Chapter Twelve
“Are you all right?” Nathan asked as Jessica walked him and Dennis to the door at the end of the evening. Andrew and his family had left hours ago, but Nathan had hung around chatting with Jessica and her parents.
“Yeah,” she said. “Just feeling a bit weird about what you said about my family knowing about us. You’re right, it is awkward. But I don’t know what to do about it.”
“I don’t think there’s a lot we can do, really.”
“Would you like us to stop... you know...” asked Jessica, doing everything she could to sound relaxed despite her stomach sinking at what she was suggesting. “And go back to just being friends?”
“No,” he said, immediately. “Which is probably really selfish of me.”
“I want to be selfish too, if that helps.”
“I don’t want you to have to hide anything and lie to your family.”
“Neither do I, but I also don’t want to deal with all their questions. I’m only going to be here for a few weeks.” Jessica noticed the cloud fall on Nathan’s face. “Let’s make the most of our time together, privately.”
“OK.” Nathan sighed. “I suppose that makes sense, but I don’t like it.”
“Me neither, but I like it better than not getting to be with you, or explaining to my parents that I’m having a fling.”
“Oh, I’m a fling, am I?” Nathan checked no one was around before pulling her to him for a kiss.
“The hottest fling of my life,” Jessica whispered, her legs turning to jelly.
“I’ll accept that,” Nathan said. “I wish you could come home with me now.”
“I know, but that really would give the game away,” Jessica said regretfully.
“Can I see you tomorrow?”
“I could come round after you finish work?”
“I can’t wait.” Nathan gave her a final kiss goodbye. “Come on, Dennis, let’s get you home.”
* * *
Jessica’s first thoughts when she woke up the next morning were of Nathan. She smiled, knowing she’d be seeing him later. She could hardly wait, but it seemed so far away.
It was like she had a need to be with Nathan. A need she’d never felt before. The only thing she could compare it to, she realised, was her need to dance, but that thought terrified her because she knew all too well that she couldn’t have Nathan and her dance career. But there was no point in focusing on that, it wouldn’t change anything. She should enjoy the time they had together while it lasted.
Jessica showered and dressed before going downstairs to have her morning coffee and breakfast. She was getting quite good at planning and saving herself trips up and down the stairs. It really was a pain having the only bathroom upstairs.
At some point she’d need to return to getting up earlier, she knew, but at the moment she was enjoying not forcing herself out of bed at 5a.m. The extra rest was probably doing her body good anyway and helping it heal.
Her mum and dad had already gone to work in the estate agent’s for the day and had left her a note to say they’d taken Monty with them, which didn’t seem like the best of ideas. She made her breakfast while she debated what to do until she went to Nathan’s.
Her mum’s laptop was on the kitchen table and realising she had some time to kill, Jessica decided to make proper use of it. She messaged her mum to ask if she could use her computer. Sarah replied straight away that she could and so Jessica settled down in front of it with her yoghurt and fruit and began work.
* * *
Jessica was so engrossed in what she was doing that she completely lost track of time, looking up in surprise when she heard a key in the front door. It was already ten past one.
“Hello, love,” said Sarah, coming into the kitchen with Monty. “I’ve popped home to make some lunch for your dad and me and to drop this horror off. He chewed through one of the printer cables. Thankfully it was turned off. I told your dad it wasn’t a good idea to bring him in but I think he loves the idea of a dog snoring quietly away in a basket in the corner of the office.”
“Oh dear!”
“Yes. Anyway, I’ve ordered a replacement cable. Is it all right if I leave Monty with you? I’ve taken him for a walk.”
“Of course,” said Jessica. “I’ll be going out just after five though.”
“That’s fine, just leave him in the garden. I’ll be home not long after that. Where are you going?” Sarah asked.
“Just round to Nathan’s. I’d take Monty with me, but I can’t manage him with my crutches.”
“Nathan’s again, eh?” commented her mother.
“Yeah, there’s a video game we’re playing together.” It was the truth.
“A video game?”
“I know, it wouldn’t usually be my kind of thing, but it’s actually kind of fun.”
“Have a good time. What are you working on there? You’re looking very industrious.”
Jessica turned the laptop around to face her mother. “I’ve set up a blog and newsletter on Substack.”
“Centre Stage . . .” Sarah read out.
“Diana gave me the idea,” Jessica explained. “I’ve followed ballet blogs for years, and ran my own for a while, but I was just talking about my own career on it and I didn’t keep it up. Diana suggested I write about my recovery and ballet news as well. I thought I’d also make some videos of basic techniques to post on there once my foot’s healed.”
“That’s a brilliant idea — and I love the layout.”
