Chapter 49
Chapter Forty-Nine
Kylie
My ferocious leap into putting the past behind me wasn’t all that ferocious. Nor was it really a leap. It was more like a turtle race. And I was the smaller, slower turtle. A slow turtle who spent the majority of its time finding places to fit in and discussing what it all meant with the doctor.
But the good news was that I didn’t wake up each morning noting how many days had passed since … Look there. I caught myself. No more counting for me.
Nope. I was attempting to live in the moment. To move forward. To write my future chapters.
After every session with Dr. Briggs, I had started focusing on a few small things each time, adding to my list. Baby steps, she called it, and looking back on it, I realized it was working.
I had started by rephrasing my comments to Travis and Gage.
Rather than ask permission to help with something, I informed them I would like to and waited to see if they would object.
So far, the only objection I’d received was when I said I would like to take out the trash.
Travis had looked at me, cocked one eyebrow, smirked, and disappeared outside with the garbage bag before I could.
And no, taking the trash out wasn’t one of the things I’d done before, so I could understand why he didn’t intend to let me do it now.
As Dr. Briggs predicted, they hadn’t objected to any of my other requests.
I had taken over dish duty from Gage. After I informed him that it wasn’t fair that the cook had to clean, he gave in. Now, he sits in the kitchen with me after dinner while I take care of the dishes and Travis hussles kids upstairs for nightly chores.
I had started giving Maddox his baths, sitting on the closed toilet lid while he splashed and played in the water.
By the time he was finished, I was pretty sure I was as wet as he was.
But the time we spent together was a balm to my soul.
He spent the majority of his time teaching me about all the toys he liked to play with in the water and why.
And when he looked at me, I was positive he saw me, his mommy, not the strange woman now living in their house.
However, despite all the progress that had been made, that wasn’t the case with all my children.
Avery had let me help her with a collage she had to do for school.
Being that she was in kindergarten, she found the idea of homework thrilling.
I told her to hang on to that feeling, leaving off that by the time she was in third grade, she wouldn’t feel the same.
Together, we created a textured art piece made of leaves, tissue paper, sticks, and a couple of small rocks.
Nothing that would ever hang in the Louvre, but her teacher had been impressed. Or so Avery said.
I had assisted Haden back to bed one night when he woke up disoriented and seeking a glass of milk.
I’d gotten the milk, then went upstairs with him, tucked him into bed, and read him one of the many books on the shelf by his little desk.
The first time I read to him, he told me that his mom used to read the same one to him at night.
My heart had cracked a little. He didn’t realize that the mom he was referring to was me.
Rather than break down into a soppy mess, I had forged ahead, building that bond with my son that we’d once had and hoping one day he would realize that I was the mom who had loved him every day of his life.
As for bedtime stories … I learned quickly that he preferred to be the reader, having memorized most of the books in his room.
However, letting him read had the opposite effect, and getting him to sleep had taken a little longer than I intended.
Not that I minded. Spending time with him was a pleasure in itself.
Kate had introduced me to Houdini one afternoon when the momma cat came around seeking food.
She showed me where they kept the food (under the cabinet in the laundry room), where the bowl was (beside the bag), and how many scoops we should give (one, but one and a half was okay, too).
By the time Houdini had scarfed down the kitty kibble, I understood my daughter a little better.
She was the protector, the one who ensured everyone had what they needed.
Whether it was getting Maddox’s little blue blanket before he left for daycare, getting Gage a bottle of water after his morning run, or ensuring Houdini had her meal, she looked out for those she cared about.
She was very much like Gage in that way.
As for Kade… I wished I could say that we were redeveloping the bond we once had, but unfortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case.
Whenever I attempted to help him with something, he politely told me that if he needed help, his dads would do it.
It hurt to be shunned by him, considering how close we’d been before, but I’d brought up the topic with Dr. Briggs, telling her it was something I felt I needed to work on.
She agreed, and it was now on the long list of things we would talk about in future sessions.
While I was making inroads with the kids, most of them anyway, I didn’t feel any progress was being made with Travis or Gage.
Not in the intimacy department, anyway. Conversations were becoming easier.
We’d even talked a little about my time in captivity after I revealed the details.
Naturally, they had questions, and they were starting to voice them.
It wasn’t easy sharing that with them because I knew it pained them to realize I had been alive all that time.
However, Dr. Briggs claimed that opening up to them was the only way to move forward.
I had told her that my goal was to find that same, deep connection we’d once had.
She assured me we would get there. In time.
Out of everything she’d told me, that was the one I was doubting the most. Perhaps that was because it was the one I wanted the most. I thought for sure after that last nightmare, things would’ve progressed by now. But as the days, and now weeks, ticked by, I was beginning to wonder.
It was my fault, really. Conversation was one thing, and sure, we were good at it before.
At least Gage and I were. However, that wasn’t the connection I was longing to get back.
Sure, it was key to the success of our relationship, but so was intimacy.
While my inner goddess was insisting that I seduce them, my rational brain was holding me back.
I felt a keen sense of attraction to both of them, just as I always had.
And with each passing day, it was getting more intense.
Even after five kids and a myriad of ups and downs, our passion had been something that sustained us.
Before, anyway.
But since my return, I could tell Travis and Gage were avoiding that particular discussion.
And though I hadn’t caught them in the throes again after that one night in the guest room, I knew them, knew they weren’t going without.
The thought of them stealing time together at the resort—which they’d been known to do in the past—left me feeling …
well, I think jealous was the right word.
I wanted that again. I’d go so far as to say I needed it to feel whole.
And now, as I sat on the couch with Gage while the kids were upstairs getting ready for bed, I figured it was as good a time as any to broach the subject.
Just as soon as I gathered the courage.
Gage
After dinner, the kids went upstairs to play and watch a movie in their playroom.
It didn’t take long before an argument ensued, and Travis went up, intending to head it off at the pass.
It was a nightly ordeal. Usually, we took turns going up to address whatever issue had arisen right up until we called it a night.
And while Travis did that, Kylie and I sat on the couch, alone for the first time all day.
While the day hadn’t been eventful in the sense that we’d had anything to do outside of the normal school, work, home routine, there had been a few additions.
Jessie stopped by to talk to Kylie while I was cooking dinner. They sat on the porch chatting.
That had been the easy part.
When Kylie’s mother showed up, quickly cutting off the sister’s catch-up, Travis and I had intervened.
For the past three weeks, ever since we learned of Kylie’s confrontation with Meredith at the park, we’d been heading Meredith off at the pass.
Part of me understood why she continued to come over.
If she’d been there attempting to make amends with Kylie, Travis and I would’ve probably stepped back and allowed things to play out.
However, Meredith’s visits had nothing to do with Kylie at all.
Meredith was attempting to strong-arm her into helping with the search for Cicily Rose.
If we could’ve done something to find her, we would have.
Regardless of how Kylie felt about her mother, she wanted to find the half-sister she had never met.
But contributing to the search was not something Kylie was up for.
We’d learned that quickly during that brief trip to Brantley’s.
When Kylie saw the photos of the house, she’d had a panic attack.
In an effort to avoid that in the future, we were keeping our distance.
But we weren’t completely out of the loop.
Brantley’s team was providing updates to Travis, while Kylie’s friendship with Archer was progressing, and though she insisted they rarely talked about the case, she had inquired a few times, sharing what she learned with us.
Unfortunately, up to this point, the task force had no idea where Martin Calloway had taken the girl.
I’d offered my assistance if and when they needed me, but so far, they hadn’t asked.
And since my priority was helping my family to heal after the harrowing ordeal, I wasn’t going above and beyond for anyone else.
Not right now, anyway.