Chapter 47
Forty-Seven
VIOLET
Y ou can do this, Violet .
I chant it to myself as I brush out my hair until the words seep into my bones. Whatever the Council makes me do, I can do it. I survived the awful heat in March. I survived the fallout. I survived my mother not just at the event but the last five years of being officially designated as Omega.
I’m strong enough to walk into that room and face Jasper for the last time.
I push away from the counter before I can actually lose my nerve.
And then stop dead in the threshold of the bathroom.
Dominic is still sitting on the far side of the bed, though the sheet’s been replaced with a set of gray sweats. His eyes are closed, his head tilted back against the headboard, his hands resting on his stomach.
“Come sit, Sirena .” His voice is a warm caress that has my body singing.
The need to be close still claws at me. That’s the only reason I perch on the bed with a few scant feet between us. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
The silence extends to the point of discomfort. I reach for something to say that will force this conversation to start so I can cry without him here. My mind catches on the nickname.
“What’s that mean? What you called me?”
It’s probably nothing good. Though how much worse could it be than your own mom calling you a whore? Her cutting voice in the bathroom twists in my gut, and I have to breathe through my nose to keep from crying again.
Dominic circles my wrist and urges me toward him.
For some bizarre reason I refuse to examine right now, I don’t fight him. Instead, I let him urge me back across the bed until we’re nearly touching. His brown eyes are dark and full of some emotion I can’t manage to name, something I’ve only ever seen when he’s looked at Jasper. Nerves claw up my throat, but I bite them back, forcing a swallow even as my mouth dries out entirely. I try to construct those walls that have kept me mostly insulated from my mother’s jabs and barbs since that first time she laid into me about the nose piercing. I try, and I fail.
Maybe it’s the fact I’m still in my nest, not even a few hours surfaced from a forced heat. Maybe it’s the reality that despite me swearing I wouldn’t let myself be vulnerable with this man, most of me wants to throw myself at him until he realizes I’ll be whatever he needs, turn myself into whatever has him looking shell shocked when he doesn’t think people are watching.
Yeah, like he’d want anything from me aside from my signature on that form so that he doesn’t have to give up Jasper. And I’ve already given him that.
“It means siren,” he says.
It takes me a minute to break out of my thoughts and catch up to what he’s saying.
“That… doesn’t feel like a compliment,” I whisper.
The corner of his lip twitches, like he’s trying not to smirk. “A beautiful woman luring in a man with her beautiful voice? Perhaps we have different definitions for compliments.”
I purse my lips. “Sirens drown the men they lure. It’s why they do it.”
“ Che cavolo .” His voice scrapes over me.
My gaze drops to his lips before I can help myself. Even after the heat, honeysuckle blooms from me, though not nearly as strong. He hums, his eyebrow rising in unspoken question, but I shake my head.
“I don’t understand women,” he mutters after a long silence. “I call you beautiful, and you take it as an insult. I use gentle touches, and you grow more skittish instead of less. Do I need to tie you to the bed so that you will actually listen to me?”
Heat flashes down my neck and onto my chest.
He laughs and shakes his head. “I am not even surprised you like the idea of being tied down.”
The door clicks closed, and my heart races. The soft humor drains away from him as he sighs.
“ Cavolo , I don’t know how to do this.”
I try to pull away from him. I don’t want to hear this from him. Not ever, and especially not now, when I am still sore from where he’s knotted me multiple times over the last several days.
“Violet, stop,” he says, his voice gaining an edge of annoyance.
My body relaxes, the instincts responding without me willing them to. I glare at him and force my hand out of his grip. He doesn’t seem angry. Instead, he twists and grabs a folder I hadn’t noticed tucked on the table next to his phone. His gaze is intense as he hands it to me.
My stomach roils, those butterflies back in my throat, and I can’t help the trembling of my hands as I take the folder, the rough, thick paper sitting like a lead weight between my fingers.
Was this instructions from the Council of what would be expected from me going forward? Did it contain my official classification as unmatched?
“It’s only missing your signature,” he says. “We were able to get a week’s extension from the Council on the premise of you going into heat.”
An extension? They didn’t need to file an extension, not unless…
My throat closes.
There’s a long silence. I don’t move, don’t even breathe. He keeps his eyes locked on mine.
