Chapter Thirty-Two
Rory
Thursday, December 17–Monday, December 21
RORY PARKED IN Bernard’s driveway and made his way to the door. Bernard had given him a key, so he let himself in. He’d stopped by every few days to clean and check on Bernard. He’d been asleep each time, and he didn’t want to disturb him. Bernard needed rest.
Rory made his way to Bernard’s bedroom. He opened the door and found Bernard passed out on the bed. Three whiskey bottles lay on the floor, one completely empty. The stench of vomit permeated the room.
“ Bernard !” Rory said.
“Rory?” he asked. His voice was hoarse and weak.
Bernard’s eyes fluttered open. Dilated pupils stared back at him.
Rory placed his hand on Bernard’s forehead. His clammy skin was cool. Sweat pooled around his neck and covered the sheets.
“Did you drink all this whiskey?” Rory picked up an empty bottle.
“Huh?”
“There’s an empty bottle, and another half drunk,” Rory said.
“I think I drank it,” Bernard said.
He looked around. Vomit filled half of his bedside trash can. Some had splattered onto the floor. There were dried crusts of vomit on Bernard’s bed.
“Come on.” Rory helped lift Bernard off the bed. They stumbled to his bathroom.
“I’m gonna be sick.”
“Hold on.” Rory lifted the seat as Bernard threw up. Tears rolled down his face.
“What have I done?”
Rory grabbed the cup from the sink and filled it.
“Here, drink some water.” He pushed the glass of water to Bernard’s lips. Bernard drank. Rory filled another glass and helped Bernard drink.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.” Rory helped undress him and sat him in the tub.
“No. I don’t want you to see me like this. Leave me here.”
“I’m not leaving.” Rory turned on the taps. He filled the tub with cool water.
“You can’t, you’ll get wet.”
“It’s going to be okay.”
Rory grabbed the soap and cleaned Bernard. He scrubbed his body and washed out his vomit-stained beard and hair. Tears rolled down Bernard’s face as Rory cleaned him. An ache filled Rory’s heart. Bernard’s dad’s death broke him. He needed him more than ever. He wouldn’t leave him alone again.
He drained the dirty water and refilled it. Rory used the clean water from the spout to rinse Bernard’s hair. His curls clung to his head.
Bernard continued to sob. His body convulsed with each breath he took.
“Shh. It’s going to be okay, Bernard.”
“Why are you washing me?”
“Because your bed looks like you haven’t left it since I came by two days ago,” Rory said. “Now, let’s get you taken care of. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Rory drained the water and helped Bernard stand. He grabbed a clean towel and dried him off. Bernard shivered in his arms.
“It’s okay,” Rory said. “You’re going to be okay.”
Rory helped Bernard to the sink to brush his teeth. Two pills lay at the bottom of the sink. He looked over and a bottle lay at the bottom of the trash can. He pulled out the empty bottle. The label read Paxil .
“Bernard, what did you do with your pills?”
“My what?”
“Your medication. What happened to your medication?”
“I don’t need it anymore. It isn’t doing anything.”
Rory stared at Bernard. He’d thrown out his pills.
“What did you do with them, Bernard?”
“I don’t need them!”
“When was the last time you took it?”
Bernard stared at him with unfocused eyes. “The day after we buried my dad. The day I knew nothing would help.”
“That was almost a week ago.” Rory reached out and held him close. “Why did you stop?” he pleaded.
“They didn’t help. I still got depressed when my dad died. They were supposed to ease my anxiety, not worsen it.”
“That’s normal. To feel like that. But you can’t stop taking your medication.” Rory hugged Bernard. “Once you get sober, we’ll get you a refill. Everything’s going to be fine. I promise.”
“I just want it all to end.”
Rory leaned away. “No, Bernard. That’s not what you want.”
“I’m sorry,” Bernard said. His face contorted. Tears streamed down his face.
“It’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry.”
Rory helped him get into his underwear, shirt, and shorts. He kissed him. Bernard needed to get better. This was temporary.
“Go ahead, cry. Let it all out.”
Rory glanced around Bernard’s room. He couldn’t stay here. His bed was covered in vomit and urine.
Rory helped Bernard to the spare bedroom.
Bernard fell onto the bed. He curled up in a fetal position. His body convulsed with sobs. Rory grabbed his glasses and put them on the nightstand. He laid down behind Bernard and wrapped his arms around him. He pulled him in tight.
“No, this room is for guests,” Bernard said.
“You need to sleep here tonight. Your bedding needs to be changed. I’ll take care of it for you.”
“Are you staying the night?”
“I can stay if you want me to.”
“Please,” Bernard said.
Bernard fell asleep.
*
RORY SPENT THE day cleaning the house. He washed Bernard’s clothes and bedding and cleaned out the fridge. Some of the food had gone bad.
There was a knock at the door.
Kelly stood in the doorway, Ginger and Chester at his feet.
“Hey, Rory,” he said, “how’s Bernard doing?”
“Not too good, to be honest,” Rory said. “I found him in bed with an empty bottle of whiskey on the floor.”
“Shit, what happened?”
“Come in and have a seat.”
Kelly let the dogs out back and joined Rory in the living room.
“So,” Rory said, “he stopped taking his medication for anxiety and started drinking again.”
“He did what?”
“Yeah, it was bad,” Rory said. “I got him cleaned up, got him to drink a lot of water, and now he’s sleeping in his spare room.”
“Damn, I’m glad he’s okay.”
“I’m going to call the number and try to get him a refill.”
“If you need anything, I’m ready to help.”
“I think you’ve done a lot already,” Rory said, “but if you can keep Ginger for just a few more days while we get him regulated on his medication and focus on getting better, that would be great.”