“Thanks, I’m hoping that if it takes off, I might be paid to write articles for other blogs or magazines, or get sponsored to review products maybe... It’s something I can do while my foot heals, anyway.”
Sarah gave her daughter a hug. “Well done, darling. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
“Actually . . .” Jessica said.
* * *
Sarah headed off back to the estate agent’s an hour later armed with sandwiches for her husband and having completed an impromptu photo shoot for her daughter in the garden.
Jessica told Monty firmly to behave himself and got back on the laptop, uploading the pictures her mum had taken, and then went through her phone to find some more of her dancing.
The afternoon passed as quickly as the morning had, with Jessica only stopping to refill her coffee cup. Monty generally stayed by her feet, wandering into the garden for a sunbathe occasionally when he got bored.
Aware of how engrossed she was, she set an alarm on her phone for five. As much as she was enjoying working on her Substack blog, she was looking forward to seeing Nathan even more.
She brushed her hair and reapplied her make-up and then headed off to Nathan’s house, taking a detour via the supermarket to pick up some snacks for them.
Nathan opened his door almost as soon as she’d knocked.
“How was work?” she asked when they finally pulled apart.
“A bizarre number of ingrowing toenails today,” said Nathan, laughing. “What have you been up to?”
“I’ve been starting a Substack!” Jessica declared. “About ballet and being a ballerina, basically. Can I show it to you?”
“Absolutely.” Nathan smiled broadly at her evident excitement. “Let me turn my laptop on.”
He put his laptop on the kitchen table and logged in. “I’ll grab us a couple of beers while you get it up.”
Jessica pulled up what she’d done, and Nathan came up behind her, kissing her on her neck before focusing on the screen.
“That looks brilliant,” he said as she showed him the fruits of her labour. “Really professional. I like the design you’ve used.”
“Thank you,” Jessica said. “I’m hoping to make it appeal to ballet lovers as well as people who dance.”
“That’s a gorgeous photo,” Nathan commented, hovering the mouse over a professional photograph of Jessica taken during a performance of Giselle . “It doesn’t look like you, though.”
“I’ve got a lot of stage make-up on in that, and my hair’s got so much product in it wouldn’t move if I was in a hurricane!”
“I like you best with your hair down like you had it on Saturday night,” said Nathan, kissing her neck.
“Noted,” replied Jessica, pulling her hair out of the ponytail it was up in.
Nathan smiled. “Do you want to go out to eat?” he asked.
“Nah.” Jessica shook her head. “I just want to hang out with you here. I can’t do so many of the things I want to do to you if we’re in public.”
“That sounds very good to me,” said Nathan.
* * *
As much as Jessica would have liked to stay the night with Nathan, her parents’ suspicions about the two of them would go into overdrive if she did, so they reluctantly said goodbye to each other at ten. Nathan and Dennis insisted upon walking her home, which was lovely but meant they couldn’t say the goodbye they wanted to in case someone was watching.
Sarah and Joe were still up watching television in the sitting room.
“Hi, love,” Sarah called. “Come in here, we’ve got something to tell you.”
Jessica came into the sitting room and smiled at the sight of her mum and dad holding hands on the sofa.
“What is it?” Jessica said. “You two look like naughty school kids.”
“Your dad’s taking me away for the bank holiday next weekend!” said Sarah. “We’re leaving as soon as your dad finishes work on Friday and we’re going to a country hotel near Oxford for three nights!”
“How lovely!” said Jessica. She couldn’t remember her parents ever going away for a weekend together when she was growing up. Probably because of all her dance commitments and them needing to drive her around all the time.
“It’s going to be so fancy!” Sarah said.
“You deserve a treat,” said Joe, clearly thrilled with how well his surprise had gone down.
“So, you’ll be coming back on Monday?”
“Yes, Monday evening. We’ve got a National Trust property to visit on the way home,” Sarah said.
Three whole nights and days with Nathan, Jessica thought to herself gleefully.
Sarah’s face fell. “Oh no! I’ve just thought of something,” she said. She hurried out of the room and returned with her pocket diary. “I promised I’d babysit the children on Monday! Andrew and Molly are going walking and for lunch with some friends — they asked me ages ago. I can’t let them down.”
“I can do it,” Jessica found herself saying.
“Are you sure?” asked Molly, managing to sound both hopeful and doubtful. “It’s the whole day.”
“Of course,” Jessica replied. “It’s the bank holiday so there aren’t any dance classes, and I’ve promised to take the kids to the cinema sometime anyway. We’ll have a great time.”
She tried not to be put out by the look she caught between her mum and dad. She’d never looked after her nieces and nephew before, she got that, and her having them for a whole day wasn’t an ideal introduction.
“I’ll be fine,” she said, firmly.
