Chapter 46
Forty-Six
VIOLET
M y body’s on fire. Need tightens in my core, pulsing through me in waves that leave me whimpering. I roll over, trying to find something to take away the pain. My hand lands on something warm and solid. I move toward it. It smells delicious, and I take a deeper breath.
“I’m here, Sirena ,” a deep voice whispers.
My head vibrates with the sound, and the citrus smell grows stronger, though not nearly as strong as the floral one. Another wave rushes through me, and I whimper. The warm body next to me moves, taking its heat with it, and I cry out, trying to follow it. I open my eyes, needing to know where it went, but there’s only a dim light.
I don’t know how I know that the body will fix the pain, that it’ll make the pulsing waves stop. I just do, like I know my heart beats and my lungs breathe.
“ Please ,” I gasp, my eyes blurring with tears. “Alpha, please .”
A hand cups my cheek, and I turn into it, biting down on the flesh. The voice laughs, and then the heat is back, covering me so completely that I breathe a sigh of relief. It’ll stop soon, the heat will make the waves stop.
My body coils tighter with each driving movement of the heat, each point of contact with… with… my Alpha .
Yes, my Alpha. He makes the pain go away. He runs his lips down my throat and then again with his tongue, his movements growing faster.
“ Sei perfetto ,” he murmurs against my skin, and I flush.
He says the words like they’re his salvation, and I preen under the praise.
“ Cazzo ,” he grunts, the sound breathless. The movement stops, holding me just on the precipice of relief. I whimper, desperate to be thrown over the edge. He kisses my shoulder before biting my skin.
His knot locks into place, and I fall off the ledge, tumbling into the blissful relief on a breathless cry.
“Sleep, Sirena ,” he says. “You’re safe here.”
He feels warm. He feels safe. He feels… like home.
And so I do.
I awake all at once, sucking in a hard gasp as reality crashes back into me. Memories flood me, too fast for me to do more than see flashes of them. Arriving at the fundraising event, Jasper’s worried gaze as I told him I wasn’t feeling well, my mom cornering me until I was helpless to fight her, the awful floral scent of the Alpha that found me in the bathroom. And then Rylan’s careful touch. My dad’s devastation as Dominic carried me through the hotel.
Dominic… the flash of heat through my body accompanies the memory of him pressing up into me, forcing his knot into me in the back of the car as the heat overwhelmed me entirely.
Dominic, who hates being an Alpha.
Hates heats.
Hates me .
I don’t realize I’m crying until an arm wraps around my waist and pulls me into the hard, warm flesh of a man’s shirtless body. My body relaxes, still functioning nearly entirely on instinct. Scents mingle in the air, mine the strongest among them. I suck in a breath, trying to get my bearings in the room.
I freeze as the undiluted grapefruit scent overwhelms me.
“ Ti sono vicina, Sirena .”
Dominic’s voice is low enough it rumbles through me, vibrating against my cheek. A flash of desire burns through my body, but I stiffen against it. The haze of the heat is gone, and the memory of his anger when we knotted in the kitchen floods me without my urging. His arm tightens on my waist as his hand trails up my spine.
“ Non piangere. Andrà tutto bene ,” he murmurs.
I don’t understand the words, the Italian phrases not ones I’ve heard him say before. His lips brush my temple as he sets soft kisses into my hair. Like he’s worried about me. Like he wants to make sure I’m safe. Like he wants to protect me.
Confusion settles in my stomach.
The door opens with a near-silent click.
“Oh, sorry,” Rylan says, exhaustion in his voice. “I didn’t realize you were already in here.”
The words float over my skin, adding to my confusion.
“She’s all right?” he asks. “You’ve got her?”
Dominic murmurs a soft yes and then the door closes.
I have no idea what to say, what to ask, all the memories blurring together into a jumbled mess, making me hesitate to break the silence. Fear overlays most of them, a bone deep feeling of being unsafe, alone, with no one able to find me.
I sob, crossing my arms over my stomach. Fuck, I hate feeling helpless.
“What do you need, Sirena ?” Dominic asks as a warm hand brushes away some of the tears. The thread of comfort through his words relaxes me, my body responding to the Alpha’s desire to soothe. “Your scent is changed. Do you need food? Or a bath?”
I suck in a breath and force myself away from him. He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t even want to tolerate me being involved with Rylan or Jasper. He’s not safe . Regardless of if he knotted me during my heat. Regardless of if he was angry at Eric for nearly forcing me at the hotel. It can’t change anything. It doesn’t change anything. The rage would have been normal, an expected reaction from the force of my induced heat.
He doesn’t fight me as I wrap the blanket around me like it’s the only armor I have. Which it is. I flinch at the thought.
The room is dim, the curtains pulled across the large windows overlooking the backyard. My chest shudders with my ragged breathing, the confusion giving way to the horrible need to be touched and held and comforted. It’s always the worst immediately after a heat, as if the several days long sex-fest isn’t already enough to satisfy the instincts. Maybe it is for other Omegas.
“Violet?” Dominic’s voice breaks me out of my thoughts.