“I’d be happy to. Chester’s been happy and active with Ginger around. I might need to get him a dog.”
They both laughed.
“Would you like some coffee?” Rory asked.
“That sounds good,” Kelly said.
Rory busied himself with the coffee while Kelly sat at the kitchen table.
“Are you going to tell Sarah and John?” Kelly asked.
“I have to. They should know what happened.”
They sat with the coffee in silence. Rory worried about Bernard’s well-being.
“Well, I better let you take care of things here. You still have my number?”
“Yes.”
“Great. Take care of him.”
“I will.”
“And call me if you need anything.”
“Thanks.”
Kelly got Chester and Ginger and headed out the door.
He has some amazing friends. I wish he could see it.
Rory called the number on Bernard’s prescription and explained the pills had slipped out and fallen in the washbasin. The prescription had refills, so they filled it. He needed to take Bernard to get them tomorrow. He was in no shape to go anywhere today.
Rory went to the backyard. His team had set up a small shed with a generator for Bernard’s greenhouse. They wanted to surprise Bernard for his birthday, but he didn’t get to see it.
I hope he likes it when he’s feeling better. I know how much he wanted to use it.
He called Sarah to tell her what happened to Bernard. The school was on a winter holiday, so he didn’t have to work. Even if they weren’t on break, Bernard was more important to him.
Rory showered and joined Bernard in bed. He held him tight.
“I’m never going to let you go.”
Rory drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, Rory woke to groans from Bernard.
“Rory?”
“You’re awake. How do you feel?”
“Like being hit by a Mack truck.”
“That’s to be expected. I’ll go put on some coffee.” He got out of bed. “You should take a shower. You’ve been asleep for a day.”
Bernard stood and stumbled.
“Do you need help?”
“Yes, please.”
“Do you want a bath or a shower?”
“I think I can take a shower.”
Rory undressed Bernard and himself. He helped him into the shower and washed him. Bernard used the wall to steady himself. Rory steadied Bernard as he washed him. He was unstable, and he didn’t want him to fall.
Rory dried and helped him get dressed. They shuffled to the kitchen, and Rory placed Bernard in a seat.
“I’ll make some eggs, sausage, and toast for you, okay?” Bernard just nodded. Rory handed him some aspirin for his head.
“I’ve already called to get you a refill. We can pick it up this afternoon,” Rory said.
“Thank you.”
Why did Bernard do this to himself? He was cheerful, but then it all crashed down around him. Rory’s mind raced. Anything could have happened to Bernard while he wasn’t here. Bernard needed him.
They spent the morning playing Chrono Trigger . Rory didn’t understand the appeal of video games, but it made Bernard happy. That’s what was important. Bernard taught him the controls. It was fun to play with him.
In the afternoon, Rory drove Bernard around town to pick up his prescription, grab groceries, and get seeds for his greenhouse.
“You don’t have to do this,” Bernard said.
“I want to.”
*
FOR THE NEXT two days, Rory cleaned, cooked, and helped Bernard wash up while his medication stabilized him.
Rory held Bernard at night while he slept. He loved it. He wanted to do this for the rest of his life.
Sunday afternoon after church, Rory showed Bernard the greenhouse. He explained how to work the generator and how to set the timers for the sprinklers.
“I love it.” Bernard hugged him. “This is the best gift I could ask for.”
“They all worked hard while we were out to get it ready for you. I just wish…”
“No,” Bernard said. “This is a happy moment. This is so wonderful.”
They kissed. He’d cheered up Bernard. He loved this man and would do anything to make him happy.
Rory helped Bernard plant and set up his greenhouse. They had fun working in the soil and planting carrots, green onions, and zucchini.
“This is going to be an amazing place,” Bernard said. “I can’t thank you and your friends enough.”
“The smile on your face is all the thanks I need.”
They kissed. The passion was back in Bernard’s kisses. It was wonderful to have the man he fell in love with back.
“I should probably call Kelly and get Ginger back,” Bernard said.
“Good idea.”
They called, and Kelly agreed to bring Ginger home.
“Thank you for everything,” Bernard said. He gave Kelly a hug.
“I’m happy to help,” Kelly said.
“I’m going to make burgers for dinner. Do you wanna stay?”
“That sounds good.”
They let the dogs out and ate burgers with chips. Bernard’s appetite had returned. Rory smiled as he ate a third burger.
“So, do you guys have plans for Christmas?” Kelly asked.
“My family does a dinner and midnight mass on Christmas Eve,” Rory said.
“I’m going to my brother’s for Christmas Eve and then I’ll stop by on Christmas morning for breakfast and presents,” Bernard said.
“What about you?” Rory asked.
“I’m spending it with John and Sarah. Sarah’s parents are visiting. So, that’ll be nice.”
“That’s nice,” Rory said.
Kelly glanced at his watch. “I have to head out. I’ll see you guys later. Thanks for dinner.”
They all hugged goodbye.
Rory and Bernard spent the rest of the evening watching old movies and cuddling on the couch.
*
MONDAY MORNING, RORY said he needed to check in on Mina. She’d been alone a lot the past few days.
“I’ll be back soon,” Rory said. “I just need to make sure she has food and water and change her litter. I’m going to get some shopping done. Why don’t you take a nap and I’ll be home in time for dinner.”
Rory placed a warm kiss on Bernard’s lips. Rory parted his lips, eager for Bernard’s tongue. Bernard’s warm tongue entered his mouth. He sucked on it. He didn’t want to let go. Bernard’s mouth invited him in. They completed each other.
“I love you,” Rory said.
“I love you too.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
Rory drove home. The taste of Bernard lingered in his mouth. He wanted all of Bernard again. His heart, his body, and his mind. He didn’t know how long this would last, but he wanted to enjoy it while it did.