Chapter Thirty-Four
Bernard
Thursday, December 24–Friday, December 25
BERNARD SAT AT the table with Emilio, Camila, and Penelope for Christmas Eve dinner. They were the only family he had left, and being with them was wonderful. He wished Rory could join them, but his family had a tradition, and he needed to stick to it.
“So, how is everything with Rory?” Camila asked.
“It’s fantastic. He was there for me when Dad died, and I couldn’t have asked for anything more.”
They talked about having Rory over for dinner after the holidays. It’d be nice to have a meal with his family and Rory, who was now part of his family.
After dinner, Bernard headed home to finish wrapping the presents. They had a tradition of opening gifts on Christmas morning, and he was behind on wrapping.
He sat in the living room wrapping while reruns of I Love Lucy played.
“Ah, I love this show.”
He finished wrapping at a quarter till midnight.
“Ginger, why did I wait until the last minute to wrap gifts? I have to be at Emilio and Camila’s by seven tomorrow. Those boys will be prompt.”
He walked into the kitchen and noticed the red light blinking on his answering machine.
He pushed the button.
“Listen to me, you perverted sinner.” It was Maeve Sinclair’s voice. “Mr. and Mrs. Carmichael saw you two at the lights in San Jose holding hands. I told you to stay away from my boy. This is your last warning. If you come near him again, I’ll get a restraining order. Your kind can’t be trusted. Never contact him again.”
Bernard took deep breaths to prevent him from yelling at the phone.
Who does she think she is? She has no right to keep us apart.
He picked up the phone and called Rory. It went to his answering machine.
Bernard looked at his watch. It was midnight. Rory and his family would be at midnight mass at the church. He wouldn’t wait. He needed to confront this head-on. That woman had done everything in her power to keep them apart. He had to do something. Rory had to do something. They’d kept it a secret for months, but it was out. Rory’s mother knew. She would watch Rory like a hawk from now on. If he stepped out of bounds, Bernard was sure she’d be there to pull him back. He hated to think about it, but Rory had to make a choice. What did he want?
Bernard pulled into the parking lot of his former church at midnight. They decorated the church with poinsettias and a nativity scene. The church lights glowed white and lit up the sign, Saint Michael’s Roman Catholic Church. Baby Jesus was now in his crib, as the tradition called for. Bernard circled the parking lot for ten minutes. Cars packed the parking lot.
Typical. No one comes to church until Christmas midnight mass.
He parked across the street at the convenience store parking lot. It was closed, so he was confident the owners wouldn’t tow his car.
He made it to the large church doors. He took a deep breath and opened the door. Inside, he heard those who gathered singing the praises of Jesus.
When the song ended, the preacher looked up. “That was beautiful, we’re blessed today to have such a large turnout.”
The preacher looked out and his eyes locked on Bernard’s.
“Mr. Silva, you don’t belong here,” he said. “Unless you’ve come to repent for your wicked ways.”
“I’ve done nothing that warrants being kicked out of the church.”
“I would call attempting to corrupt our son enough to have you removed.” Mrs. Sinclair stood.
“You see.” The priest pointed. “Corrupting others in the church is grounds to uphold your excommunication.”
Bernard winced at the words. It’d been twelve years since they’d excommunicated him, and the words still stung. He knew the risk but came to the church.
“He didn’t corrupt me,” Rory called out.
“Dear, you don’t know what you’re saying,” Mrs. Sinclair said. “He’s filled your head with evil homosexual thoughts.”
The entire church watched the conflict unfold, but nobody moved to assist either side.
“You called me and told me to stay away from him,” Bernard said. “You have no right.”
“You called him?” Rory said to his mother, looking appalled.
“I have every right. You have evil thoughts and have given those thoughts to my poor sweet boy.”
“They’re not evil thoughts.” A voice next to Rory spoke up.
Mr. Sinclair stood and put his hands on Rory’s shoulders. Mrs. Sinclair stood speechless.
“Ronan, what has gotten into you?” Mrs. Sinclair asked.
“I will no longer sit by while you berate our son. I should’ve said something a long time ago.”
“How dare you,” she said. “Our son will be an abomination if he continues down this wicked path.”
“I don’t think he’s an abomination,” Ronan said.
“Neither do I,” said Duncan.
“I don’t either,” said Catherine.
“What’s an abominabilation?” their daughter Penelope asked.
“It means he is an evil sinner,” Mrs. Sinclair found her voice.
“Uncle Roro is nice. He’s not evil,” Penelope protested.
“You’re too young to understand, sweetheart. You’ll understand when you’re older,” Mrs. Sinclair said.
Penelope screwed up her face. “I know Uncle Roro likes that man Barnyard.”
“Who told you such bad things, angel?” Mrs. Sinclair asked.
“Mommy and Daddy said that Uncle Roro was in love with Barnyard and that they should be together, but Grammy doesn’t like it.”
“What filth have you been filling my granddaughter’s head with?” Mrs. Sinclair glared at Duncan and Catherine. “I should have her removed from your care.”
“From our care?” Duncan said. “You have no right to her. She’s our daughter. You think because you’re her grandmother you know best?”
“I know what’s best.” Mrs. Sinclair stood at her full height.
“Also, we never mentioned Rory and Bernard to her,” Catherine said.
“She must have overheard us talking after she’d gone to bed,” Duncan said.
“Enough,” the priest bellowed. “Mr. Silva, the Church has excommunicated you, and I require you to leave this holy temple. If you refuse to leave of your own accord, I’ll have you removed.”
Bernard shared a glance with Rory. He stood there hoping Rory would say something, anything.
“Rory, I love you,” Bernard said.
“Filth like you don’t know what love is. Only lust and sodomy,” Mrs. Sinclair said.
