Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
Sabina
When I wake, I’m still thinking about the temple, but first, I want to check on my ladies. After dressing, I make my way to Charlotte’s room. Since Elliot’s death, she hasn’t even spoken a word.
“How’s she doing?” I ask quietly from the doorway.
“Genevieve got her to eat something, so that’s good,” Antonia says.
I scan the room and find Charlotte sitting on a chair in front of the window, staring outside. “Where is Genevieve?”
“With Ludis again.” Antonia steps aside to let me into the room, then closes the door behind me.
“Was she with him all night?” I walk slowly alongside her.
She shrugs.
“She’s been spending most of her time with him.” While we’ve been taking turns caring for Charlotte and researching, she’s often flitting off to spend time with the prince. “Do you think she’s maybe enjoying her time with him? He can be very charming when he wants to.”
“I’m not sure. We’ve pretty much only talked about the poisoning or Charlotte.” Antonia pauses in front of a couch that faces the fireplace.
“You know I can hear both of you,” Charlotte says without taking her attention from the window.
I blink a few times, then look over at Antonia. Her lips are parted in surprise. “Charlotte?”
“Yes, I’m still here.” She turns slowly. “He’s not. And he’s not coming back, is he?”
“No.” I cross the room to her, then wait out of reach. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know.”
“Do you need anything?” Antonia offers.
“Did you find out the cause yet?” Charlotte asks.
“Not yet,” I say.
She lets out a long sigh. “He wouldn’t want me to do this.”
“Do what?” Antonia asks.
“Shut out the world. Mourn him for so long.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “I think I’m ready to move on.”
“You don’t have to move on. And you won’t for a long time. But you can start living again,” I say gently.
She stands, then looks down at the nightgown and robe she’s been wearing for days. “This won’t do at all.”
Without a word, she strolls over to her bathing chamber, then closes the door behind her.
Antonia and I look at each other. Her confused expression is probably a mirror to my own.
“She goes from not speaking to suddenly up and moving?” Antonia asks.
“Grief is strange,” I say.
“I suppose so.”
The door opens a crack and Charlotte peeks through. “Would someone call for breakfast? I should be dressed by the time it arrives. We can eat together.”
“Of course.” I give Antonia a shrug, then I go to find Nate to request breakfast for us.
Charlotte returns to her room quickly. She’s still in her robe, but her hair is brushed and her face looks brighter. She finds a dress, then returns to the bathing chamber.
“Very strange,” Antonia says.
“I can still hear you,” Charlotte calls from the bathing chamber.
“That’s good to know,” Antonia calls. “What else did you hear while you weren’t speaking to us?”
It’s silent for a few minutes, then she steps out, wearing a simple gray day dress. “I don’t remember anything clearly. It’s like the last several days are a blur. Anytime I let my mind wander, I saw him again. I had to watch him die a thousand times.”
My jaw tightens. I also had to live through it, but I haven’t told anyone that. Thankfully, I haven’t seen anyone else’s memories since then, but I’ve also avoided touching anyone. I’m not certain what triggered it, but I am not in a hurry to experience that again.
A knock sounds at the door.
“Come in,” Charlotte calls.
A pair of servants enter to set up breakfast at the small table in front of the couch. Charlotte’s room isn’t as elaborate as mine. She has a bed, desk, nightstands, and a small sitting area with a sofa and two chairs. They’re set up in a horseshoe shape around a small table facing her fireplace.
It’s still a gorgeous, well appointed, and large room. It’s hard to believe I view this as small compared to some of the other accommodations in the estate.
“Thank you,” Charlotte says. She walks to the table, then sits.
Antonia is watching Charlotte with a mixture of curiosity and concern. I’m not sure how I feel. It’s like nothing changed. As if the last week never happened.
“Are you two coming?” Charlotte asks as she pours tea into her cup without looking over at us.
I have no place to judge how people grieve. I drank myself into a stupor after my brothers died then agreed to enter the castle as a spy on what I thought was a one-way path to my own demise.
Out of the two of us, what she’s doing is probably a better way of coping. I settle into the chair across from Charlotte and Antonia sits between us.
“Tea?” Charlotte holds the pot.
“Please.” Antonia pushes her cup closer. I do the same with mine and Charlotte fills both.
“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.” I lift my cup and watch the steam billowing from it.
“I decided I’d be like you,” she says.
“Like me?”
“Yes. Instead of wallowing, I’d get revenge.”
Fine. Maybe neither of us is coping well.
“I suppose I’ll have to carry out my tasks in Katherine’s name, then, since both of you have others to mourn,” Antonia says.
“I fear the list of who we’re fighting for gets longer every day.” I take a small sip of tea, then set the cup down.
“How many died?” Charlotte asks, her tone solemn.
“Thirteen. Juliette, two in her household, and ten here at the Winter Estate. We don’t yet know if there were any at the castle or anywhere else,” I say.
“You still haven’t heard from the emperor?” Charlotte asks.
I shake my head.
“I’m sure news will arrive soon,” Antonia says.
“And where is Genevieve?” Charlotte makes a show of looking around the room.
“Probably out with Ludis again. At least she’s keeping him mostly occupied,” I say.
“I don’t know how she can stand to be around him. There’s something about him that makes my skin crawl,” Charlotte says.
“I know exactly what you mean.” I shove the plate of pastries toward her, she picks one up and delicately sets it on her plate. Antonia grabs one, then I choose one for myself.
It’s such a simple, normal thing to be sitting here, eating. But it feels wrong. There’re so many unfinished plans and lingering questions gnawing at me. I’m not sure how long I can last without finding out something that might help me with my tasks.
At least I know Nate is doing what he can to help me while also hunting for his own goal.
My stomach twists. I still hope I made the right decision in trusting him and believing his story.
I’ve misjudged so many people, put my trust in the wrong place too many times.
Yet, I know I can’t do all this on my own. I need allies.
“I found something.” I blurt the words out. These two women have earned my trust more than most. I might as well see if they can help. “At the queen’s temple here. There’s a hidden storage space or room. I don’t know if there’s anything inside it yet, but it’s promising.”
I decide to leave out the shaking and that I was fairly certain the goddess of death directed me there.
“Does anyone else know about it?” Antonia asks.
“Not as far as I know.”
“I could use the distraction,” Charlotte says, her words muffled by the bite of pastry in her mouth.
“We need some tools, though. Any ideas how we can lift or remove stones without drawing too much attention?” I ask.
“I can find something for that,” Antonia says.
Charlotte pours herself another cup of tea. “Well, then I suppose we need to inform the guards that we will be spending the day praying for the emperor’s health.”