Chapter 15
Fifteen
Sabina
Shortly after sunrise, Caiden escorts me to my carriage, then closes me in alone. I slide the curtain aside and watch as the countryside slips by. There’s always guards framing me, but never Brevan. I wish I could see him. Speak to him. Touch him. Taste him.
Fuck.
I squeeze my eyes closed. This is exactly why it’s a good thing that I don’t see him. Why it’s good that he’s saying away from me.
Leaning my head back, I take a deep breath.
I need people to talk to. I miss Anya. I miss my ladies.
It’s surreal, craving their attention when I shouldn’t even be here in the first place.
I should be sharing the truth. Telling them I’m nothing and nobody.
That I’m just this girl from the mountains.
A rebel. A spy. Not even a noble, let alone a royal.
Instead, I’ll arrive pretending to be the empress.
A jolt shoots through me that has me tensing. I’m not pretending. Not anymore. That wedding was real. I married the emperor.
But that doesn’t mean anything, does it?
Empress. Rebel. Spy. Sister. Daughter.
Daughter of Death.
I don’t know what any of it means anymore. But at least I don’t have to pretend I’m royalty. I suppose I really am now. A shiver runs down my spine. It feels wrong. But there’s power to it. And somehow I have to find a way to leverage that to figure everything out.
The problem is that nothing is simple anymore. It was revenge. Then it was saving my friends. And revenge. But now I have Death asking me to find answers.
Anya. She’ll understand. She’ll know what to do. Once I see her, everything will make more sense.
I lean my head against the seat and close my eyes. Soon, I will see my best friend again, and together, we’ll figure this out.
The winter estate is a sprawling brick palace made of white stones that look gray in the fading winter light. The carriage halts in front of the building and Nate opens the door for me, offering his hand to help me out.
I accept it and step down onto the stone entry. There’s guards milling about but most of the legionnaires who’d been traveling with us didn’t come to the front.
There’s no sign of Caiden or Brevan. “Is the emperor not joining us?”
“He rode ahead with the enforcer. I’m not sure where they went.”
“Please tell me that means Ludis went with them.” I walk toward the open doors and servants bow as I approach.
“No, he’s just behind us,” Nate replies.
I resist the urge to get back into the carriage and demand they take me somewhere very, very far away until Ludis is in Iskvaland where he can’t reach me anymore.
“Your Majesty,” a woman in a stiff black dress addresses me, her head still bowed.
“You may rise,” I say, hoping it’s the correct response. “All of you, please. No need for such formality when it’s just me.”
They look bewildered and I know it’s not how an empress should behave but I’m so tired of all the pretending.
“Speak for yourself, sister.” Ludis slaps me on the back and I jump away from him. “When the emperor isn’t here, I’m the highest ranking as the next king of Iskvaland. None of this feminine uncertainty. You will all treat me with the respect my station deserves.”
The woman bows and all the other servants follow. “Of course, Your Highness.”
“That’s better.” Ludis offers his hand. “Shall we, sister?”
I glare at him. “No, I need to discuss some things with the head maid.”
His jaw tenses and I know he’s deciding how best to order me around.
“Women’s matters,” I whisper.
His checks flush. “Very well. You,” he points at a pair of servants, “make sure our bags are taken to our new quarters and have a hot meal and a bath brought to my room.”
“Of course, your highness,” one of them says, still in his low bow.
Ludis marches up the steps, a few of Caiden’s guards following behind him. Once he’s out of sight, I take a full breath. The servants stand slowly and when I don’t interfere, they rise completely.
The woman who’d addressed me earlier approaches. “You wished to speak to me, Your Majesty?”
“I wished to make my brother disappear,” I confide.
She looks like she’s trying to hide a smile. “Of course. Would you like me to escort you to your rooms? Your ladies are awaiting your arrival.”
My heart leaps. “Yes, yes please.”
While it’s smaller than the castle, there’s still several floors and lots of long hallways.
Nate follows but I don’t say anything to him.
I’m still trying to figure out the best way to approach what I overheard.
For some reason, I feel like he’s good to have around.
It’s probably a false sense of security.
I have no reason to trust him, but I allow him to accompany me nonetheless.
I pay attention to the turns we take and the stairs we climb so I can find my way out easier. Hopefully, with all my ladies. Somehow.
When we stop in front of a large door, the woman curtseys. “These are the empress’s rooms. The emperor had them updated a few weeks ago. Told me to tell you it’s a wedding gift.”
“That is kind of him,” I manage.
“Would you like me to fetch you some dinner?”
“Yes, please.”
“I can take over from here,” Nate offers.
The maid eyes him suspiciously, but when I don’t intervene, she hurries away. Nate rests his hand on the doorknob but I stop him.
“Is there something you need, your highness?”
I hesitate, then decide I don’t have the capacity to hold more unknowns right now. “I heard you. Outside my tent.”
His brows rise. “And what exactly did you hear?”
