Chapter 34
Thirty-Four
Sabina
Charlotte sits on a bed with Antonia beside her when I arrive. I approach cautiously, half expecting her to throw me out. “How are you?”
“A little sore. I’ll be alright,” she says.
I take the seat next to Antonia since Charlotte is not kicking me out yet. “I’m so sorry.”
Matron Lara, who runs the infirmary, is gathering supplies from a cabinet nearby. She stops when she sees me. “Oh, Your Majesty, I didn’t expect to see you.”
“I’m here to support my friend. If she’ll have me,” I say.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Charlotte says.
“It was, though. I don’t know what happened or why I lost control like that.” I wince, then look over at the guards gathered near the door. I still don’t love the idea of them knowing all the details.
“Out. Everyone out. Ladies only.” The matron sends the guards away and none of them object.
She draws a curtain in front of the window that is cut into the door, blocking us from view. “That’s better.”
With a comforting smile, she walks over to Charlotte’s side, then sets down a bundle of blankets and wraps. “Now, should I send them away while I look at your injuries?”
“It’s alright,” Charlotte says.
I swallow hard, already dreading what the matron will find. My fault. All my fault.
Charlotte’s back is crossed with angry red welts, some of them already turning purple. They wrap around her, and I know they must continue on her front. She was squeezed by those shadows, leaving her badly bruised.
Matron Lara checks her for more serious injuries, poking at her and testing her movements. “Well, nothing appears to be badly injured. Just bruising. Should heal up in a few days.”
She reaches for the cloths she set on the table. “These are cooling cloths. They’ll ease some of the pain.”
“Thank you,” Charlotte says.
The matron begins binding them around Charlotte and my throat feels tight. I don’t want to think about how much worse this could have been.
When she’s finished with the bandages, she looks over at me. “You said this was your fault?”
I nod, guilt twisting in my gut.
“I’ve seen this on a few occasions. People who manifest strong magic often lose control when it first comes in.
It takes time to master it, and until you do, accidents can happen.
” Her tone is gentle, but stern. A warning while trying not to overstep her place speaking to someone with power.
I hate how she seems to be concerned about telling me the truth.
“What do they usually do?” I ask. “How do they learn?” I ask.
“Sometimes they’re sent away. We’re told they’re training with priests, but we never see them again.
” She clears her throat. “But the most common is higher ranking legionnaires train each other. Most of them don’t have corporeal shadows, but the few who do must learn to control them.
Never to use them unless the emperor specifically demands it. ”
Her jaw tenses and her brow furrows enough that I can tell she seems concerned.
“Thank you for that. Nobody seems willing to actually tell me anything of use. I didn’t want magic in the first place.” It comes out whinier than I intended. “Sorry. I just…I’m tired of not knowing what I’m supposed to do.”
“You want my advice?” she asks.
“Yes, please.”
“Find someone who has the same kind of magic that you do. Ask them to show you how to control it. It’s the best way. The only way I’ve seen it work.” She gives me a sad smile. “Unless they bind it, that is.”
Charlotte folds her arms around herself, making herself small. “Can I rest alone for a while?”
I can’t see her face, but I know what all this is bringing back. It’s not just that I hurt her. She has to deal with the memories of her dead lover. Of the way he died as well.
This is so much worse than it looks. We just got her back and this might send her into herself again.
“Are you sure? I can sit with you,” Antonia offers.
“I’m tired. I’d like to rest, then return to my rooms,” she says.
“Alright,” Antonia replies softly.
“Is there anything you need?” I keep my tone gentle.
She looks over her shoulder. “No, please don’t worry about me. We have bigger plans. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”
Antonia stands. “Come on.”
I rise. “Breakfast tomorrow? Your rooms?”
“I’d like that,” Charlotte agrees.
“I’ll let you know if anything changes, Your Majesty,” the matron says.
“Thank you.” I give her and Charlotte both a smile, then Antonia and I leave the infirmary. I hope that by morning, Charlotte is still speaking to us, and we won’t return to a woman who’s a shell of herself again.
We’re supposed to be researching, but my stomach is a churning twisting pit of anxiety.
In addition to worrying about Charlotte, Brevan, and Caiden, I’m also concerned about the mysterious person Nate is trying to find.
Is it someone I’ve met or who is part of the court?
Are they locked away in a dungeon or hiding somewhere else?
Then there’s the thirteen dead. I wonder if an assassin killed them. Was it the same person who’s after me? Or maybe after Caiden? I want to know why Juliette had the lace around her wrist—the same lace I keep seeing with every attempt at my life. What if Juliette was the killer?
The ravens return to my memory, the finger…the lace…Whoever is trying to kill me is missing a finger. Juliette had all of hers. Where were those ravens to help that night? The only one around was—my throat tightens—Juliette.
I close the book about the ancient ruins of Nubari I was supposed to be reading.
“Everything alright?” Antonia asks.
“I’m not sure if anything I’m doing is helping,” I admit.
“What do you mean?”
“I came here for a reason but everything’s changed.” There’s so much more I want to say, but I can’t bring myself to speak about them lest they become real. “What am I doing here? How do we begin to fix all of this?”
“Well, we know the poison that was left for you came from the Shatterlands, and so did those relics that triggered your magic. Instead of trying to find everything, we focus on one question, then move on to the next,” she suggests.
I take a deep breath. I’m trying to solve all my problems at once. “That’s much better than trying to read for anything that stands out. Having a goal will help.”
“What do you want me to search for, and what do you want to look for?” she asks.
The door creaks as someone pushes it open, and we both look up as Genevieve walks into the library.
