Secrets
Calista
Cool air blows strands of my dark hair away from my neck as I slowly swing on the playset from the Kismet brothers’ childhood. I used to come out here to think during the short time I stayed here before getting shipped off.
It’s peaceful in the garden, surrounded by blooming roses in all colors of the rainbow.
My favorites are the deep red ones that look almost black before they bloom open.
There’s something about the striking contrast between the fuchsia and peach colors of the other bushes that I love.
A trickling fountain sets the mood even more, and the tranquility of the water dripping is enough to help me focus on the open book in my hands.
My mom loved romance, and it’s been a while since I’ve read one. I need to keep my mind off of things. I know that a decision must be made soon, despite me not wanting to.
The miracle I’ve been hoping for isn’t coming. I feel that now. It might’ve been used up on my mom when she found Henry.
I flip a couple of pages without reading, just skimming over the words until I find something sexy.
I don’t need to read about someone finding their love.
I just want to read about someone having a good time.
That way I can truly escape without thinking of bonding or marriage.
It helps that the main character of the book is a beta.
“Lis, there you are. I’ve been looking for you. What are you doing out here?” Lucas smiles at me, shielding his eyes from the overhead sun.
I wave the book at him. “Distracting myself. I’m bored.”
“I didn’t know you enjoyed reading. What book is it?” Lucas takes it from my hands before I have a chance to protest. He glances at the page I was skimming, his eyebrow lifting. A breeze catches some strands of his sandy hair, sending them blowing around.
Pressing his lips together, he smirks, his handsome face lighting up. “Recreating the Eiffel Tower, huh?”
Heat burns my cheeks, and I snatch the book away. “Don’t judge. It’s better than those business books in the study.”
Lucas’s smile widens, his hazel eyes turning from the page he reads and to me. “I’m not judging. I’m enjoying it. It’s fun to find out things about you that you’re unwilling to give freely. Like what you like to do for fun.”
I’m tempted to retort with a comment about his brothers, but I don’t want to open that conversation. I’m sure they’ve talked about it amongst themselves. I wonder if this is why Lucas is here.
“Honestly, I don’t really have any hobbies anymore. I worked a lot at the Omega Resort, saving up the best I could. I was trying to acquire enough funds to start paying for myself.”
“Is that why you were with that one man?” Lucas returns the book to me, stepping closer. “Feel free not to answer. I was just curious.”
I rise to my feet, so that Lucas isn’t standing over me. It makes me feel too vulnerable and small. He holds his muscular arm to the corner of the play area and tilts his head toward the walking path that’ll take us through the garden.
“Mr. Carter? Yeah. Joseph paid me two grand for one evening out to pose as his omega. We had arranged for me to be his fake fiancée at every work event. We didn’t sleep together or anything.
He needed me for a promotion. It was going to be a great opportunity.
I’d get a lot of money, and I wouldn’t have to be bonded.
” This is the first time anyone has asked me about Joseph from the first night the Kismet brothers showed up.
Lucas guides me down the stone path, the shade trees protecting us from the sun overhead.
The scent of lavender wafts through the air, the purple flowers reaching toward the sky.
I glance around at the pansies and a couple other plants I don’t know the names of, taking in the beauty that I could never find in the city.
Especially Nevada. All the foliage is fake and surrounded by metal and concrete.
“I get it, you know. I moved to the East Coast to start a life separate from the one here. I wanted to make my own money and live life by my own rules. This life is a lot. I didn’t expect to have to take it on so soon.
I’m sure it was even harder for you. I’m surprised they let you make money at all.
” Lucas picks a plumeria flower from the tree and turns to me, sticking it behind my ear.
“Ivy got a cut. Fifty percent. It’s why she didn’t want to sign off on my…
” I let my voice trail off. I almost admitted the truth.
I know it’ll change how Lucas looks at me now.
There’s still a beautiful ounce of hope clinging to his expression.
He’s entranced by every single thought I spill before him.
“Sign off on what? You don’t have to worry about telling me anything.
I’m not going to run to my brothers. I can tell it might have to do with—” He waves his hand out, like he’s referencing the world.
