Chapter 4
Four
Brevan
Reaching out, I feel nothing but my empty bed. My eyes snap open and I look over, half expecting to see her next to me.
Gods, it felt so fucking real.
Breathless and drenched in sweat, I toss the blankets aside and sit on the edge of my bed. My legs are shaking and my cock strains against my trousers. I run a hand through my hair and survey my dark room.
It was just a dream.
There is no way I’d have torn her wedding dress and devoured her even if my aching cock is wishing otherwise.
She’s with Caiden. In his room. In his bed.
I punch the wall and the rock splits the skin of my knuckles, likely resulting in bruises later. Thinking of her in his bed makes me want to tear his head from his body, but I know I can’t because he’s the prince.
No, he’s the fucking emperor.
And if anything happens to him, the guards watching over my sister’s cell have their orders. I know the magic would alert them to his death in seconds.
She’d be long dead by the time I make it to her prison.
I lift my arm to punch the wall again but think better of it. Breaking my hand isn’t going to help me.
Covering my face with my hands, I tilt my head back and growl through gritted teeth. I want nothing more than to tear something apart.
To watch something break.
To watch someone bleed.
I drop my hands. This is exactly why she’s better off without me. But she shouldn’t be with him, either. He’s worse than me; he simply hides it better.
The only option for escape is to get her away from him. She won’t leave without her ladies, and I won’t leave without my sister. Except her ladies aren’t guarded the way my sister is, giving Sabina a better chance.
Balling my hands into fists, I consider my options.
I can’t have her because she’s someone else’s wife, but maybe I can help her leave.
I know a place where she’d be safe—they’d all be safe.
None of her ladies would have to marry any of the monsters that are thrust their way.
They could have the freedom I have no hope of tasting.
Maybe my sister could go with them.
Then I could follow.
I laugh darkly. No. She’s never going to be free. And neither am I.
The rage returns, bubbling up like a starving lion that threatens to tear me apart. I know this feeling too well. If I don’t destroy something, I’ll feel the consequences.
My hands are already trembling, desperate to inflict pain as they’ve been trained to do.
If only I could kill Caiden. Then maybe this curse on my blood would be cured, and I could find my way again.
I can’t repent for the things I’ve already done. This empire has made certain of that. But I could redirect my talents—my monster—toward those who deserved it instead of the innocents I’m forced to murder.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, working to steady myself. To send the violent urges away.
Her face flashes in my mind. Her head thrown back, exposing the long column of her neck. Her head is tilted back, revealing the long column of her neck as her body responds to me. I can almost feel her hand trail down her body, her warmth around my cock.
Fuck.
I force my eyes open and quickly rise from my bed.
She’s a liar who used me, played me—she played all of us.
So why do I still crave her as if she’s the only thing that could ever sate me?
Marching over to the corner where I tossed the rest of my clothes, I pull my tunic over my head, then tug on my boots.
I need to stab something. Break something. Or kill someone.
Anything. Whatever it takes to get her out of my head.
The halls are empty, darker than usual with that stupid rule about keeping the flames low during Darkfall.
I hate Darkfall.
The ridiculous notion that the lack of moons is a reason to fear.
Where I come from, it was a celebration.
The moons were believed to be goddesses who watched over our realm.
But during Darkfall, it was the one time of year they could return to their lovers, to take a break from watching us humans.
So, we had to be extra kind, extra caring. We had to make up for their departure.
We gave gifts and fed the less fortunate. We held parties every night and everyone was invited.
I used to love Darkfall.
I loved my home. My family. My place in the world.
Until they discovered what my sister could do. I knew it was a matter of time before they discovered what I could do. We had no choice. We had to flee.
If I’d have known we’d end up serving a new master, I might have made a different choice.
There’s nobody at the training grounds. In the darkness, most people will stay indoors the entire time, but for sure at night. I have the whole place to myself.
I look skyward, taking in the blanket of stars that’s only visible when the moons take their rest. It’s stunning. A canopy of shimmering light that illuminates the sky.
My breath puffs as I continue on until I find my way to the targets.
There are a few axes and some knives in the basket next to them.
I grab the whole basket and carry it with me until I’m a good distance from the targets.
I let out a yell of frustration with each throw, sending weapon after weapon into the sawdust-filled bag.
With each throw, my rage builds and I let it rise, imagining the target as Caiden. I toss all the knives then switch to the axes. With a deep breath, I pull my arm back then let the ax go with all my fury channeled into the weapon.
The target explodes in a cloud of dust. I turn away from it, shielding my eyes with my arms. My lungs burn and I cough to clear them.
After a few moments, the dust settles and I lower my arms, then wipe my eyes.
Sawdust covers my damp skin and coats my clothes.
Tattered remains of fabric rustle in the wind.
I curse silently. I can’t afford to lose control. Especially not now.
There’s no hope of sleep but I walk back to the castle, feeling defeated. In the morning I’ll be expected to return to the role of Caiden’s loyal servant. Blindly following orders while never so much as thinking an impure thought about his wife.
My hands ball into fists. His wife. How the fuck am I going to get through the next few weeks or months without losing it completely?
If I slip, he’ll kill us and the people we’re trying to protect.
If I have to look at her and see that hope in her eyes one more time, I might give in.
And for both of our sakes, I can’t afford to do that.
I have to make her hate me.