I drop my gaze to his and tighten the blanket around me, putting more distance between us before I throw myself at his feet and beg for intimacy he refuses to give. His eyes are dark and his gaze unreadable as he watches me move. A sheet haphazardly covers his hips and legs, and his hair is unruly with sleep. Hickeys cover his shoulders and neck, and my stomach clenches.
I refuse to be embarrassed. Refuse . But it’s a near thing.
“What time is it?” It’s a miracle my voice doesn’t shake. “What day even is it?”
“It’s Thursday,” he says as he rolls and grabs his phone from the bedside table, glancing at the screen before setting it back down. The sheet drops low enough to put the hard, defined line of his Adonis belt on display. My core clenches, and my cheeks heat as my scent redoubles in the room. “And it’s eleven in the morning.”
I breathe through the shaking need for him, trying to focus on whatever will get me through this part of the surfacing. Thursday. Paperwork was due Wednesday. That means the annulment is final. I’m a matchless Omega.
The thought rings through me like a death knell.
I should take a shower and get dressed. I should call Faedra and see how her camping trip went. I should check with the Council about what happens now that I’m classified as matchless in their system. I should contact the universities and rescind my applications.
I should… I should…
“Breathe, Sirena .” His voice is too warm, too much like safety when I know it isn’t.
I shake my head, more tears falling. Fuck , I hate coming out of a heat. Everything feels so raw and hyperaware. Is this worse than normal? It feels like it. Maybe because it was forced. Is a nastier drop out of the heat also part of the risks of forcing a heat? I’m not sure. I never bothered looking up the side effects.
“I’ll get out of your way,” I mutter, twisting away from him. It doesn’t matter that it’s my nest and that really he should be the one leaving. I can’t stand the idea of him getting angry with me again.
He sits up and shakes his head before I can manage more than a few inches toward the edge of the bed. The muscles of his stomach ripple with the movement, his hand held out toward me but not actually grabbing me. I ease away from him, keeping my hands tucked against my chest.
“We need to talk,” he says, his accent thicker than normal.
Panic settles in my stomach like a stone. I swallow down bile and shake my head. I can’t. Not right now. I can’t hear him tell me he’s happy I’m annulling the match, that he gets Jasper all to himself again without me being here. I can’t hear him tear me down for things that I simply cannot control about my body and its responses to his.
“I need to check in with Jasper,” I argue, trying to find an excuse that he’ll believe enough to let me leave. I drop one leg over the side of the bed and clutch at the blanket to keep it from getting twisted up.
His jaw clenches, a muscle ticking along his neck.
“Take a shower first,” he says, leaning back on an elbow. “He’s out running.”
I take the chance.
Why the fuck is he even still in here with me? Had he accidentally fallen asleep?
My pussy throbs with the memory of him fucking me, the muscles still sore from when he knotted me last. The sensations blur with those of Rylan until I can’t quite manage to separate out the individual experiences. Except for one. I remember Jasper being part of one of them, his hands gentle in my hair and his lips insistent against mine.
Another wave of desire rushes through me, my scent growing stronger again. Dropping my head, I duck into the en suite and shut the door behind me.
This shower is nearly identical to the one in my room, so it’s easy enough to figure out how to get it spitting out water despite not actually spending any time in the nest at all. I chance looking in the mirror and can’t quite manage to hold back the flinch. Nearly every inch of my skin is covered in bruises and love bites. One in particular along my shoulder seems the freshest, the crescent shape a deep, angry purple. Dread and pride twist together in my stomach until I can practically taste it.
The water is warm, the heat of it fogging up the mirror and shower doors and obscuring my reflection.
Thank fuck.
I force my mind to empty as I step under the spray and kick the sheet aside. Breathe through the nose and out through the mouth. I press a finger into a bruise until it hurts, using the pain to ground me as the panic rises in my chest. Time slips away from me, my eyes open but seeing nothing, that intrinsic need growing louder every second the men’s scents wash away.
I’m not entirely sure how long I’ve been standing there, the water never growing any colder, when the door opens. I flinch, twisting toward the intrusion, and breathe out a half-sob when I see Jasper’s messy blond hair and solemn blue eyes. He crosses the room and holds a hand out to me, not saying anything as I let him turn off the water and guide me out from under the comforting spray. He wraps one of the towels hanging on the wall around me before pulling me into his chest, his lips feathering across my temple.
That ache is back in my chest, that need for contact slicing through me as thoroughly as every nasty word my mother’s said. My breath hitches, and his arms tighten.
“Let it out, love,” he murmurs.
I shake my head and press my lips into his chest, keeping everything locked inside me. The moment I let it out, I won’t be able to stop.
I can’t risk that vulnerability. Not when I’m only hours away from having to walk away from him. It’s so much worse knowing that he doesn’t want to lose me, either. How can I possibly lose him a second time and still manage to get myself off the floor?
Maybe I can convince Dad to let me have access to my trust despite my mom’s anger. Maybe Faedra will let me stay with her for a bit while I try to figure out what to do. Maybe…
Fuck, but I don’t want maybes. I want to stay here with Jasper and Rylan. And it’s too fucking late for me to do that.
“Get dressed.” His voice scrapes over me. He’s quick to slide a dress over my head. I hadn’t even realized he’d brought it in with him. “Do what you need to feel comfortable. Come out when you’re ready. I’m going to get you some food.”