“All right, then,” said Sarah. “Thank you.”
Jessica went into the kitchen to make a coffee, proud of herself for stepping up to help her family, even if she wasn’t quite sure what she was going to do for the entirety of a day with three children.
More importantly, though: three whole days and nights with Nathan! Well, three nights and two days, technically, now that she was spending Monday babysitting. She messaged him while the kettle boiled: My parents are going away for the bank holiday weekend. Can Monty and I come and stay?
He replied immediately. Of course! That is the best news I have ever heard.
Inspiration hit Jessica: There’s only one condition.
Anything , Nathan replied.
You need to help me look after Peter, Emily and Sophie all day on Monday.
Challenge accepted.
* * *
Jessica and Monty were waiting with their bags on Nathan’s doorstep when he got home from work on Friday. He greeted Jessica with a kiss and Monty with a pat on the head.
They retrieved Dennis from inside the house and Nathan drove them to the canal so the dogs could have a run where it was flat for Jessica on her crutches. Jessica grinned, recalling the day they’d spent canoeing there, back before they’d admitted how much they liked each other.
“You’re remembering me falling into the canal, aren’t you?” Nathan accused her, noticing the delight on her face.
“Not exactly... More you driving home topless after you’d fallen in the canal.”
“It’s no wonder you couldn’t resist me.” Nathan stopped her and gently tilted her chin up. “You are wonderful, Jessica Stone.” And he kissed her.
* * *
Saturday and Sunday flew by. Jessica’s face ached from smiling and laughing so much. But there was part of her that knew she needed to be careful. This fling was not getting flung and the more time she spent with Nathan, the more she liked him and the harder it was going to be when she had to leave him.
They were so different in so many ways, but they seemed to fit together. She loved spending time with him and the more she got to know him, the more she realised what a great guy he was.
Jessica had been having so much fun she barely had time to worry about babysitting her nieces and nephew, but she woke up in full panic mode on Monday morning.
“How on earth am I going to entertain three children for the whole day?” she moaned, hiding under the duvet. “What do they even like to do? We’re picking them up at ten and Andrew and Molly won’t be back until seven — that’s nine whole hours to fill up! The cinema’s only going to be like two hours! We’ve got seven hours to fill with fun stuff! It can’t be done!”
Nathan laughed, and joined her under the duvet, spooning around her. “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine,” he said. “We’ll pick them up and go to the park with the dogs. Then we’ll drop the dogs off and take them to McDonald’s for lunch and to the supermarket to choose some sweets before going to the cinema. I’ve booked tickets for the two o’clock showing.”
“You looked up the showings for me!”
“Yeah. I figured you’d be freaking out so thought that was one thing I could organise.”
“Thank you.”
“So that’ll take us up to about four o’clock. We’ll come back here to get the dogs, and Molly said they all really like crafts so we can do some of that.”
“We can’t just ‘do crafts’,” pointed out Jessica. “We need craft materials.”
“I have two nieces, remember?” said Nathan. “And they come to stay occasionally. I have a full craft cupboard in the spare bedroom upstairs. I added mug painting kits for us all.”
“Oh my goodness, you are amazing!” cried Jessica.
“Yes, I am. And then they can play LEGO Star Wars on the Xbox while we make them some pizza for tea. See? Nine hours filled up no problem. Now, I’ve got a little something I want to do to you before the madness begins,” he said.
* * *
Jessica was exhausted and her foot ached, but she had to admit Nathan had been right: the day had gone by really quickly, and everyone had had a good time. Peter, Emily and Sophie were playing video games with Nathan while the pizzas cooked and Jessica made a salad which the children would no doubt ignore, but she would enjoy.
Nathan appeared in the doorway. “They seem happy in there so I thought I’d come to check on you. Do you need any painkillers?”
“I’ve already taken some, thanks,” said Jessica. “It’s not too bad and it’s been a brilliant day.”
“Good. They’re great kids.”
“You’re fantastic with them.”
Nathan shrugged. “I’ve spent a lot of time with my own nieces.”
“How old are they?”
“Four and six, like Emily and Sophie.”
“What are they like?”
“Mia, she’s six, is just like my sister. She can talk anyone into anything. Her little sister, Rosie, follows her around everywhere.”
“Do you want children?” Jessica found herself asking. She wasn’t sure why she did or if she even wanted to know the answer. It was no business of hers anyway. She was leaving soon. It’s not like she was ever going to have his babies.
“Yes,” said Nathan.
“That’s very definite,” said Jessica.
“I want a family. For me, that’s important. Do you?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Jessica admitted. “I guess I’ve never really thought about it properly. It was always something I might do at some point.”