“I came as soon as I heard. The matron said you two left, and Charlotte was asleep. What happened? The guards said she was injured.” She crosses over to us, then takes a seat on the opposite side of the table from where Antonia and I are sitting.
“I accidentally used magic,” I say.
“I didn’t know you were manifesting already,” she says. “Was that the first time?”
Brevan’s face flashes in my mind and I feel my cheeks heat. “No, but it was never violent. That was new.”
“You might need to consider finding a teacher,” Antonia suggests gently.
“I know.” The only person I know with that kind of magic is the last person I want to ask for help. And for all I know, he could be dead.
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Genevieve gives me a sympathetic look. “Was anyone else hurt?”
“No.” I wish it had been me instead.
“The matron says she’ll recover quickly,” Antonia offers.
“That’s good news, at least.” She reaches for one of the books and drags it in front of her, then wipes the dust from the cover. Her brow furrows when she reads the title: Duneport and Topaz Harbor: Merchants, Trade, and Piracy.
“Did I miss something? Are we going on a ship?” She shows the book cover to us.
Antonia glances over at me as if seeking permission to share what we found. I open my mouth, then close it, unsure of how to proceed. I don’t want Ludis to know about the hidden objects.
She sets the book back down. “You know, you’re the ones who thought it was a good idea for me to get closer to the prince. If you think I’m compromised, I should just go.”
“Are you?” Antonia blurts. “You look really cozy with him when we see you together.”
“Because that’s what I’m supposed to be doing,” she snaps.
“He can be very persuasive…” I begin.
She rises from her seat.
“Wait,” I call. “Please, sit. Listen.”
With a sigh, she returns to her chair. “I’m listening.”
“I trust you, but you need to tell us how much you want to know or not know. Think about your interactions with him. Has he ever made you say more than you planned? He’s exceptional in that,” I say.
“I have him completely under control.” She grins. “He thinks he knows everything.”
“What do you mean?” Antonia asks.
“Oh, you know, about how Sabina is secretly pregnant and how she plans to run away with the baby and retake the throne for herself while the men are all off in Iskvaland.” She shrugs.
“What?” I blurt.
“He believes that?” Antonia asks.
“How would I do that?” I ask. “Especially since they’ve made it clear they plan to take me with them to Iskvaland.”
“Well, he’s been very busy interviewing guards and locals in the nearby town to find out who is planning to sneak you away,” she says with a shrug.
“He’s not hurting anyone is he?” I ask.
“I told him if anyone was harmed it would draw attention, and you’d know he was on to him.”
“That has to be the most unrealistic decoy I’ve ever heard,” Antonia deadpans.
“But it’s what he would do,” I say.
“Exactly,” Genevieve says. “He’s already promised me that he’ll make me his official mistress, and that I’ll live a life of luxury in Iskvaland.”
I wrinkle my nose. “He thinks that how he’ll win you over?”
“I told him it was everything I wanted. Freedom from this empire, my own money, not being tied down to a man…” She shrugs.
“I’m sorry I doubted you,” I say.
“Yes, sorry,” Antonia adds.
“It’s alright. I get it. He is good at what he does, but I was raised for court. It’s a game I was trained to play,” she says.
“You haven’t had to”—Antonia makes a choked sound—“sleep with him, have you?”
“I don’t think I want to know the answer to that,” I add quickly.
She bites down on her lip and bounces a little in her seat as if she’s dying to tell us.
“Go ahead,” I relent.
“Well, you know how he is, I’m sure,” she says to me.
I lift my brows and give her a look that tells her I am not reliving my bedroom exploits with Ludis ever. The fact that I enjoyed sex with him makes it so much worse than if he’d been terrible.
She seems to understand, then leans forward conspiratorially , “He’s skilled, I’ll give him that. But it’s because he couldn’t handle it if he wasn’t viewed as an excellent lover. He would rather die than leave a woman without an orgasm.
“Really?” Antonia asks, a little too interested.
I glare at her and she presses her lips into a tight line, and returns her attention to Genevieve.
“But this is the good part. Because he makes sure I get mine first, sometimes, I say thank you, then put my clothes on and leave. He sat there with his mouth hanging open the first time I did it. Now, he kind of begs me not to leave. Occasionally I still do, just to keep him on his toes.” She grins.
I burst out laughing and Antonia joins in, followed by Genevieve. Picturing Ludis left when he thought it was his turn is a punishment for him I didn’t know I needed him to have. We laugh so hard, we have to wipe tears from our eyes.
When we catch our breath, I reach over and set my hand on top of Genevieve’s. My expression turns serious. “You’re not doing anything you don’t want to do, are you? We could end this right now. You shouldn’t have to…”
She squeezes my hand. “I’m enjoying myself. And it keeps the other men away from me. Keeps my parents away. Trust me, I’m getting the better part of this deal. Especially compared to what he’s getting out of it.”
“Any time you want out, you let us know. We’ll come up with a good excuse,” I tell her.
“I know. Now, tell me what we’re researching. I want to help. For the next few days, he’s riding the route to the castle and back. He’s looking for the secret markings tied to the trees to signal where the rebels plan to meet you to assist on taking the throne.”
We all laugh again. But better than imagining him on a wild-goose chase is the fact that we know we have a few blissful days without him lurking around. That gives us more time to find what we need.
“Well, you’re not going to believe what we found today,” Antonia starts. She explains about the objects hidden under the floor, and my magic.
Genevieve catches us up on the other things she’s overheard or come across while playing mistress to Ludis. None of them seem especially helpful right now, but everything she learns might be needed eventually.
I have to say, she’s a far better spy than I ever was.