Chapter 6 #2
“At least you have that to remember, Trav. Those precious minutes you had with her that mornin’.” A tear streaked down his face. “I didn’t even get that.”
It wouldn’t have hurt more if Gage had punched me in the stomach.
“I…” I didn’t know what to say. Words were not going to help, of that I was certain.
“It’s not your fault, Trav. It’s not.” He took a deep breath, his hands relaxing as he leaned in, forehead to forehead.
“I was mad at you initially. Sure. For about a minute. You got that, and I didn’t.
I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get that.
Why I couldn’t’ve had just five more minutes with her. ”
I fisted Gage’s shirt tighter, feeling the sorrow as it poured off of my husband. I hadn’t seen that last precious moment I'd had with Kylie as a blessing. But Gage was right. I'd had that.
“Every minute without her is agony, Trav. That’s to be expected. We’ve lost somethin’ important. Somethin’ crucial. But we have to keep puttin’ one foot in front of the other. We can’t keep dwellin’ on what we don’t have. It’s not good for us; it’s not good for the kids.”
I knew Gage was right. Of course I did, but that didn’t make it any easier.
“How do we fix it?” I honestly wanted to know. I needed to know because going on like this wasn’t sustainable.
We stared at one another for a moment.
“The letter,” Gage finally said.
I didn’t speak.
“Tomorrow, we’ll read the letter. Together.”
I managed a nod.
“But tonight, we’ll start by sleepin’ in here. Both of us.” There was so much pain in Gage’s eyes. “I don’t wanna be alone, Trav. You said you wouldn’t make me do this alone.”
I knew he wasn’t referring to taking care of the house, the kids, the responsibilities. I was putting in my time as promised. Yet I was ignoring our relationship, our bond. I'd all but written it off because I didn’t believe I deserved Gage. In doing so, I was hurting the man I loved.
“We’ll start with one night,” he continued. “See how it goes.”
I wasn’t sure I'd survive it, but at the same time, I knew I wouldn’t survive leaving Gage alone tonight. Hell, I couldn’t survive much more of this rift we were creating between us. It was tearing me to shreds with each passing day.
“Okay.”
Gage must’ve known I was having a difficult time processing, even with my agreement, because he didn’t go far, leading the way to our bed.
Every step I took felt heavy. My heart picked up a new rhythm, a drumbeat of both pain and need, loss and love.
“Be with me tonight, Trav. Just me. Just us. For a little while.”
I focused only on Gage, on the man I had fallen in love with, the man who’d been my lifeline and my anchor over the years.
“I love you,” I whispered, sliding my palms over his whiskered cheeks.
“I know.”
I realized that was the second time he had responded that way. He hadn’t returned the sentiment, merely acknowledged it.
“Tell me you love me, Gage,” I insisted, pulling back enough that I could see his face clearly, so I could look into his eyes. “Tell me.”
“I do, Travis. Of course I do.”
I cupped his face firmly. “Tell. Me.”
Gage’s eyes flashed with pain once again.
I stepped in, holding him roughly. “Tell me you love me, dammit.”
“I love you,” he blurted, a sob tearing free. “Goddammit, Travis. I love you.”
“Why’s it so hard for you to say it?”
His brown eyes shone with unshed tears. “It’s not.”
I wouldn’t say that was a lie, but it damn sure wasn’t the truth.
“Tell me again,” I demanded, sliding my hands into his hair, gripping firmly as I looked down into his eyes.
“I love you,” Gage rasped, as though the words were torn from his chest. “I love you so fuckin’ much, Travis. So much, but it hurts. I know you loved Kylie more, I know—”
I staggered back, dropping my arms. “What? Why the fuck would you think that?”
His eyes scanned my face. “How can I not? You can’t even look at me. I’m the one who has to pin you down just to get a few minutes of your time. I’m the one who comes to you every fuckin’ night because I don’t want you to forget me.”
I stared, mouth agape.
“Without her, what’s left, Travis?” Gage asked, eyes pleading. “Tell me that. You’ve always said you couldn’t have one without the other. That was your reasoning, was it not? The reason you and Kylie went your separate ways in the very beginning? Because you needed both.”
I had no idea what to say. Not because there was any truth in what Gage was saying. Well, not anymore. I had said that. Yes. A long fucking time ago. Long before I'd fallen in love with both Kylie and Gage individually.
“I don’t want you to forget me, Travis,” Gage said, his tone defeated. “I don’t—”
I cut him off by slamming my mouth down on his. I kissed him, taking us both down to the bed. I was rough, but I was angry, so it made sense. How could this man think so little of me? How could he believe that I would ever not want him?
“I don’t love her more,” I growled, settling over Gage.
“It’s all right if you do, Trav. I understand.”
I lifted my head, stared down at the man beneath me. “You don’t.” I shook my head to emphasize my words. “You don’t fuckin’ understand.”
Gage stared, his eyes imploring me to explain.
“For fuck’s sake, Gage. I love you equally.
The kids … you … Kylie…” I was unable to hide my frustration as I tried to spell it out.
“All of you make up my whole heart. All the pieces.” I shifted, sliding over him so that I covered him fully.
“But you … you’re my best friend, my lover, the man I want to have my back for the rest of my life. You, Gage.”
I could feel the emotions churning between us, knew Gage was listening.
“I can’t lose you, too,” I whispered, pressing my lips to his. “I won’t survive it.”
Gage’s hand caressed the side of my face as our lips melded together. “I’m not goin’ anywhere, Trav.”
It wasn’t the hard, furious kisses we’d indulged in recently. This was slow and sweet and more than a little sad.
And exactly what I needed. This was what we both needed.
A minute together to share our pain, to know someone else was there, someone would hold us up when the weight of the world became too much.
We’d avoided this for weeks now, avoided opening ourselves up because the emotional turmoil was already more than we could bear.
“Love me, Gage,” I mumbled.
“Always,” he whispered.
His hands moved first, lifting my shirt, forcing me to rise.
We moved together, rolling and shifting but never releasing one another.
It wasn’t long before we were skin to skin, limbs tangled as our lips remained locked, tongues searching, seeking.
On our sides, legs twined, neither of us made a move to pull apart, in tune with one another on a deeper level.
When Gage slid his hand between us, fisting my cock, I hissed in a breath, pressed my forehead to his as my hips automatically pumped to increase the friction. And when I did the same in return, fisting Gage’s cock, stroking, teasing, we lost ourselves.
I hadn’t been looking for this when I came into the room.
I hadn’t been seeking Gage out for this type of comfort, but it happened.
There, in one another’s arms, we touched and claimed, stroking one another to a climax that wasn’t just physical.
It was the release we both sought, solidifying the bond we’d had all along, strengthening it.
When Gage grunted, I gripped him more firmly, stroked harder, drawing him closer and closer until it was inevitable. Only then did I nip his lower lip as we both came.
Afterward, I dragged Gage into the shower with me, where we spent another few minutes together. Nothing sexual, only love this time. Only one heartbeat to another in a moment that would give us the strength to make it through one more day.