Unapologetic Self
Calista
There is no escaping them. I can smell Jensen’s scent wafting up from behind me. They’ll never let me out of their sight, especially now.
All I want is to be alone.
I ignore Jensen and continue my stroll down the winding path that leads away from the Kismet Estate and to the private beach below. I’ve always thought it was strange how people can claim a shoreline, and I hope that will change one day.
Finding a spot with shade, I sit in the soft sand, facing the ocean. Jensen keeps his distance, though I can feel his eyes penetrating me. He’s going to wait for me to invite him over, and a part of me wants to.
I focus my attention on the blue water, the waves cresting against the light sand, creating foam. The sound helps slow the rapid beating of my heart.
“I hate that I’m getting used to you trying to flutter away from me, butterfly.
What did my brother do? I heard a door slam and saw you leaving.
I’m surprised he didn’t follow.” Jensen remains fifteen feet away, his shadow the only thing I can see in my peripheral vision without looking directly at him.
It’s hard for me to open up and admit what happened. Jensen should know.
“Is this about wanting to be sterilized?” His voice lowers with the question. It catches me off guard, because I haven’t told him yet.
“I found the inquiries while sorting through your Omega Resort paperwork. I haven’t told anyone. Promise.” Jensen steps into view, and I watch him kick off his dress shoes and take off his socks. He looks ready for a meeting, his tailored suit outlining his muscular frame.
“That doesn’t matter now. Both of your brothers know.
I had intended to tell you guys together but…
” I rest my chin on my knees. I don’t think Jensen is looking for an explanation or that he even cares that I didn’t tell him myself.
I appreciate it. Especially in this moment where I can’t seem to get a grasp on my emotions.
“My brothers can be quite convincing. I bet Nolan begged for answers, huh? I just don’t understand why you’re here. Nolan, more than anyone, should get it. He shouldn’t be upset.” Jensen steps closer, testing my reaction.
I release a long breath, closing my eyes. I catch Jensen’s scent before I feel him sit next to me, brushing our bodies together.
I want to ask what he means by the comment, but I feel like that would be prying. Instead, I slowly rest my head on Jensen’s shoulder. I just want to sit in silence for a minute and process everything. Because decisions have already been made for me.
“He doesn’t want kids, either,” Jensen continues, answering my silent question. “He used to gag at baby drool even.”
“What?” I finally look at Jensen, our eyes meeting.
He’s so damn handsome that it’s hard for me to build a wall between us.
He’s not reading my mind, but he is opening a discussion for something I never really thought about having.
I just assumed that all alphas were ready, capable, and willing.
I guess I need to check myself. There are far more layers to the Kismet brothers than I imagined.
If only… There are no ifs in this situation. I heard what the lawyer said.
There goes my curiosity. Now I’m angry again.
“Yeah, I used to fuck with him about it. Your mom loved having the babies around, and I would offer to hold them and hand them over to Nolan. You’d think he was holding a bomb about to explode,” Jensen says with a chuckle, leaning in closer and closing the space between us.
“You should tease him about it. Chef’s sister just had a baby.
We can have her over, so I can show you. Nolan would deserve it.”
He doesn’t try to kiss me, but he rests his head against mine until his beautiful amber eyes are nothing but a blur. It would be so easy to brush my lips against his, to use his mouth as a distraction as my mind races in turmoil, thinking about how I won’t have a choice. Not now.
“Sure, if I were talking to him. He lied to me.” And even if he didn’t lie, he didn’t correct the lawyer or try to explain what was happening. He didn’t stop me from leaving.
“What?” Jensen breathes the word against my lips. “Nolan has never been a liar. He’s always been raging honest, even when you don’t want to hear it.”
“Maybe you just don’t know. We were looking over everything, trying to find out who bailed out Pack Loomis when your lawyer called.
He said that he filed the paperwork for the estate and that we can proceed.
You know what that means, right? Did you know about this, too?
Did you guys think that I would give in to the idea?
” I do my best to stay calm, though my voice rises with each question.
I can’t help it. It’s my stubborn side wanting to fight for myself.
“No, Robbie wouldn’t do that. Nolan had made it very clear that we would not move forward until you were on board.
We were going to make it work one way or another.
You must be mistaken.” Jensen leans back, clearing my view of him so he’s not taking up my entire world.
His brows knit close together, and he searches my eyes for confirmation.
He says this is a mistake, but maybe he just doesn’t know.
Maybe Nolan made the executive decision as pack leader.
“Go ask Nolan then. I heard the lawyer. Nolan didn’t try to say anything otherwise to me.
Even if he never specifically asked him to do it, I think he’s okay with the idea.
I think he’s tired of waiting for me to agree.
” I rub my lips together, gauging his reaction.
Jensen doesn’t give me one. His expression is as stoic as Nolan’s usually is.
I hate that I can’t read him. Especially because I know I’m an open book.
I can’t help myself. I wear my heart pinned to the front of my chest and my mind spilled on my face with my expressions.
“Okay. Let’s go.” Jensen doesn’t give me the chance to argue and grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet. “We’ll figure this out. Because I won’t stand around and let someone control our lives. I’m over that.”