“It’s a pretty big ‘something’,” commented Nathan.
“Yep. The thing is, I’m not even sure I’d be a very good mother,” Jessica shared. “I’m a pretty useless aunt.”
“The kids seem to like you.”
“Yeah, because I took them to McDonald’s and the cinema!”
“I saw Sophie climb up onto your lap during the movie.”
“That was cute.”
“She wouldn’t have done that if she didn’t like and trust you.”
“I guess not,” she said. “I’m enjoying spending more time with them. I know I was nervous about today, but it’s been really fun. Thank you for organising so much of it and driving us around.”
“Not a problem, though they’ve completely worn me out! I don’t know how your brother and Molly do it.”
“Me too! I’m going to fall into bed tonight.”
“I’ll miss you in my bed,” said Nathan, bending down and kissing her lips.
“I’ll miss you too,” said Jessica smiling.
Nathan checked the pizzas. “I think these are done. I’ll tell the horde.”
Jessica’s phone rang in her pocket. Distracted, and thinking it was probably Molly wondering how everything was, she answered it quickly, not checking who was calling.
“Hi, Jessica!” said the familiar voice of her friend Bethany. “I haven’t heard from you for ages and I had like literally five minutes between rehearsals so thought I’d call and have a quick catch-up. I’ve missed you! How’s that poor foot?”
“Hi, Bethany, it’s good to hear from you. Give me just a second.” Jessica’s gut wrenched at the reminder of what she was missing out on in New York. The children came into the kitchen with Nathan. Jessica gestured to her phone and hobbled out on one crutch into the sitting room for some quiet.
“Sorry about that,” Jessica said, resuming the phone conversation. “I’m looking after my nephew and nieces today. My foot’s still sore, still in plaster.”
“What a pain for you. Still, at least you get a rest,” said Bethany. “We’re all so exhausted. Jean-Paul is pushing us so hard with the choreography. Gabriel has been in an absolute grump for the last week.”
Jessica knew her friend wasn’t being intentionally hurtful, but it was really hard to hear what she was missing out on. It should be her dealing with Gabriel’s strops and complaining about Jean-Paul. “Any idea when you’ll be back?” Bethany continued. “It feels like you’ve been gone for ever and I could really do with your help with the Rose Adage — it’s a bit of a mess at the moment.”
“Sorry, I’m not sure. I haven’t rebooked my flight yet. But I’ll let you know when I do. I’d better go. I think one of my nieces needs me,” she lied.
Jessica felt guilty. It was such an exciting opportunity for her friend and she wanted to support her, but she didn’t think she could keep up her cheerful tone any longer.
“OK! I’ll message you some footage and maybe you could send me some feedback,” said Bethany. “Bye!”
Jessica turned her phone off and went back into the kitchen, attempting to plaster a smile on her face.
“What’s the matter?” asked Nathan as soon as she stepped into the room.
“Nothing,” Jessica said. “I’m fine. It was my friend calling from New York.” She sat down at the table and began serving herself with food.
Nathan was distracted by Sophie calling out, “Look, Nathan! I can fit a whole slice of pizza in my mouth in one go!”
But Jessica noticed Nathan kept a careful eye on her for the rest of the meal.
* * *
The phone call from Bethany had reignited Jessica’s determination that she would dance professionally again, as soon as possible.
Bethany messaged the videos as promised. Her friend had been right that she needed help with the Rose Adage — she was struggling with the extended balances en pointe, and while the rest of her technique was good, her performance lacked emotion and the spark that would hook the audience. This was something Jessica knew she could help with, even if it would be far easier to do so in person. She took meticulous notes and messaged her friend back, offering a video call in the dance studio so she could give her some direct feedback.
Jessica knew that she had to be very careful with her foot, but she upped the exercise she was doing with the other parts of her body, breaking up her exercise routines with working on her blog.
She wrote a blog post about her injury, not about how she was staying in shape or her rehab, she’d write that later, but about the mental impact an injury could have on a dancer. How emotional it felt not to be able to do the things you loved most in the world, and not to know whether you’d ever be able to dance at the same level again. She was close to tears as she hit publish, but she was really pleased she’d done it; it felt cathartic to get her feelings out there and she hoped that maybe her post might help someone else who was struggling to understand that they weren’t alone.
* * *
Jessica was finishing off a kettlebell workout in her mum and dad’s sitting room a couple of days later when her phone started ringing. She glanced down at it and saw Bethany’s name flashing on the screen. She ignored it. She felt bad. She wanted to support her friend, but it was still hard not to feel jealous and resentful sometimes, especially when she was exercising as best as she could with her injury. She’d call her back later. She really wasn’t in the mood to talk now. A moment later a notification showed up that she had a voicemail message. She completed her workout and then listened to it:
“Hi, babe, it’s Bethany. Why didn’t you tell me you have a Substack? Your post about dance injuries is being shared all over Instagram! We all love it!”
