Chapter 14
Fourteen
Sabina
Brevan’s gone. I don’t hear him leave, but I know he’s not in the tent with me anymore. He held me like I meant something to him. Or was I imagining that?
My arms and legs tingle painfully. Little pinpricks all along my limbs. Like they’re coming back to life after being on the brink of death. I wonder if that’s what it feels like to be brought back.
My breath hitches as the memories return.
Mara. The Goddess of Death. She gifted me the magic, which wasn’t a surprise considering the fact that I could wake the dead, but why?
She was clear it was intentional. That she approves of my goals.
But how does that benefit a goddess? Especially when she insisted I have free will to do as I wish.
What did she mean when she said the other gods didn’t want her here? And what about Brevan and the fake prophecy. If it’s not real, how did we end up with markings that are so similar?
And did she tell me someone else was bound to all those people? To Brevan?
I focus on the pain, relishing the way it makes me forget. The way it draws me back into my body and invigorates me.
Something gnaws at the back of my mind, just out of reach. I let myself return to my thoughts, ignoring the stinging pinpricks. There was a warning or a message or a plan. What was it? A purpose, maybe?
I tense as I recall two things: the goddess would return, and I was supposed to find out what was hidden from me.
It’s ridiculous. There’s probably a million things hidden from me. How was I supposed to know what to look for? And how was I to gain access to anything important?
“Sabina?”
My heart sinks and I slowly lower the blankets enough that I can peer over them.
Caiden rushes over to me and falls to his knees by my side. He feels my forehead, then my cheeks. “Thank the gods you’re alive.”
“There’s nobody watching this performance,” I tell him.
His brow furrows. “It hurts me that you don’t think I’m capable of caring for you.”
“You aren’t. I know you aren’t.”
“Is that why you tried to end your life in the woods?” His tone reflects genuine concern.
“I wasn’t…that’s not what I was doing.” I turn away from him.
He gently laces his fingers into my hair, then turns my head so I’m looking at him. “What was it, then? Were you meeting someone?”
“No. I followed a light to a temple. It was…” I sigh. “I know it sounds crazy.” I don’t want to tell him what really happened. “It must have been a dream. I think I was sleep walking.”
He frowns. “I think this is too much for you. Women shouldn’t travel like this. I shouldn’t have exposed you to the village. To Brevan’s true brutality. You’re experiencing hysteria. My mother did from time to time.”
I open my mouth to tell him that’s not the case, then close it. Letting him think I’m imagining things, that I’m too sensitive. “I think I need to rest. When will we reach the Winter Estate?”
“We’ll be there tomorrow.”
“Good.”
He strokes my hair and I tense but try to hide it by clenching the fabric of the blankets. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I heard Brevan saved your life.”
“Where were you?” A little flicker of jealousy rises that’s completely surprising. I don’t care where he was.
“I had business.”
“Like your business in the tavern the other night?” I accuse.
He smirks. “Are you jealous?”
“You know I’m not.” I say it for myself as much as for him.
“Then you have nothing to worry about. The second you tell me you wish to be the woman in my bed, there will be none but you. I am a loyal man, but I am a man.”
“I don’t understand you.” I shake my head. “You act like you actually care about me but we both know you don’t.”
“You don’t get to tell me how I feel, Taylan.”
A lump rises in my throat. “Did you just…?” It’s not the first time he’s used my real name.
“I know you. Better than you think I do. We’re not all that different. I think you’ll see that soon enough.” He kisses the top of my head, then rises. “Rest. We’re preparing the camp and we’ll leave at first light.”
What the fuck just happened? I must have hit my head. Maybe none of this was real. Maybe I really was dead.
If I am, the afterlife is terrible.
I whisper into the darkness of my tent. “Are you there, Mara? Can you hear me? Are you going to give me anything besides cryptic messages? You could help me, you know? And if I’m dead, can you please get rid of Caiden? Or is he dead with me?”
There’s no answer, of course. Just silence.
I lay like that for a long time. Then I realize I’m naked. With a sigh, I toss aside the blankets and walk to the tent flap, then peer outside. There’s two guards I don’t recognize.
“Hello?”
They flinch, then look at me. “Empress?”
“I need some clothes, please.”
They both open and close their mouths a few times before the one on the right manages to speak. “I’ll send for your trunk.”
“No. I want trousers and a tunic. Nothing that was inside my trunk.”
They don’t mask their confusion.
I stare at them, deciding it’s best to just maintain eye contact and expect them to follow my orders.
The one on the right nods. “Yes, of course.”
