It’s Not You, It’s Me #3
It wouldn’t have been my first time with somebody in the closet who emerged long enough for a blowjob. I didn’t know what to make of it then, and I was no closer to it now. I caught up to him, bumping him from the side.
We continued walking, the smell of fresh mulch filling the air. The roses had bloomed, and eventually they’d replace the acrid smell. I’d convince Rose to join me for a walk, and she’d stop and take the time to smell every single one of them. Who knew? Maybe this time I’d join her.
“I saw you in the antique store.”
“Patrick made me go,” I said. “This town doesn’t know how to do anything half-assed. Comic book convention? Chainsaw art of superheroes and quilts turned into capes. Hollywood shows up to film a movie? Everybody becomes an extra. The library is about to get shut down, the town gets naked.”
“That last one?”
“Charity calendar.”
“I imagined a nudist colony.”
“If the nudist hikers needed help paying their medical bills, we’d host naked bingo.”
Even as I said it, I could hear the pride in my voice.
Mabel barged into every room and stole the spotlight.
If they wouldn’t give her the microphone, she’d speak louder.
Try as she might, she never had the opportunity in Firefly.
Every space invited her as if she were one of its residents.
What started as a tentative arrangement for drag reading hour had blossomed into a poetic collaboration.
“They’re nice people, even if they keep asking for every detail about my past.”
“They live for well-meaning gossip. Just give them something to throw them off the scent. They’ll run with it.”
We took a path that steered us toward Valhalla.
With the building in sight, I considered taking the long way; it’d have us weaving streets for hours.
After a day of adventuring, I wanted more.
Without knowing it, Sammy served as a witness to every success and minor victory.
No expectations, no assumptions, just somebody who wanted to be here… with me.
“There are a lot of people involved… if you… you know… want to join.”
We reached the edge of the green. Crossing one more street, we’d be at Valhalla and the night would come to a close. I wanted to drag my heels and keep him here until the lamps turned off.
“Maybe,” he said. To some, it’d sound like a deflection, a no disguised as possibility. I felt it sat somewhere in the middle of uncertainty, a statement meant more for him than for me.
“We’re here,” I said.
“We are.”
It hadn’t been enough time. I wanted to spin him around, grab him by the head, and pull him in tight. I’d see myself in his eyes just before we kissed, and then we’d fall victim to desire. In my fantasy, music played as he tugged my hand, insisting I join him.
Reality? I let my pinky graze against his hand.
“You can… you know… if you…” His words were barely a whisper. He spoke without turning his head. What he wanted and what he managed were two different things. I appreciated the attempt.
“No,” I said.
“Oh.” I could hear the disappointment in his voice.
As his hands slid into his pockets, I bumped into him again. Stepping in front of him, I lifted his chin. I forced his eyes up until I could see the pain of rejection.
I hadn’t felt like myself for decades. With him, there was nobody but Mike. I didn’t want to jeopardize that for the sake of my cock.
“Today has been perfect. I don’t think it could get any better.” He didn’t seem convinced. “Can I get a rain check?”
His head turned as his eyes darted to every shadow. First the left, then the right. He checked the left again, just to be sure. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for on an empty street.
Sammy kissed me. Urgent. Chaste. Brief. Public.
I closed my eyes, letting my lips linger with the sensation of his need. The mustache had tickled my lip, and even after swimming, I swore he still smelled of vanilla. More importantly, he kissed me… on a sidewalk near the center of Firefly. It had been cautious, but it happened.
“I stand corrected,” I whispered.
His eyes dropped again. “Can I see you again?”
My heart shattered. I hurled myself from a bridge, and yet, it didn’t measure up to his bravery. My leaving the closet had been painful and slow. I remembered the fear of admitting who I was, not to the world, but to myself. Sex with Sammy wasn’t as momentous as this question.
“You don’t have a choice,” I said.
The corner of his lip lifted. It might not have fixed the broken pieces, but I hoped it at least applied a band-aid.
He gave a nod, and I stepped out of the way, gesturing to the front door.
As he passed, his hand brushed mine. I chewed my lip, trying to imagine how our next encounter could surpass this. Whatever it was, I knew it would.
I waited patiently as he opened the door. One last smile and he vanished inside Valhalla. The butterflies had fluttered up a storm, and I wanted to rush home and fall asleep so we could have a repeat tomorrow. Who knew? That rain check might get cashed.
“Thanks, Grammy.”