hellacious rideshare fee so that he can comfort me, too.
God, I’m a mess this week. And I can’t even blame it on my heat coming soon.
Jasper clears his throat, and Rylan takes a deep breath. “I need to go run through some pieces before dress rehearsal tomorrow.”
Rylan’s mouth twists before his expression smooths out. He nods, drawing Jasper to him and kissing him, too. It’s different than with Dominic, but the intimacy is the same. It’s something my parents have never had, that I’ve only ever seen in groups around me on campus or in movies. Never in my own life. Not since Jasper.
I clear my throat.
“You don’t need to stay on for the full hour,” I say as Rylan focuses back on me, Jasper’s retreating form disappearing from the frame.
“I know,” he says. He grabs that piece of paper again. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in school. What’s your major?”
“Biomedics.” His eyebrow ticks up. I offer up the explanation before he can ask. “I declared my second semester Freshman year. I wasn’t planning on matching then. I’d planned on going into research around Omega designations.”
“Specifically Omega? Or Alphas as well?”
I scrunch my nose. “Definitely not Alphas. They’re overbearing to start with. Asking them to consent to research performed by an Omega? Half of them would laugh me out of the room.”
“That’s a shame,” Rylan says, his voice dropping, gaining a rough edge.
My breath catches in my throat, and my scent strengthens around me. I clear my throat to keep my reaction from being quite so obvious. I don’t rush to fill the silence, not really sure what to ask him or offer up about myself. I’ve never tried to backtrack a one-night stand into a relationship, much less an Alpha that knotted me through my heat. Desire flashes across my skin, and I can feel my chest heat with it.
“I imagine these are helpful when all of this is long distance,” Rylan says after a few minutes. He scratches at the snake tattoo on his neck. “But they drive me up the wall. How about I come grab you after dress rehearsal tomorrow morning?”
A seed of hope blooms in my chest, swelling almost too fast for me to tamp down. “All right,” I offer, keeping my voice calm. “I can send you my address.”
“Great,” he says. “Rehearsal ends at noon, so I should be there by one. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way, all right?”
I nod and give him a hesitant smile. I don’t quite manage to hide the tears this time, and his eyebrows furrow. I glance away, blinking until they’re gone again.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Violet.”
Like an idiot, I nod again and wave. “Yeah, okay. I’ll see you then.”
The video message goes dark, a small box notifying me that everyone has left the chat. I close my laptop and lean my head against the sofa, blowing out a long, heavy sigh, letting the minutes tick by until I don’t feel quite so helpless anymore. Then I pop two of the chocolate covered banana slices into my mouth and chase them with the now cold black tea. I knock once on Faedra’s door, but when she doesn’t respond, I set about getting ready for the night, turning off the lights in the shared space and turning on the air purifier we keep tucked under the window to keep our scents from drowning out the living room.
The annulment request form sits on my nightstand. I force a swallow, wetting my dry mouth.
And then I slide it into the single drawer, tucking it out of sight. For now.
I’m just about to cuddle into my bed when there’s two hard knocks on the main door of our dorm. Shit, I hope it’s not something happening with the sorority party I know is happening but don’t know is happening on floor two. It’s my night of being the on-call RA.
I swing the door open, prepping for the worst.
“Ms. Fallon?” A man maybe a couple years older than me stands in the hallway, looking awkward as all hell. His tie is perfectly placed, held by a small tie tack in the shape of the Council’s insignia. My stomach twists even as my shoulders relax.
“That’s me,” I say.
He hands me a small envelope. “No response from you is required if you wish to ignore the motion. If you wish to accept the motion, have this returned by end of day tomorrow.”
He turns on his heel and heads down the hallway the moment I nod my understanding. I rip open the envelope and pull out the form, confusion making my movements clumsy. I mutter a curse and throw the entire thing in the trash.
Of course my mom has already filed a motion to have me reassigned. Fuck, she moved fast. It’s only been announced since noon. I shut off the lights and climb into bed, cocooning myself in my favorite blanket.
It takes a long time for me to remember how to sleep.