Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
Kylie
As had become my routine these past couple of weeks, I woke up, showered, got dressed, then made my way downstairs.
Gage was never far behind, crawling out of bed a little bit slower, but still getting up within a few minutes of the alarm.
In my former life, I had gotten up with them most of the time.
These days, it didn’t make sense. There was nothing for me to do.
I had tried, but I found myself getting in the way of their morning prep work.
They had it down to a science. Travis showered while Gage started the coffee and made lunches for Kate, Kade, and Avery.
Then Travis would appear in the kitchen while Gage headed upstairs for his turn under the hot water.
Travis would pour his first cup of coffee while he got out bowls, spoons, and cereal boxes so the kids could get breakfast first thing.
On the couple of mornings I had gone down, I’d felt like I was watching them through a window.
Neither of them seemed to realize I was there.
The routine was so ingrained that they didn’t notice life was going on around them.
And since I wasn’t part of their morning routine anymore, I stopped bothering to go down.
This morning wasn’t any different. By the time I came out of the bedroom, I heard Kate moving around in her room while Kade was in the bathroom and Avery was running to the game room to find something.
She was always losing things. Her shoes, her hair scrunchy, her favorite Hello Kitty watch.
She always found them quickly, but there was often a mad rush during the hunt.
While they got dressed to go downstairs for breakfast, I started down the back stairs, hoping to join Travis and Gage for a cup of coffee before they dashed out the door with the kids in tow.
“It’s fine,” I heard Gage telling Travis when I was halfway down. “I’ll stay with him today. I can get Kaleb to fill in for me. I’m sure he won’t mind.”
“God knows you’ve filled in for him plenty,” Travis said.
“True. And if his temperature goes up, I’ll schedule a doctor’s appointment.”
I wasn’t sure who they were talking about, but it sounded like one of the boys was running a fever. I wondered how they knew. I didn’t remember either of them getting out of bed last night. Then again, I’d slept like the dead for the first time in a week, no nightmares jarring me awake for once.
“I’ve got a couple of appointments this mornin’,” Travis said. “But I can tap you out around one if that works. You can take care of what you need to take care of, and I’ll work from here if I have somethin’ pressin to deal with.”
“That works. When you get home, I can head in for a bit, then swing by and pick up Maddox from the daycare on my way back.”
Since Gage referred to only picking up one kid from the daycare, that meant Haden was the one running a fever.
“And if he needs to go and you can’t get an appointment this mornin’, make it for the afternoon. I’ll take him,” Travis stated.
I took the last three steps down and walked into the kitchen. “Or, you know, his mother could stay with him today.”
Both men stopped and stared at me, clearly surprised to see me.
When neither of them spoke, I did. “I know you’re not used to me bein’ here, and maybe it’s awkward and all for you, but I am capable of takin’ care of my kids. They may not prefer me over either of you, but I can still do the job.”
“Kylie…”
I shook my head. “Don’t Kylie me,” I warned. “I get it. I was gone for so long, you both moved on. You’ve got your routine, and it works, but I didn’t choose to leave. I was forced. So you can stop actin’ like I just reappeared on your doorstep and you don’t know how to deal with me.”
Before Travis would’ve launched right into an argument, telling me I was being dramatic. He didn’t say anything of the sort now. Oh, no. He just stared at me like I’d grown a third ear somewhere in the middle of my forehead.
Gage spoke first. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what you had planned for the day, and we didn’t want to interrupt if you needed to do something.”
Oh, that was the wrong thing to say. “Interrupt?” I blasted. “You don’t want to interrupt my day, although one of my children needs something? That’s rich, Gage.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh, sorry. Did you mean you didn’t want to interrupt my busy schedule because how many times have I left this house on my own?
” I waited to see if either of them would answer.
They didn’t, so I said, “That would be zero. I can’t leave.
I don’t have a car anymore. Plus there’s a psycho out there who might still want to kill me. ”
I put my hands on my hips and squared off with him, positive that smoke was coming out of my ears. “Is that what you meant?”
He didn’t respond right away, and I could practically hear the wheels turning in his head. He was trying to come up with the words to placate me, to make me feel like I was welcome in their house when I wasn’t sure that was the case anymore.
Rather than saying that it was too early to do this, or that there was no need to get upset over nothing—things he would’ve said before—Travis said, “Why don’t we plan to sit down tonight and discuss this. Obviously, we’ve done something to upset you and—”
“What the fuck?” I barked. “Are you seriously going to condescend to me? Right now? Here?”
“That’s not what we’re doin’,” Gage countered, his tone soft and soothing, as though he were talking to a wounded animal.
“No?”
“No,” he said more firmly.
“So you’re not in here schedulin’ the day as though I don’t exist?”
This time, neither of them had anything to say. They glanced at one another before peering back at me.
I tried to let the fire in my veins cool before I spoke, but I didn’t time it well.
“If you don’t want me here, or if you don’t think I’m capable of takin’ care of my kids, say the word.
I’ll find somewhere to go.” I squared my shoulders.
“But I promise you, I will take my kids with me when they’re ready. ”
The look of pure horror on Travis’s face would’ve been comical if a volcano hadn’t been erupting in my chest.
He moved quickly, coming to stand in front of me. To my surprise, he put his arms around me and pulled me against him. It was the first time he had touched me without hesitating.
“I’m sorry, baby.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “So fuckin’ sorry.”
“For what?” I asked because I wanted to hear him say it.
“We weren’t excludin’ you on purpose.”
“It’s just routine to do everything without me,” I said, his shirt muffling my words.
“No. Well, yes. You’re right. It has become routine.” He loosened his arms, then leaned back to peer down at me. “We’re tryin’ to let you move at your own pace. When you’re ready to take the next step—whatever that may be—we’re ready, too.”
“We just don’t want to push you,” Gage said from behind Travis.
I pulled away, smoothing my hand down my shirt. I was proud of myself for not bursting into tears. That had been happening a lot lately, my emotions riding so close to the surface; even the smallest thing would set off the waterworks.
“I’m ready,” I told them, looking each of them in the eye. “I don’t need you to coddle me.”
Travis nodded. “Okay. But if you need to take him to the doctor and you don’t want to drive yourself, one of us can come home and take you to and from.”
“I can drive myself,” I assured him. No, I hadn’t driven yet, but I didn’t doubt my abilities.
In fact, that was one of the subjects I’d been hoping we could broach this week.
I didn’t intend to blaze a trail in town on a daily basis, but I did want to get a vehicle that could get me to and from appointments when I needed to go.
Since they had sold my truck, I no longer had a means of transportation.
“Okay, then,” Travis said. “I’ll ride with Gage. You can keep the Escalade. If you change your mind, just text or call.”
I wouldn’t, but not because I wouldn’t have doubts in my abilities.
I wasn’t that confident in myself just yet.
However, I wouldn’t call or text them because I needed to prove to them that I was capable of taking care of my kids.
That was an instinct that had never gone away, and although I wasn’t as close to them as I once was, I was still their mother.
If there was any hope of strengthening that bond, my children needed to know they could depend on me the same way they used to.
Starting now.