Jessica had set up an Instagram account when she’d first started her Substack. She’d shared some dancing photos on there, but hadn’t really done anything else with it other than posting links in a story to each Substack post when they went live. She opened the Instagram app on her phone, her heart in her mouth.
Her followers had gone up from twenty-six to over a thousand, and when she clicked on her notifications, she saw her latest post had been shared more than five thousand times, including by the Miami City Ballet! She quickly logged on to her blog and found hundreds of comments waiting for her.
There were some from ballet dancers she didn’t know, some from ballet lovers, many of whom had seen her perform over the years, and even a few from members of her own company, wishing her a speedy recovery and telling her how much she was missed. She felt her eyes well up. She doubted she’d cried as much in the whole of her life previously as she had in the past few weeks.
She texted Nathan immediately. He was at work so she knew he couldn’t see it straight away but he was the person she most wanted to share her good news with.
Then she gave herself a stern talking-to about how she was treating Bethany, who’d always been supportive of her. The role of Aurora was gone for Jessica and there was nothing she could do about that, but she could help her friend more than she had been. And who knows, working with Bethany on her technique might help Jessica with her own dancing in the future.
She messaged her friend to arrange a time for the video call she’d promised and suggested they do something like that regularly until Jessica was back in New York.
* * *
Time flew by in a way that Jessica would never have imagined it could when she’d first hurt her foot. With working at the dance studio, writing her increasingly popular Substack posts, exercising, spending time with her family, and seeing as much of Nathan as she could, her days felt full and busy in a way that seemed to fulfil rather than drain her.
Although she still hadn’t said anything directly to her parents about her relationship with Nathan, she knew they approved of him and they encouraged her to spend the night at his house claiming they didn’t like the idea of her walking home by herself late at night. Jessica was more than willing to go along with this. She couldn’t deny that her feelings for Nathan were getting stronger — she loved being with him. Thinking about how soon she’d be returning to New York was something she tried very hard not to do.
Things between Jessica and her parents were also probably the best they’d ever been. Not that they’d ever had a terrible relationship, but being so focused on her goals meant Jessica hadn’t spent much time just being with them, especially since leaving home. It was nice to get to know them more. She was getting along really well with both of them, but especially her mum. Sarah was so supportive of her blog, even proofreading Jessica’s posts for her and forwarding the links once they were live to everyone she knew.
Jessica had a surprise when she needed some old photos for her Substack and her mum disappeared for a while, returning with two boxes full of anything and everything to do with Jessica’s dancing. They contained newspaper clippings, photos, ticket stubs, and programmes, dating back to her first performance well over twenty years ago.
“I had no idea you’d kept all this,” exclaimed Jessica, looking through the top layers of one of the boxes.
“Of course,” Sarah said with a shrug.
“How did you even get hold of some of these programmes? This one’s from Berlin — you didn’t come to any of those performances.”
“I tracked any down online that I couldn’t get in person.”
“Wow. Thank you, this is great. A lot of this will be really useful.”
“Just be careful with them! Make sure your hands are clean.”
“They are, Mum,” Jessica reassured. “I’m really touched that you’ve got all this. There’s stuff here I’m sure I’ve never seen.”
“My daughter is brilliant,” said Sarah, getting up and giving Jessica a kiss on the forehead. “It’s only natural I’d want to collect evidence of this.”
* * *
Jessica was walking back home with her mum one Saturday after they’d been shopping together when she saw the all too familiar figure of Mrs Edith White bustling towards them. Her heart sank.
“Ah, Jessica,” Mrs White said once she was closer, “I see you’ve been forced to hang around here for longer than you’d planned.”
“Yes, it would seem so,” bristled Jessica, her good mood rapidly evaporating. She felt her forehead furrow.
“I imagine you’re appreciating your family now you need them to look after you.”
Before Jessica could manage to formulate a response, she heard her mother say, “Jessica has always appreciated us!” It was in the voice she usually reserved for particularly difficult Year 6s.
Clearly ruffled, Mrs White said, “Well, I only meant that maybe she’ll visit more...”
“Jessica has just been promoted to principal ballerina in one of the top ballet companies in the world. She’s based in New York which doesn’t make it very easy for her to pop in for a cuppa. She comes home when she can and we’re very proud of her.”
“I’m sure you are,” muttered Mrs White, continuing on her way rather more quickly than usual.
Jessica and Sarah watched her go.
“I can’t believe you said that, Mum!” Jessica was in awe.
