Chapter Thirteen
Jessica had been back in New York for two months, and it didn’t feel any more like home than it had when she’d arrived exhausted after her flight and struggled up the three flights of stairs to her apartment, dragging her suitcase behind her. It was definitely colder in her little attic rooms now, and it kind of made her miss the ridiculous heat of the summer.
She pulled herself out of bed when her alarm went off at 6a.m., which she’d decided was quite early enough for her to start each day, and headed straight for the shower before pulling on her leotard, yoga pants, a T-shirt and a hoodie.
She ate a bowl of porridge with berries and protein powder mixed in and finished packing her bag with snacks and water.
It was Friday, and she was looking forward to the weekend. She was going to do some actual sightseeing. It was criminal that there were so many places in this amazing city that she’d never seen because she hadn’t had the time. She was making some time now but she couldn’t help wishing that Nathan was here to share it with her. He would be a fun sightseeing companion.
She thought back to when she’d last seen him, sat at his kitchen table, his head in his hands as she left. He’d made his excuses and hadn’t come to supper that night. Jessica understood, but she hated that that image was the last she had of him. She wondered every day how he was doing. She’d wanted to message or call him a thousand times, but it wouldn’t be fair on either of them. A clean break was easier, or at least that’s what she’d told herself in the beginning. It didn’t seem to have proven itself true yet.
Shaking her head to clear the image of Nathan from her mind, Jessica made sure the alarm was set in her phone to call her dad later; it was his birthday, and she had a surprise for him that she couldn’t wait to reveal. Then she headed out of her apartment, treading lightly on the stairs.
She was still cautious of her foot, but her company’s physiotherapist, combined with a very careful and intensive exercise routine, had worked wonders. Jessica had insisted that she couldn’t return to full training until the New Year, despite the pressure put on her by some of the instructors. She wouldn’t rush her healing. It was good to be taking part in company classes again, though, and she’d made an effort to attempt to make some new friends. There was no denying that she was part of a very competitive industry, but helping Bethany had shown her that she didn’t need to always see other dancers as the enemy. She’d spent her whole career being guarded and wary when in reality they could help and support each other. On The Sleeping Beauty ’s opening night, Jessica had sent a huge bouquet of flowers to be delivered to her friend’s dressing room and she’d been in the front row, cheering Bethany on.
Jessica walked to the dance studio, dodging puddles from the heavy overnight showers. She checked the noticeboard in the hallway out of habit and found herself an empty studio. She put on her music and then began making her way through her exercises. She’d recently begun pointe work again and was pleased with her progress.
Feeling confident she could push herself more, she moved into the middle of the room and began Aurora’s Act1 variation. Her body was overtaken by Tchaikovsky’s score as it stretched and spun. She could feel her movements were almost back to pre-injury, her muscles relaxed and supple. She ended and heard applause.
She looked up and saw Nathan. Her heart leapt, but she somehow forced herself not to run into his arms. As thrilled as she was to see him, she had to protect herself, and she couldn’t hurt him any more than she had already.
She didn’t know what to say so was grateful when Nathan spoke. “That was beautiful,” he said, quietly. He had a suitcase by his feet.
“Thank you,” Jessica replied. “How... how did you get in?”
“I fed the doorman a sob story about a guy travelling across the world to speak to one of their ballerinas.”
Jessica’s heart gave a little jolt. “What are you doing here?”
“I missed you,” he said simply.
“I missed you too. You’ve travelled a long way to tell me that.”
“I’ve got some other stuff to say as well.”
“OK,” said Jessica.
“Can you take a break and come for a coffee with me?”
“Sure,” she replied, trying to act as unfazed by this turn of events as possible, even though her stomach was flipping like crazy at just the sight of him. This had definitely not been part of her plans.
Jessica pulled her hoodie and tracksuit bottoms back on and they walked in silence out of the building. Jessica noticed Nathan getting a few appreciative glances from the other dancers arriving and automatically moved closer to him.
“It’s so good to see you walking without crutches,” Nathan commented as Jessica directed him towards her favourite coffee shop.
“It feels good,” she said.
“Grab a table. Your usual?” he said when they entered the blissfully warm haven, filled with the smell of pastries and coffee beans.
Jessica nodded and sat down at her favourite table for two by the window, and Nathan soon returned with two black Americanos.
“So,” Jessica said, “what have you come all the way here to tell me?”
“That I love you,” said Nathan, calmly taking a sip of his drink like they were just passing the time of day. “But I need to build up to that bit.” His eyes were seemingly determined to avoid hers.
Jessica stared at him open-mouthed while he continued, trying to quickly process what was happening rationally and not fling herself at him. They’d both been hurt, and she didn’t want that to happen again. She wasn’t sure her heart could handle it.
“I’ve been watching videos of you performing,” Nathan admitted. “I needed to understand why ballet meant so much to you, why you’ve devoted so much of your life to it. And I think I do now, at least a little. When you dance, you’re... mesmerising,” he said. “I couldn’t leave things as they were between us, and the more I thought about it, the more I realised how much I wanted to be with you. I can handle playing second fiddle to your dancing.”
“You would never be in second place,” Jessica said, meeting Nathan’s eyes. “I promise you that. But I’m not ready to give up dancing yet.”
“I understand that, and I don’t want you to,” he said. “Ballet is a huge part of you, and it has to be completely your decision when you decide to retire. I can move here. I’ve been looking into it...”
“I don’t think that would be a very good idea,” she said gently, trying to control her emotions as her heart beat wildly in her chest.
Nathan’s face fell and he broke eye contact. “I promise you, I’m completely over Claire. I realise now that if we’d been right for each other, we would have made our marriage work, no matter where she needed to travel for her work.”
“I think that’s very true, and no, it’s not because of Claire. I believe you if you say you’re over her,” Jessica said.
“Then if it’s too much too soon...” he began, his gaze returning to hers.
“No, it’s not that,” Jessica said, trying to hide the smile from her face. “It wouldn’t be a good idea because I’m moving back to the UK.”
“What?”
“I’ve been miserable here without you and my family, mainly you, if I’m being completely honest.” Jessica felt the relief of finally being able to get her feelings out. “I’ve been planning how I could come back basically from the second my plane touched down at JFK Airport two months ago. An audition came up here in New York for the Royal London Ballet Company and I’ve been offered a place with them. A prima ballerina position.”
“So you’ll be living in London?”
“Yes, from the beginning of February. I’m coming home for Christmas and I’ll look for a flat near the company then. But I’ll want to spend plenty of time in Bowerbridge too, with you, I hope.”
“Maybe you could stay with me on weekends when you’re not performing...”
“I’d love that, if it would be OK?”
“I think that would definitely be OK,” said Nathan, pulling her into his arms. “I spent the whole of my flight working out how I was going to convince you to give us a chance.”
“What a waste of time.” Jessica laughed.
He kissed her, then whispered into her ear, “To return to my original point — I love you, Jessica Stone.”
“I love you too, Nathan Townsend.”