“I’ll go then.” Bernard turned away, defeated.
He’d come here hoping Rory would see he loved him. He wanted to be with him for the rest of his life. Bernard had tried to escape the pain of Tracy for seven years. He sabotaged all his dates and potential relationships for nothing. He’d reconnected with someone who loved him as much as he loved them. It was all for naught. Rory was a good Catholic man who would put his religion above anything else. That included his own happiness. Bernard had to face the fact that after this, their friendship was over. Maeve Sinclair would see to that.
Bernard placed his hand on the door.
“ Wait !” Rory said.
Bernard turned around in time to catch Rory in his arms.
“What?” Bernard said.
“I love you too, Bernard Silva.” Rory placed a soft kiss on his lips.
Bernard wrapped his arms around Rory and held him tight. For this moment, no one else existed. Bernard and Rory stood in an embrace, lips pressed together. The world stopped.
“You’re the one I want to be with,” Rory said. “No, you’re the one I need to be with. You have always treated me with kindness and love. You have never pushed me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with, and you’d let me choose my religion over you if you thought it would make me happy.”
“I…”
“You don’t have to say anything. My heart belongs to you. I know deep down it always did. I just wish I’d figured it out sooner.”
“This is unforgivable,” the priest said. “Repent now, or you too, Mr. Sinclair, will be excommunicated.”
“No, please Father, we can work this out,” Mrs. Sinclair begged.
“He can’t change how he was born,” Mr. Sinclair said.
“Men are not born to be in love with men. It’s sinful lust that draws them to the path,” Mrs. Sinclair said.
“It is not, because I once loved a man beyond lustfulness,” Mr. Sinclair confessed. His hands flew to his mouth. Everyone in the church gaped at him.
“That’s simply not true. We have been married for forty years. I would know if you had lust in your heart,” Mrs. Sinclair said.
“You were not my first love,” Mr. Sinclair said.
“What?”
“I loved another before you, his name was Angus Stewart.” Mr. Sinclair spoke softly. “We fell in love, but we knew the village wouldn’t accept our love. I’m attracted to both men and women, so I knew I could build a life with a woman. I never forgot him though. He was and always will be my first love.”
“You are not the man I married,” she said. “I can’t believe you’ve had these immoral thoughts, and I never knew.”
“Having thoughts is not a sin,” he said.
“You’ve probably cheated on me,” she spat. “You faggots are all the same.” With that, she pushed past everyone in the pew and moved toward the door. She grabbed Rory by the hand. “I can at least save you.”
“No, Mother, I’m not going with you.”
“Don’t you ‘no, Mother’ me, I am still your mother…”
Rory cut her off. “You’re my mother, not my keeper. I’m tired of following your rules that have made me miserable for so many years. I know what happiness is, and that’s being with Bernard.” He pulled his arm from his mother’s grasp and looked up at the priest. “You can excommunicate me, I don’t care. If this is how the church runs, on hatred and vileness, I’m better off finding a more accepting church.”
“You are no longer…”
“Yeah, we get it. No longer welcome,” Bernard said.
Bernard and Rory moved through the doors and headed for the parking lot.
“I brought my car,” Rory said. “Can I meet you at your place? I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
“Of course, I’d love nothing more than having you at home with me.”
*
BERNARD DROVE HOME . His pulse quickened at the thought of Rory lying next to him again. He remembered the first night they spent together. It was a passion he hadn’t felt in years. He wanted that again.
Bernard sat on his couch as the seconds ticked by.
At one o’clock there was a knock on his door. Rory stood on the other side, tears streaming down his face.
“What’s the matter?”
“They…they…they’re going to excommunicate me.” He collapsed into Bernard’s arms. Bernard helped him onto the couch. Rory sobbed into Bernard’s chest.
“Shh, it’s going to be okay,” Bernard said. “I’m here for you.”
Bernard stroked Rory’s hair as he sobbed. Bernard understood his fear. He’d faced this when the church excommunicated him and thought the world would collapse around him. He needed to be there for Rory. Rory faced this because of his love for him. He wouldn’t let him face it alone.
“What…if…I…made…a…mistake?” Rory sobbed.
What could Bernard say to this? Rory made a decision that would change his life forever.
“Love is not a mistake,” Bernard said. “I love you with all of my heart. I’ll always be here for you.”
Rory looked up. “You mean that?”
“Of course I do, I’ve loved you for so many years. I never thought you’d feel the same.”
“I love you too.” Rory leaned up to kiss him. They embraced on the couch, Rory’s sobs subsiding.
Rory fell asleep in Bernard’s arms. Bernard continued to stroke his hair.
“I hope I can make you as happy as you make me right now,” he whispered.
Bernard didn’t know what time he fell asleep.
*
RORY GROANED AWAKE . “What time is it?”
Bernard stretched and felt the stiffness in his joints. He’d never found the couch a comfortable place to sleep, and this position didn’t help.
Bernard looked at his watch. “It’s seven-thirty.”
Rory sat up and stretched. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”
“You needed the rest,” Bernard said. “Do you want to get some breakfast?”
“It’s Christmas Day though, who’s open?”
“My brother invited me to Christmas breakfast, and I’m sure you’re more than welcome.”
“I don’t want to impose.”
“You could never impose.” Bernard leaned over and kissed him.
“What’s the plan?”
“You head home to shower and change while I do the same here. I’ll make sure Ginger has everything she needs and then I’ll head to your place to pick you up.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
They kissed goodbye, and Rory left.
Bernard called his brother. They were thrilled to have Rory join them for breakfast. He showered, brushed his teeth, and changed. He was excited to have Rory in his life. The past few months had been hard on them both.