“Neither can I,” admitted Sarah. “I expect I’ll pay for it at the next WI meeting.”
“Thank you,” Jessica said, as her mum opened the front door to her parents’ home and they went inside. “For standing up for me, I mean.”
Sarah shrugged. “I know you don’t really need anyone to stand up for you, but I couldn’t help it.”
“Are you really proud of me?” Jessica asked quietly.
Sarah put down the shopping and turned to face her daughter. “Of course we’re proud of you. How can you doubt that?”
“I know you’ve got all those programmes and photos from my performances, but you never seem very... excited when I try to tell you about my work. It sort of feels like you think it’s a waste of time.”
“Oh my goodness, no! But I guess it’s hard for me to understand how you feel about dancing. It’s so... all-consuming for you.”
Jessica nodded. “It is.”
“When you were six, your dad was worried you’d wear yourself out with all the dancing you were doing. I told him you’d be bored with it soon, that it was just a phase. I guess I was wrong.”
“I love ballet, Mum, and I’m not ready to give it up yet. But I also love you guys so much. And I have missed you all. I didn’t realise how much I missed you until I stopped dancing for long enough to take a proper look at my life. It’s been brilliant spending time with you, just little things like going for a coffee together, or popping in to see Dad at work.”
“I’ve really enjoyed it too,” said Sarah, giving her daughter a hug.
“I promise I’ll be back to visit again more often than I have been. I was thinking that maybe I could sublet my apartment during the off-season and stay with you. Perhaps I could work for Diana. I’d be able to help Andrew and Molly with the kids.”
“That would be wonderful,” Sarah said looking delighted. “Let’s not talk about you going just yet, though — we’ve still got you for a little while longer. Your dad and I think what you do is amazing, but we do miss our daughter a lot and it’s been so lovely having you here. And I know we’re not the only people who think so... ”
* * *
The day when Jessica’s cast could officially come off, 15 September, finally arrived. She’d called the hospital a month ago to arrange it, and had managed to make an appointment for that morning; she didn’t want to spend a moment more with her foot in plaster than she needed to. She had been warned, though, that if the X-ray showed the bone wasn’t healed, she’d need to keep the cast on for longer.
Her mum and dad were both at work. Her dad had offered to take the morning off to come with her, but Jessica had said she’d be fine taking the bus and had promised she’d get a taxi home if her foot was sore. The person she really wanted with her was Nathan, but he would also be at work for the day, though he was coming round to her parents’ house for what would hopefully be a celebratory supper that evening.
Jessica was getting ready to go. She was so nervous about how her foot would be that her hands shook as she put her earrings in. The doorbell went.
Monty jumped up and began barking, running to the front door, and she followed him, holding onto his collar as she opened the door and found Nathan on the step.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. “Why aren’t you at work?”
“I took the day off,” he said simply. “I wanted to come with you to the hospital. Another one of the doctors is covering my appointments.”
“Can you do that?”
“Even doctors get days off,” said Nathan. “I booked it as holiday when you first made the appointment. I didn’t tell you before because I knew you’d insist you’d be fine by yourself.”
“I probably would have,” Jessica confessed. “But I’m really glad you’re coming.”
“I hoped you would be,” said Nathan, kissing her. “Are you almost ready to go?”
“Yep.”
“Nervous?”
“Definitely,” said Jessica with a little smile.
* * *
Jessica was sent to have her foot X-rayed once they’d arrived at the hospital. Everything seemed to take for ever and she struggled not to show her frustration. She was grateful to Nathan for his calming presence as he chatted to her, got her a coffee, and rested his hand on her knee when her leg bounced up and down as her nerves got the better of her. She waited anxiously for the doctor to check the X-ray and give her the verdict.
Finally, her name was called.
“Would you like me to come in with you?” Nathan asked quietly.
“Yes, please,” Jessica whispered back as she stood up to go into the examination room.
“Hello, Jessica,” said a tall, middle-aged man, closing the door behind them. “I’m Dr Chung. I’ve had a look at your X-ray, and I’m happy to take the cast off today.”
Jessica let out a sigh of relief.
“I take it you haven’t enjoyed having your foot in plaster?” joked Dr Chung.
“Not really,” said Jessica.
“I’ve got some sheets here with some exercises you should do to strengthen the foot. It will still be a bit sore, and I’ll prescribe you some painkillers for that. You’ll need to be careful not to overdo it for a while.”
“How soon before I can start exercising on it properly?” Jessica asked. “I’m a dancer, and I’d like to be able to get back to work as soon as possible.”
“You’ll need to build up slowly,” said Dr Chung. “Would you like a referral to a physiotherapist? It could take a little while.”
