Chapter Thirty
Bernard
Saturday, December 5
BERNARD PULLED INTO his father’s farm at ten in the morning. His father had insisted on having his birthday celebration there and had invited all his friends and family. Get-togethers were his father’s specialty, and Bernard’s birthday was one he looked forward to all year.
Someone had decorated the bench tables in the yard with green and blue placemats and streamers. Bernard’s favorite colors.
Bernard’s father rolled a grill out to the middle of his yard. Ginger bounded out of the truck and ran to the field to meet Bonnie. A cool winter breeze swirled around the dust and gravel.
“Dad, let me help.” Emilio walked out of the house.
“I got it, son.”
“Dad, let us help,” Bernard said.
He walked up to the porch to meet his dad.
“Bernardo.” He reached up to hug Bernard. “You’re early.”
While his father was distracted, Emilio moved the grill to the middle of the benches.
“I couldn’t wait to see you.” He wrapped his father in a hug.
“Rory’s here,” he said. “Came to prepare his desserts. The boys have taken to him. They think he’s amazing. I told them he was your boyfriend.”
“You told them?”
“Yes, it’s fine. Emilio and Camila know about it. They think it’s a great idea for the kids to get used to him being around and that love is love.”
“That’s great.”
“Also, I told you he was gay.”
“Yes, you did,” Bernard said, “a few times.”
“He’s perfect for you.”
“Thank you, Dad.”
“ Uncle Bernard!” Twin ten-year-old boys made a beeline for him.
“Duarte, Ad?o.” He reached down and picked up the boys in his arms. “You guys are so big now.”
“We’re ten now,” Duarte said.
“Yeah, last time you saw us, we were only nine,” Ad?o agreed.
He didn’t get to see his nephews as often as he’d like. He missed their last birthday because Emilio and Camila had taken them to the Azores for their birthday. They told him they loved the remote-control cars he’d sent them.
“Oh, you’re all grown up now?”
“Almost. We are more mature,” they said in unison.
“You sure are.”
“Okay, we’re going to go play now,” Duarte said.
Before he could respond, the boys were off to the field to play with Bonnie and Ginger. They giggled and chased the dogs around the pen.
“They have a lot of energy,” Rory said.
He wrapped his arms around Bernard from behind and kissed his neck.
“Happy birthday, sweetie.”
Bernard held Rory tight against him. He inhaled his cologne. He couldn’t get enough of it. Rory’s touch and smell made him feel wanted. Loved.
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
Bernard turned around and kissed him. He tasted raspberries on his lips.
“Why do you taste like raspberries?”
“I’m making raspberry custard tarts,” he said. “I know you love them.”
“You are more than I could have ever dreamed of.”
They hugged, and Bernard gave him another kiss.
*
SARAH, JOHN, AND Kelly arrived at noon with little Mikey waddling along.
“You made it.” Bernard jogged up and took the casserole dish from Sarah’s hands.
“Why would we miss your birthday party?” Sarah wrapped an arm around Bernard.
“Besides, Kelly hasn’t had your dad’s food yet,” John said. “He’s in for a treat.”
“They go on about it,” Kelly said. “I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to have some.”
Once everyone was present, the air around the grill filled with the scent of burgers, hotdogs, buns, vegetables, and the spice of his father’s secret sauce.
“Uncle Rory.” Bernard’s twin nephews came running, followed by two girls around the same age.
“Did they call me uncle?”
“Yes, they call any adult who is part of the family and is not their dad, mom, or grandparent uncle and aunt,” Bernard said. “I forgot. You weren’t around for that part.”
“They think of me as part of the family?”
“Well, they know you’re my boyfriend, so they don’t see it as any different.”
Rory smiled. Bernard loved his smile.
“I always wondered why you had so many aunts and uncles.”
“Yup, pretty much any adult around us is an aunt or uncle.”
“What’s up, boys?” Rory knelt.