“This. Jensen and Nolan were both talking about you last night and how they couldn’t figure out why you won’t agree to bond. ”
I pull my arm away from his and run my fingers through my hair. “Of course they were. I’ve been wondering why myself lately. I feel so damn guilty that I just don’t accept it. It would make all our lives easy. It’s just… If I bond with you…” It’s hard to find the will to say the words out loud.
Lucas closes the space to me and wraps his arms around me in a hug. I sink against him, resting my chin to his chest. I inhale a deep breath of his minty scent, his fragrance helping to settle the nerves in my stomach.
“You don’t have to say anything. I can tell you’re not ready to talk,” Lucas says, remaining close, hugging me as if I’ll fall apart if he lets me go. He strokes his hand on my back, quietly waiting to see what happens next.
I ease away and meet his hazel eyes. His cheeks shadow with a short beard, no longer just stubble on his cheeks. Reaching up, I caress my fingers to the coarse hairs, tracing his jaw as I summon my courage. I know I can’t keep my reasons to myself any longer. It isn’t fair to anyone.
“I don’t want to bond because I won’t be a good omega for you,” I admit, my eyes shifting from his to stare at his frowning lips.
“I’m planning to get sterilized. If I bond, I’ll be expected to get pregnant and be a mom.
I’ll be expected to keep the pack together.
I don’t want to bring children into this world, especially if they turn out like me.
I’m not who you guys need. My mind will never change.
” I exhale a deep breath, my muscles relaxing with my admission.
Lucas doesn’t react. He doesn’t say anything for what feels like forever, but he also doesn’t let me go or push me away like I’m the worst person in the universe either. We study each other in silence, waiting for the other to break away. Neither of us does.
“I have my own secret, Lis. Not even my brothers know,” Lucas finally says, reaching up to touch my cheek like I had to him. There’s something about our scents mingling that eases my stress.
I lean back farther and peer at him more intensely, our chests close, our hearts beating rapidly against each other. What kind of secret? I don’t want to beg him to tell me, because I know what it’s like to have everyone wanting to know the truth.
“I’ve already been sterilized. I can’t have children. I can’t go into rut. My instincts as an alpha are very muted.” Lucas exhales deeply, his expression softening even more with his admission.
I blink a few times, processing his words. That’s why he’s stayed away from Poppy Cove. That’s why he chose a life as a beta. It’s also why his scent isn’t as potent as his brothers’. All this time I thought he was using a scent blocker but it was just him.
“You’re sterilized,” I say, repeating his words. It’s not a question and just me trying to wrap my mind around it.
A part of me is so incredibly jealous. Look how fucking easy it was for him to do it. He didn’t need permission. He didn’t need hundreds of thousands of dollars. He didn’t need power.
And it makes this worse.
I won’t hold it against him, but my heart breaks a little.
A tear slips down my cheek, and I can’t stop my mouth from trembling. Leaning forward, I hide my face against his chest again as I think about everything I’ll never have. Not if the world gets what it wants.
“I’m sorry, Lis. I never expected to have the opportunity to bond with anyone.
I was pretty sure my dad was going to live forever.
I know it ruins me a bit. I’ll understand if you decide that you can’t have me around if my brother can somehow convince you to be the Kismet Omega.
” Lucas rubs his hand over my back, doing his best to push away the tremors.
“No. No, that’s not it. I’m just—it was easy for you to get what I wanted—what I want…
This is so messed up.” My emotions spin out of control, and I try not to pull away and escape.
I can’t keep running from my problems. Lucas just put so much faith in me.
He trusts me with his own secrets, and he already thinks that I’ll deny him because he feels he’s now less of an alpha, which isn’t true.
It doesn’t change that I care for him. If anything, it makes me feel better.
Because he won’t have the same expectations.
If only the world could be the same way.
Lucas shifts my head, pressing his forehead to mine. “I want to change the world for you, Lis. I want you to have the life of your dreams.”
“What about your brothers? It seems we’re all over the place,” I say, snuggling closer to him, enjoying the feeling of his arms around me.
“What about them? This isn’t about them. It’s about you. I’ll stand beside your decision, whatever it may be.” Lucas reaches up and touches my cheek again, guiding me to look at him, his warm palm caressing my face in a way that sends waves of excitement through me.