He makes it sound easy.
But I know better.
I’ll never have that kind of confidence. My life has never been my own. And I’m certain, in this moment, that it never will be.
“Pack meeting. Now.” Jensen holds my hand, keeping me close as we stand in the doorway to the office.
He doesn’t give Nolan a chance to react and turns around, guiding me away. I have to speed walk to keep up with him, his alpha side now taking control because he is confronting his brother.
Lucas stands at the end of the hall with his hands in his jean pockets. He’s never dressed as formally as his brothers, and I can’t stop admiring his muscular arms in his black T-shirt. He doesn’t say anything as he falls in step behind us, letting Jensen lead the way.
I expect him to take us to the dining room, but instead he leads us to my wing.
I haven’t been in my suite with all three of them before.
I think Jensen chose my room intentionally.
It’s my space. He’s giving me a bit of power by having a pack meeting with his brothers in here.
No one would dare disrespect an omega’s personal space, especially because I’ve already created a nest, even if it was when I was a teenager.
Nolan takes a couple minutes to get to my suite, and by the time he enters, I’m sitting in between Jensen and Lucas on my bed. I don’t know why I chose the spot, but there’s something comforting about being between the two of them.
Nolan scrubs his face with his hands, crossing the room to sit at my desk. He hunches forward and rests his elbows on his knees. Supporting his head with his hands, he stares in silence at the three of us.
I meet his gaze, refusing to be docile or to look away. He should look in my eyes. He needs to see how distressed I am over this situation.
“Let’s just get the facts out of the way.
We all know that Calista wants to get an Omega Sterilization.
Her mind won’t change. That complicates things because if she bonds with us, she will no longer qualify for the procedure.
” Jensen’s use of my legal name gets to me in a good way for once.
I realize that the Kismet brothers can’t help themselves when things get serious.
“At this point, we don’t have a choice unless we reject her.
In that case, she needs to move out with another pack.
The court has given us grace, but Robbie’s actions have repercussions.
The court will think we initially agreed only for the estate.
Even though packs do stuff like this all the time, they frown upon it.
Because strong packs have strong ties to their omegas.
Going back-and-forth isn’t possible now.
” Nolan keeps his voice low. He trains his eyes on mine, capturing my attention.
“I’m sorry, Cali. I didn’t know he was going to do this.
He has a power complex and thinks it’s what my dad would want, considering we’re jeopardizing the pack otherwise.
He doesn’t understand that just because your mom made sacrifices doesn’t mean that you should as well. ”
“We need to fire Robbie immediately. This is a huge conflict for us.” Lucas rests his hand on my leg, squeezing gently.
“It’s already been taken care of, but we need to decide what happens now.
” Nolan rolls the chair closer until he can reach for my hand.
I let him link our fingers together, trying my best to keep calm.
I’m no longer angry with him. I know deep down he didn’t stop me because he felt he had to do everything himself with that lawyer.
It’s his job as pack leader to put our pack as a whole first. That’s why Jensen and Lucas step up to put me first. I’m sure Nolan wants to do the same. But the laws… Fuck the law.
“I need to speak to my lawyer. That’s the only thing that’s happening right now,” I say, pressing my lips together. “Ivy arranged a meeting in person for me. She’ll advise me on what happens now.”
“How can you trust her? Ivy only looks out for her best interest. I know you don’t want to be the Kismet Omega, but I can’t lose you, Cali.
We can’t lose you. There has to be something we can do.
” Jensen slides his hands around my waist. Doing the right thing for myself shouldn’t mean breaking anyone’s heart in the process, including my own.
It’s just… If I comply in advance, it’ll prove that I’m fine with the law.
I hate this. I hate it so damn much that heat burns on my neck, especially seeing the defeated expressions crossing the Kismet brothers’ faces.
“I don’t want to lose you either, but I have to put myself first. It’s the only way I’ll ever be okay.
Please understand.” I turn and gently kiss Jensen on the lips.
He sinks against me, my affection setting off everyone in the room.
Shifting, I guide Lucas closer to my mouth and brush my lips to his next. “I want for all of us to be happy.”
“I wish we were enough alone,” Nolan says, touching my cheek, mingling his scent with mine. “But I understand. I do. You can’t rely on someone to make you happy. You have to be content with yourself.”
I rapidly blink my eyes, pushing away my own unshed tears.
My emotions run rampant, and I slide into Nolan’s lap and cup his face.
He kisses me more intensely than his brothers, his hands fervently memorizing my body from my cheek to my neck and down to my wrists where he gently massages his thumbs.
He silently claims me, his touch igniting my very nature.
But that’s all it will ever be. It’s my order and nothing else.
“I’m trying my best. I really am.” I rest my head to his shoulder, letting silence fill the air.
“We know. Whatever happens, we’re here for you, Cali. Forever.” Lucas touches my back.
Forever is a long time.
I don’t say it though. I just want to enjoy this moment, knowing these men have my back even if I don’t relent and do things the easy way.
That’s not me. I refuse to be anything but my unapologetic, determined self.
My mom would be proud.