Chapter Thirty-Three
Bernard
Monday, December 21–Thursday, December 24
RORY LEFT MONDAY morning. He told Bernard he needed to clean his house, take care of Mina, and run errands.
Bernard called and apologized for not being at work. Rich told him to take the week off since they’d be closed Thursday and Friday for Christmas.
Bernard rotated through multiple games. He couldn’t settle on one to play. It wasn’t even noon yet.
He made his way to check on his crops. The generator Rory’s friends had set up continued to power the greenhouse. He and Rory had set it up to house all the vegetables he needed. The artificial light, heating system, and watering system kept it in perfect condition to grow what he needed.
Rory showed him how to change the timers, heating temperature, and lights if he wanted to grow different plants.
At one o’clock, he fixed himself a sandwich and chips for lunch. He missed Rory’s cooking. He didn’t have the energy to cook anything. He was grateful Rory bought supplies for simple sandwiches or he’d have to order out.
“I need to do something,” he said to Ginger. “I can’t sit in the house all day.”
Bernard picked up the phone and called Kelly.
“Hello,” Kelly answered.
“Hey, Kelly, it’s Bernard. I was wondering if you had time to hang out at the dog park today?”
“Of course. Are you feeling better?”
“Yes, I’m doing a lot better. Thanks.”
“Meet us at the dog park,” Kelly said. “We can hang out while the dogs play.”
“Sounds great,” Bernard said. “I’ll see you in ten.”
*
KELLY SAT ON a bench when Bernard arrived. Ginger strained at her leash.
Bernard unhooked her harness and she bolted for Chester. The two dogs chased each other around the play area, nipping and barking.
“Hey, Kelly.”
“Hi, Bernard. Good to see you out and about.”
“Thanks,” Bernard said. “I’m so glad Rory found me.”
His heart ached at the thought of Rory finding him dead. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to die, just numb the pain. If something had happened to him, it would kill his friends.
“Yeah,” Kelly said, “from what I heard, it was close. I think a few more hours and you might have done some serious damage.”
“I don’t know what I would do without the friends I have. I’ve put you all through so much.”
“We are here for you. So don’t ever think you are inconveniencing us when you need help.”
Bernard leaned over and hugged Kelly. Kelly rubbed his back.
“You’re going to be all right,” Kelly said. “You just need to take it one day at a time. It’ll get better.”
A man who’d faced so much hate and abuse was telling him it would get better. Kelly had overcome so much, and his words meant the world to Bernard. He would be okay. He needed to rely on his friends when he needed them and take care of himself.
They sat in silence as the sun shone down on them. The dogs seemed to have endless energy.
“Can I ask you something?” Bernard said.
“Sure.”
“Do you think after what happened, you’ll be able to love again?”
“I’d like to think so, but I’m more guarded now than ever. I’m afraid of what might happen. I spent eight years with that man, and that’s time I can’t get back. It’s…” He stopped.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring this up. It was stupid of me.”
“No, it’s okay. I need to talk about it. I’m physically and emotionally scarred by him. That’s not something I can erase. I’m more scared of what someone will think when they see my scars.”
“I can see past them.” Bernard placed a hand on his shoulder. “I see you for who you are. The scars on your chest and back are something you can’t change. So, if someone judges you on them, that’s on them. That’s their issue, not yours. You’re a gentle, kind man. You deserve love.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
“I won’t rush you but try not to shut down. You’ve done so much for me and my self-esteem. I want to do the same. So, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
“You’re a good friend.”
Bernard glanced at his watch. It was four.
“Well, I better get home. Rory is coming over,” Bernard said. “Thank you again for everything you’ve done.”
“My pleasure.”
They hugged, and Bernard headed home with Ginger.
Rory sat on the couch knitting when he walked in.
“I’m so sorry. I got caught up talking to Kelly at the park.”
“It’s okay, I busied myself with knitting.”
Rory stood and walked over to Bernard. He embraced him and they shared a deep kiss.
“Can you stay the night?”
“Yes, of course. We’re on winter break, so I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow.”
*
A NIGHT CUDDLED up to Rory eased the tension inside his mind. Doubt crept in. How long would it be before Rory tired of him? Those thoughts had no place in his mind. He pushed it aside. Rory was here to stay.
Bernard and Rory spent the next day together. They watched a few movies and met Kelly at the park in the afternoon for Ginger and Chester’s doggie play date.
Kelly and Rory got along well. Bernard grinned as they discussed The Lord of the Rings. Rory had read the books after finishing The Hobbit. The series was one of Kelly’s favorites.