“And find Nate. I want him at my door.” I close the tent before they can argue, then stumble back to the pile of blankets on the ground, weaving a little as I walk.
I sit, taking slow breaths while I wait for my head to stop spinning. I’m not sure how long it takes, but the sound of birds cawing makes me open my eyes.
Brow furrowed, I make my way to the front of the tent again and peer outside.
Both guards are standing in front of my tent, about five feet away, staring in my direction in horror. But they’re not looking at me. Their eyes are locked on the ravens gathered in front of me. The birds caw and jump around, leaving little footprints in the snow.
A few of them notice me, turning their beady black eyes on me. They watch me with their heads tilted, as if studying me. Then the rest of them turn in my direction. They fall silent.
Shivers run down my spine, but not from fear. These ravens aren’t dangerous. At least not to me.
Then one of them hops toward me, something hanging from its beak. I lean down, careful to keep the fabric covering me. “What do you have there?”
In its beak is a finger and a lace ribbon. It drops them at my feet. The finger is crimson, as if it’s reacted to poison.
I blink a few times, making sure I’m seeing things properly. Then I look back at the bird. It’s staring at me, as if waiting for a response. “Is that for me?”
The bird nods.
I swallow hard.
The bird just nodded at me.
“Does that belong to the person who tried to kill me?”
The bird nods again.
“Well, that is helpful. Thank you. Are they nearby?”
The bird shakes its head.
“I don’t suppose you know where I can find them?”
The bird shakes its head again.
“Thank you.”
The bird spreads its wings, then flaps into the air. The other birds follow in a cacophony of cries, rising like a black cloud.
The guards make startled sounds, their gazes locked on the ravens as they depart. I don’t blame them. In the past, this would have bothered me.
But I know I’m already one of Death’s ravens. I’m just in human form.
The problem is, I don’t exactly know what she wants from me.
“Are you alright, empress?” One of the guards asks nervously.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Empress!” Nate is running toward me. “Did they harm you?”
“No.”
He’s panting when he arrives. “I’m sorry for the delay. They sent me to find your husband and then he sent me—” his eyes snag on the finger, “—what is that?”
“The birds left it. It belongs to whoever poisoned me,” I say.
“You’re certain?”
“Yes.”
“Is that your gift, then? From the temple? Can you speak to the birds? Can you command them?” His questions aren’t spoken in fear or judgment, but rather in awe.
“Maybe. But I’m not sure yet. They came to me.” It is a convenient cover for my magic. The last thing I want is for Caiden to know I can wake the dead.
Nate pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and drops it on the finger, then picks it up. “So if we find who this belongs to, we figure out who was trying to kill you?”
“Yes. But they’re not here right now.”
“The birds told you that?” he asks.
I nod, then look at the other guards. They’ve kept their distance since the ravens. “I need one of you to take this to my husband. Tell him it belongs to my assassin and that I need him to find the would-be killer.”
The one closest to me steps forward. His upper lip curls as he delicately accepts the wrapped finger. He holds it out at arm’s length as if it might bite him. It’s a strange reaction for someone who is supposed to be ready for battle.
I look at the other. “Did you find me clothes?”
“I’ll check on it again now.” He scurries off, far too eager to be free of his post.
“Who are those men?” I ask Nate.
“I’m not sure. There’s been several new recruits since the new Emperor,” he says.
“What about you? When did you join?” I probably should have asked this before I decided to trust him. I probably should have asked him a lot of questions.
“Two years ago. When my wife was with child.”
“You have a child?” Guilt squeezes my chest. And here I am keeping him away from his family. I should send him back to the castle so he can go home more often.
“No.” His eyes drop. “She was ill, and the pay still wasn’t enough for her medicine.” He forces a smile. “But I have saved. And if she were to fall pregnant again, I think I can afford what she needs.”
“I’m so sorry.” It’s not the first time I’ve heard of a story like this. There’s little access to care for most of us.
He forces a smile. “My problems are not something an empress should worry about.”
“Yes, they are.”
The other guard returns, panting, a bundle of clothing in his arms. “They found a few options.” He moves closer to the tent and I reach out, which exposes more of me than I intended. His cheeks turn pink and he lowers his eyes.
I take the clothes. “Thank you.”
As soon as the flap closes behind me, I hear him shuffle away. “She’s not what I expected.”
“No, she’s not,” Nate answers.
“Do you think she knows who you are?” the guard asks.
“No. And I intend to keep it that way.”
My blood runs cold. Maybe I was wrong about Nate.