“Why should I know who you are, exactly?” I ask.
“That’s what you heard.”
I wait.
“I’m not from the city,” he starts.
“Neither am I,” I say without thought, then hope he thinks I’m speaking of Iskvaland.
He speaks slowly, carefully. “You know how different it is here. How wrong things are.”
“Where exactly are you from, Nate?” I press.
Sounds coming from down the hall have both of us turning. Several maids chatter as the walk toward us, carrying bundles in their arms. When they notice us, they grow silent, and rush by, dipping into little curtsies when they reach me before moving along. I nod to them, forcing myself to smile.
“Empress, I will explain as soon as I can. But please know, I will keep you safe. It’s an honor to serve you.”
“The wife and child? Is that a lie?”
“No. I do have a wife and she did lose our child. The herbs I needed are only grown in Pendralia and I didn’t have them,” he says. “Though, I will admit, that’s not what brought me here.”
Realization dawns and I truly look at him for the first time. He’s not unlike many who live in Pendralia, dark hair, golden tan skin. “Not Iskvalandian.”
It’s not a question, but he shakes his head.
A rumbling sound and I notice another maid approaching with a cart. Several covered dishes and bottles of wine rattle as she nears.
“This conversation isn’t over,” I tell him.
“Of course, your highness.” He inclines his head in a polite bow.
I open the door and step inside. My ladies sitting around my room and as soon as I see them, my shoulders ease in a way I didn’t expect.
They look up, Genevive setting down embroidery, while Charlotte and Antonia drop the cards in their hands.
All their faces reflect the same relief and joy that I’m feeling as they rush toward me.
I’m smothered in an embrace. All of them talking at once. Peppering me with questions and comments and congratulations and concern.
The knock on the door sounds, forcing them to peel themselves off me. Antonia opens the door, quick to resume her old habits as if we were never apart. She steps aside for the maid to push the cart into the room.
“Shall I set it out for you?” she offers.
“No, just leave the cart, please.”
She curtsies, then leaves the room.
“Give her some space,” Antonia calls. “She’s had a long journey.”
“And she’s in need of a bath,” Genevieve says.
Antonia throws her a dirty look.
“What? We’re all thinking it. Poor thing. I’ll start the water.” Genevieve holds up her skirts as she glides across the room.
It’s a large room, ornately decorated in blue and gold. My chest tightens. That was what he did for me. Caiden decorated the room in the Iskvalandian colors. He knows they aren’t really my colors, but it’s color. Not the black and white of everything else in the Pendralian court.
The sitting area is twice the size of my old rooms, and there’s several doors leading to other spaces. I look around, eager to find the face I missed the most. My brow furrows and my pulse races. She should be here. She’d have been the first to welcome me.
“Where’s Anya?” I ask.
Antonia’s jaw tenses. “They took her.”
“Who? Who took her?”
“Some of the guards,” Charlotte says. “Shortly after we arrived. She’s been gone three days already.”
I stop toward the door and throw it open. Stanley, the guard who’d been shadowing Brevan is standing next to Nate. They both straighten when they see me.
“Is something wrong?” Nate asks.
I ignore him and turn to Stanley. “Where is she?”
“Who?” he asks.
“Anya. Where did he take her? The emperor has you following Brevan around. Following me around. He must have said something to you.”
His brow furrows.
He doesn’t know.
“Find Caiden. He promised me. If I married him. If I did what he asked, he would keep all my ladies safe. He promised I’d see all of them when we arrived. That includes Anya. Find him. Now.” I slam the door, then turn to my waiting ladies.
“Is everyone else alright? Were any of you hurt?” I ask.
“You married him to protect us?” Antonia asks.
“Didn’t you want to be empress?” Charlotte asks. “I thought that was why you came here.”
“Of course she didn’t. Not anymore, at least,” Genevieve says as she approaches. “She’s in love with the Enforcer.”
“She is?” Charlotte asks.
“You don’t see the way he looks at her?” Genevieve asks.
I should deny it. I should continue to play the part. But something in me cracks. “How did you know?”
“We have eyes, you know. We’re trained in gossip and reading people,” Antonia says. “Everyone underestimates us. Even you did, at first at least.”
“I’m sorry.” I can’t deny it did take me time to realize they were more than just their status and clothing and manners. “You’re right. I judged you all before I got to know you.”
“I suppose we did, also,” Antonia says.
“And to be fair, you might not have been wrong about us when we first met,” Charlotte says.
“No, I shouldn’t have done that,” I say.
“We get it. Our worlds were very different. Honestly, we should have seen it sooner, but we were so wrapped up in the expectations of the court,” Antonia says.
“And we want to help,” Charlotte adds.
“Yes. We like Anya. And we can help you find her,” Genevieve says.
“That would be—I—I don’t know what to say.” My throat tightens.
Antonia steps closer, then takes my hand. Her touch is warm, her fingers soft. “We want to help however we can, Taylan.”