“No, thank you,” said Jessica. “I live in New York and my company will sort me out with one of their sports physiotherapists when I go back.”
“OK, great. Let’s get this cast off then,” Dr Chung said.
He called a nurse in and Jessica climbed up onto the examination table. Nathan stayed by her and held her hand. A wave of nausea came over her as the nurse started up the saw, and she flinched when he cut through the plaster. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from her foot as the saw worked its way along the cast.
The nurse stopped the saw and gently removed the cast. Jessica saw her foot for the first time in six weeks.
Her foot looked tiny and skeletal. It was pale and covered in flakes of skin. It looked weak. She burst into tears.
“It’s OK,” said Nathan, holding her. “It’s OK.”
“It’s not OK,” said Jessica, pushing him away. She knew she was being unfair, but she didn’t want to hear someone telling her things were fine. Things were not fine. The doctor had been positive, and she’d been very aware that she’d need to rebuild the muscles in her foot, but, right now, she couldn’t imagine ever being able to go en pointe again. She needed someone to understand how terrifying that thought was for her, not to tell her that everything was fine.
“Are you all done?” Jessica asked the nurse as she furiously wiped at her eyes.
“Yes,” said the nurse, kindly. “Would you like a wheelchair to help you out?”
“No, thank you,” said Jessica. There was no way she was going to get back in a wheelchair again. She put on the spare sock she’d packed in her bag, but didn’t feel confident enough to try a shoe. She climbed off the table, ignoring Nathan’s offer of help, and picked up her crutches.
“Let’s go,” she said, before adding, “Thank you,” to the nurse.
* * *
“Are you all right?” asked Nathan, hurrying to keep up with her as Jessica raced down the hospital corridors on her crutches.
Jessica stopped. “Of course I’m not all right,” she snapped. “How could I possibly be all right?”
“I’ve seen feet in a lot worse condition when a cast has just been taken off,” soothed Nathan. “It’ll look a lot better after a good soak in a bath and some moisturiser.”
Jessica took a deep breath. She didn’t want to argue with Nathan, and she appreciated that he was only trying to be nice. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t understand.
“You’re right,” she said. “Thanks.”
Nathan drove Jessica back to his place. They spent the journey in silence, plans for her rehabilitation going round and round Jessica’s head.
Nathan parked in his driveway and came around to help Jessica out.
“What do you want to do for the rest of the day?” Nathan asked, handing her her crutches.
“Actually,” Jessica said, “would you mind if I headed off? That bath sounds like a really good idea and I sort of want to be by myself for a while.”
Jessica felt really bad to be blowing Nathan off, especially as he’d booked the day off — but she needed to be alone right now. She needed to have a wallow and then work out how she was going to get herself literally back on her feet.
“Shall I drive you around?”
“No, thanks. I’ll walk. With the crutches,” she quickly added, seeing the concern on Nathan’s face.
“OK,” said Nathan. “I’ll see you for dinner tonight.”
“Of course,” said Jessica, forcing a smile. There was no way out of it, but the last thing she felt like doing was attending a celebratory supper for herself.
She reached up and kissed him. She hated leaving him when things still weren’t right between them, but he just didn’t understand what she was going through.
Jessica began walking but stopped when she got to the turning to the dance school and found herself heading towards it.
The door was locked, and she let herself in with the key Diana had given her and turned on the lights. She walked to the barre and laid down her crutches. Slowly, and very cautiously, she put her feet into first and began working her way up the positions.
Her foot seemed to handle that, so she moved on to some simple exercises, too nervous to really enjoy herself, but grateful she was able to at least do some dancing.
She was so absorbed in her movements that she didn’t hear Diana come in until her old teacher began clapping.
Jessica turned and gave her a shy smile.
“Your cast is off!” said Diana. “How wonderful!”
“It is,” said Jessica, slowly. “And I know I should be really happy, but all I can think about is how much work there is ahead of me and what I’ll do if my foot isn’t as strong as it was before.”
“Has any doctor given you any impression that your foot won’t heal fully?” asked Diana kindly.
“No,” admitted Jessica.
“And you haven’t seen a physiotherapist yet, have you?”
“No,” said Jessica, a smile returning to her face.
“Then I would save your worrying until after you see a physio at least.”
“My company will arrange for me to see their dance physios, but that means I have to be back in New York,” Jessica explained.
“And you don’t want to go back?” guessed Diana.
“I’m completely torn,” said Jessica. “I can’t wait to get back to work, but I’ve also really enjoyed spending more time with my family, and getting to know Nathan.” She felt herself blushing.
“You can’t be in two places at the same time, so it seems to me like you’ve got a decision to make.”