“I’m telling you, Sam is in love with Frodo,” Kelly said.
“He regards him as a close friend. I don’t know if he’s in love with him.”
“I don’t know. I got the impression they’re in love. Maybe it’s wishful thinking. The secret love between two men, one that can never come to be because of societal norms.”
“You might be right. I never thought of it that way.”
Bernard agreed with Kelly but didn’t say anything. Reading The Lord of The Rings series brought the idea of loving another man to the forefront of his mind. They were the books that made him question his own sexuality. Loving someone who society says you shouldn’t. Did Tolkien intend to make the central relationship a secret of love between two men? No one would know his true reasons for having Sam being so close to Frodo.
They all said goodbye as the sun set and Bernard and Rory headed back to his house.
They ordered pizza and watched Not Without My Daughter. Rory loved the movie and Bernard had never seen it.
“So, she moved to Iran to visit his family, got stuck there, and now she has to find a way out?” Bernard asked.
“Yeah, that sums it up.”
“That poor woman. What an awful thing to have happen.”
“It’s based on a true story.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I read the book. I think it’s darker than the movie. She relies on a support group more than in the movie. You should read it. It’s a good book.”
“I’ll have to check it out.”
“You can borrow my copy.”
Bernard couldn’t help but smile. Rory was sharing his life with him.
They showered and got into bed.
Rory wrapped his warm arms tight around Bernard’s chest. He squeezed him closer, not wanting to miss a moment. Bernard wasn’t ready to be intimate so soon after his episode, but Rory’s embrace helped him to relax each night. Although Rory’s erection pressed against his back, he didn’t push him or say anything about having sex. Bernard was happy that Rory gave him time. He’d been patient with Rory and now Rory was returning the kindness.
*
WEDNESDAY MORNING, RORY made a large breakfast of pancakes, eggs, toast, coffee, and bacon. It filled the kitchen with scents that made Bernard’s mouth water. It was like breakfast on the farm when his mother used to cook every morning.
“This looks amazing,” Bernard said.
“I wanted our last morning for a little while to be special.”
Rory put a stack of pancakes on the table.
“Thank you.”
They dug into breakfast. Everything melted in his mouth. It was perfect, just like Rory.
“So, what do you want to do today?” Rory asked.
“We should get out of the house. What about a trip to San Jose? Then we can see the lights at the park.”
“That sounds great.”
They made sure Ginger had food and water and headed to San Jose.
They spent the day window shopping, had lunch at a little cafe, and got gelato at a small parlor downtown.
They made it to the park at sunset, and the light shows started. They held hands as they walked through the lights. Houses shone with the season. Groups of people stared at the most elaborate decorations. One house had a light show, but people needed to be in their cars and tuned to the right radio station to hear it. Bernard was getting used to holding hands in public.
“Are you nervous?” Bernard asked.
“About what?”
“We’re holding hands in public again.”
“I think it’s fine. I enjoy holding your hand.”
No one noticed them, or if they did, they didn’t comment.
They had dinner at a small restaurant before heading home.
“I’m sorry I can’t stay tomorrow,” Rory said as they got ready for bed. “I have to leave early in the morning. It’s Christmas Eve and I have to spend time with my family.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m going to head to my brother’s for dinner. I haven’t seen them since…” He didn’t need to say more. He hadn’t seen his brother, Camila, or the boys since the funeral.
“I understand. I know you’ll have a wonderful time with your family. They love you, and I’m sure they miss you.”
“You’re right.”
They embraced and shared a passionate kiss. Rory’s lips invited him. His tongue explored Rory’s mouth and wrestled with his tongue. Bernard’s cock stiffened. The desire to undress Rory surged through his body, but his mind wouldn’t allow it. He wasn’t enough for Rory. Rory had watched him fall apart, and he deserved a man who could hold it together, not him.
Why is Rory staying with me? I can’t give him what he wants. I waited for him, but now that he’s given me his body, I’m the one who can’t perform. I’m broken.
“Damn, you’re a great kisser,” Bernard said. “I can’t get enough of it.”
“You are too,” Rory said. “I love kissing you.”
They changed into bed clothes and climbed under the covers. Bernard put on his mask. Rory held him tight against his chest. It was nice and warm. He wanted to ask Rory to move in with him. Rory stayed here often enough that it felt right. The answer would be no. His mother didn’t approve of them even being friends. There was no telling what she’d say or do if she discovered they lived together. It was impossible. No matter how much he wanted it, he couldn’t ask Rory to make that leap.