Bernard loved how Rory treated everyone, even children, with respect and gave them his full attention.
“Cousin Melissa and Mandy said you couldn’t find all of us if you tried. But we think you can.” Duarte spoke breathlessly. The two girls who followed nodded.
“I think I can. You all go hide, and I’ll come to find you,” he said. “ One. Two .” The kids screamed and scattered.
“I’ll be back.” His smile and wink warmed Bernard.
Bernard watched Rory play with the kids. They hid while he sought them out. The children were talented at hiding.
“So, how are things going with Rory?” Emilio slid onto the bench next to him.
“It’s been amazing,” Bernard said. “I’ve never been happier. Sarah said I fell in love with him years ago.”
“And did you? Fall in love, I mean.”
“Yes, I actually told him I loved him.”
“He’s great with the kids. They’re having a blast with him.”
“He really is a sweet man.”
“Do you want children someday?”
Bernard thought about it. He’d wanted children for so long, but never found himself in a stable place to have children. Adopting was difficult for a single man, and impossible for a gay couple in California. He wished there was a way.
“I’d love children,” Bernard said, “but there’s no way for us to adopt. The state won’t allow it.”
“You never know what the future holds.”
“True, we both want children. I hope it’s something we can do. I know he’d make a wonderful father.”
“You’d be a wonderful father too.”
Would he be a good father? He’d wanted children but couldn’t raise a child alone. With Rory in his life, they could raise a child together. They’d be great parents.
“Thank you.”
“I’ve never seen you so happy, brother.”
“Thank you,” Bernard said, “it’s just…”
“Nope, you’re not doing this.” Emilio cut him off. “You’re not going into self-doubt mode right now.”
“What do you mean?”
“You feel you’re not worthy of love, but you are. That man over there is perfect for you. You love him and he clearly loves you. So, don’t screw it up.”
Bernard watched Rory chase Ad?o around a tire swing. He bent over to grab at him. Once in his arms, he tickled him. Ad?o screamed and giggled.
“Okay.” Bernard held up his hands. “I surrender. I won’t screw it up.”
Emilio hugged him. “I know you’re scared, brother. I know your past. You are a caring, loving, wonderful person who deserves to have someone who loves you.”
Bernard squeezed his brother. “I know Rory is the right match. I have to get used to being loved.”
“I understand.”
Bernard continued to watch Rory with the kids. The twins avoided strangers but took to Rory. Something about him made them comfortable.
“Come eat,” Bernard’s father called out.
Everyone grabbed a plate, sat around on the benches, and conversation ensued.
“Rory, it’s so nice to see you again,” Aunt Antonia said.
“It’s good to see you too, Antonia.”
She smiled at him. Antonia always liked Rory. She even said he was one of Bernard’s friends who mattered. He was grateful to have a family who accepted him, when Rory didn’t. He wanted Rory to be surrounded by the love he deserved. He hoped one day Rory’s family would accept him for the wonderful person he was.
Everyone enjoyed themselves. It was a wonderful afternoon. Bernard took in the scent of his father’s cooking. It never ceased to amaze him how wonderful of a griller his dad was.
After everyone had their fill, they brought out the gifts.
Bernard sat on a bench. Gifts piled up in front of him.
His dad got him Final Fantasy Tactics —a strategy video game where you control a small army of soldiers on a chessboard-like battlefield against enemy armies. It took cunning, patience, and dedication to play.
“Thanks, Dad.” He hugged his father.
“I know you like those games, so I went to the store, and this is the one the clerk said you might like. I didn’t know if you had it.”
“I don’t, thank you.”
He opened the rest of the gifts. Bernard received some ties, a watch, a coffee mug, a few board games, and a subscription to Men’s Health magazine. The last was from his cousin Bella. They’d grown up together, and she always tried to get him to eat healthier and exercise. He didn’t know if this was her way of hinting to get in shape or she thought he’d find the men inside attractive. Either way, her heart was in the right place.
