39. Kallis
Kallis
Considering I’ve never had scent matches before, I’m not sure how to approach my current dilemma.
The team members and staff have been kind enough to ask about my state after the embarrassing scene I caused five days ago.
I think they believe it’s brought us closer.
Despite how I’ve shut down even more because of how ashamed I am that the entire crew saw me like that, I’m grateful for their concern.
Though it’s different from the three Bears who helped me at my weakest, who I promptly chose to avoid and/or ignore since they met my parents.
There are too many options, and I don’t have enough experience to make a choice.
My first option is to tell the three alphas that have my hair standing on end whenever I’m in their vicinity that I’m going into heat and that I require their company.
I tried to say the words out loud alone and couldn’t even let the sentence ‘Will you join me for my heat?’ cross my lips, so I quickly discarded that option.
My second option is to write them a note with the time and my address and request that they join me.
Practical, yes, but the consequence would be that they’d discover where I live, which caused me to spin off into daydreams about them turning up unannounced to have their way with me whenever they wished.
This stalled the planning stage considerably as I indulged in those particular fantasies.
My third option is to simply not tell them at all and endure my heat alone. But, after how my last heat went, I can very well see myself going out of control and coming to The Woods after dark to find them anyway.
All of these options are far more difficult to plan when my nest is actually at work, instead of the house with the specially designated room for it.
That nesting space is perfectly situated between the kitchen and the bathroom, so that alphas can take care of me during my heat while not straying too far, which would be ideal if not for how I can no longer stand to be in there.
Plus, all of this is with the assumption that they actually want to join me for my heat after the scene I caused. And I would essentially be stealing the team’s goalies away for at least three days, and they are so close to making the playoffs that they can’t risk any mistakes.
The hockey season isn’t exactly built to accommodate omegas.
It’s a hard puzzle to figure out, made only worse by how I’m currently standing in front of Orso, alone, in my nest, as these thoughts stream through my head. So it’s a battle to stay focused on my task and search for a moment to bring it up, all while restraining my building lust.
I know I can’t avoid them forever, but I wish I had more than a week to gather myself so I’m prepared when my heat begins. But I’ve still had occasional pulses of preheat while pleasuring myself, which has also put me on edge.
“Arm,” I say, lifting up the blood pressure monitor strap as he complies, and I fix it around his bicep, making sure that I don’t touch his skin.
These double-strength suppressants have failed to combat my need when I’m particularly turned on.
But as long as I stay calm, no honey will enter the room.
I don’t want to risk the Bears losing because of my biological functions. I embarrassed myself at the restaurant by begging for him, and that was out of a heat. How much worse would it be when I’m in the throes of it?
Though I can’t remember if there has ever been a time I actually looked forward to my heat.
As the machine whirs and the balloon inside the strap expands to monitor his pulse, the screen suddenly flashes red.
“Mr. Williams, your heart rate is unusually high,” I say, my eyes widening. I quickly compare his readings from the last time I measured him on the tablet in my left hand, and there’s a definite increase. “Has anything happened to affect your health since the last time I took your measurements?”
“You mean besides you fucking around with my mates right in front of me last week? Or do you mean when you demanded I hold you as you cried like you were my fucking omega?” he asks, his voice like steel.
I snap my mouth closed instantly so I don’t show him how that statement rocks me. I tense again. I don’t want to go cold on him, but my unstable lust flares, and if I grow any more excited, it will not end well.
“I don’t see how something that happened five days ago should affect you now?” I reply, one brow arching as I lean in to remove the strap.
A low growl rumbles from him, and I freeze in case I brush his skin by flinching.
“Because it’s been impossible to catch you. So we wanted to talk to ask you what the fuck happened to you,” he bites out.
“Please let us get through this examination amicably. I have other things to do today.”
“Is that why you put me at the end of your list like you did with Artie?”
I don’t look at him as I remove the chin strap and turn, making sure my back is to him. He’s exactly right, but that is more because I want to broach the topic of how he feels about both incidents. But I won’t do that if he insists on being aggressive.
Having Orso Williams in my nest after feeling his presence so strongly when I needed them the most is difficult enough without clearing the air between us.
I don’t know how to begin the conversation when he looks at me like he wants to run his skates over my body to make sure I can’t go near him or his pack.
The players are exhausted from non-stop games, and the rest of the staff are worn out from the travel and workload as well, so maybe I should pull away.
This back and forth in my mind is wearing me thin as well. I’ve been caught in a constant state of obsessing over whether I should broach the subject or not. Especially because I imagine I’m currently Orso’s least favorite person in the world after forcing him to comfort me.
I’ve already decided I won’t touch Mathan and Artie unless Orso is involved.
I just need to muster up the courage to ask Orso to clarify where he stands, and then I can make my decision from there.
Though that is rather difficult when I turn around to find him glaring at me so hard I’m sure he’s going to launch himself from his seat to attack me.
I meet his glare with my own spark of irritation. I have enough trouble talking to people as it is, but how am I supposed to approach him now?
I’m good at pretending nothing is wrong, so I continue with my work. Reaching for the helmet to take the next brain scan, I sigh as I adjust it over his head.
“Stay still, Mr. Williams; this will only take a minute.”