Chapter 41 #2
We should take her with us.
Kill them both.
Tell her the truth.
Like before, the words jumble as they all begin to speak over one another. Some of them can’t speak. They moan or scream or whimper. The sounds of agony are heartbreaking.
I can feel it all.
The pain, the sorrow, the anger, the thirst for revenge.
I try to push them out, to control it somehow. To tell them to go back to where they came from. To leave us. My breathing quickens, and I’m shaking. Nausea rolls through me, and I taste copper. I think my nose is bleeding.
“Taylan?” Brevan tightens his hold on me as my legs give out.
“I can’t.” I’m not sure if I’m speaking out loud or if it’s in my head.
“Hold on.” He covers my head with his hands, turning my face so I’m pressed against his chest. Then one arm holds me tight and suddenly, there’s so much light.
I feel heat surge, warm and comforting. All my tension fades and the shaking ceases. For a moment, I’m safe in the sunlight, on a warm summer’s day. I’m breathing in the scent of flowers and weaving them into crowns with my mother.
Then the light is gone and all the good feelings vanish.
“Can you walk?” Brevan asks as he releases me.
I’m standing on my own, and I leave the comfort of Brevan to look at the aftermath of whatever he did. Piles of bones are everywhere and it’s blissfully silent.
“Your magic sent them away,” I say.
“Well, I destroyed a bunch of bones,” he says.
“No, you don’t understand. They were here. They were talking to me. And now, they’re gone.” There’s a calm in the space that wasn’t here before.
“We should go before they decide to return.” Bones crunch under his boots, and he kicks some of them away to retrieve the ladder. Once it’s propped against the hole, he insists I go up first.
After he follows me up, he pulls it up behind him. “You should have told me you woke the dead.”
“I wasn’t certain.”
“We have a word for people like that where I come from,” he says.
“And what word is that?” As soon as I ask, I regret it.
“Malamev. Death Cursed. People with that magic usually give in to their darker impulses eventually,” he says.
“Are you suggesting something about me?” I ask.
“I’m saying you should be careful. Maybe don’t use that magic.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” I remind him.
“That’s worse. Lack of control of something so powerful…” He shakes his head. “It’s not magic anyone should have, Sabina. The things that have been done with it throughout history are horrific. There’s a reason it’s feared. If you’re not careful, you could go down a very dark path.”
“You are not seriously judging me given what your sister does? You protect her with your life, but when it’s the gift I didn’t ask for, you treat me like it’s my fault?
Like I’m going to turn into something dangerous?
” I can’t believe he has so little faith in me.
At the very least, he could offer support.
“That’s not what I mean.”
“What is it that you mean, then?” I ask.
“I mean it’s one of those kinds of magic that might turn you into something you’re not,” he says. “You need to hide it. Nobody can know.”
“I have been hiding it. And then this happened because I can’t control it,” I tell him.
“Then maybe we need to bind it,” he says. “I can do it for you. Cut it off, keep it contained.”
I blink a few times. “Are you serious? I’ve seen what happens to you when you use yours. I don’t know how you’re still alive.”
“I would never make you use it,” he says.
“What happens if I never control it? If it just slips out?”
“The binding should prevent that,” he says.
“And then I’m connected to you forever? Is that what you want?” As angry as I am, there’s a stupid traitorous flicker of hope. I’m almost willing to overlook all the other comments for the smallest confirmation that he still loves me.
“Maybe Caiden would bind it for you,” he says. “If we ask him, I’m sure he would.”
I scoff. “Did you just suggest that I bind myself to Caiden?”
“It would be for your own good. To protect you,” he insists.
“I don’t think I want protection from anyone. Especially not from you. Enjoy your trip, enforcer.” I walk as fast as I can without breaking into a run. I can’t be in there with him anymore.
After everything we’ve been though, I realize, I don’t know him at all. He wanted to bind my magic. To give someone else control over me. I’d rather die than let that happen. He should know that. How does he not know that?
Besides, there’s a chance that binding might give some of my power to the other person. I’m still convinced that was how the emperor lived so long. Why Brevan still can’t use his full magic and feels the punishment of using it. I suspect the emperor took it for good.
I won’t risk it. This power could have terrible repercussions for someone else if it’s that bad for me.
And what was that word he used? It wasn’t a language I’ve ever heard. It was from his home. Wherever he came from.
I don’t even know that. I didn’t know about his sister or her magic or where his home was.
I fell in love with a stranger.
I wipe the tears from my cheeks, then hiccup. I’m in front of a bedroom door, but it’s not my bedroom.
I went to Caiden’s room.
To the man I was supposed to kill. The man I ended up marrying instead. I want comfort and instead of finding Anya, I’m here.
I should turn around and go back to my room. I can crawl under the blankets, and tell my ladies I don’t feel well. They won’t believe me, but they’ll let me have some time to cry alone.
But for some reason, instead of turning around, I knock on the door.