Emilio, Camila, and the boys got him a new coffeemaker. It had a clock and brew timer and was perfect for him.
“This is fantastic. I can now prepare my coffee the night before. Thank you.”
“We thought you’d like it,” Camila said.
Bernard opened the gift from Rory. He lifted it. He smiled at the love Rory put into this gift. Rory knitted him a sweater that matched the bear pride flag. It even had the bear’s paw in the upper corner.
“Rory, this is beautiful.” Bernard wrapped his arms around him. “Thank you so much.”
“I’m glad you like it,” Rory said.
“I love it.”
Bernard kissed him. His lips were sweet from the punch.
“I’m so happy,” Rory said. “I made it and was worried it’d be too much.”
“Nothing you do for me could ever be too much.”
The guests let out an audible aww as they hugged. Bernard didn’t want to let Rory go. This man had done so much for him. Helped him learn to love and accept love again.
Rory brought out the cake. He’d baked a two-layer red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting, two dozen raspberry custard tarts, and an apple pie. Camila brought out vanilla and chocolate ice cream.
“Rory, the cake and tarts look amazing,” Bernard said. “You didn’t have to go to so much trouble.”
“It was no trouble at all,” Rory said. “I’m so happy I can share your birthday with you this year.”
Rory had decorated the tarts with a raspberry on top. The raspberry swirl formed a bear’s paw on the custard.
After taking in the aroma of the tarts, Bernard bit into one. The flavor of custard and raspberry swam in his mouth. It was divine.
The cake, decorated with the same bear’s paw on top, tasted as good as it looked. Sweet chocolate and cream cheese melted in his mouth.
“Uncle Rory, are you going to marry Uncle Bernard?” Duarte asked.
Bernard looked into Rory’s eyes. His future sat next to him. It didn’t matter if they could legally marry or not; they were going to be together for the rest of their lives.
“Maybe one day,” Rory said, “and we’ll invite you.”
“Awesome!”
After everyone had eaten their dessert, Bernard’s dad strung up a pi?ata for the kids.
His dad pulled the rope on the pi?ata as the excited kids gathered around. It looked like a cartoon character he didn’t recognize.
“Hit it,” he called to Duarte.
Duarte swung at it with all his might. “Grandpa, I can’t hit it,” Duarte said.
“It, it…” His father stopped. He swayed on his feet. He dropped the rope. “I feel…” The words stuck on his lips. He collapsed to the ground in a heap.
“Dad!” Bernard screamed. He ran to his father. He shook him. “Dad, wake up.” Tears welled in his eyes.
His heart raced. He looked around. He’d trained in CPR one weekend every year, and now it was gone.
“Move aside, Bernard.” Bernard moved over and his cousin Bella began CPR. He was grateful she remembered. “Get the kids out of here.”
Rory gathered up the children and took them inside. Camila followed.
Bernard stared down at his father’s unconscious form. His eyes moved to each person, but nobody moved.
“We need to do something!” Bernard cried.
“I called nine-one-one. They’ll be here in ten minutes.” Bernard looked over to see Antonia.
“Give me space. He needs air. I need everyone to back away,” Bella commanded.
The group moved back in unison. Bernard watched as Bella continued CPR on his father. She was a registered nurse and she would help him. Everything was going to be okay.
Bella got him breathing, though his breaths were shallow. She gave him an aspirin and took his pulse.
It was the longest ten minutes of his life. The ambulance arrived and two paramedics moved his father onto a stretcher. They lifted him into the ambulance.
“I’m going with him,” Bernard said.
“What’s your relationship?” one of the paramedics asked him.
“He’s my father.”
They motioned him in.
Bernard held his dad’s hand. “It’s going to be all right, Dad. They’re gonna take care of you.” He stared down at his father’s glassy eyes.
“I love you, son,” he whispered, then closed his eyes.
A rhythmic beeping sound echoed in Bernard’s ears as he focused on his father.
“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered, softer this time.