* * *
Monty was pleased to see Jessica when she let herself into her parents’ house. She made herself some lunch, very gingerly standing on her foot. It was sore, but nothing like it had been. She could hardly wait to begin training carefully on it, but she’d need to have it checked over by a dance physio first. That would mean going back to New York. She couldn’t afford a private consultation if she stayed in the UK and she didn’t want to waste more time waiting for a referral to come through for a physiotherapist who was unlikely to be a dance expert.
As for her family, she’d miss them all terribly. She wouldn’t be performing over Christmas, though, thanks to her foot, so she’d be able to come back for at least a couple of weeks then while everyone else was dancing The Nutcracker . She couldn’t remember the last time she’d taken a break at Christmas.
But what about Nathan? They’d been together for such a short amount of time, and they’d both agreed that this was just a fling. She understood that Nathan wasn’t ready for anything serious after his divorce, and they lived on different continents. But even if they did live closer together, Nathan didn’t understand what ballet meant to her. She couldn’t be with someone like that. She had to give even more of herself to her career now so that she could get her fitness back to what it had been. She didn’t have time for a relationship. Not unless she was going to give up on her dreams.
And the longer she stayed here, the more she could feel herself falling in love with Nathan, no matter how many times she told herself that he wasn’t right for her. The more it was dragged out, the worse it would be when she left.
She’d made her decision. She logged into her iPad and rebooked her flight for the next day.
* * *
Jessica debated whether to leave telling Nathan until after dinner or even the next morning. But he’d be at work tomorrow, and she felt she’d be being dishonest if she went through the evening without saying anything.
Are you home? she messaged, and when he replied that he was, she headed back over to his house, leaving a very sad Monty behind.
* * *
“Hey, it’s good to see you again,” said Nathan, opening the door and kissing her. “Come in. How’s your foot feeling?”
“Pretty good,” said Jessica. “I thought I should use the crutches to come over here, but I managed a few ballet exercises on it earlier. Very gentle ones,” she added when she saw him start to frown.
Reassured, Nathan grinned. “I bet it felt amazing to dance again.”
“It did, but it also made me even more aware of how much strengthening it needs.”
“Sure,” Nathan said. “You’re doing all the right stuff, though.”
“I hope so.” Jessica forced a little smile.
“What do you feel like doing?” Nathan asked, running his hand down her arm.
Jessica took a deep breath. “I need to talk to you,” she said.
“This sounds ominous. Let’s go through to the kitchen,” he replied.
Jessica followed him, her stomach in knots.
“Coffee?” he asked.
“No, thanks.” She wanted to get this over and done with and not drag it out by making hot drinks.
Nathan sat down opposite her, seeming to know it wasn’t the time to sit beside her, legs touching, like they usually did.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
“I’m flying back to America tomorrow,” Jessica said.
“Oh.”
“I wanted to tell you before tonight because, well, I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. The time we’ve spent together has meant such a lot to me.”
“It can’t have meant that much to you if you’re disappearing as soon as you’ve got the cast off your foot,” said Nathan, quietly.
“I need to get back to work,” she explained.
“You can’t exercise here?” he asked, not meeting her eye.
“I could, but my company has better facilities than Diana has. They have a fully equipped gym and specialist dance physiotherapists. It’s the best place for me to be to get back into shape.”
Nathan was silent. “Hey,” Jessica said, reaching out to hold his hand. “We both knew this was just a short-term thing. It’s what we both agreed to.”
“What if it turned into a long-term thing?” Nathan muttered.
“Nathan, we’ll have an ocean between us, and I’m going to be working flat out to prove to my company that I can be as good as I was.”
“You don’t have time to have a relationship with me?”
“I wouldn’t put it like that. You have a full-time job too,” reasoned Jessica. She hated seeing the hurt on Nathan’s face and not being able to do anything to stop it. But there was no point in her agreeing to continue anything. It simply wouldn’t be logistically possible.
“I’m capable of stepping away from my job,” said Nathan.
“My job isn’t one that I can step away from,” Jessica responded hotly. “Not yet, anyway.”
“I’ve made room in my life for you.”
“I know you did,” said Jessica. Realisation hit her. “I’m not Claire,” she said. “This isn’t just about the fact that I’m work obsessed.”
“I know you’re not Claire,” said Nathan. “But you’re another woman choosing her job over me.”
Jessica got up and walked over to him. She put her arms around him and put her head on his shoulder. “You said you weren’t ready for a relationship, remember?”
“I did say something stupid like that.”
“You’re only just divorced.”
“I know, and that was how I felt when I first helped you up from the ground after you fell... but now...”
Jessica looked at him for a moment, seeing the hurt in his eyes. “It’s just not the right time for us,” she said sadly.