“ Mi dispiace, Sirena ,” he murmurs eventually. “I have spent my life resenting the designation, the instincts that are so deep they burrow in my bones even when I wish I could dig them out. I hate that I feel chained to them, that they are what controls my life and I am merely a passenger in my own life.”
I knew how that felt, had raged against the universe for years when my blood work confirmed my worst fear.
“I am…” He trails off and mutters something in Italian. “I am not the only one who resents it, though, am I? What I am, what I have been forced to become because of my family.”
My chest tightens.
I must give something away in my face because he nods once.
“Jasper explained it to me. How it happened for you. I… am ashamed I did not seek to know you better. That I assumed you were like the Omegas I encountered while taking the required learning from the Council.” He circles my wrist again, the touch so hesitant I nearly laugh in shock. “I would like to learn, though. Your favorite color. Your favorite meal. How you enjoy your coffee in the mornings. They are intimacies I have enjoyed with Jasper. I would like them with you, too, if you’re able to forgive me for the way I’ve treated you.”
It can’t be that simple. There has to be some catch that he hasn’t brought up yet. He’s hated me from the day we matched, resented me for my designation and the assumptions of what that would bring to his relationship.
“You are welcome to deny it, of course,” he says after another minute. “Your annulment is still filled out and could be filed instead.” His eyes flash with anger before he runs his hands through his hair and leans against the headboard again. “I will understand if you’d rather not deal with me at all at this point. What I did to you would be considered unforgivable by many. I will not hold it against you if you find you are unwilling to trust me now.”
“And if I stay?” I ask. My voice trembles, but there’s nothing to help it at this point. “How long until you walk out on me again because you dislike something your body does in response to my own?”
There’s a low grunt behind me, and I tense. I twist to see which guy it is, but Dominic stops me with a finger under my chin. He shakes his head.
“I’m done fighting it,” he murmurs, even softer than before. “I thought Jasper would be enough. That between him and the rut suppressors, I would have enough meaning to ignore the ache the instincts cause. And perhaps if you were someone else…” He shrugs. “But you are not. You are too enthralling for me to ignore any longer. I don’t want to.”
The honesty rings through his words. His shoulders are relaxed, and a small smile tips his lips.
Something twists in my chest, and the truth falls from my mouth before I can bring it back.
“I don’t want kids.”
He cocks an eyebrow.
“I didn’t even before I designated. I’ve… I’ve actually had two abortions.”
Dominic drops his hand from my chin, running it down my arm until he presses it into my own. I’m not entirely sure why I lace our fingers together, but his skin is warm against mine, and some of the tension loosens. His gaze flicks to whoever is behind me. It’s like the motion lets me notice them, their warm heat pressing closer to me as they step farther into the room. This time, Dominic doesn’t stop me from looking over my shoulder.
Rylan holds Jasper’s hand, his grip tight enough his knuckles are white, though Jasper doesn’t show any discomfort. Rylan’s eyes are intent on me, the green striking despite the dark circles that give away just how little sleep we’ve all gotten the last several days. His tattoo is marred with bruises. My chest flushes, and his lips tip up into a ghost of a smile.
They pause at the side of the bed. Jasper drops his free hand to Dominic’s thigh.
“That’s what happened after your heat in March?” Rylan asks after a moment. “That’s what pushed you into choosing to be matched?”
I nod. “The Alpha didn’t wear a condom. I didn’t find out until afterward that he misread my information and thought I was on long-term birth control. I got my IUD as soon as they let me afterward.”
Jasper’s face hardens, anger stiffening his movements as he leans a hip against the bed. “Did you get him in trouble?”
“I never bothered to follow up with any of it after I reported it to the Haven.” I shrug and trace the edge of the folder. “Anyway, I realized I’d rather risk the Council’s wrath than put up with heats like that one.”
Rylan nods and grabs my open hand, pressing a kiss to my palm before lacing our fingers together.
“Guess the Council really does know what they’re doing with the matches,” Jasper jokes, his voice lighter than I’ve heard since surfacing. I tilt my head, scrunching my nose in confusion. He answers my unvoiced question. “Dominic doesn’t want children, either. Rylan and I are more neutral about it. But you’ve known that about me for a long time.”
I have. Since he took me to the clinic when we were dating. I hadn’t even designated when it happened.
“Violet?” Rylan murmurs. “Do you want to file the annulment?”
I take a deep breath, looking at each of them, drinking them in, before focusing on the folder in my lap.
My voice is clear when I say, “No.”